The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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That would be great. Let me know next time you are anywhere near here and I'll PM my phone number, etc. I'd love to meet up with you
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Aww, Valentina. Your husband sounds like a dear. You both must be so scared. Nobody can tell you what to feel, but it sounds to me like he wants you to choose life.
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Hey Valentina! Bella asked me to share this for you. 😊❤️
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snickersmom- why don’t you have to have mammograms anymore? My sister had a MX and she still has them. Just so you know she was 4 years out when she had a recurrence on the chest wall near the MX scar. Just saying.
I had a lumpectomy. At least my tumor was on the outside so not quite as obvious.
Rosabella- Alzheimer’s disease is an insidious disease. My MIL had it for 10 years before she died.
Diane
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Hi Snickersmom My husband too said something similar .Hey how come you are looking younger than before .I knew he meant it because after mastectomy the flat chest creates an optic of slimmer version of you and your overall posture also improves .
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thank you so much ColleenS80, Bella and mustlovepoodles 💗
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Edwards750 - I don't have mammograms anymore because there is nothing there. I didn't have reconstruction. I will have CT scan and/or MRI but that's it. There isn't anything to mammogram.
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I am reading these and just want to stand up and CHEER. Can I add to the mix of stupid things people have told me?
1. Your work stress gave you cancer.
2. Coffee enemas will cure you! (They will also get caffeine up my butt. Could this impact gas?)
3.Cancer can be a positive experience. Embrace it! (Facepalm. The person who told me this also was one of those very judgemental "i'm spiritually more evolved than you" types who, ironically, struggled with anger management.)
4. Chin up. (I mean, eff you. Eff to the eff to the effity eff you scone-eating, BLT chewing, Coke-drinking and not-with-cancer arbiter of my post-life-threatening diagnosis mood.)
5. (Across a crowded cafe, in which I was seated and drinking coffee with three friends. I did not know this man.) "HEY! DO YOU HAVE CANCER?" I was like, What? And he, like many men,arms akimbo, walked over and started mansplaining about HIMSELF and how he'd conquered stage IV lymphoma and skin cancer, all with his hands in his pockets and standing in the middle of my girl-tribe.
6. You have breast cancer? My sister/mother/aunt had it and died. (This is such an unbelievably terrible thing to say. I have no words.)
Thank you for letting me rant, and thank you for all the posts. In shaking-my-fist solidarity,
Jojo
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Omg Jojobird,
I'm sorry you've had to hear such awful things, but I gotta say you have a witty, comical way of ranting. I just woke up, got on here, and spit my OJ on #'s 2 and 4 above! When I saw "scone eating, blt chewing coke drinking..." that's when it happened. Just glad I didn't have a full bladder! 😉
You should be submitting to op/ed pages in all the major papers!
Vickki
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Jojobird- so I could have avoided a BMX just by doing coffee enemas?? Would that be hot coffee or ice coffee? Decaf or regular? Black or with cream and sugar? Geez, so many choices I would have had!!
Ya gotta love it!
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Ctmbsikia--I am a Hospice Nurse and work with a lot of families facing Alzheimer's and other dementias. It is a whole new set of skills to learn, and a whole lot of remembering that the loved one simply cannot remember like before. So hard, so sad. So many people are surprised to learn that these diseases are physical diseases, that cause physical changes in the brain structure.
Valentina7--I don't think there is any way to be scientifically sure of any cause of cancer. Sometimes someone just has to have a reason they can grasp for their own sanity. You did not do anything to cause this to happen to you.When I read what your husband said to you I hear a man acknowledging he can't feel exactly what you feel, and trying to tell you or reassure you that you are very, very important to him and he doesn't know how to handle the tears and sadness and fear that you are facing.
GREAT PIC!
Jojobird--1 and 2 just make me laugh now. 3 and 4 through 6 make me look at people and think (or, very rarely, say) "Really?"
OK, I am a nurse, and like many nurses LIVE on coffee. If coffee was the cure, I should NEVER have gotten bc in the first place! Unless there is some mysterious substance in coffee that only works when administered by enema, of course.
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I don't like coffee itself as a drink (I don't think I would like it as an enema either!) but I drank a lot of tea and ate a lot of broccoli and blueberries and organic cocao powder.
According to this new MRI report, I have very dense breasts. That might have something to do with getting breast cancer but I wouldn't have known how to grow fatty ones.
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Vslush and Nativemaine,Glad I made someone laugh. I swear I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at some of these! Thank you for the compliment.
Snickers, I know, right? Coffee enemas are the hidden “cure” that the “medical industry doesn’t want you to know.” Why do you think doctors take such long lunches? They are all ordering their Venti cappuccinos and then stuffing them up their butts. Shhhhh!
WC3, I too have dense breasts. Thankfully, this does not implicate our minds. Dense breasts open up room for increased brain tissue. This is my absolutely unscientific and determined opinion.
LOVE OUT
Jojo (ranting) bird
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I am so tired of people asking me if I am going to "go big" with my implants, or blithely saying that I'll have the boobs of an 18 year old when I'm done. When I tell them that my foobs have absolutely no sensation, that usually gives them something to think about.
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Dad: Where did she go?
Mom: She's on a Retreat.
Dad: What are they treating her for now?
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Readyabout, Yes! The “How big are you going to go" question!! Luckily most times that I'm asked that is with over the phone or through messaging so they can't see the shitty look on my face lol. I've tried to explain so some of the people asking me but they don't get it and end up asking me again. And yes, telling them that there is no sensation really should put it into perspective.
I have to admit though, I was naive about being able to pick a size in the beginning.
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Neighbor: Did you breastfeed?
Me: No.
Neighbor: Mmmm hmmmmmm, see I told my sister-she got breast cancer too and I didn’t, and I breast fed and she didn’t.”
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ColleenS80, so that’s how I got it!! I didn’t breast feed either of my kids so I should have gotten it in both!
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TWills, right?!
MexicoHeather-that made me LOL 😂
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damn, somebody forgot to mark my 3 years of breast-feeding in my book! Otherwise I wouldn't get BC for sure!
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The breastfeeding thing is true insofar as reducing risk but I don't get why people think these things are somehow like impenetrable shields. You can do all the right things and still get cancer. I'm an IBCLC & I would still tell women that breastfeeding offers protection against breast cancer because it does.
But yeah, my breastfeeding records must have been lost. I breastfeed for many, many years; breastfed right through pregnancy of the next kid & tandem nursed.
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I may have said this before but if so, just ignore me.
Anyway, what I REALLY get tired of is when people ask me, "So...you're cured, right?" I know they want definite good news and that they care about me but the snarky side of me always answers: "Check with me on my deathbed. At that point, I'll know whether or not I've had a recurrence of the cancer."
Shock is generally the response and I explain gently that to be honest, there is NEVER any way of knowing whether or not I'm "done" with cancer. I'm just doing everything I can (and then some) and living my life.
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I have to tell people I will always be at higher risk for BC or recurrence of BC.
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Ive heard lots of the same things you all have heard. None if it bothers me much. I understand saying something without thinking or even if someone is insensitive. What bothers me more is when people say nothing and show no interest or concern cause why?. I just dont understand.
Gailmary.
PS. I feel so good I could almost forget I have mbc
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Out of the five women in my family who got breast cancer, only two never had kids/never breast fed.
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To the "are you cured?" questions, my answer to them is always: "so far so good." Then I immediately knock on wood.
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I was diagnosed young and found out right before my husband and I were going to start trying to have kids. People always ask if I have kids or am going to. I find it absolutely obnoxious when I say no and they then ask "why not"?. It's none of your damn business. Perfect strangers will ask such personal questions. Some people are so ignorant.
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MeToo14:
I've asked if people have kids and I've asked young adults if they want kids but I've never asked why someone doesn't have kids or why they don't want them if they say they don't....I always thought asking a someone why they don't have kids or why they don't want them was intrusive and really putting them on the spot, like what do they expect the person to say, "Oh let me tell you all about my gynecological/fertility/relationship issues!"?
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I recently had a friend tell me he is not visiting me because it’s difficult for him to see me in this state (post-mastectomy, undergoing chemo, bald with no eyebrows or eyelashes). I was speechless.
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Inna, I have the feeling there are some people who are afraid to visit! But they don't have the guts to say the reason.
I even caught myself sayin a few times "and don't be afraid to call on me, I look pretty normal"
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