The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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- Kay... Good luck with surgery will be thinking about you!!! hugs!
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Kay you know where my heart is
Tink you do too.
Windlass--remember the night we spent the wee hours of the morning together on the Insomnia thread. You were scared and Nancy and I wouldn't leave you.
Your kind words in remembering kindness do bode well.
Barbe------so sorry everything so sucks. But your spirit in giving to all here is known on multiple threads. I stand with you in your response to Starak
Starak--------you twice put your foot in a cowcake. I learned as a kid on my uncles farm, how to find the hose to wash off. Then again my cousins, did show me how to just wipe it off with grass, so, we could continue what ever adventure we were on.
Assume nothing about anyone here or on any thread that your case or circumstance is worse. The most hated word here and on most threads is be POSITIVE. It is most often used by people that don't have a clue.
In your case, you are doing for you what works. If positive and , exercise, and good food work for you , that's nice. There are threads that talk this way all the time, it likely would be good for your psyche to find them. You however made a wrong assumption that many here are not doing the same or would if they could. If you review enough of this thread you will find, that the reaction to your post is highly highly unusual. Please take time to consider that.
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http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/84/topic/728355?page=220#idx_6592
this is from the forum continuing friendships after BC. It's beautiful pics of animals. They are up to page 200. It's very nice. Redid link once tested twice, it should work
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Haha, "positive attitude". I usually ask people "define 'positive"".
have you ever thought that none of us would be where we are if we werent' havign a "positive" attitude? that our "positive" attitude is way more "positive" than the one of people who don't have cancer? To live your life when you don't have the Damocles' sword above your head is easy. To get out of bed every morning (or night for the insomniacs) and go on with your life - and to be able to fall asleep while you have cancer, while you are going through surgeries, while you are going through radiation, while you are going through more surgeries, after you had all of them and still are fearful of what tomorrow can bring and go to tests and more tests - my dear friends, THAT is "positive attitude". None of us is better than the other or worse than the other in this. Oh well, some of us "bitch, moan and groan" (like the thread says) but we wouldn't be able to go through all this and live the live with the new normal "us" if we weren't "positive".
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Day-------so haven't seen you in awhile . This obviously hit a cord. That went Pling. I agree our positive and the non world of BC use of the word Positive, have taken on meanings entirely different. The last time I used the word or thought of the word normal has been forgotten.
Actually a dissertation on perceptions of the use of this single word and the emotions it evokes could be written by a diligent student seeking a topic.
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Amen to that, Day.
Sas: You were a huge blessing to me that night when you helped me get through a scary time. I appreciate your kindness and your perserverence, since it was late and the comments were flying almost too fast to follow. It was especially nice of you to email me with tips to protect against infection. I hope you are managing to get some sleep these days.
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one other thing that people say to me that bothers me is when they start a sentence with "at least".. at least what????? like i shouldnt be complaing or feeling anxious depressed or whatever i may be feeling at the time. A friend said.. " well at least they caught it in time and got it all".. really??? so the 4 surgeries bilat masect, reconstruc and both node dissections and tamoxifen side effects are all wiped out because " at least they got it all" and you know that because??? my onc will not say remission until i am done with 5 yrs of Tam but she can tell me im good! wow! I think we are all "positive" as we are all here, weather we are venting, laughing, complaining praying we are reaching out and being supported and supporting one another. No judgement just support. !
well that was my vent for the night thanks ladies!!!!!
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Dear Starak,
Well, you sure go right for the jugular, don't you?
I just have read pages and pages of comments we all have made here and your brain must interprupt things and your eyes must see things that I sure as heck don't see.
You say you are different from 'US' who post here because you have a 'positive attitude' and value your friends who support you in that. Well, in my humble opinion, I THINK ALL OF US HERE HAVE A VERY VERY POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND VALUE ANY RELATIVE OR FRIEND WHO GENIUNONLY CARE AND SUPPORT US.
I know I make comments here about the 'wacky and weird' comments made to me which I do think people say to make me feel better, or to help me but I sure can't figure out why they would think so.
This in no way means I have a 'bad attitude'.
I think it is truly obnoxious and insulting for you to say YOU are the only one here in this post with a positive attitude.
I have been reading and writing here for about a year and every day I wish I had a million dollars to share with my BC girlfriends here. barbe1958 is an example one of the most uplifting, positive and caring women here. Her health is not the best, her husband has brain tumors and financially they are reduced to eating cereal for dinner but she still keeps on writing and making a smile come to my face. There are women whose husbands leave them because they can't deal with BC, women who discover they carry the gene responsiblefor now passing this terrible legacy to their daughters.....yet they are positive.
If you look at the thread about depression you will see women fighting to be positive in spirit while there is not one thing positive about the state of their health, wealth or family.
Starak, you have said the dumbest things I have ever heard..............
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Just a girl----hey nice to see you too!----Good strong. well worded vent.
I agree Starak-put her foot in the cowcake, nothing like bare feet with warm poop gushing up between you toes when your a city kid.LOL and UGH..
At this point though Starak was on her third post only joined in AUG. When I first posted I blundered in where angels shouldn't thred, I learned what I'm about to tell you
Starak what I suggest is that you LURK a while. Lurking is reading posts on a thread. Each thread has it's own culture. It's own focus. What the originator of each thread does is try to define the focus. If you think a particular thread is something that meets your needs, then try and get a historical perspective of that thread by reading many pages. There are venting pages, there are cooking pages, gaming, religious,there are just about anything you want to focus on.
Having an optical migraine right now so, if the typing gets strange that's why. Back to picking a thread. Figure what it is you want. There is a thread that might do you well. it's the "let's count our exercise " or something. Here's one that has kind of petered out but it is a comedy classic. It's called OMG THEY FOUND A CURE FOR STUPID"-----start from page one. It really encompasses what stupid is considered by the community. Around page forty someone popped in and called us a bunch of cackling hens. Well that set off another 50 pages.
Okay you bummed allot of us out. In a few months you will get it. or you may never come back.
What many people do is post on multiple threads b/c each thread meets a certain need. On the what's for dinner thread, talking about getting your MOJO back, is out of context. Thread context is important.
I'll tell you what and optic migraine and being a two finger typer isn't easy. So. I agree with Windlass we told Starak, what we thought gave her some thoughts, and guidance. Lets let it go.
Anyone who hasn't had an optic migraine ---it's like looking through a prism with water running over it. Definitely have to hit spell checker on this one LOL They are quite beautiful in the right setting
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SAS I have had them and I feel your pain. When i got it all these shiny circles kept movinging around and they had spikes on the end of them very wierd//// feel better
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Tink--------but did you never see them in the light of day with the sun shinning. They are wierd, but if you don't get the nausea and headache with them , they aren't bad. I always stop driving when one starts b/c it makes the lines in the road screwy & I wouldn't pass meds or do any nursing work, They last almost 20 minutes to the second. ---------yours?
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Windlass------yes a memory---------
still no sleep , but i did finally figure out why, I relive each night that Greg died in our bedroom. So, to get to sleep I have to be at exhaustion point. Now that I know the cause , I can do something.
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I have only had a few and they have been in the daytime. I didnt know what is was the first time it was many years ago and went to the eyd doc very panicked. The headache and nausea came after the rings went away.. so i didnt corralate it to being a migrane. He said that is what it was so when i had another one i knew. Mine was pretty short honeslty maybe less than 10 min but yes very strange! do you get them often?
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Afternoon all. See there has been some foot in mouth troubles - ah well it happens.
Sas I love the illusion of water and the prism. With me they usuall start as just a little spot that wanders over my vision and eventually they are like a great cascade. Had one the other week that developed into a full blown migraine - argh.Hope you are feeling better.
Have been deling with bad LE and silly comments about having my arm drained!!!
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Tink, No not often , they started in 1988. Comes in spurts. Sometimes a deep strange nausea, sometimes a headache. I did research on them "of course" . They are consider the Aura for a migraine. First described in the medical literature by two docs a father and son in 1850. The pic in the medical book(pre computer pc). was exactly what I was seeing. I tried to show Greg one time by taking my diamond and running water over it close up to his eye. It kind of mimicks it
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Allyson, Sorry about the full blown migraine with the Aura. I have always felt blessed they never went that far, as I have taken care of many people in they ER with full blown migraines that only narc's would ease the pain. Also sorry about the LE. It's hatefull
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There are a few things that set me off like assumptions and generalizations about me and other people with breast cancer.
I read the posts early yesterday morning and actually had to re-read Starak's after finding Barbe's post. It also threw me off in the wording. I was going to respond, but honestly at the time, I could find no words. I'm not a frequent poster, but have often found SAS and Barbe to be very encouraging and full of knowledge when I've encountered their contributions.
This particular thread has allowed me to vent and not feel I have to be so "positive" because y'all just get it here. A person can only do a job for so many hours a day, then it gets old. I get tired of being "positive" and "looking well" while people still wonder to themselves and occasionally aloud- my most unfavorite comment- "DID THEY GET IT ALL?!" Hell, I hope so! I've also been told because I'm so "strong" and "stubborn" that people think I've got it all under control. So you'd think, knowing that a strong stubborn person doesn't ask for help easily, a good friend would check in occassionally? Ah, that would be a big fat NO.
That's a raw point too. After all the changes we're forced to deal with, the disappointing times and statements from friends and family hurt real bad. When it comes from someone who also is walking a similar path with BC, someone who "knows"... SAS you really hit the nail on the head with the cow-patty.
I am positively going to try to get some more sleep now that I've vented
Thanks and nighty-night. 0 -
Hi All, I certainly "stepped" in it. It was certainly never my intent to hurt anyone's feelings, to suggest that anyone lacked a positive attitude, or that my situation is worse than anyone else. Far from it. We have all been through way too much to be attacking each other. I sincerely apologize.
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So when I am snarky at work and writing an email, I force myself to smile as I write it - you'd be amazed that it is really hard to be snarky when smiling - sound pollyanna-ish, but it works. I have the talent of a very sarcastic tongue, so the smiling keeps me out of trouble at work!
Positive attitudes. Oh my. One lady with whom I speak at work never seems to miss saying 'You are handling this so well'.... my reply is that what choice do I have. We are all dancing as fast as we can, and this is where we stop and rest. Mebmarj has it right - we put on the good front because that gets us through the day, but we are human.
You all hang in there and let's direct our venom at BC! I am only two months post op from my UMX but my God it feels like I've been doing this forever. So sad when the highlight of your life is three weeks without having to see a medical professional!
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VHSHEA, that is a good tip. I do that too.
SAS, sorry about the optical migraine. I have only had a few migraines in my life, but never the optical. Hope you're feeling better this morning. Migraines are so tough. Did you ever hear of a complicated migraine. My son got one when he was 10. He couldn't lift his feet when he was walking. Was shuffling. We were afraid he had some kind of concussion, didn't really know what the trouble was. Spent a whole day in Children's Hospital in Philly until they figured out what it was.
It is so true that people say things like you said Tink starting with at least. The onc was talking to me about the DIEP I am getting next week. She asked if the PS was going to lift the other breast, when I told she said she would, the onc got really excited and told me I'm going to look 20. I just got a little mad and snarkily said, Great, want to trade places? I could see how badly I made her feel. Now I feel badly about that. She was trying, it just was the wrong thing to say at the wrong moment. You know what they say about good intentions.....
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Hey everyone,
I'm so glad I'm not alone in getting tired of everyone telling me to "be positive". During my first Chemo one of the nurses walked by and said to me "your so strong", and I looked at her and said "no I'm not" "not at all" - Boy did I get looks from all of them! They don't know me, they don't know anything about me and just to stand there and say that in a room full of people having Chemo, What choice do any of us have? It really kind of irked me but I'm trying to keep in mind they are only trying to help.
Oh and my UPS guy was delivering some medical equipment and asked me what was wrong, it was the first time someone asked so I told him. OMG! I couldn't get him out of my house. He looked at me with such pity and kept saying I was so young, I just wanted him to leave but he insisted on going on and on about how horrible it was for me and how it's not fair because I'm so young. It was horrible, he really made me feel like this is a death sentence.
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Starak, I hear you.
Migraines; at least you guys get ones that are visually interesting!! I used to get ones that burst blood vessels in my eyes, making the white part all red. NO one wanted to see that!! I guess now-adays they'd think I was a vampire...hehehehehehehehe
My doc told me to get rid of stress so I left my first DH. Honest. Haven't had a migraine since!!! That was 1987.
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I think someone might have mentioned this book on positive thinking earlier. The author Barbara Eherereich had breast cancer, was an academic and wrote "Smile Or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America And The World" wherein she explores critically the notion of positive thinking. Here is a link to an article she wrote: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/02/cancer-positive-thinking-barbara-ehrenreich
It made me feel much better about those days when really, I am not feeling so strong or positive.
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Starak, it takes a big person to apologize so kudos to you.
Barbe your sharp wit keeps me in stitches and always brings a smile to my face.
Being positive. I was very positive when I was diagnosed with stage III ovarian cancer in 2002, less so when diagnosed with stage III BC in 2007. BUT I had my moments when my sisters abandoned me, when Taxotere hit me like a MAC truck, causing me to pass out and not even have energy to take a shower, or when I developed lymphedema killing my dream of reconstruction. Oh, did I mention cancer also took my breasts? I've certainly had my down moments and there's nothing wrong with that. I think we've earned the right to be pissed sometimes.
I got the You're so strong comment from people. I took it as a compliment. It meant that I had fooled them! I always made an effort (when able to) to look my best in order to boost my spirits. On the days when I couldn't I allowed myself to wallow. My response to people was "What choice do I have?" I had to go through it regardless so I tried to make the best of it. I just wish I hadn't had to go through it at all.
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Barb you make me smile!
Kay.. I had DIEP if you have any questions please feel free to PM me
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lassie - i am looking at this article - and she has a link to another ---
OK EVERYONE - CHECK OUT THIS %^&%&% - http://ezinearticles.com/?Breast-Cancer-Prevention-Tips&id=199110
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Barbe, it did take your breasts, but definitely not your sense of humor! LOL @ your posts!
BMac: I hear the "you're strong" all the time. Don't even know what it means...
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Thanks miasanta!
V - I just read that article and wanted to puke!! So I DID cause myself to have cancer???? And here I was the most happiest person I knew (so much for positive thought) but I didn't exercise....it's all MY fault. The Triathalon ladies on the Forum will be so upset to find out they didn't exercise ENOUGH. Wow! This man really knows it all doesn't he?? Prevention IS the cure! Who is that asshole anyway???
(If anyone thinks the bits above after I typed V was said sincerely, then they don't know me!)
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Well Russel dosen't site one evidence based research EBR article-------so what he's doing until he does site EBR. Is pulling info out of his analpore.
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Mebmarj Thanks
. When you were refrencing the cow-patty. Your next sentence said" I"m positively going to try and get some"-------My mind immediately leapt to cow patties versus sleep.LOL 0
