The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Barbe and aaoaao, I totally agree with you both. I had a friend who kept trying to convince me not to go through chemo and do the "alternative" methods of healing. I finally had to tell her that if she had to go through chemo, she certainly could go through the alternative and I wouldn't stop her, but I have to do what I think is right for me and what makes me feel more comfortable.
Speaking of chemo, tomorrow is my 3rd chemo round (Halfway Point, woohoo!!). Wish me luck everyone!0 -
Barbe - I just have to say I LOVE your caption below your texts. When I was first dx'd I kept telling everyone I felt like I fell off a cliff -- still do. I'm not afraid of hell cuz have already been there ! I don't like it when others say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "everything happens for a reason". Even my pastor doesn't like those expressions -- especially stuff happening for a reason ! Saying
shelly
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Yes I had a friend that wanted me to use this heat lamp that she used on her dog for his arthritis. She said it kills cancer better than chemo and if it was her she would be going the natural route!!! We are no longer friends as I no longer have any tolerance for idiots!!!!0 -
Wow Shoppygirl, a heat lamp cures cancer...maybe your friend should notify the media. I can definitely see why she's a former friend. People who don't have cancer can't really "know" what they would do. Things change when you're actually making those decisions. My sister once told me, during my first cancer go round, that if she had cancer she's sure she wouldn't do chemo and would let whatever happens happen. I told her she probably would feel very different if she really had to choose. She has two children that I KNOW she wouldn't just leave. I know she felt that way because she saw what I was going through and she didn't think she would be able to do it. I told her when you have to fight for your life and you want to fight for your life, you just do it. I will say fighting cancer does give you the "gift" of low idiot tolerance. Before we just put up with them, now we send them packing.0 -
aaoaao
Totally agree with you! I was kind of on the outs with her before the heat lamp issue. What sealed the deal was her telling a mutual friend that she did not want me at her birthday because it would be too depressing to have someone there with Cancer. Also that I ruined her husbands birthday by talking about having just been diagnosed at his birthday dinner. That she wanted it to be a happy event all about her!! I was glad to get rid of her. I saw her husband last night at a scouting event and he asked me how my husband and I were doing as my husband has stage 4 colon cancer. I almost said " Steve(my husband) is doing good, he is going for a ct scan next week to see if he is going to live but don't worry it is far enough away from your birthday that it won't ruin it"lol.the only reason I didn't say that was because the kids were there! But I wanted to !!
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Shoppygirl, from your last post, it sounded like your former friend had a problem, not so much her husband. You could have said "Let your wife know not to worry since it is far enough away from your birthday!"
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Shoppygirl, so sorry that you and your husband have so much to deal with and then to have to add dealing with idiots to that burden. Your former "friend" (not sure she ever could have been a friend) attitude toward you regarding her birthday party was just plain heartless. Most friends would WANT you there because there may not be to many more celebrations in the future you could share. Some people are just too unbelievable. I agree with you that saying "I'll try not to let my little medical issues ruin your birthday." would have been great. Too bad she wasn't the one there to lay into.0 -
Thanks! The good news is that we have many other friends that more than make up for one idiot!!!0 -
Hii I don't know what to do anymore because my hubby can't deal with my down there hair growing back.Now,my hair is growing back,on my head,he still wants the wig in bed. All he carea about is sex,everday,shaved down there,and long hair on my head. Long eyelashes,pretty,pretty pretty,I do this everyday,whether i'm tired,sick,I want to keep him,why? Idk anymore,nothing makes higaue m happy ,,he's angry and yelling all the time.I'm glueing on eyelashes,putting on makeup,wig,taking myself to radiation,supporting his son,cooking when I can.WWI'm getting really pissed off,if things where different,I would be taking care of him,reducing his stress,putting no pressure on him. What a bastard! complaining about alittle pubic hair growing in??We are not talking bush,tiny,little,fine , hairs I'm so thrilled to see post chemo.WTF,any hair growth means survivor,beating chemo,fuck what you shallow guys want,every hair means strenghth. Give us that,get pass your own desires,hellp?Ang
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My husband is also disappointed about the regrowth of pubic hair. I understand, cause I would keep it short but never groomed it away for him. That was a compromise we reached. We've been sexual partners for 40 years and it's a very important part of life for both of us, so we work together to find balance. He suprised me by loving my bald head, after I kept my hair long for years just to please him. Now my head hair is growing back and It is so soft he calls it my pelt and Iove it cause short hair is so comfy.
But that's not what I'm hearing from you. I'm sensing that you feel like you can't say no to him without him leaving. That no matter how bad you feel he is pressuring you to perform. This is not healthy.
My marraige almost broke up more than once, and we were saved by couples counselling. Even if you go by yourself, it will really help. I went through the phone book, later the internet and interviewed them on the phone, then we went together for a trial session. Ask what they can do to help, and what they can offer to improve the situation. Find someone you both can trust ,or at least imagine trusting.
I think this is one time in your life you should be totally in charge of your vajayjay and do what you want, and iif he isn't willing to work with you on keeping the sex within your limitations, then he doesn't deserve any lovin.
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Ang, I'm so sorry that your husband is treating you that way. I don't know what to say except that you deserve better. I don't even need to know you to know that. No one deserves that treatment. Cancer messes with your body image enough as it is and it seems as if your husband doesn't have the least bit of sensitivity to that. I don't believe that there is any "right" way to treat somebody with cancer but the response should include seeing you as a whole person and having respect for the difficulty of your situation. It doesn't sound like your husband is able to do that for you. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I think Jimmie's suggestion of counseling is a good one. It will give you a chance to reconnect with your husband or it will at least help you gain the strength you need to make some changes in your life. You deserve someone who will support you and see you for the beautiful person that you are, inside and out.
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Ang, could this be just for a short term while he is adjusting? Is he in denial and pretending you are okay now? Counselling WOULD help both of you. He HAS to accept the "new you" on your terms, not his!! Good luck, sweetie!
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One of my very first outings post BMX was to our staff Christmas party. I was feeling pretty good, had a pretty scarf wrapped around to sort of disguise my funky figure, felt nice to see people and receive their warm encouragement until I found myself sitting next to "Grandma" Elfriede, our elderly and hard -of-hearing volunteer. She happened to find one of those lovely lulls in the noise in the room, and then proceeded to shout to me, "Just think of all the money you will save since you don't have to buy bras now!"
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lol Trinity! People are so dumb!!!
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Well, then I told my parents about Grandma Elfriede's comment expecting sympathy or shaking their heads, but instead they laughed uproariously like it was the funniest joke they had ever heard. I just sort of blinked at them. Shrugs.
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Yes it is truly very sad that sometimes our own families cannot understand how difficult this is.
A week after I completed my chemo I went to Vancouver to visit my mother. She wanted to go shopping and I agreed as long as we were not going to be out all day as I was not feeling 100%. Her response to that was "why aren't you feeling well?"
The good news is that we are all here for each other on this site.
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Holy crap!! How true that no one gets it!! Humour like that is for US to use..not others. And as a double mast myself, I don't find that comment particularly funny.
When I went back to my all-male sales team, one of the guys said "Oh now you're more like one of us!" I replied, "Look out, I may have lost my breasts, but I found my balls!!" That is a joke that WE can make, not someone else!
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My sister sent me a text saying "Hey read that lemon is 10,000 times stronger at fighting cancer cells than chemotherapy." She continued by giving me the instructions... "You never know, it might help, wont hurt to try!"
My FIL argued with me over my treatments because that is not what they did with his mother and he then continued to tell me what my treatment should be...
And I was told that since my cancer was cut out with my Lx, that technically I don't have cancer.
Now I have my second Basal Cell Carcinoma in a year (the same year as my BC) and I've heard all about what I should or shouldn't do and my FIL AGAIN told me the treatment that I should or shouldn't have (cause he knows better then my surgeon)
Gahhh... and my skin cancer surgeon said 'If in doubt, cut it out!'... what the??
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becc--give your sister and your FIL your doc's phone number and tell them to call the doc and catch him up on their "obviously more scientifically stringent" research so EVERYONE can be saved by their discoveries.
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Becc
My FIL just sent my husband a email about how lemon kills cancer!!! Too funny! Not sure if my oncologist would agree!!
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This is a hoax. See article on Hoax slayer: http://www.hoax-slayer.com/lemon-cancer-cells.shtml
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I've been the recipient of that kooky lemon juice email too. I just brush it off because I know people are just ignorant about cancer. I've received emails from friends and family about all kinds of crazy "treatments" and I also received emails from a few folks who really encouraged me to do chemo after losing a family member who declined it in favor of some wacky alternative treatment. I love natural and alternative treatments but I used/use them in conjunction with Western treatments and I certainly don't buy into all of them. I used and use reiki, acupuncture, visualization, meditation, yoga, halotherapy, lymphatic massage and self-hypnosis before and during my treatment. But you better believe I was first in line for surgery, chemo and (soon to be) radiation therapy too.
I should mention that all the folks who sent me wacky "cancer cure" articles had never had cancer themselves. I'd be way more open to talking with a person who actually had cancer and decided against traditional therapies than I would a person who has never experienced the fear one feels when they are diagnosed. I read not too long ago about Jerry Hicks, who was one of the founders of what we might call the modern positive thinking movement (The Secret, etc.). He often gave lectures and would be approached by people with cancer. Apparently, he often told people with cancer that they needed to just "think positive" and there were cases where he actually encouraged people to decline Western approaches to treating their illness. Well, when Jerry himself was diagnosed with cancer, he went Western and took chemo. He eventually died from cancer. I don't think Jerry Hicks was an evil man. I think he was irresponsible but probably mostly well-intentioned. But this story really illustrates to me how different it is to talk to other people about it and how different it is to actually live it. And since 1 in 4 people will have cancer at some time in their life, I suppose many of these well-intentioned people who give us wacky suggestions for treatment will find themselves the recipients of "lemon juice" emails too.
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Hi all, one of the dumbest things I've heard came from my plastic surgeon. After all my surgeries and fat grafting to make the breast fuller I developed fat necrosis. I didn't know what was going on I just felt a new lump in both breast. I saw the gyn who sent me to get an ultrasound. The tech said lumps are all over both breast and even where my port was, she said it's nothing to worry about that it was fat necrosis but wanted me to see the surgeon and plastic surgeon. So I saw both of them in the same day. The surgeon said it could take up to 5 years to go away and sometimes surgically removed. The plastic surgeon never address it but wanted to do more fat grafting and schedule surgery asap to do it. Just dumb... fat necrosis is where the fat cells die why would I want him to put in more fat to die...smh.
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I received a "lemon email" just after my double mast from my step-mother with cc's to ALL her friends!! I did the evil thing, hit "Reply All" and said "Too late for me!!!!" I NEVER got that kind of email from her again.
It's so true about people who haven't had their name and carcinoma in the same sentence not understanding what we would do to get it out/off/dead/gone!!!
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barbe 1958, that was a great response which I am happy to have in my virtual toolbox. Thanks.
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People can be so insensitive, while at work last night, woman i was working with started to talk about death!!!!!!! i looked at her she said you have no more reason to die than us, us meaning the other person that was working with us, i know she didnt mean to be insensitive....but it sure did touch a raw nerve.....i feel every comment made although it hurts makes me stronger, onwards and upwards ...love to all ..kaza xxx
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Another dumb comment was after having the double mastectomy a woman at work says... I'll trade you any day of the week for smaller breast... she forgot how I got to get these smaller breast... duh. Wonder if she's willing to have taken the cancer too...
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Dlia, your co-worker's comment is one of the dumbest I've ever heard. She gets the prize for most insensitive comment.
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My friend is always telling me that "your chemo was over a year ago, you're done, it's behind you". Never mind that I still go in for regular(about every 4-6 weeks) IV tx of magnesium as I can't keep my level high enough.. then for Christmas she buys my pink ribbon socks. 3 pair.... LOL. Oh yeah, that will help me forget and put it behind me.... LOL.
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Moonflower912 - If a friend said my chemo is behind me, I think I might punch them, and I am 2 years out. I write a busy breast cancer blog and hear from hundreds of women who have post chemo trouble years later. That comment really makes me ANGRY!!
My neighbor is a living miracle - Stage 4 Lymphoma survivor of 12 years. She said it took her more than
5 years to start feeling better and for chemo brain to subside a little.
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