The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I was sitting in my bosses office without my bandana on, slowly introducing my bald head to the world, the secretary walks in and says "you look like an alien sitting there" with a chuckle and goes on. I have worked with her for 19 years, she never thinks before she talks, you can't fix it. I went home early 5 days after my first A/C treatment, the next day she asks if I figured out what was wrong with me. Maybe all those freaking chemicals in my body??? Can't fix stupid.
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Chico - OH SOOOO sorry about your dumb coworker!! No you can't fix stupid no matter what. What did you say when she asked did you figure out what was wrong with you? I'm just really getting tired (as I'm sure others are too ) when people love to talk about cancer as a major death sentence right to your face, but then the next day they might say how we will beat it. WTH?
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I'm getting pretty impatient with my friends who point out that I'm limping and ask how much longer that will last. I realize that most people who have a hip replacement recover very well, but I had a lot more than a hip replacement! The hip was replaced, part of the femur was replaced, a metal band was put around the femur (which caused bursitis), and I had radiation to the hip, femur, and ilium. The cancer may progress again to the area, too. When they ask about the limping, I just tell them that I'll always limp. Somehow, it makes me feel like I'm not trying hard enough, though.
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Shelly - I just told her the chemo caught up with me and I got kind of a dumbfounded "oh". Duh. I have found that 5 days after infusion is my worst time, I usually go home early, my boss recently told me that I might just want to stay home that day. Sounds good.
Sometimes I want to look at people and say "I know I will beat it, this time." Not an optimist about the eventual cause of my demise.
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Chico, guess that's all you can say and it's the truth !! I felt my worst at around day 3-4 after chemos. I would schedule it for Thursday, then would take off Fri-Sun. Most of the time that worked out. How many treatments are you in for -- then taxol? Rads?
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Will be doing my fourth and last AC tomorrow, then 12 rounds of taxol starting next Friday and 30 rounds of radiation, followed by 5-10 years on tamoxifen. I have to look at treatment as phases or it gets too overwhelming. As I was writing my phases down I thought surgery was a phase, I can check that off, diagnosis was a phase, done that. It just looked better to have check marks already. I love messing with my own head, so easy to do.
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Also had my beastie from college, that has not been to my house in 20 years, when I told her my dx said "now you will have to get rid of all the processed sugar in your house". That is like telling me I caused my own cancer. And over 5 years ago I did get rid of most of the processed sugar in my house! Decided that if I wasn't willing to make something from scratch when I had a sweet tooth then I probably didn't want it that bad anyway. It was part of my throw all the bad out campaign that went along with my divorce.
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Ladies, I am still amazed by the stupid comments that people come up with. Chico, I just opened a double chocolate pop tart. Mind you, someone left it here over a year ago "just in case" I might want it later. I rarely have anything of this nature in my house but darn it. Today I had a crappy day and I'm just going to go for it, lol. Hooray for you that you are at the end of this go round. I still have 5 to go and not looking forward to it.
Mary, maybe none of us are trying very hard. After all, it's all about the others who are uncomfortable with our dx and treatments. We don't want them to have to endure any more than is necessary.
I do believe that if it weren't for forums such as this, all of us would have lost our minds a long time ago! Hang in there.
Sue
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chicopeach5, your college friend should of been smarter but I bet she thought she was being helpful.
Good Luck with your last A/C...aka red devil...I hated that chemo, Taxol was easier for me. Your phase program is a smart way to cope.
What irritates me the most, is when friends tell me how I feel...ah...
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Ok, I did not have many stupid comments made about breast cancer, but got two now that I have endometrial cancer. From a "friend" who was told I had a hysterectomy. She called and asked how I was and asked not directly why, but actually asked "was there a reason you had a hysterectomy?" No a-hole. no reason at all. I didn't say that but I did say of course there was a reason, so then she had to grovel a bit and finally ask what the reason was. Can you imagine if it was a mastectomy?? was there a reason???? At the end of the conversation she said well I am glad it was caught early. I never said it was caught early and it wasn't caught early but I am not sharing that with her.
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Jelson, when I was first diagnosed with BC, people would always say to me that at least it was caught early. No, it wasn't. I never said it was. It's interesting how they just assume that.
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Mary - either in this thread or in others on BCO discussing people's reactions to our bc diagnoses, it has been speculated that this is a kind of self-protection, they are creating the story that they are comfortable with - and I think that this might be true.
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I agree, Jelson, that it may be a form of self protection. The word "cancer" has always frightened people - especially in times gone by when there were fewer diagnostic and treatment options other than surgery. I had several relatives die of various cancers in those days. I think there still the feeling that it is all fatal and that we are all very sickly. Those of us who can carry on life with some semblance of normalcy therefore "must have been caught early" otherwise we'd be feeble and wasting away just waiting to enter hospice care. It's a lack of knowledge on their part. IMHO.
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My male boss, when I told him I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer (and was in the pre operative tests stage), told me I had to give him 2 weeks notice before I could take time off to have any surgery done. Stupid, offensive, and probably illegal!
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What a prince you have for a boss Kathy. Time off? Like its a vacation? I am not surprised anymore about what people say but I do think the vast majority of people are frightened of the C word, as we are, and simply don't know what to say or as Mary suggests they are in self protection mode. I know when I told my family, especially my youngest son, I kept my game face on. I have not been dishonest with him but I just gave him the facts and kept my own inner fears to myself. He is 24. He did freak out right before my lumpectomy which is natural because I did the same thing when my mother was DX many years ago. She died a few years ago but not from BC. I just don't think there is a prepared script for people to respond to THE news. Both my sister and sister in law have BC and my first words were I am so sorry...whats the plan? Maybe having the C word myself makes me more capable of responding to someone else who has BC. I will admit though the friends who were there for me were there before and ditto with the ones who more selective in their support. I didn't expect nor did I want someone calling me everyday for an update or to see if I was still around. Fortunately no one did that. One of my neighbors told me she would have brought over food but she knows my husband cooks? Seriously? Of course he does but what does that have to do with anything and true to form she is one of those mothers who talks incessantly about her own kids and you cant get a word in edgewise about your own so I shouldn't have been surprised at her remark. The thing is the people I know who have BC aren't the ones, and I am sure there are a few, who called friends and family and report every detail of their doctors appointments, treatments, etc. So you know who your friends are but having BC is a heck of a way to find out who they are. Diane
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WOAH Kathy!!! What a jerk! Hoping you have gotten a new boss since then...
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Kathy, these people are clueless. Gosh, if you got the sniffles and called in sick, then what? Do you still need to give two weeks notice? That's one for HR to hear! The upside is that not everyone out there is so heartless. For as many bean heads out there, there are three times as many compassionate and caring people. Sue
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What I hate is the look in some of their eyes when they find out, it is filled with love but it breaks my heart. Would rather have someone else tell them or over the phone. I also posted it on facebook just to get it out there, someone commented "you are so brave to tell us", no actually I'm just protecting myself. My fb is on private btw. When I do talk so someone I feel that I have to give them the survival rate to reassure them "I have an 85% survival rate, just have to do my treatments and I'll be good". Not that I totally believe that number, but hey, sounds good.
Milehighgirl, what if it was a male coworker with prostate or colon cancer, would the same thing apply?
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Sounds like my former territory manager. Because I couldn't be around people because of my blood count, I asked for reasonable accommodations to work from home. She replied give her a desk somewhere... duh I have a desk. In the end I did get to work from home. Some people have no sympathy or empathy unless it happens to them.
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Chicopeach -- tks for letting me know what treatments you are doing. You said 12 taxols but do you know if your onc said dose dense and are these weekly treatments or spread out like every 2-3 weeks? I did 4 taxol dd and I think 28 rads with a "boost" of 5 more. I handled he AC much better than taxols but others say just the oppposite. Huggggzzzzzz-- Shelly
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Shelly56 they are weekly, so not dose dense I guess. Start on Feb 7, I'm going to enjoy my week off if the snow ever melts here!
Patti
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Quite the slew of comments. Wow. The worst I received was from my boss. I called him after my dx and told him my situation. He first asked if "it was life threatening" and then proceeded to tell me that lobular doesn't exist, nor does a partial-masectomy. I hung up the phone in shock.
When I returned to work after the weekend I found out I had BC, he sat me down and told me "you have a lump, its not painful. They will remove it, you will have a bruise and then come back to work". I couldn't respond. I just wanted to punch him. My lump WAS painful thus why I went to get it checked. Ugh.
2 and a half days after my operation he called me at home. Wanted to know how I was, was glad it went well etc. Then he said " when are you coming back?". I was flabergasted. I had a doctors note stating undetermined time for leave of absence. I told him I still needed radiation. He was in shock and said "I thought you said they got it all? Why radiation? How many more weeks is that now?"
There was no excuse for any of this. Our company deals with the medical field.
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Junipergirl, your boss has to be a contender for stupidest and most insensitive person of the year.
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My daughters boss made her wait two weeks before she could take time off for a biopsy on a painful lump. She came back to work the very next day after her biopsy and told the office mgr. that the diagnosis was cancer at which time the office mgr. handed her a written letter that she was being fired. The "boss" never said a word to her but did send her a gift basket and gift cards for her boys afterwards. Really??? Needless to say we contacted a lawyer and ended up with the Civil Liberty Union fighting her case. By the way, she worked for an orthodontist who was a good "man of the Morman faith". He is no longer in practice and settled out of court. Ladies, we have to fight and defend ourselves against these idiots that think they can get away with this crap!
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So glad you didn't let your DD's boss get away with that! What a jerk!
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Amen! KLJ. These people are so clueless and heartless. You are so right that we have to fight these beanheads if that's the only way to educate them. I'd love to sit on a jury when they're brought before the judge.
I have been so fortunate. I work parttime retail - my retirement job. I have a manager that says I'm like his mother, lol. We get along so well and he can vent to me without worry of my going to the owners or management. He calls me after every chemo treatment to see how I'm doing. He calls me on the weekends to see if I need anything. For a young man of 36 with a loving family to care for, I give him a lot of credit and praise God he's my boss.
So glad we have a place like this to vent as well. I can't imagine having to deal with people like you're having to. Maybe we should set up a website that people can go to to read about these people. Let it go viral like I see every day and let them explain it to their friends and family!
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just having read the posts about people being fired when they told their boss about their bc diagnosis, I stumbled on this news item about a woman who is now suing because her boss fired her when informed of her esophageal cancer diagnosis.
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Crazy. Just think someone is married to these selfish bastards and they have offspring.
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junipergirl -- does your boss go by the name "Lucipher" or has horns and carries a pitchfork??
Shelly
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A lot of what you guys are describing as dumb is illegal. You may want to talk to a lawyer. There seems to be some evil bosses out there!!!!
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