The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
I told a client that I have cancer and will need to schedule two appointments incase I have doctor or surgery schedule. They were surprised when I had to cancel one of the appointments. The clients reply, "I thought you were joking about having cancer, because you don't look sick." My reply, "Cancer is not a joke."
Another client emailed me, because I had to reschedule them twice due to doctor's conflicts, because heaven for bid if the doctor actually asked you what time works for you. I just get messages show up at this time. The clients email was, "You seem too busy to care for use and seems like you don't want to help our clients" My reply, "Sorry my cancer is inconvenient for you, because it is a bitch for me."0 -
Aaoaaoaao. I know i am lucky to have my mom but I just don't want my elderly parents driving 100 miles each way, fighting traffic in a large city, and waiting thru a 10-12 hour surgery. Hope you are having a nice weekend.
Fairydogmother. I can't believe the insensitivity of your clients. Sounds like you will be better off without them. Hopefully it isn't a major bite out of your income. Just wait. Karma is a bitch.
0 -
FairyDogMother, that was a great response to incredibly insensitive clients! And you're so right about the doctors.0 -
When people say you don't look sick tell them you don't have cancer in your face!!!0 -
"sorry my cancer in inconvenient for you"is a great line!0 -
barbe1958- I don’t like that one either. I get that a lot since I’m 36 yo and look like I’m in my 20s. My reply to that one is, “Just wait until I start chemo, hopefully I will look sick enough for your liking.”
Another one that I love to answer is “What type of cancer do you have, because you look great?” My reply, “Prostrate”. Some people actually believe that as a women I would have prostrate.0 -
Iowagirl said: "You are so fortunate to have a caring relative with medical skills! Sorry about the diagnosis. When do you start treatment? I.do have a close friend who is a nurse who will help me at home. Just can't figure out who will be there during surgery. My elderly mom is so funny. She says I am not laying at the hospital like a piece of meat with no family. LO L. Bless her heart. She is so cute. Good luck to you."
Good luck Iowagirl! Maybe someone can bring your mom over? I agree with others that she'll be better off waiting with you than sitting home waiting for news. Sorry about your dx too!
I don't know anything yet--just got dx on Thursday and go see a surgeon tomorrow and then have to make a decision as to whether to have this surgery in that small town (an hour away) or drive the 2-1/2 hours to St Louis, despite the fact that I'm new on the job this year. I'll just go see what they say I guess and yes I do feel fortunate to have my aunt.0 -
I love the prostrate answer but I'd be afraid to use it since lately I'm being mistaken for a man. I guess a bald head and no boobs will do that for you. I might still use it and see if I can get them REALLY confused.0 -
aaoaao: Just catching up here sorry - LOVE your list of things to be genuine enough to say. Can I use your phrase "screaming monkey" I LOVE IT !!??? One of my sisters has no problem jumping on me like a screaming monkey with verbal attacks if she doesn't like how I'm handling things with our father's estate since he passed on in 2011. Then when I tell her she hurt my feelings or whatever, she acts like she's oh so sorry and can we still "be friends"? Honestly, I just hate that. I heard a comic say if people in your family weren't "your family" would you still want to hang out with them?
There are 4 of us sibs and we were never what I'd call "close", two of them moved away when they entered college and haven't been back home since. OK by me. I draw strength from my besties where I'm at -- and of course, all of my besties here !!
0 -
So this morning I have been thinking about the lovely "at least you get a boob job paid for by insurance" comment that some of us have experienced. Next time that happens to me, I think I will ask the person to imagine that you have just been told that one of their arms is diseased and must be amputated, and that the odds of the other arm becoming diseased are really high too, so probably its best to amputate that one as well. But, really, its not that bad, because you are going to get fake arms that look even better than the ones you have right now (it doesn't really matter that you liked your current arms just fine), well, except it will take several painful surgeries - and that is if there are no complications, and the end result will include giant scars - they will be much perkier arms though! Oh yeah, and if you ever have a baby you won't be able to use those arms to feed the baby with, they just don't work for that. Also, the replacement arms won't be able to feel hugs when you give or receive them and during sex would be useless except for looking at (if you have gotten comfortable enough with the replacements/scars/emotional trauma etc to be good with that) . Oh, also about the paid for by insurance part, well, it will cost you a couple grand out of pocket - but, you know, at least it won't be like 10 grand! Are you thinking, sweet! Sign me up, I'm so lucky!?0 -
TrinityMorning, that's a really good analogy. It might increase BC "awareness" that the Komen conglomerate is so concerned about.0 -
Wow TrinityMorning, thank you for sharing that, it put a lot into words for me!! I hope you do share that with anyone who gives you comments like that. (Since I didn't have reconstruction I at least don't get the "free boob job" comments myself!!) That is a really, really good analogy.0 -
Yes, that is a really, really good analogy. Plus, I am peeing my pants laughing.0 -
TrinityMorning--Great comeback! I may copy that and pull it out in the future.
0 -
TrinityMorning- Love the analogy. I think with the men I would use the ball analogy. I did that once, some guy told me he once had to drink through straws because he had his mouth wire shut so I should be afraid of the drains. I told him, once they cut off your balls and reattach them don’t compare straws to drains. His replay, “Can I get titanium ones?” Then I realized no one see the balls everyday. I really like the arm analogy. Thank you for sharing.0 -
Good one TrinityMorning - I had that comment from someone who should have known better - I wish I had my wits about me at the time, but it seems she is hell bent on saying stupid stuff. Most recently, she told me, yes, told, that "I needed to get treatment to save my life". This is the second time I've heard this comment, which I find interesting because I have never ever complained about getting treatment. Do people not realize that we live with this ever moment of ever day - I wanted to say "really?, you mean it won't go away on its own?"0 -
Good thing you don't have to get treatment to save her life!0 -
I was just dx and going in for surgery 12/12. Most of the folks know I am having surgery but not why. The HR manager approached me today, out of concern, and was stunned as to the doctor that signed my FMLA forms was and oncologist. I think she said it 4 times in the conversation. I am very comfortable letting people know (I am telling my manager thursday after I find out my rad and chemo schedule). I do not understand how stunned and freaked out people have been. I have ended up consoling a number of my friends after I have told them!
Very strange and not what I was expecting!0 -
Funny, isn't it mapgirl? We have to stay "strong" so that our friends don't have to deal with our fears and grief!!! That's what they mean when they say to "stay positive" [cause I can't deal with this shit!!!]0 -
Two weeks after my diagnosis I had coworkers tell me that were worried about me because I wasn't being positive. Seriously?! WTF?! Who is positive in the initial days after hearing you have cancer? People don't have a clue. Barb - you are absolutely right - they didn't need me to be positive for myself - they couldn't handle it themselves. Get over yourselves people - my cancer is not about making it easier for you.0 -
BayouBabe- Strap on some Double AA batteries on you or get a t-shirt make it into your favorite element then loss an electron.. that way you are positive.
I love it when people feel they have the right to tell us how to deal with our cancer.0 -
I absolutely agree that people say to stay positive because that is what they need. For one thing, it makes a better story - "she's got cancer, but she's fighting hard and staying positive" goes over so much better than "she's got cancer and she's depressed, weeping, going bankrupt and has given up on doing the dishes ever again." Thank you so much for the extra pressure to deal with this the "right" way, because, really, we don't have enough on our plates as it is.
On the other hand, now the friends who understand are soooo much more valuable - the ones who don't need me to take care of their reaction and who totally get that if I want to be a mess, I need to be a mess, and if I want to spend an afternoon or a week pretending this is not going on at all then they are right there to toast to my imaginary vacation on the beach in New Zealand!0 -
Not to be a downer but when people say "stay positive" I could say to them - I've lost some friends recently who were the most positive people in their BC journey. So NOOO it does not mean the chance that this comes back will vanish if we're 'positive'.
BayouBabe - you said it -- this is not about making it easier for others.
0 -
Ahhh here we go again. Cant resist putting my spoke in about PT and today I feel just in the mood to give it some treatment (grrrrr)
For those who care about words, which have the power to educate, encourage, hurt, build up, cut down, destroy etc, the cult of "Positive Thinking" is nothing but a semantic joke. Girls, IT JUST DOESNT MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE to say "be positive" much less "stay positive".... oh unless youre 100% sure about SOMETHING...that is, something in particular rather something in general. Moreover, it is NOT something you typically carry on being. It is NOT a state of being. Like, "Im staying positive I want that particular brand" youd be more likely to say "Im positive I want that particular brand". The former denotes a state of constant being ie, "an attitude" whereas the latter, a "one off incident". Subtle, but nonetheless an important difference. PT is diametrically opposed to common sense, how much more so empathy and other virtues, which people who say it either 1/ are gullible to the latest catch phrases and so parrot others using idiotic cliches like these or 2/ do 1/ and act selfishly.
Last but not least, it is putting DEMANDS on YOU to actually change reality by the power of your mind. Since we are getting into risky territory here is it any wonder people have woken up to this ridiculous requirement to "think positive" dumped on us. For those who embark on this risky proposition, oh, you might get some "warm fuzzies" for a while but sooner or later it sets you up for ultimate failure. Reality is reality and mind games have a habit of turning back into just that when all the "fun" is over.
I hear this "positive" stuff ALL THE TIME. The idiot box is SATURATED with this totally DUMB phrase. Its EVERYWHERE. In NZ, our Capital City has its very own catch phrase "Positively Wellington" Eeeccckkk . Sports circles are full of thhis phrase. At the end of it all theres only one winner. What if theyre all equally "being positive" as they're brainwashed into being? Well it doesnt compute so so much for "being positive"....oh perhaps they should have STAYED positive or they wernt being positive enough...
lol gee I'd love to see how they monitor that one
SOOOO, the question has to be asked "stay positive about what?" Ahhh you want me to put on an elegant face that never falters just so YOU don't have to feel uncomfortable about ANYTHING....like...long as you stay positive things are just rosy for me. In other words I dont want to hear about your dramas about BC....it might cut too close to the bone and make me think about "what if I get it".
RANT OVER.0 -
Musical, you nailed it. Positively!!0 -
" it is putting DEMANDS on YOU to actually change reality by the power of your mind"
Yes, Musical, this is exactly what bothers me......and now the grammatical aspect will too.
Maybe we can respond, "Yes, I AM positive that I'm going to miss my breasts," or "I am positive that this is a load of crap."0 -
gramamuses - LOL If theres anything Im positive of is positive thinking is positively stinking.
Trinity.- Good responses, and it wouldnt hurt to give them "the eye" while you said it. Of course long enough to make them feel uncomfortable.
I am the classic ANTI positivist . Why the offensive phrases of "positivism" are so obnoxious is its simply peddling presumptuous lies. Cancer is a serious business and the last thing we need is hocus pocus lies. PERIOD. As I said, positivism and all its incarnations are unrealistic, totally unfair, and is actually a HARD MESSAGE which sounds as if people are encouraging you but in actual fact its the opposite. It is an absurd and UNREASONABLE expectation dumped on you to MEASURE UP and that is irritating and condescending. Some days I just wanna shake people out of their stupidity when they glibly flit by parroting off this dumb phrase.
I'm all for being bright when things ARE actually bright, or trying my best to see if there's good in something when it IS ACTUALLY THERE, NOT pumping up some make believe lie just so someone else thinks their bright and breezy attitude is the key to curing your cancer.
The plain fact is sometimes there's just NOTHING good right now and we need that space to process, grieve, or cry or whatever instead of trying to measure up to someone elses expectation just because it might edge them out of their comfort zone.
When people say in that typical smiling soft "lovely helpful" voice "Oh we just have to "stay positive" dont we..." heres a couple of reactions Id be likely to do depending on what I feel like at the time and depending on their tone of voice (and lookout if it was a condescending one). If I'm so sick of it I just get blunt and say something like "what? you want me to be positive so your royal highness isn't made to feel too uncomfortable if I give you the raw facts?"
Theres no point in cryptic answers with the positive rubbish peddlers because people are so blinded and besotted with their beloved "feel good" phrase they probably just wont get it. They need point blank educating. SERIOUS educating.0 -
Musical--LOL.0 -
Musical, I'm tempted to tote you around with me and then set you on people when they start! Another quote of yours I love.... "Cancer is a serious business and the last thing we need is hocus pocus lies."
One that drove me nuts was somebody telling me that I was going to just visualize getting a free and clear pathology report. Just visualize it (accompanied by hand gestures that sort of resembled the people on the runway when an airplane is landing). I get that people visualize things in order to improve their own performance when crunch time comes, sort of as a form of practicing, but........I'm pretty sure that I don't get to actually change whether my lymph nodes are positive for cancer through the powers of my imagination (and if SO....woo hoo I've got a lot of projects to get started on beginning with visualizing my mortgage as paid in full) AND I'm not too worried about my reaction to finding out yay or nay, I don't need to practice receiving the information.....I've had plenty of real practice recently at receiving important news.
Such a relief to vent the insanity and not feel like a crabby wet blanket.0 -
I laugh about it now, but when I told some new aquaintances that I had been called back after a routine Mammogram, they all jumped in with, eyes rolling, "Oh everyone I know has been called back, it never comes to anything!"
That was enough to set me off thinking, I have to be the exception, the one that makes the stats, and I was right. I saw one of these women recently and she floored me by saying "I don't believe you moved to this beautiful place to get sick and die from BC!" You'll be fine!
Gee, thanks Darl', I hope you're right about that one!0
