The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I got one this morning. A friend of mine asked if my BMX made feel manly... did I even feel female at all? Some people.
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Wow. I have no words.
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tkdmomyn, a long time ago I decided not to use "certain words" - you know, like the ones we can't use on BCO.
If someone had made that comment to me, I would surely rethink that decision.
With no sympathy or compassion in her at all - does she feel human?
Leah
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What a comeback, Leah. Absolutely, she doesn't seem human. Was she perhaps old? When my mother got to be a certain age, she became like a kid and things started coming out of her mouth that would have never come out before. I think it was the beginning of Alzheimers. If not, then just stupid and sub-human. What a comment, truly unbelievable.
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Last week my mil was admitted to the hospital for chest pains. I went to see her at the hospital and one of the nurses/cna's asked me where she could get a wrist protector that covers the thumb like I had on, she has problems with her thumb and needed the support on her thumb. I just looked at her funny and said I had Lympededma from by breast cancer surgery in my wrist and it (the gauntlet) was for my LE, not for people without LE. She still insisted on finding out where I got mine and how much it was. She didn't have a clue!
Sheila
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The nurse that was the administrator of my now defunct support group said the dumbest thing ever. We were all talking about how we couldn't know if we would have a recurrence, how many years we would have left, how old our kids would be if we could stay NED for five years, etc., you know normal cancer conversations, and she looked at us and said "I don't know how you all do it. I don't understand how you can live that way." What are we supposed to do, stay in bed with the covers up over our head screaming all day? Not an option. Commit suicide because we may not live to be 90? Sort of defeats the purpose doesn't it. BTW this nurse is a devout "Christian" who sings gospel songs. I felt like saying if you are such a true Christian why are you so afraid of death??? But I'm not a b*** so I just thought it.
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Sheila, your nurse sounds like she just needs a wrist splint. Walmart!!!!
How is your mom doing?
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Because of these responses, I am recalling one of the worst parts of this ordeal. After my single radical mx, I was able to lift my arm above my head. It took a few seconds because it was stiff, but I did it.
When I had my rounds of radiation, I was rushed and pushed and shoved and I felt that I was given no respect. In addition to that kind of treatment, whereI had to put both arms over my head - the mx arm was slow in going up.
There was one tech who was there on several occasions (and my arm wasn't going up fast enough for her (2-3 seconds)). She always said "Do you want me to tie your arm over your head?"
I'll never forget being treated like dirt so soon after my mx. I'm sure they saw me crying on camera when they were in the other room to give me the rads. I reported them, but they treated all the patients like cattle - hurry up, move 'em on.
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amontro,
There are people who just shouldn't be employed in health care.
I was fortunate to have lovely nurses administer my chemo and answer my questions, which they probably have heard 1000 times.
Radiation was the same. 30 visits and the techs became like friends - chatting to take my mind off why I was there. On the day after my last radiation treatment one of the techs that I had had most of the time gave me a hug and wished me well with tears in her eyes.
Some people in the health care business are still human!
Don't let their rudeness stay with you. Push it aside and stand tall, and take as long as you want to raise your arm up!!!!!
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amontro: All I can say is that I am so sorry that you were treated that way by the rad techs. You are a much better person than they are. I just do not know why some people are so cruel. Sending hugs to you.
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ok, so before the bus comes, i 1st want to say to starack: thank you. we all walk in cow patties at sometime or another... and, ... i went to my dr. today; the one i LOVE that txs my bacterial "jumk" so, he;s gonna tx my hypo thyroid, too... he commented on how hoarse my voice has gotten (yet another sign of hyoo..) then, he says with a smile "maybe you're going thru puberty again..and i smiled sweetly to him, and said OH< GEE, i hope my breast will grow soon!!!!you shoulda seen his face!!we all had a good laugh...3jays
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ask, and
ye shall recieve!!hahaha3jays 0 -
Keep venting, Ladies. It is healthy. Vent, vent, vent!
I love to think that people are just oblivious, but that is not always true. "If you're still working, it must not be bad at all!" That's kind of nuts but not necessarily a knife in the back. "Don't worry. Breast cancer won't kill you for a very long time!" That one will irk me for the rest of my life, trying to figure out why I should not worry.
Most people are very kind, but some are not. I figured it was a good opportunity to jettison the people who won't give a shit no matter how much they want to be a part of any drama. And sadly, they often want the starring role, informing others of how hard it is for THEM, what with a sick friend or family member and all. And where are the Drama Queens of either gender? Leaning on others for support in THEIR difficult time.
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Hi girls I hope everyone is doing well. I heard the most stupid comment ever today at office max. I live in redneck mississippi and alot of people have "balls" on their pick up truck. I still have my drains and I try to keep them out of site but they are on a long shoe string around my neck. He must have seen them swinging under my shirt as I was in alot of pain and leaning on my cane. So he says "where did you get the balls? I need to get my wife a pair?" I just looked at him and said they are not balls they are drains and the only way she can get a pair is to have breast cancer and I don't think you want that. The cashier was rolling in the floor. I finished my transaction and walked out. My 11 year old daughter wanted to hit him lol. Now it is funny but I was not amused at the time. I hope everyone gets a laugh.
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Tdkmomyn - Your daughter should have hit him, maybe would have knocked some sense into him. Can one seriously not tell the differenence between the "balls" on your truck to surgical drains?
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My husband crossed paths with a neighbor today who I actually saw last about 6 years ago. As we live in the country on property we don't exactly see each other when we stop at the entrance to our driveway to get the mail.
Anyway, she asked how I was in general conversation and my DH said I had had a DMX a few months ago for breast cancer (and why else would a women do that?). She replied she was sorry to hear I was sick. Hmmmm.
DH came home with her business card and said I should call her. I threw it on my desk. A short while later she called and said my DH told her I had been 'sick' with BC and her son and sister-in-law also had cancer. Why tell me? Is it supposed to make me feel better? I know other women here have had this happen to them - soon as someone hears they have BC then you get the list of people they know with cancer and which ones have died. I guess I just don't want to hear it. My DH overheard the conversation and afterward said she was really upset when he told her I had had BC. ???someone I haven't seen in 6 years???
BC thoughts and worries still come up for me and I have a couple of surgeries to go, but overall I am really over discussing it. I was really bad and just thanked her for calling and then lied and said a truck was coming down the drive toward the house and I had to go out before the dog ate whoever it was.
I do truly think having BC has messed up my tolerance of people. I would rather stay home and work in the garden with my dog, cat and horses than socialize.
I must be a real bitch
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As I've thought about this I decided it just had to be enshrined here.
Last week, three weeks after a unilateral mastectomy, with a surgical drain still hanging there, and a diagnosis of grade 3 IDC, my surgeon, in all seriousness, suggested that DH and I should go out and celebrate with a glass of champagne since my nodes were clear and the margins were clean. Champagne? Really?
On our way out DH asked why I just gaped at her when she said that. I just said that champagne was premature, but when it was appropriate I'd want a bottle, not just a measly glass.
Calling for the bus!
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There are sure a lot of horror stories. These people just don't think at all! My MIL is one of them...she tells me of everyone and anyone who has or had cancer that she knows of and of course everyone dies. Oh yay - that helps! Not. I'd like the bus too, please!
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Clear margins and no nodes means nothing!! Go check out the Stage IV girls. Just as many ZERO nodes as nodal involvement. Most of it will travel by the blood system, not the lymph nodes. That was a stupid comment for her to make! I would have smacked her and walked out. Can't believe that was an onc that said that!
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Hi Barbe,
It was my surgeon, who is a general surgeon, that made the remark.
I think she was patting herself on the back for a surgical job well done.
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I had a general surgeon too. He didn't send me to an onc. Told me to 'save the big guns until next time'. At the time, I thought I was lucky! Now I'm thinking uh oh........
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Now if only we could click our heels and have that bus simply show up in real time! VRRRROOOOOM!
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barbe - you said BC can travel via the blood system and that's what was on my pathology report - 'vascular invasion' and my SNB was negative. The bs said the vascular invasion was normal with the pathology of my tumor being aggressive and invasive. I've had chemo radiation and now a DMX and taking femara. Does this mean my chances of reoccurance are not reduced just because my lymph nodes tested were negative? BC fine, I dealt with it and thought having a DMX would eliminate any chance of mets in my future.
I would appreciate your insight as you are so experienced and knowledgeable. You may pm me if it's easier when you have time or I can look back here.
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Debbie, I can totally relate. While I have received so many kind words and thoughts....I still get some really lame comments that leave me scratching my head in disbelief. Lol. And I guess I don't have as much patience as I used to. I have no tolerance for stupid remarks. I am off work at the moment while I'm undergoing treatment but I when I was at working one day and wearing a scarf I actually had a guy say to me " what...are you a pirate now"? and I said "yeah...and you're lucky I left my hook at home...otherwise I'd cut ya"! Lol. I did inform him I had cancer later.
~. And I have come to accept the looks that receive when I wear a scarf...but when someone just stands there and stares.....I really hate that! One of these days I'm going to lose it and say " what's wrong..have you never seen a person with cancer before" ? Geez. Yep....VRRRRROOOOM!!!
Diana0 -
Debbie, that's what the chemo is for!!! Any cancer that has strayed into your blood system. That's why chemo is injected into a vein, to follow the same route any stray cancer cells would have taken. Having BMX doesn't increase our odds of recurrence or our mortality. Negative nodes doesn't mean what it used to. That's why staging has been so controversial lately. Some people are over treated and some undertreated. There can't really be a 'standard' as everyone has idiosyncrasies with their diagnosis; hormones, grade, nodes, LVI etc.
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Diane - Yes, I do remember last year when people stared at me with me scarf on. Right after one of my treatments my son needed a suit for a school party and wanted me rather than his Dad to take him. Well, unfortunately it was a day I was feeling bad so as I waited outside at his school in the parking lot I fell asleep. Poor boy came out to a slumped over Mom! I thought he would get upset but he was just concerned about me. The best was in the shop while he was trying on his suit I just couldn't stand up any more and with the absense of chairs I told the clerk I just had to sit down and did on the floor. Boy, did I get a look. My dear Max took it all in stride. And, while I'm on a jag, while don't grocery stores have benches for those of us who need a bit of a rest while shopping! It got to the point where I would drive Max to the grocery and he would just go in and do it - pretty good for a 16 year old.
People did stare at me with a scarf on and because of that I hardly went out for 10 months.....
barbe - I think I am one of those women who was overtreated but it was my choice to have the double mastectomy as I was worried about the 'breast cancer stage 0' tissue I had morphing into something worse and MRI's every six months didn't make me feel better.
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ok so a lurker who now will post my own dumber than dumber comments....
you should take my vitamins...that I sell...this from a PT at my gym
or but is not really cancer? ....this from my brother after my telling him I had DCIS
could go on but too many dumb folks in my life
great group and you have helped me hugely hugely and hope to get to know more later
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Hi Proudtospin.
. Wow...those were dumb coments and insensitive! Welcome to the group! I am pretty new myself but also hope to get to know everyone. It is so helpful to have the support of other women in our shoes. And to be able to help others as well.
Diana0 -
welcome to the group none of us wanted to join Proudtospin; i love this site.. i fend im not such a biatch as i think i ma, some days.. it never ceases to amze me what others say and do to us!!!
i have to tell you about one of my "not so proud of moments" when i was doing the scarf thing, and was totally bald.. i wear one still a lot. due to hypothyroidism, my front hair hasn't returned yet, but its filling in...
anyway, i was at publix, and a woman just wouldn't stop staring. i was in my "b" mood, so, i whipped OFF the scarf, looked right ar her, and said ok... is this better? she blanched, and got of line... one for our team... and now, since you've asked.. throw em under if ya got em.............3jays
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