The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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GASP!!! what a rotten thing to say. First of all how does she even know what she would do if she got BC...none of us did til diagnosed. I certainly never thought that I would be seen in public with no hair but now I know that was unrealistic. Second of all...WTH?? who is she to say such a thing to you. Takes all kinds I guess.
Maggie
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Hi, I have not yet posted on this thread, but could not resist. When I was first diagnosed and was looking into my company's medical leave policy, my manager said "at least it's the good cancer, the doctor can just use like a melon ball-er and remove the tumor, you'll be back to work in no time, no need to even worry about short term leave." After BMX with reconstruction, I would still like to smack her upside the head.
BTW, my insurance did pay for BMX and reconstruction, cancer on right side only. Have family history and strong chance of recurrence, so not sure if that is the reason why or not.
Best to all, Carla
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I was thinking about the crazy stuff some people believe. I think that perhaps one can understand why people did not use to talk about the big C. If people thought you were contagious or had obviously done something wrong to get it, then you could see why people hid it. Thank goodness some people are at least enlightened.
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Holy crap, Carla! A "melon-baller"? I flinched and I had a BMX, too. How callous of her to compare surgery to someone making melon balls. Shaking my head.
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I was watching CNN one day, and Dr. Oz was on, it was just after Martina Navratilova had been diagnosed with DCIS. He was discussing the surgery, and he described the procedure as "going in there and using something like an ice cream scoop to remove the lump". I was offended by this trivialization of something that is certainly not trivial. I was never much of a Dr. Oz fan before, and I am even less of one since hearing that. Moron.
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riley, i was and still am shocked, another one of her classics after being diagnosed was "you are not being a team player with all of your doctor appointments. Your inconsiderate and irresponsible behavior can no longer be tolerated" I had my doctor put me on medical leave. I wish I could say I work for a small company, but, I work for a large nationwide one.
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dutchirl Hi---I'm not defending dr. Oz but Dr.s try to say things ont TV cuz they think the average person won't understand. Just like when they are operating I used to envision them talking seriously thru the operation but they, most of the time, barely even talk about what they are doing. It's extremely personal to us, but maybe they have to depersonalize it. They even talk on the phone when operating. So they are a goofy bunch.
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damn that is what I should have done...my husband could have performed the surgery right here at home...all we needed was a baseball bat to knock me out and a melon baller....who knew?
mags
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Hey mags
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ROFL camillegal!!! is that to shovel the s**t that we hear daily??
Mags
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mags lol LOL---good one
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Hi - I am new to this, so please bear with me. I need your opinion. I am a widow, 67 with no children and my friends are my family. My best girl friend e-mailed me today to tell me that she thought I need to "think positive" and "get on with my life." What do you think of that? I am crushed. I know I have talked a lot about my bc., but, needed the support. I don't know how to respond to her....She has a niece with ovarian cancer and relates everything to how much worse her niece is then me..... She did lose a sister to bc...
Would apprecieate your info....Mary
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I think she needs to shut up and pull the foot out of her mouth. How incredibly hurtful of her to say that to you!
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w6uq===I think when u'r best friend reacts in such a way it not only hurts u-it surprises u. I could be for a different reason than u think. I said she lost a sister because of BC and now her niece is ill---maybe she just dosn't want to lose u and she is in fear again so if u can just "get back to normal" it would be all right for her. IDK because I can't picture a best friend acting like that--we all have our fears and BC has already scared her more than once so u've got to get better. Another thing (I think) no one, no one can possibly know what each one of us had or is going thru mentally--pysical u can describe but emotionally there is no description and it varies from day to day and it's just to difficult to describe those feeling. That's why there are so many people here--we truly get it, sure we're all different and feel different but at one time or another we've shared something equally-whatever the "stage" of cancer we have. So she might have more fear than u. Or she's not really very nice.
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Hi Riley702 - Thanks for the reply . It is so comforting. I am so tired of this "road we are on, " being a widow without children (have 2 indoor cats) feel like just throwing in the towel and going somewhere in the world to help like Africa. I am so terribly diappointed in the people I thought would support me. They seem to think we will just "get over it" and go on....Mary
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I'm a never-married with 2 indoor kities!
And yes, I had a friend of 15 years never contact me again after I told her I had cancer. Oh, wait... she called me halfway through chemo in a rush asking for a favor because she had to dash off to work and her husband doesn't drive (epilepsy poorly controlled). I did the favor and when I got to her house, found out her husband had no clue I had cancer - 4 months after I told her! Talk about a kick to the teeth.But enough people I had considered mere acquaintances stepped up to the plate to offer help and support, it more than made up for the folks who didn't seem to care. I came out ahead and sorted out of my life some people who had no business being in it! Under the bus they go!
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Hi Camillegal: Thanks for the input.. You are right, it is always hard to know what another person is thinking. What is so funny is that when i called to tell her about the cancer I was more worried about her then I was myself. I tried to shield her. I even told her, "Hay, what's wrong here, I'm the one with the cancer and you are more upset then me." Throughout the entire experience I have been more worried about her then me, and now she is the one who lets me down. The situation with her niece is not new, it has gone on now for about 1 1/2 years and her niece is doing very well and has a good prognosis.
Her sister that died from bc (had an HMO) was a very sad case. Apparently they had been watching her mamo's for 3 years and had seen it growing and said nothing to her. By the time they had to say something to her it was too late. I was so mad when I found that out I was ready to de-capitate someone. Her sister was so busy trying to save her life she did not have time to do anything against them. Real sad case. She and her sister were not very close. That was about 5 years ago.
Cancer is not new to her. She lost her father, sister-in-law, brother, 1 sister to it. They were all different types of cancer. But, what am I to do, not say anything. We were so close, we could just about read each others mind. We meet in a bereavement group, both having lost our husbands.
Mary
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Riley702 - Gosh, how terrible for you - that is having your friend of 15 years treat you that way...!!!
Yes, that was a kick in the teeth.... How sad a lot of us have to find out what our "friends?" are really like AFTER a terrible situaiton like bc. Funny, my girl friend told me early on that people would "distance" themselves" from me. Yeah, she is right. When I went thru widowhood....(as though you get over that, yeah, right), it was very similar. Of course, then you had to worry about married friends thinking you might want their husband....!! Now, here I am again, but over another issue..... Mary0 -
Riley tat was horrible for u--when u love someone u just automatically think the'll be by u side good and bad---I'm sorry---but I love that bus. LOL
Mary-u should just let her call u and u not call her and see what happens---I know we're not with u physically but for emotional support u have so many wonderful and knowledgeable (not me) women here all the time and there is support for u here.
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One thing that really ticks me off is when people tell me they love my new haircut. This is definitely not a haircut, and it certainly doesn't look like something anybody ought to love. My hair has been growing since about April and is still only about 2 inches, even shorter on top. It sticks straight up unless I plaster it down with some type of gel. I had shoulder length hair for as far back as I can remember, and it was even longer before that. I keep wondering if it would look better, maybe thicker if I got it shaped up a bit at the beauty shop, but that would mean cutting it and I don't think I have enough to cut anywhere. It is such an awkward stage. I stopped wearing my wig when the temperature got to 105 this summer, just for my own comfort. It itched and was hot. Now I am comfortable, but I am definitely not trying to win a beauty contest. I am guessing they feel like they need to say something and maybe even think I will feel better about my hair when I hear their comments, but that is not how I feel at all.
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Shelly - I don't know how the nosey woman knows about my cancer....maybe she figured it out on her own by watching me in the neighborhood with turbans/lymphedema sleeve, etc....maybe she found out from questioning the other neighbors. At this point, I don't really care how she found out, I just want her to stop asking prying questions in front of my children. Like I said, I barely know her. I think I can count on one hand how many times I've actually spoken to her. I have taken to staring right at her and not responding, since politely putting her in her place hasn't seemed to work. Some people are very nosey and they can't control it. My patience is wearing very thin at this point.
bahamamom3 - I LOVED when I didn't have to wear a wig anymore. I know that awkward stage very well as I have been there more than once. What worked for me was adding color (herbatint) and having my hairdresser shape it a bit. I know it's hard to let a hairdresser cut it when it is so short, but the shaping looks much better than that uneven growth when the hair first starts to grow in. Good luck.
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Shelly - I don't know how the nosey woman knows about my cancer....maybe she figured it out on her own by watching me in the neighborhood with turbans/lymphedema sleeve, etc....maybe she found out from questioning the other neighbors. At this point, I don't really care how she found out, I just want her to stop asking prying questions in front of my children. Like I said, I barely know her. I think I can count on one hand how many times I've actually spoken to her. I have taken to staring right at her and not responding, since politely putting her in her place hasn't seemed to work. Some people are very nosey and they can't control it. My patience is wearing very thin at this point.
bahamamom3 - I LOVED when I didn't have to wear a wig anymore. I know that awkward stage very well as I have been there more than once. What worked for me was adding color (herbatint) and having my hairdresser shape it a bit. I know it's hard to let a hairdresser cut it when it is so short, but the shaping looks much better than that uneven growth when the hair first starts to grow in. Good luck.
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Can I ask why on earth people ask how r u? I am fabulous, I am about to get my boobs cut off with the uncertainty of whether or not I have to have chemo and radiation. I have to leave my kids for two days, my husband is cheating on me and who know where he is living.... I am f******* great !!!! Ughhhhhhh.... Sorry list it momentarily but really how would they be. I am trying my best to keep it together, but that throws me over the edge.
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Can I ask why on earth people ask how r u? I am fabulous, I am about to get my boobs cut off with the uncertainty of whether or not I have to have chemo and radiation. I have to leave my kids for two days, my husband is cheating on me and who know where he is living.... I am f******* great !!!! Ughhhhhhh.... Sorry list it momentarily but really how would they be. I am trying my best to keep it together, but that throws me over the edge.
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Can I ask why on earth people ask how r u? I am fabulous, I am about to get my boobs cut off with the uncertainty of whether or not I have to have chemo and radiation. I have to leave my kids for two days, my husband is cheating on me and who know where he is living.... I am f******* great !!!! Ughhhhhhh.... Sorry list it momentarily but really how would they be. I am trying my best to keep it together, but that throws me over the edge.
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Can I ask why on earth people ask how r u? I am fabulous, I am about to get my boobs cut off with the uncertainty of whether or not I have to have chemo and radiation. I have to leave my kids for two days, my husband is cheating on me and who know where he is living.... I am f******* great !!!! Ughhhhhhh.... Sorry lost it momentarily but really how would they be. I am trying my best to keep it together, but that throws me over the edge. I know that no one wants to hear doom and gloom, then don't ask!!
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Can I ask why on earth people ask how r u? I am fabulous, I am about to get my boobs cut off with the uncertainty of whether or not I have to have chemo and radiation. I have to leave my kids for two days, my husband is cheating on me and who know where he is living.... I am f******* great !!!! Ughhhhhhh.... Sorry lost it momentarily but really how would they be. I am trying my best to keep it together, but that throws me over the edge. I know that no one wants to hear doom and gloom, then don't ask!!
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Hi all - haven't been here lately, thankfully nobody to rant about
. Mary (w6rq) - sorry your friend let you down. People can be so stupid, open your heart to finding new friends.
Reality - haven't seen you lately, hope you are well.
My own latest - when I mentioned that I was taking advantage of the "Look Good Feel Better" program by the American Cancer Society, somebody said "oh, there's lots of fringe benefits to that (BC)", to which I replied "oh yeah, like that mastectomy I got?" hahahahaha.
Thank goodness on my good days I gotta laugh at the stupidity. I think that people are not (usually) malicious, they just need for things to be familiar and comfortable, and that usually involves minimizing something (that for us, can't be minimized). Dumba$$es.
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Hi all - haven't been here lately, thankfully nobody to rant about
. Mary (w6rq) - sorry your friend let you down. People can be so stupid, open your heart to finding new friends.
Reality - haven't seen you lately, hope you are well.
My own latest - when I mentioned that I was taking advantage of the "Look Good Feel Better" program by the American Cancer Society, somebody said "oh, there's lots of fringe benefits to that (BC)", to which I replied "oh yeah, like that mastectomy I got?" hahahahaha.
Thank goodness on my good days I gotta laugh at the stupidity. I think that people are not (usually) malicious, they just need for things to be familiar and comfortable, and that usually involves minimizing something (that for us, can't be minimized). Dumba$$es.
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