The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
i swear im going to write a book. kind of erma bombeckish. think it would b a best seller. eveyone with cancer can buy the book, and when we here the absurd remarks, we can give them the book. the book would be written so they would be nicely informed of their "well intentioned" ingnorance. i think it would b healing for us to write and very funny to hand out
0 -
OK susan we got the message hahaha
0 -
camille, What State and or Department would plant cameras in bathrooms? Even 20 years ago in WA they couldn't have gotten away with that. Even a rumor of it would have the State Employee's Union all over their case and the press with an investigation.
0 -
owlwatcher - I HATE it when people, albeit well-meaning, insist that it will be all fine ,you won't have cancer, you won't need this, this won't happen blah blah. Someone said to be before my diagnosis that I would be okay and I shouldn't worry. Do people really think that if they say that they can change what's inside my body? If they do, I just proved them wrong!
Cindyl - how did you not punch your aunt in the face?!0 -
chabba we weren't smart enough to go in the bathroom--we locked the office door and closed the blinds. State employees aren't known for their intelligence LOL
0 -
Barb
In response to the old codger that thought I was in the same age bracket as him I just rolled my eyes, so did the teenager cashier LOL! I know this whole thing has aged me somewhat but I'm confident I don't look 75!
0 -
Well now I am dreading October after reading this. If I were shopping and the cashier asked me if I wanted to donate to breast cancer, I think I would burst into tears. No shopping in October for me!
This was beyond offensive to me so of course I thought I would share it here. This week was my first week at work that I went without a hairpiece since late February. I'm 12 weeks PFC and I have a fair amount of hair; it's about 1/4" or so. But it's pretty obvious I went through chemo to most people. So this lady I know and normally like comes up to me and asks, and I confirm that yes, I was dx'ed with breast cancer and went through chemo. So she goes on to tell me how she has breast cancer all over her family, and they found a lump in her breast a few years ago. Before getting a biopsy, she went to her church and everyone prayed with her, and one woman in particular laid her hand on her breast while praying! But she was okay with it. When she went for the biopsy the lump was gone! It was a miracle! Some time later, that woman who laid the hand on her breast left their church for a different church, and now that woman is filled with cancer and is very ill. !!! I really did not know how to respond to that! What is she saying, that if you don't go to her church and believe her beliefs and let people rub your breast and pray, you're doomed to get breast cancer!?!
This is sort of a sad complaint but I work with the elderly and some of my dementia patients have not responded well to my lack of hair. I had one lady call out to me: "Little boy! Little boy!" and another gasp and say, "Oh my, that doesn't look pretty AT ALL!!! Why would you do that!?!" That hurt, but of course they cannot help it. But I had another patient with dementia see me, and start to cry. I went to her and asked her what was wrong. She has a hard time finding the words she wants, but she said something like, "I've been so worried about you - you look - oh your head - I thought you were sick." I thought that was so touching, even in her state of illness she was able to recognize that something was not right, and feel compassion and concern.
0 -
Christina....it is really hard that knowing adults such as your coworker put that upon us! I look at it this way....maybe her lump was nothing & just disappeared before she got to the Dr.! The other woman probably already had it for years but it wasn't visible! Believe in your beliefs....for someone to suggest otherwise that your belief is no good is so wrong! Yes I go to church & believe in my own way. But I never suggest or demean anyone because their way might not be my beliefs! My sister & I are POLAR worlds apart in our religion, but respect each other's beliefs & peacfully go our own ways to worship! She doesn't push hers on me & I vise versa! We both believe in prayer & her family has prayed for me....but only that more prayer can't hurt....not that her's is better than mine! Anything to help see me through this beast!
As for the people you help in your work. I also work with the elderly. I'm a CNA. I did not do Chemo & most of my residents don't know what's going on but a few knew I was absent for 5 weeks after my surgery. They ask & for those that comprehend I will not lie to. I have had remarks that have hit me wrong over the years & now seeing residents that I care for on a daily basis that obviously have had BC hits me hard sometimes...but also hope. It was also hard leading up to my DX taking care of the ones with BC. This was also the second time I went for a biopsy in 4 years, the first was B9. The first time as well as the second time took 2-3 months to get the finale answer. It isn't/wasn't easy dealing with the whole emotional toll it took on me. It still does on many levels! You will be in my thoughts as I work also!
0 -
I've had numerous women tell me how lucky I am to have foobs (fake boobs). Then they always add, not that I want to get them the way you did! I think I'm starting to become a little immune to peoples idiotic comments.
Another "friend" asked if I was interested in dating, she wants to set me up with someone...hell yeah! I just got TEs removed and implants put in 8 weeks ago and i have no nipples and my radiated foob is kinda mangled but I look ok in clothes...but so what, it's just a date...he doesn't have to know anything. And he wouldn't have if she hadn't TOLD him I had BC. Guess who never called to ask me on a date? Oh well, his loss.
I was off work for 6 weeks. When I went back people finally asked me how I was doing. Really? You're asking me now? Where were you a month ago?
What I've found out during this grueling, agonizing, highly personal experience is that you really find out who you can count on. And leave the others alone. I'm single and have no family in the area and was SHOCKED to find many friends didn't step up to the plate to help me. I was devasted to find out how alone I really am. Which on some level is empowering but on others is just plain depressing.
0 -
This isn't about me, but Cindy talking about her aunt reminded me of how MY aunt behaved when my uncle, her brother, died. We're in Indiana, she's retired in Florida. My cousins by another (deceased) sister had been taking care of his daily needs, etc., but about the time my uncle was declining rapidly, my cousin had to have an emergency cardiac bypass and couldn't even take care of herself. She called my aunt and asked her to come up and help. At the same time, she was still hopeful my uncle could return to his home, so she paid someone $150 to clean and straighten his home. My aunt flew up for a 3 day visit, did nothing to help, but insisted on reimbursing my cousin for the cleaner. She then flew home to Florida, telling everyone SHE had had his house cleaned, and when he died shortly afterward, billed his estate for reimbursement!! Still shaking my head about that one. So she wanted all the credit, but wanted it for free. My cousin is still fuming.
0 -
rockstar you couldn't have said it better = I am a 66 year old woman, my children have moved away, they have been wonderful with phone calls and coming to spend time with me.but my friends or so called friends have shown me who they really are.
My husband is away working and they all know this and only one of them ever calls, it has really opened my eyes, and I think it has empowered me.
I will be heading into a city 4 hours away for my radiation and I really feel now I will and can handle it by myself. Think it is time to find new friends.
Hugs to you and good luck.
0 -
There was s TV show years ago called kids say the darndest things-----well it seems like Adult say and do the dumbest things. And should know better.
0 -
Camillegal.....I know on another thread they are doing a top 10 for the David Letterman thing about "PINKTOBER". I wonder what a Top 10 of stupidest things people say to a BC patient would be! But then it wouldn't be so funny would it as it NEVER IS! Further more would anyone without a BC DX get it?!!!
0 -
Day,
I can imagine the look on the cashier's face ,0 -
Julz4 Altho I think alot of these things are funny--maybe if u don't actually have bc it wouldn'tbe as funny--But come on think about some of these they are priceless, Imean the one that said (somewhere in here) Well we all have to die sometime---it's so so stupid it's funny.
0 -
Camillegal, Oh it is funny, but yes only to Us.....because the NINNIES that say this stupid stuff don't get it! But for us the first time we hear them. Then their are some that make us so mad as H@!! for the others who have suffered through them. I guess that's why I wrote it that way! It evokes so many emotions....but a lot of us feel hurt the first time we hear them. Later as we get seasoned into this mess the sting is not so intense!
0 -
Julz I think u've got it--altho I started these boards in March of 2012 I started cancer in 2007 so I've heard and been around all kinds of people--don't know much about cancer cuz I was like the little kid that sung a loud song while putting my fingers in my ears--except I didn't put my fingers in litterally just figuretively. But I've gotten to know people paid attention to that and usually looked at it as funny cuz they just don't know--but I've adjusted to things people say out of ignorance or stupidity or both LOL
0 -
Christina
That bit about the patient being worried about you gave me a lump in my throat. That was lovely of her.
It reminded me of my GF's Mom that had dementia. My GF had to have surgery and she told her Mom that she would be up for a week due to recovery. She didn't think that her Mom really understood but called her during that week to say hello. Well, didn't her Mom give her total orders about what to do and not to do which were all bang on advice. Its like she came back out of care and concern for her daughter even for a short period.
0 -
MLB, that gives one chills!!!!
Julz is right. Others don't get it. At the beginning I'd sometimes copy and paste some of the funniest stories on these threads and send them to my brothers and sis. Got no reply until my older brother finally said, "Um, this isn't funny....it's sad!!" It was a story about a wedding day and I was laughing so hard I think I peed a little bit! No one else, even my DH who was watching me in alarm thought it was funny. Geez, they REALLY don't get it!!
0 -
barb - What some people don't "get" is that it's all just life, and if you can't laugh, you'll spend your time crying.
0 -
Falling down is part of life; geting up is living!
0 -
OH Hadley, I'm a Grandma and can swear with the best of them!!! I grew up in the 60's so look out, it's going to get worse as us Boomers (born in the 50's) get older!! hehehehehhehehehe BUT, having said that, I would NEVER talk like that in public OR be on a cell phone in a line up!!! People make theirs lives so public and then worry about "Uncle Sam" finding out what they spend on their VISA on booze!!! Geez, priorities, folks!!!
0 -
Has anybody heard this one? A relative that also had breast cancer( stage 2) told me I didn't really have it since I had DCIS. I felt like I needed to fax her my biopsy which said stage 1, but since it was a competition I didn't waste my time.
0 -
well when I first told my brother that I had BC and that it was considered stage 0, he said so it is not really cancer~~~then said, see you later....
he is currently in a trial at U of PA for T cell transplant for what I think is hodgkins so figure my stuff is not considered real....untill much worse
my brother is what happens when you find out you have cancer but avoid treatment as "too busy"nor it is inconvenient
sorry this is a topic that really angers me
0 -
Hi Ladies. I have been lurking on this site for a few years now. I usually just read everyone elses posts. I had my surgery 2 years ago now, and I have been stewing on something that was said about me behind my back while I was off work.
One of the ladies(I use that term loosely) I work with occasionally was telling everyone and anyone that I did not have cancer at all, I just talked everyone into doing a mx on me so I could get a bigger chest and have my insurance pay for it. I was informed of this when I returned to work. Not sure what if,anything I should have done.
0 -
hmmm, hit her over the head? for a start at least
do you think she wants a note from your doc? she is stupid and honestly, your pals will not believe her and if someone does actually~~~believe her, they are not your friend and dangerous to your health
look anyone who repeats such nonsence in the face and say,.....do you really believe that crazyness?
0 -
HADLEY--that was probably me in that line--hahaha--welln no, I rarely use my phone--but it could have been hahaha
Anniette--that is the most disgusting thing anyone can say about u with cancer.--proudtospin has a point, but u really can't hit her in the head
but u can tell her to get her head examined because u can't hit her in the head that last marble would fall out. I'm sure NO ONE would believe her and that she is showing her true colors to everyone. Mostly green
0 -
There really are some disgusting people in this world.
0 -
Michelle there are and they seem to pick alot on sick people too.
0 -
Aniette, you are SO much like me!!! It would drive me NUTS that she would say/think that and I'd almost want to post a memo in the lunchroom or something to deny it. People tell me to 'pick my battles' but to me, they are ALL battles!! I do think the others are right though, and know that no one "gets a mastectomy" to get breast augementation!!
proudtospin, if you are stage 1, then you MUST have IDC which was surrounded by DCIS. As DCIS is NON-invasive and you are stage 1 which indicates invasive, then you must have had IDC. I know I just sort of said that twice, but this is important!! Pure DCIS is stage 0. DCIS with IDC or micro-invasion making it stage 1 is considered IDC. So quit saying you have DCIS as IDC trumps the DCIS all day long!
0
