The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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Barbe- thanks for your uplifting sense of humor - just noted "FOctober" - too funny and true!
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Here's another one for my current situation....When I saw my Onc PNP for arm pain, I asked her to look at my lumpectomy breast as I noted peau d'orange - I did not jump to the conclusion of Imflammatory BD. I just noted the oragne-peel look and swelling. She down-played it at first until she saw it - even said I "read too much about cancer" - Her tone and concern changed when she saw my inverted, distorted nipple, swelling and orange-peel skin....
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..and what is she going to do about it, Reality??? It's one thing to be concerned, but now get some answers! I had to push to get my pacemaker and apparently just in time!! Shortly before I got it I passed out cold and fell off a step-stool while painting my bedroom! No hands up to break my fall as it was a true black-out for me. They said my BP would have been zero as well as my heart rate!! Basically, I was dead until I hit the floor and then the jolt put my heart back into rhythym. Not the way to learn to be an advocate...trust me!!!
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Wow - what a way to become a self-advocate, Barbe. My adult daughter was very surprised to discover how breast cancer patients have to be self-advocates. She did not realize this until I told her I was getting copies of all my recent test results from my Med Onc. I told her I had also received pre and post-op path reports and had dissected them in detail. I also told her that I discovered A LOT of information about my disease that was never explained to me.
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OMG - Having just returned to work from 5 wks off for surgery with complications, I was in a meeting with my new interim boss. Now, let me say she is a wonderful woman I have wokred with for years, we get along great, she is normally quite respectful and I have NEVER had an ounce of concern about her before. I really think she just wasn't thinking...but.... After the meeting, I was talking with another person about staffing, I had some ideas. When boss lady came over I told her about my ideas. She first just poo poo-ed them. Then when we discussed a little further she said 'don't cause trouble', giggle giggle. Okay, so I pushed by mentioning it again, saying that's the approach we took in my old department. She said.....hold your breath....."Oh, why don't you just go out and have another surgery or something." WTF!!!
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Barbe what a horror for u---U always sound up--I'd still be freakin' out. U'r so young to go thru this. I'm so sorry.
And SHE WTF is right---sometimes when people become bosses they change--she didn't want to be bothered by u'r input--watch it happen soon and it'll be her idea. I can never understand why people change. I was a boss myself (a lousy ine) I didn't bother anyine cuz they were all adults doing their jobs and I pitched right in whenever I was needed or took over if they asked me too cuz they were having a hard time otherwise they did whatever they do and if they had some ideas to make something easier we tried it. Of course I was the queen of making things easier cuz I was always lazy--and I'm not patting myself on the back, I'm just saying u work everyday with te same people it's good to get along not have an attitude. Plus we all hugged hello and goodbye--we really did get along. SHE my point How dare she--don't bother with her unless u have to.
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SHE---DON'T TAKE THIS ATTITUDE, LIKE i WOULD0 -
So sorry for your experience, SheChirple - I recently had a WTF work experience - I retired early after teaching for 15 years to care for my grandchildren (parents separated and we wanted to make the transition as smooth as possible for the children). I taught Alternative Ed for years, so it was time for me to retire! My retirement income is only $500 a month as I opted to take less in order to leave more insurance for my family - so, I have to work part-time. Fortunately, I carried an AFLAC cancer policy for years, so I was able to live off the benefits while in treatment - what a god-send that was!! Anyway...I recently applied for 3 different year-long sub positions for my local school district. The district is small - The superintendent even goes by his first name - I have a good reputation in the district and years of experience, (and I do not even need their health insurance as I have my own), so I was surprised that I did not get a job.
I knew that the superintendent would not be legally allowed to tell me if he and fellow interviewers were concerned about my health, so I did not bother asking. I have, however, "heard through the grapevine" that the district would rather just have me as a per diem sub in case I get sick again.... WTF!!!
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She, holy CRAP!!! Did she at least falter and go red at her outburst? What did anyone else say?????
Camille, yep, every time I repeated the story I would cry until I finally desensitized myself by repeating it. Total shock for sure. I cannot imagine if my husband wasn't home and heard the crash....
Reality, yep, WTF!! Did you let them know you didn't need their benefits? Whenever I interviewed for a job while my DH still worked, I casually mentioned that I wasn't concerned about benefits as my DH had great coverage. I DID know that was a deciding factor!
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Yep, barbe - I also knew it would be a deciding factor-I mentioned that I was "low-maintenance" as I did not need the health benefit. In reflection, it prob is best for me to be per diem now so I can focus on finding the source of my arm pain and what the mysery sonogram means....They were probably wise in their decision as I do not feel well at all...darn-it-all - the Catch-22s of BC!
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Reality, have you considered Lymphadema???? Have you seen a specialist who knows about it?? If docs can't find the source of your pain, push to see a therapist, they are trained as experts to see the differences between arms. Oncs and surgeons aren't!!
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SHEChirple
What an ass!
While I sincerely hope your bosslady does not continue down this path, I suggest you type out some documentation with dates and details and if anything LIKE this happens again, get her for harassment. That's just exactly what it is !In the meantime, you might want to remind her that ...It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.
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SHEChirple
What an ass!
While I sincerely hope your bosslady does not continue down this path, I suggest you type out some documentation with dates and details and if anything LIKE this happens again, get her for harassment. That's just exactly what it is !In the meantime, you might want to remind her that ...It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice.
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Okay, this is kind of different, but I was at a fundraising event for Cancer Support this past Sunday -- a sporting thing where corporate teams compete and raise money for the cause! Everyone celebrating health and thinking positively right? Team building, bonding experience all in the name of showing support for family, friends, colleagues who are affected by cancer. You get the picture. I've participated and volunteered at this event for several years now in support of my own family members and friends who have had cancer. There is one team in this whole event for actual cancer survivors -- specifically breast cancer survivors. This is my first year I have joined this special group and participating as a BC survivor myself. I was expecting it to be a very special experience. However, it was really disappointing in a way. The team was valiantly trying its best, but it was really weird. I found us to be disorganized, unfocused, haphazard, unreliable, and a group I was beginning to feel sorry for. All the corporate groups (banks, pharmaceuticals, trading companies) who had the young studs to man their teams were the ones in the top categories. Our team was the slowest. But look what obstacles we overcame just to be in decent enough mental and physical condition to be able to compete! And yet did we get any medals or awards? No. Did we get any special recognition? No. I thought they were doing all this for us? Well, I don't think they really want to realize that WE were there, actual cancer patients, walking amongst them. I felt like we were just looked upon with pity. How did your team do? Oh, we were last place. Oh, well, sure, well, bravo for you for even being here.
Our tent was often empty between the various races. I sad or stood there trying to feel proud to be there in this new role as BC survivor. But I was often alone, looking out at our next door neighbor tent, of ridiculously upbeat, testosterone-laden graduate business school team members who were all organized, drill-teamed, focused on the goal, task-oriented, psyched about the challenge ahead, hoping that participating in this event would win them brownie points with their employers.
During our first race, one woman in front of me in the team, a fellow BC survivor suddenly stopped and took her head in her hands experiencing what might have been a small stroke, which caused a few of us to also stop out of concern, momentarily before she resumed. It really shook me up. I helped her find a medic afterwards. She was okay but had experienced some kind of high blood pressure surge due to the strenous efforts. Naturally this caused our team's time to be very slow. We found a replacement for the final two heats and improved our scores. Maybe we need our own cancer survivor paraolympics in order to be on a level playing field and feel special.
Or maybe I just need to be the one to help organize next year's event, to make our team one that will be the kind I would like to be apart of, participating with dignity and gusto, to the best of each of our abilities, remembering what we each has been through with compassion and support for each other, but also challenging each other to new levels of health if possible.
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Fearless, how utterly disappointing for you!!! And I totally understand what you mean. There were you guys...the whole REASON for this day...trying to compete bravely with handicaps and you weren't acknowledged. Like the "special" needs kids that are allowed to play, but their score doesn't count...!! Personally, I wouldn't bother having a team next year. Maybe just be a pep squad or something. It seems too demeaning otherwise. But to not even be heralded or anything is just pathetic!!
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Fearlessfoot----I'm sorry u had such an awful experience with such a feel of hope. But Barbe could be right--maybe , altho everyone tried, they just weren;t up for it--after all look who u guys were u against?
I reminded me when I used to play volleyball--I did for 25 yrs--it was well organized park district teams. And the ref, would always say to us why do u guys even show up we were in last place every year, but we were there accepting defest--we had no choice. But u guys do and if it's totally who cares about the actual people who did have BC then what's the difference if u don't show up for that challenge.
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Fearless, I have realised that illness/disease in our society is like a theatre performance with many performers and the sufferers of the illness being merely the audience. Good to have us around but sometimes just relegated to watching the "performances" surrounding disease...
Hugs and high fives, Jenn0 -
fearless...yuck...what an bad experience for you..not really sure what else to say
Had a gal today -a customer- who asked about my arm sleeves ( I am bilateral LE -sigh). So I explained what LE was and that my BC caused it. She says oh I went through BC last year. Then I ask her what TX she had to go through. Oh just surgery. Told her I had BMX, then 8 chemo then 35 rads and then I asked her what type she had and when she was DX...she says oh I did not have BC just had to have a biopsy. I told her I was sorry that she had to go through the process..that must have been so hard for you...she says Yeah it was really aweful....WTH?? Not even acknowledging my nightmare that was my last yr
Maggie
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Day, Barbe, Camillegal, Jenn,Maggie, thanks for your empathy and just so you won't be bummed out for me, I want to explain that I vented with you guys, but I really did get a LOT of positive out of the experience as well. I am already thinking about how to make it better for me and others next year (artistic signage to proudly display our name, free massages to team members in our tent, more healthy and delicious food and drink, medals awarded to EVERYONE for bravery in the face of breast cancer in a little awards ceremony). Here's my public face:
Dear Family and Friends,
I am so happy to report to you that I reached my goal of fully participating in the Cancer Association's fundraising event-- this year as a member of the all-female team, which is open exclusively to breast cancer survivors! Many people, including some of my doctors, cautioned me that planning to do this less than four months after a double mastectomy and reconstruction was perhaps unrealistic. However, I REALLY wanted to do this, as I had always participated in previous years since the event started. So I followed doctors' orders but also changed my diet dramatically and restarted jogging slow 5Ks every possible day. And thanks to the care and support of my husband and son, sister, family, friends, doctors, other health care professionals, I found all the support I needed to access information, make informed decisions, heal quickly and prepare physically and emotionally for this big day -- which was a real milestone for me, a minor triumph.
I participated in all three races with the starting at 10:50, 13:15, and 16:10. Our speed was not fast, but our enthusiasm made up for it, as we had many obstacles to face. Our all-woman team was down by four late
cancellations, we had to recruit additional members on site, several participants could not attend all three races, one of our participants had a medical difficulty in the middle of the first race, and subsequently our team changed composition at least 30-40% with each race. But we had an amazing coach (who kept the beat and cheered us on) who helped us improve on our synchronization with each subsequent race, and in the final, we missed beating our nearest competition by only 20 seconds! Considering all the challenges many of us breast cancer survivors have overcome to get to the point of even feeling strong enough to sign up, I would award a medal to every single woman in the team for her accomplishments yesterday!
Thank you to each of you who had pledged to support my training for and participation in the Race by making a donation!** (I have already recorded 13 supporters on my Pledge Sheet!) You can donate using a
Bank Payment or using Paypal/credit card, or let me know if you need an alternative method.
Compared to so many BC stories I've become familiar with, I have had it easy. And for that I have to credit the earliest possible detection achieved by new radiologist whom my OB/Gyn insisted that I go see this year for my annual mammogram. She found a tiny anomaly that I fear could have been missed by
less-expert attention. The type of breast cancer I had (there are at least 14 different types*) was not palpable and had no symptoms that I could have detected myself. If left to develop a year longer, my outcomes could have been very different. Thus before they even have symptoms, women should get regular screening
mammograms to detect breast cancer early. The American Cancer Society
advises:- Clinical breast exam (CBE) about every 3 years for women in their
20s and 30s and every year for women 40 and over.- Women should know how their breasts normally look and feel and report any breast change promptly to their health care provider. Breast self-exam (BSE) is an option for women starting in
their 20s.- Yearly mammograms are recommended starting at age 40. (Women who
are younger than 40 and have risk factors for breast cancer should ask their
health care provider whether to have mammograms and how often to have them.)
So, I am sending you this message of gratefulness and hope for the future and thank you for your love, friendship, and support. Hope to connect with you soon!
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Fearlessfoot--I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote that the other participants were in the game to "win them brownie points with their employers". It's somewhat fashoinable these days to partcipate in an activity in support of something or other. It is truly odd that a team of people the event was supposed to support wasn't given some sort of recognition, though.
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Fearless, I think you should supply a "surprise" medal next year to the team for the medical issues they have overcome! Maybe that will make everyone sit up and listen. And make it the FIRST medal, not the last one handed out!!!!
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NM--I agree, sometimes people do these events for their own selfishness, but I guess if it raises money then it's better than nothing, My Dad used to say (In Italian) When u do wrong, never forget it and when u do good always forget it. Translated it sounds a little different, but u get the idea.
And Barbe that's a good idea.
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Collection cans for people with illnesses are a big one in my small, mountain town. There's always one for someone at every convenience store in town. I do donate to families I know really need the help, but often the cans are for a family known to sell drugs or for someone known to buy drugs, alcohol and tobacco with every cent they can get their hands on.
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....sorry for the rant in my previous post - I should have posted it on "What Cheezed Me Off Today"....I think I will.
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....another addition - looks like I'm on a roll this a.m. - in pain, so grumbling....No one bothered to put out a donation can for me and I could have used it. Wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I do not hang out in any of the 5 bars on our small main street, or smoke pot with the people who live and party above the 5 bars.....
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and another addition.....Please note that I believe in trying complimentary treatments - I just do not feel that alternative treatments are for me unless there is a lot of research to back it up. Even then, at this point in treatment, I would do chemo again. In fact, I'm having a bone scan tomorrow - If mets are discovered, I will be begging for chemo in hopes that the pain will end....I realize that there may be some point down the road where I may opt out of chemo - who knows......its such a crap-shoot.....
OK - no more negativity this a.m. Its a beautiful fall day in the mountains and I am alive! My best to all.
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GREAT rants Reality!!! Good luck on the bone scans, sweetie.
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Thanks so much, barbe - You are awesome!
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Reality: how great that you are near some mountains! Nature can be a powerful energy source from which you can draw strength and refreshment! This is the place to VENT! (I guess rants are okay, too!) ...And know you will be accepted and understood! gentle hugs!
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