The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Of all the doozies I've seen on this thread, I think that one takes the cake Dr. DoLittle. Wow! LOL, Shiela, love the parking lot comment too!
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Drdolittle... that does take the cake ... did they really think that was helpful??? wow... yes yes where is the bus??
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Thanks everyone for your kind words!! going through this with my parents and son and daughter at my side helps, but it is so nice when there is someone to just hold you when you need it. I miss that already. But I'm strong. I think lol. Surgery scheduled Wed aug 10th 2011. Deep breath!!!
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did someone ask for the bus.. for you, Dr. dolittle, and anyone else that needs one..throw 'em if ya got em, ladies...hahaha 0 -
I love the graphics and pictures you all use btw. I am laughing!!! Thanks.
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The parking lot comment was a good one LOL but on a more serious note dixiebell, good luck and best wishes on the 10th - you will be fine and back home before you know it. While you are on the surgery table on the 10th i will be getting my presurgery talk for my TE exchange to foobs and yes the vanity part comes in abdominal liposculption presurgery pep talk.
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Thanks 3jays!!!
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I want to add my thanks, too, 3jays!
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Thanks drdolittle!!! I opted for the alloderm with implants for reconstruction my dr does the flap but I was afraid of more incisions and bleeding. I have a history of bad healing which scares me!!! Good luck to you also!!!
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good luck to you BOTH!!! hope all goes well........3jays
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I was at the endodontist office having my infected root canal looked at before starting chemo. The dental assistant starting making small talk knowing that I was getting this work done before chemo...."oh, my roommate is having chemo right now. She had breast cancer five years ago and was doing great but now it has come back in her brain.".
Thanks for sharing---TMI--- I know that she was just trying to connect but now if people start telling me cancer stories I tell them I only want to k ow about them if they have a happy ending..for instance you know my friends my mother had breast cancer and she is doing great 30 years later.0 -
Again, I think many people are very uncomfortable around those of us dealing with BC. They get nervous, think they should say something and usually the first thing that pops up in their brains is hurtful or inappropriate to us.
Guess I would like to believe people are not on purpose being mean or hurtful. Yet, it is still truly amazing to me how intelligent people can make such stupid remarks. I still remember a nurse telling me maintaining a positive attitude was so very important while going through BC treatment. Yeah, right - easy to say. Does that mean if I'm not positive the treatment won't work? I sometimes do think these people should face what we are going through and just see how positive they remain..............
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Chava, I had a similar situation when we told one of the ladies that we are friendly with at the gym, she gave me such a look of pity then told me how her friend had just died of BC the week before. ow Wow!! Thanks, I feel so much better now.
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The worst comment I ever had was from a fellow student on my uni course who, the day after I was diagnosed, sent me a letter detailing every single person in her family who'd died from cancer. She then followed that up with an epic email contemplating how she would react if she knew she were dying of cancer.
The most annoying comment though came from a fellow BC patient in a support group. I was having a bad day and was still in the thick of treatment. She huffed at me and said "Well that is the difference between you and me - I don't see myself as a breast cancer patient and you do. I mean I think you are quite nice but you are quite miserable."
She'd had a simple small lumpectomy and no further treatment - I'd had BMX, ooph, axillary clearance and was still in the midst of chemo with rads to come and all the time wondering how I was going to cope financially as the single parent of a 1 year old. Of course I was bloody miserable!
I asked her what the hell she was doing at a support group given that she didn't regard herself as a BC patient and was clearly incapable of understanding the basic concept of support!
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McCrimmon 324 & greeenfrog: You have hit my number 1 complaint - the need for otherwise kind and caring people to be compelled to tell you who died and how awful their life was.
I differ from other people on this board in that I have a fiercely positive attitude and I value those around me who support me in that. I see that attitude along with healthy lifestyle choices as my best defense against a recurrence. Do I manage it every minute of every day - far from it!! But then I can count on my real friends to pick me up, give me a hug, tell me they are here for me no matter what, give me a good laugh and help me press on.
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Oh dear Starak, them's fighting words!!! How can you dare to say you "differ from other people on this board in that I have a firecely positive attituede and value those around me....." How the HELL do you think the rest of us are????
And I have to tell you, that fierce attitude along with your healthy livestyles choices aren't going to mean shit when you get a recurrence!!! Didn't you know that????? You have a LOT to learn sweetie!! None of your efforts mean a hill of beans when you have breast cancer!!! It's a crap shoot all the way!
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I think the comments make me the maddest when they come from my DH. He says to me any time I say anything negative, he's tired of me saying that, I keep going back to that, I have to move on or I have to keep a positive attitude or something like that. I have a positive attitude 95% of the time. When I feel like b*tching, I really just want him to commiserate. And unfortunately for DH, he's the one I burden with it. I don't do it to anyone else. I said to him yesterday when he said it again, I'm tired of you saying that! I think he may have actually finally gotten it. We'll see the next time I b*tch.
Starak, your post could be reposted on this forum. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you come back on and say that it didn't come out right. I think I as well as everyone else on this board have a positive attitude and value those around us.
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Kay1963 - My DH is like yours where he only wants to hear positivity from me, he doesn't understand that sometimes I just want to b*tch and maybe relieve some pent up stress or something. He comes down on my very hard when I'm not 100% positive, sometimes it just hurts my feelings that he's not listening, then I have to sit back and remember that HE is scared to death and this is how he handles it. Then I come to the boards and vent, sometimes it's better because there is always someone here (everyone) that really understands my emotions and can totally relate. Hubby and I are working on "handling it" together, I've told him he needs to understand that there will be days that I'm scared or whatever and when he gets scared it's ok to talk to me about it.
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Mccrrimmon324, I think we understand each other! Thanks for posting. I am glad someone else has the same experience as me with the DH. You are right too, they're scared as well. And I know my DH doesn't ever say anything about it which really isn't good. I had a very similar conversation that he needs to understand I have some days like that. You're newer to this than me. I was diagnosed about a month before you. But soon we'll both be on the other side and I think the bad days will be MUCH less frequent. Looking forward to that.
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My soon to be ex and i seperated five days before my lumpectomy (nice!) and he stopped on day when i was doing radiation-it was the end of the 3rd week which to me was the hardest point of rads, i was getting tired of the every day thing, i was getting tired from rads, my skin was bad, i was anemic which didn't help the tiredness at all....anyway i had one particular Friday that i just was in a melt down all day-he stopped at the house to get something, i was sittig on the deck, he said "so you are almost done with radiation" i started crying "no i am not even halfway and i am starting to have a hard time with my skin and stuff" (my doc at this point really wanted me to take some time off work also becausse i think she thought i was losing it! LOL but couldn't afford to not work!) .....ANYWAY...he looks at me and says "well its only like ten minutes for the treatment right" AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH I was more upset that he did not educate himself about any of this and acted as though it was nothing!!!
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Kay1963 - Believe me I'm looking forward to the other side, I go Thursday for my 4th out of 6 treatments and this is the first time I feel like I'm dreading it other than getting closer to the end. I guess it's because I'm right in the middle. I don't know if your going thru Chemo too, but I'll tell you I didn't do to bad losing my hair but I sure do miss it right now! Can't wait till I can start watching for growth. Oh and my poor hubby is balding and I HATE HATE HATE when he tells me that at least mine will grow back!
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Hahaha! My hubbie is balding and said the same thing. I did neoadjuvant chemo, 4 AC, I was supposed to do 4 Taxol, but was allergic, so did one Taxol and switched and did 3 Taxotere. Just finished two weeks ago today. Haven't done surgery or rads yet. Surgery is 8/17 so coming up fast. Good luck with the rest of your chemo.
Also, for this thread, my bald DH said (when the doc told me I'd lose my hair) I won't have the least hair in the house any more! It didn't bother too much then with a full head of hair, but after I lost it and remembered the comment it irked me. Now I have about a quarter of an inch (maybe less). Can't wait to be able to go topless.
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Kay, I wish I had been given the option of Neoadjuvant chemo but I got rushed into a lumpectomy and now I think I'm going to want to have an adjustment to my left side. Good luck on your surgery! I just noticed your from Philadelphia, I'm from Abington and my hubs is from Rockledge. Hopefully, we'll move back in the not too distant future, very homesick.
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Small world! My DH is from Cheltenham. I am from Delaware County, and that's where we live now. We lived a year in Michigan and I was miserable. I know the feeling of wanting to be home. Hope you get back soon.
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Barbe1958, In looking wayyy back in the thread, I seemed to see alot of comments complaining because people told them "you will be okay". Somehow that didn't seem like the most obnoxious thing some one could say. But then alot of that has to do with attitude and genuine concern in the delivery. If it is flip and said with an attitude of get over yourself, it is very hurtful. On the other side, if they say "I will keep you in my prayers, and I have a good feeling in my heart that you are going to come through this okay" I actually find that encouraging and uplifting.
We all walk very different paths - me on a very different path than most much of the time. For me, there is an extremely slim line between trying to maintain a positive attitude and hide the razorblades. I am basically alone with the Yorkies. I have no family within a couple thousand miles and friends who are themselves physically fragile. I get up and fight this battle alone nearly every day. The jury is still out on alot of this stuff but weighing the odds of being an ideal weight, eating lots of fruits and vegetables, getting some exercise and trying to find humor or at least some level of peace against being way overweight, eating junk food, vegging out on the couch and inviting in the misery, I think there might be a slight edge on the first. Even if not at least from my perspective, it adds a quality of life to whatever amount I may or may not have. At this point, most everyone around me, both medical and not, are taking bets that it will be a heart attack or stroke that gets me before the cancer. Do understand that I am 15 months out on a BL MX, chose against chemo, reconstruction and prothesis, opted for the AI hormone treatment and am for now having clear checkups. I know I have had it EXTREMELY easy compared to most of you. I also know that very few people are as isolated and forced to be as totally self reliant as I am.
To keep it within the thread, there is nothing like a demanding Yorkie Princess. Believe me, my girls do not care a whit whether I am tired or not. They fully expect that I will get up off my lazy fanny and wait on them hand and paw. Still I must say my girls never left my side and almost never asked for anything when I was really sick after the surgery.
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Starak, I had a bilateral mastecomy due to a VERY rare breast cancer called Papillary Carcinoma. They didin't even know what to do to me except surgery. I didn't get radiation or chemotherapy and I am NOT on an AI or Tamoxifen. My surgeon had emergency heart surgery and my case fell into the cracks.
My husband has 3 brain tumours and can't work at a real job and I am in 100% commission sales. I have health issues that require me to take huge doses of narcotics every day to allow me to even get into the car. Sometimes when I come home, my husband has to help me out. I can't feel sorry for myself and take time, but had a physical breakdown and am now on short-term-disabilty. We didn't have enough to pay for our gas so we have NO hot water. We eat salad, pancakes or cereal for dinner. We don't go out to eat, to the movies or any hobbies. I missed about a month of work this year due to the fact I couldn't afford the gas for my car to get to work.
So what's that you say? You are 'special'??? I don't think so sister.
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Dear ftblmom3
I'm glad he's your ex. He sounds like a jerk. I felt the same about rads. I could hardly stand to finish. I was so done with it after a few weeks. I was frustrated by peoples flippant comments ie it's not so bad type. Yeah, its not so bad for you. I thought it was $h*t. It's now been 4 months. I feel really good. I hope the time passes quickly for you.0 -
My DH is like that too. He doesnt show or speak of how nervous he is but 3 weeks sgo when i had surgery he was rambling and finally the nurse turned around and said : who is going to need the xanax you or him?'
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Truce, ladies. We all need to be supportive of each other. It feels good to blow off steam with a heated response (believe me, I've written several myself) but no matter how deserved it is, before you hit SAVE, go back and nicen it up. Remember the person on the other end has been scared, and hurt, and faced the same big C dragon you have. If a person's comment is nasty or insensitive or provocative, we need to take a deep breath and encourage them, rather than call them out. We can teach a lot by example, especially when new people come on board.
This thread in particular reminds us of the power of words to hurt us. Thoughtless comments and open hostility can make us feel really, really bad. Some of us have spent the day crying because of a nasty comment someone made to us, and we come here to let it go. This needs to be a safe place to vent and recover. A lot of us are really fragile on this board, so please, let's treat each other with exquisite care, patience, and compassion.
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Will do Windlass.
Tink, that is funny. I am having surgery next Wed. (the 17th). My MIL called my DH and asked if he wanted her to come sit with him during the surgery. It's supposed to be about 5 hours. I convinced him to take her up on the offer. I didn't think it would be good for him to be all alone. Time would really stand still in that case.
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