The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Amen school counselor. All of these things are illegal. Document EVERYTHING these people are saying. Don't tell them you're writing everything down because the element of surprise is what wins the case. I'm so sorry you all have to deal with these pin heads in the meantime. I would love to be on a jury that decides their fate. Ditto for those who write stories for the local 6:00 news for all the world to hear.
Blessings. Sue
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MaryLW & Shelly 56 - he is no longer my boss now .. I quit !!
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If any of you are having a hard time with the job contact L.I.N.C. Legal Information Network for Cancer.
They helped me when my husband had cancer and the job was giving me a hard time about being off.
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Hi ladies
First of all, I cannot believe that someone would be fired for having BC! Totally illegal ! What is wrong with people???
So my mother in law is not know for her tact or empathy. She is quite a pampered woman who used to be a stay at home mom but now spends her days playing tennis or shopping or doing whatever she wants. This is not an issue for me as what she does is really none of my business. What I do have an issue with is her stupid comments. Yesterday was my 43rd birthday and a year since my dx. I ended up talking to her and she asked me how old I turned. When I told her she said "I remember when I was 43, I was in the prime of my life and never felt better! "
I mean here I am, still recovering from treatments, just had on ooph last Thursday, my DH has stage 4 colon cancer and my 15 year old son has Aspergers and I work full time as a stressful job ! Do I really need to hear about how wonderful your life was when you were my age ? To make matters worse when I spoke to my mother later she said almost exactly the same thing!!!!
I guess it doesn't occur to her to be tactful or empathetic as even though we have a lot going on we are doing really well (DH and I are both NED and son is awesome) but really, use your brain before you speak!
Thanks for letting me rant
Hugs to all.
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shoppygirl--sounds like your Mom has some early dementia. Or terminal egocentricity.
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Shoppygirl, Happy Belated Birthday....sorry your Moms are so self involved...
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Ladies
Thank you! That is the great thing about these boards! It's a wonderful place to vent!!
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The stupidest thing I heard was from a "friend"/work colleague after diagnosis She said, "You'll look back and wonder why you made such a fuss" I was very stoical and wasn't aware of making any fuss. I have only now cut this woman out of my life Why didn't I do it sooner
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derxa
Good for you for making the wise decision to remove that woman from your life. I too have had someone say something similar to me.
A lady that I know through my kids school was diagnosed with bc at the same time as me. I choose the most aggressive treatments available, bmx, chemo, rads , ooph and also tamoxafin. Even though her bc was more aggressive than mine and it went to a lymph node, she choose only to have a lumpectomy and nothing else. She saw me one day at school as I was going through chemo and said " aren't you glad this is over? Don't you wonder what the big fuss was about? " Really? People are so stupid!
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Some people are just plain clueless.
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Is she serious... we all have been diagnosed with breast cancer, but even with our diagnosis none of us had the exact same diagnosis and procedures. We all have different doctors who recommend different treatment plans and even in that plan we all don't react to the treatment side effects the same. Maybe she doesn't realize there are people that didn't survive even at the state the cancer she was diagnosed with... so instead of her wondering what the fuss was about maybe she should be thankful for living to see another day.
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Dlia
From what she told me her oncologist highly recommended chemo, rads and Tamoxafin due to it being grade 3 and also having a macro met in the lymph node. She decided to go the holistic route and take vitamins, eat clean and exercise. Her thinking was that the lumpectomy removed the cancer so that was enough. I also feel she does not understand how serious it is to have BC especially because she has two young kids. She also mentioned to me that because she was such a healthy person that she felt the chemo would be particularly hard on her so that was another reason for not doing it. I remember thinking if she is such a 'healthy person' then how did she end with cancer in the first place! Lol! .
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If
she is too healthy for chemo, how indeed did she get the cancer in the first
place?I pray her approach works for
her, or she is in that lucky statistical set that wouldn't have had a
recurrence without treatment.And I pray
that 20 years from now she is not facing brain or bone mets.And I pray for her children.0 -
You'd think the logic would be that a healthier person would handle chemo better!!!! Warped thinking for sure....
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Denial can be a powerful thing.
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I am new to this journey and so far my friends and family have been terrific and have said all of the right things. However, a few years ago, a coworker of mine said something incredibly stupid to another coworker going through chemotherapy. Worker A said to worker B (wearing a wig), "Oh let me see your bald head" They were alone and for whatever reason, worker B took off her wig (probably in shock) and Worker A said, "Oh you have such a beautiful shaped head. " Worker A was very proud that she made Worker B feel so good about herself, and told everyone what she had said and done. (Worker B was a pretty shy girl, and not one to talk too much about her cancer or take off her wig spontaneously.) We were all stunned. When somebody told Worker A what a dumb thing that was to do, she protested and said that Worker B should be proud of her beautiful head and we were all wrong to chastise her.
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shoppygirl - It sounds like your coworker is in denial & that's usually a sign of somebody who is too afraid to face the reality of a situation. I hope that she is okay - because I would not wish complications or God forbid mets on anybody. It's hard though because some people who don't go through chemo hell, etc. end up being just fine & it doesn't seem fair after all that we have gone through to try to insure that. Bottom line - you did what it made sense to do no matter how hard that was & you should feel good about that.
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IMHO, Rosebud, the problem is that worker A should have kept that encounter private and not told anyone about it.. She asked in a private setting and it should have remained private.
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Thanks Ziggy
I feel very good about the fact that no matter what happens in the future I have done everything I can to prevent a recurrence. Beyond that I have no control, just the peace I feel having been so aggressive with my treatment choices.
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Yep shoppy girl - I am not a religious person, but I try to repeat the serenity prayer each day because it reminds me that we only have so much control - but it sure seems that we should take that control that we do have over our own lives.
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I am new to the forum and just started a thread about stupid things people say, and was directed to this thread by the moderators. Now I don't feel so amazed, when I read some of the things posted here lol. (My inlaws likened my having a really tough time with the SE's of chemo as "oh nausea? You mean it's like being pregnant and having morning sickness?" (Underlying message, so what are you complaining about, it can't be that bad). I think the worst though are the Positivity Police. I went through a very severe period of depression prior to my diagnosis, and all I can hear is that I basically brought cancer upon myself because I am such a "negative" person, and if I don't have a more positive attitude, I won't be able to beat it.
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Deblc
Welcome!
I too have had the unfortunate experience of having an ignorant person compare going through treatment like being pregnant and having a baby.
Mine was when I went back to work after being off for six months after chemo. A 'friend' said to me several times "it must be like when you go back after maternity leave" uh huh, exactly the same! Lol. This must be why I screen her calls, I can only take so much stupidity !
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Shoppygirl, I just didn't know people could be so clueless ...I am screening a lot of calls and visitors myself nowadays lol.
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....and there you go! Worker A made Worker B's cancer all about herself! You see this all the time...sadly.
Was stunned to get an email response from my brother yesterday that ended up with his commenting about my "disease du jour", (meaning disease of the day). Wow! I pray to God that his wife or two daughters don't ever go through even half of what I have!!
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Welcome Deblc. You'll find a lot of terrific support here. You'll also find some unbelievable stories from "the dark side" lol. Every time I think I've heard it all, I hear another story. I've decided that I'm going to try to feel sorry for these people because they are so clueless. Maybe praying for God to give them a brain and even a little bit of compassion might take the sting out of their stupid comments! Sue
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Welcome Deblc!! I have also gotten the comparison to morning sickness. I probably posted about it earlier in the thread. It was also like a slap in the face because along with my cancer diagnosis was the loss of the opportunity to have more babies. Telling someone who can't have kids (yet desperately wants them) that their chemo is like being pregnant is one of the top 10 most hurtful things in my book.
Oh and someone else told me I got breast cancer because we "store trauma in our bodies" and I should deal with my traumas and issues. And that if I woke up every day and said, "I am well," that I wouldn't need surgery or chemo or any other treatment.
You will like it here, lots of great info & support.
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I wonder what trauma is stored up to cause appendicitis?
I wonder if people with bad knees could avoid surgery by saying "I am well" every day?
And, of course, none of those people EVER catch a cold or the flu, right?
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Come to think of it Native, people like this should NEVER have anything at all go wrong. They should NEVER experience the cold of winter or the the heat of summer. They should NEVER face any discomfort at all. After all, its all in "how you look at it" therefore everything should be 100% utopia all the time.
Eeeck, so much for "positive thinking".
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I love this thread.
My brother, who is 43: 'Before you go back in for your next breast surgery, in case you die in the hospital, will you make me a batch of baked potato soup? Matter of fact, you almost died last time. Better write out the recipe before you go in this time. That way Mom can make it for me.'
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bobo, where did your brother get the idea the world revolves around him? Or is he just trying to be funny in a warped kind of way? You might think about telling him that right now you are too concerned about fighting for your life to even think about soup, that when you win that fight you will be concentrating on thanking those who have supported you and helped you face that battle.
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