The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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kimber, you might want to be cautious around your eyes during chemo....just sayin'...the fake lashes might have to go!
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Barb 1958, you are probably right, but at some point, when the chemo is over and I have a chance to do something fun, the lashes might come in handy. But I won't make a bet on it because I've already heard the chemo makes the skin super sensitive and sore
Taraceta28- maybe you could buy a punching bag instead
Or you could make up a sign and carry it around with you, lift it up every time she says "How lucky you are" My sister has alwasy been jealous of my boob size, accept for now that is. I'm going from a D cup to a C cup because I have always had big boobs and I don't want to look strange with small ones all of a sudden. My sisters are both A's, but also have much narrower shoulders and backs. I would look like a circus freak with small boobs. 
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I have NO boobs and VERY broad shoulders and I don't feel like a circus freak.....just sayin'......
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Barbe-
Yoda says; asshole, I feel like. I'm sorry, foot in mouth disease too
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No harm, no foul as I am so far out. But a lesson well-learned sweetie! And SO appropriate on THIS thread!!
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Yes, how appropriate. I rarely find myself in this position. I'm deleting my post now.
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You shouldn't have deleted your post!!!! People learn from this (other readers and lurkers). It's just so easy to be in our own heads and say how we feel, which around here is 99.9% okay. It's just the term "circus freak" hits a lot of buttons with some of us..... Your post was valid. Maybe I just should have kept my comments to myself??
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Barbe- No, you were right to tell me. I am not even a month into a diagnosis and attempting an effort to be positive, to see the rainbow so to speak, all while waiting to find out where I am in the process or how far its gone, we all do the foot in mouth thing occasionally but the last thing I wanted to do was to push a button...
Anyone who reads this thread will put it together. I am glad you brought it up, glad you made me think and more glad that I haven't totally offended you...
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Taraceta28 - so sorry your sister-in-law says those horribly insensitive things to you. How painful that must be.
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Thanks Denise G
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Well I love being boobless--no bras--I don;t even care it's comfortable but it's not even with my belly so if possible my belly looks biger LOL
But I'm comfy.
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I think I am very lucky - few stupid comments. But of course I keep BC a secret from a lot of people too. The worst was from my best friend who I love ... but I must vent as I didn't want to unload on her.
She knows that i would never get mastectomy for personal reasons I won't go into here. She worries that I am doing lumpectomy w/ 100% natural follow-up, skipping rads and pills (again won't go into it here).
So ... she told me the story of this really beautiful, stylish woman who came to her yard sale. The woman was so flat, she obviously had a double mastectomy and no reconstruction. My friend went into great detail about how this woman was smiling and happy and was dressed in lovely, stylish clothing and looked great. And the lady also had such a lovely, friendly, feminine, artsy vibe - even with no boobs she was very feminine. On and on like this.
I finally just bit my lip and told her: maybe that lady is an artist and doesn't need her boobs to sit at an easel and paint. Maybe she's a writer and doesn't need boobs to type. I'm a dancer. I need my boobs. I use my boobs. I would rather be dead than ruin the few years of dancing I have left. And why do you think I won't get better? People get better all the time!
This friend lost her brother to AIDS and she is afraid to lose me. But I honestly wanted to smack her upside the head. Her "inspirational" story seriously gave me the creeps. It did NOT cheer me up - it made me want to kill myself just so I would NEVER hear another inspriational story about breast removal ever again.
Thank you for letting me vent. Sitting here with a boob that is very sore, but still attached to my body and getting ready to dance this Saturday. 5th position hurts like hell but I know I will recover full range of motion with continued work. Excited to start Ayurvedic and metabolic treatments to prevent recurrence. Will promise my friend I will live another 30 years ... and if I don't ... we'll meet again in next life ... but only if she NEVER tells me another inspirational story
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One "friend" so-called, keeps saying "you look so good" each & every time we meet. I finally got sick of it and said, "how do you think I should look?" She dummied up right quick. Just sayin....
I did find an awesome article that teaches caregivers, family, even physicians what to say and what NOT to say to us. I must post it soon if I find it again...
Taraceta -- I got two different size cups now from reconstruction. How nice huh? I would also go back to my size B cups.
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camile, you'll learn to stand differently so that belly won't show as much. The belly was ballast and now that you don't need as much it will disappear a bit. The rest will come from your posture. As someone said, it's like how a 2 year old looks. All belly busting out and flat as a board. I LOVE not wearing bras as well.
Natkat, as a dancer you are probably small breasted and would prefer to keep the fine balance that you have built up over years of training. Tell your friend that her stories are NOT helping!! You have the right to do that. She has to get over it, not you!!
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Barbe - thank you for encouragement. And yep my A cups are part of my sense of balance & self expression. LOL my friend is finally relaxing but I am freaking. 2.5 weeks post surgery the one that got operated on is still crazy swollen. F* ckin weird. Guess i need to post in the surgery forum b/c i am seriuosly freaked. At least costume hides it. Argh!!!
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Natkat I don't think 2.5 weeks is super long for swelling, but that's just me thinking.
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So I'm in the grocery store line up yesterday and the guy in front of me tells me to go ahead of him because he thinks he may have forgotten his wallet in the car. The man in front of me who I figure is about 75ish and I start chatting about what a horrible feeling it is to think you've lost your wallet or even your credit/debit card. He then says to me "Well hon, at our age blah blah blah" LOL!!! For Gawds sake, I'm 49!
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Natkat... my LX was March 1 2012. I still can't wear bras that I wore before surgery. They are a good 2 inches too small... and that's after a 24 lb weight loss. So yeah. BC the gift that keeps on giving.
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Oh dear MLB!!!! What a duh moment that was! Like, what do you say????
Natkat, swelling can takes months to go down. Don't despair!
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THanks Cindy and Camie ... and OH SH*T!!!
Now I am going to say my own stupid comment ... I thought this surgery was going to be a walk in the park. Remove the lump, take a few pain pills, on to my post-op protocol and DONE. Sorry for going off-topic but no one replied in Surgery so I was feeling alone & scared with my swollen boob.Surgeon waaaay underestimated this operation & keeps saying tumor was much bigger than expected blah blah blah. You would think doctors might do more diagnostics so they aren't SURPRISED when they open you up and recovery turns out to be exponentially longer than what was promised in the beginning.
Can we have a topic for stupid things DOCTORS say?
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I have a couple of stupid doctor comments
1. my surgeon didn't remove my fascia even though I had and MRI that said the tumor was deep and close to the chest wall. So I ended up with positive margins and needed rads. When I started to cry all he could say was, "Oh, sometimes even with a mastectomy you still need radiation". Well, he never discussed this with me and it would have helped if he had done the surgery the right way.
2. My MO recommended chemo without getting an oncotype dx first. He said I didn't qualify and that my insurance wouldn't pay for it and that he certainly wasn't going to pay for it. I directed him the the web site which clearly stated that I do indeed qualify. My insurance covered the test. I got 4 second opinions.....all said no chemo. This guy is no longer my MO.
3. my PS wanted to put the implants in before rads (instead of rads with expanders). I wouldn't let him since I couldn't find any info on this and 2 other docs I talked to didn't recommend it. (I did find out that Sloan Kettering is developing a protocol for this, but it's not standard). Right before I went into surgery for the implant exchange he says to me, "I really wish you had done it my way, you get much better results". I was on the gurney! Hey, you know, show me the research! He has only been doing it "his way" for three years. Not enough long term evidence based practice for me. Not to mention he took his own sweet time filling my expanders, which when I finally had an appt with RO she had to call him and let him know that I was in danger of running late to start rads. So I couldn't have done the exchange "his way" even if I wanted to...it would have delayed radiation.
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Myleftboob---oh 49 and he said that and he was in his 70's OMG --u really can't say or do much he's 75ish--if u threw a frozen pot pie at him u could have don serious damage. LOL--Again my claim as to what cancer has done to our bodies
Everytime I had any surgery I was always told it's same day surgery, which I'm surprised with that answer. Well every time it wasn't I always had to stay extra days and I said to my surgeon I know u hate to see me leave but u always say day sirery and he said--U know everything that happens to u is crazy, so can I help it u don't cooperate with me. Hmmm and I still love him.
I'm seeing some new Drs now (I moved) and as the Dr. I saw yesterday was readin the computer about me, he said this doesn't make any sense, And of course I said I blame it all on chemo--after he finished reading he looked st me and said I don't blame u'r a mess.-Like I havent
heard that before. And he was a cardiologist --just what I needed to hear BTW when I got this horrendous disease I was in my 60's and people always said wow u look much younger, Now I'm still in my 60's and no one questions my age. IT'S THE CHEMO..
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Totally in favor of skipping October. I was diagnosed last October and going into Safeway made it 100 times worse, every time being asked "would you like to make a donation to breast cancer? The first time was the day after my diagnosis, I got so upset that I couldn't remember my pin for credit card, it was just awful. I am now dealing with freaky uneven appearance from TE so will probably skip buying groceries for the month of October!!!
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Oh Day! I REALLY needed that laugh.
I haven't read most of the posts on this thread so forgive me if I think my nomination for stupidest thing someone has said to me is the oscar winner. My mother passed away 5 days before my BMX. I was her caretaker and she lived with me. She died over the holidays so her funeral was delayed until the day after my surgery and I wasn't able to attend. More than 1 person told me my mother died because she knew I wouldn't be able to take care of her. For once in my life I am speechless. Why can't people just keep their pieholes shut?
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Day: good one. im gonna have to use that one!
MLP: Sorry about your mom. People always say the wrong things. They think it helps when it really pisses u off!
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I'm sure a lot a people got this comment. When I told my friend that I am waiting for the results of a biopsy for breast cancer she looked intently in my eyes and said no it won't be breast cancer. she has the ability to "call it". When I told her later is was breast cancer she was flabbergasted that it was. She thought sure she has this ability to diagnose.
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owlwatcher. Well 8 out of 10 times she'd be right calling b9. How rude of you to prove her wrong.
People are just amazing.
When I was first dx and didn't know how things were going to go I made arrangements to increase the hours that Mom's care givers are scheduled. As it happens even now 6 months later, they are still working extra hours because of my LE. I just can't manage repeated transfers and such. So, the other day one of my aunts was saying how lucky it was that I got cancer, so we could afford more help for Mom. WTF? I don't consider cancer lucky under any circumstance, and we get no assistance with her care, it's all out of pocket as what she needs is not medical care, but daily living stuff. Shesh
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Cindy u mean u should feel GRATEFUL that u have cancer--wow u ungrateful bi*h hahahaha I can't believe anyone would say that--it's absurd to have cancer and be relieved about anything. OMG can we ever understand how anyone thinks? But when I was dx'd my girlfriends wanted to feel my lumps and I was fine with that, they were huge so they saw them before they felt them --but we all started laughing for like 5 minutes at how stupid we looked hoping there were no hidden camara there, cuz they did that kind of thing when u worked for the state. If they did someone got a really good look at my lumps and breasts. LOL
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i swear im going to write a book. kind of erma bombeckish. think it would b a best seller. eveyone with cancer can buy the book, and when we here the absurd remarks, we can give them the book. the book would be written so they would be nicely informed of their "well intentioned" ingnorance. i think it would b healing for us to write and very funny to hand out
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