2010 Sisters
Comments
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Hi there. I see some of you are really struggling right now. Can I just offer a great big huge (but really gentle) hug to all of you? I know first hand how horrid and frightening and unnerving all this is. I also know how amazing and strong and incredible you all are! Just hang in there. Each day does get a bit better. Every tomorrow looks a little different. The caring and loving words on this website make this all a little more bearable. My sincere thanks to all of you for that.
take good care and just breathe. . .
Teklya
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thank you.....
it's a little more bareable tonight after all.
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Adding my hugs to the group. I'm tired. So sayin' g'nite and pretty dreams to everyone.
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Amy Jo & Barbara ...sending warm thoughts your way and count me in on the group hug.
Amy Jo - I know just what you mean about receiving only bad news. I felt that way too. First, it was just a small tumor & would most likely need simple lumpectomy followed by some rads. Turned out it was twice the size originally told. Ultra Sound of the nodes looked good but turned out there were 2 microscopic cells on 2 of the 8 nodes removed. Then it was the HER2+ which meant chemo. Oh my... the blows just kept coming. Finally, and it took a while, I was able to digest all of it and came up with my plan - my plan was to do what I could to get rid of the cancer. I know I felt better once all the questions were answered and I was attacking the horrid disease. Hopefully you will soon be transformed to that attack mode. Made me feel better because I felt like I was in control - not the cancer.
I had a complete hysterectomy in 1995 and was put on an anti depressant at that time. I wasn't really sad or down but just not quite myself and the Dr said it was the change in hormones. In a few weeks I realized I must have been a lot more down that I thought because suddenly the sun was a little brighter, my thoughts and goals a little clearer, I slept better and worried less, the list goes on... My point is, the right anti-depressant can make all the difference and especially in a life changing ordeal as BC. The 2nd time I was hospitalized (after the 2nd chemo - chemo didn't cause it, just aggravated an ongoing digestive problem), the hospital Dr changed all my meds around including changing my anti-depressant. I didn't think too much of it at the time but did find myself crying alot, worrying alot, just in a dark place. This is after the chemo was complete and my hair was starting back in, my blood counts were slowly going back to normal - a time when I should have been celebrating but was definitely not. I was so extremely sad that I was nearly paralyzed with it. Suddenly it came to me - that Dr had changed my anti-depressants and it took all these weeks for the old to completely leave my system and the new to show me how it sooo was not working for me. That day I began the change back to my original Rx and within a week I began to pull out of that dreadful sad and scared place ...not a place I ever want to be again. There are a lot of meds available so hopefully, Barbara, you will find a good Dr who will know just the right one to try.
Seems I am always checking in & writing my notes at late night but that is when I can gather my thoughts - better get to sleep - Night all.
Louise
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amy joe- sending you hugs and prayers and a big box of dishes to break.
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Hi there; just back from a Yoga class designed for cancer survivors. It was amazing! It is restorative stretches so the poses were manageable and so comforting. Just being in a room with those folks and relaxing and letting my poor body relax with gentle stretches was incredible! I hope you all get to experience this if at all possible.
take good care and just breathe. . .
Teklya
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now that the group huggggggggggggg worked....and all the dishes are broken how about a big box of DARK CHOCOLATE..to share. each bite you take say a prayer for someone who is hurting more then you are.im doin it now...........lets go girls.........i only have dove dark chocolate.inside the wrapper it says. LIVE FROM YOUR HEART.IT WILL NEVER STEER YOU WRONG.luv ya my sistas.God bless.
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granny- I'm sending you a chocolate lip-smacking BIG hug!
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designerMom..back at ya.and everyone else
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Great reason to eat those dark chocolate peanut butter cups (trader joes) I put too high for me to reach… well not if I stand on a stool. Looks like I'll be eating chocolate and thinking of all of you, especially amy joe.
Survived the oncologist today. Looks like only 6 rounds. Depending on when my PS lets me start I could be done a few weeks after my 50th birthday. Might not be a bad birthday present.
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Hang in there sisters. Sending warm hugs to all and dark chocolate doves to all. The yoga sounds very relaxing. Wish we all could join.
Cathy
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Dark Chocolate...my absolute favorite! The doc said I need to gain the 15 pounds I lost and he doesn't care how I do it. I think a box of Godiva is how I will start!!!!
I had my port placed today. Had no idea how sore my throat would be. Hurts to swallow - not sure if this is normal. Although I didn't feel any pain during the procedure, I was alert through out - not by choice! The doc didn't think I would need a lot of "happy juice" because I don't generally take meds and because of my weight - surprise!!!!
I'm hoping I made the right choice with the port. The nurse did have to stick me twice for the IV, so maybe I did.
Thank you for your prayers and hugs. Love and peace to all...goodnight.
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Jag -Will you be having herceptin for a year? That may be why the port was recommended.
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The Herceptin was the reason. Otherwise I would have opted to tough it out with the IV's. 6 rounds of TCH and a year of Herceptin. The first 18 weeks will be weekly for the Herceptin.
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jag-->I've heard somebody else complain about difficulty swallowong with the port, and her doc told her that was normal and that it would go away in a week or so--and it did. But you can always call about it if you are uncomfortable.
My port was sore for a few days, then after another couple of weeks I hardly even noticed it was there. I was a little self concious about it, at first, but now I don't even think about it when I'm getting dressed---course that may be because I'm missing a breast and that makes dressing more of a challenge! Anyway, hopefully soon you will hardly notice its there, and don't forget it's great for scans too!
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Thanks for all the love, broken dishes and chocolate. I have been in a dark place for a day. That is a foreign place for me. I have not been there in about 30 years. I have always been the strong positive encouraging member of my family and the other day after the dr appointment I just kept thinking I cann't do this. Your loving support and encouragement have helped me get out of that dark place and into some light. I start Chemo next Tuesday. My onco said he was not going to write me off and he wanted me to keep fighting too. He told me what I would be getting, but I don't remember what they were. We will start with one and see how my body handles it then add a second one to the mix. I will get the port in this Thursday or Friday. Do any of you know what a MUGA test is? I am supposed to have one of those tomorrow.
I had a friend come stay with me today and she drove me around to run a few errands and then made me take a nap before we went to the onco this afternoon. I am headed to bed and thank you all for the love and support you always give. Enjoy your chocolate and a big hug to all of you.
PS the rocks in the pond sort of worked, just not a noisy as the dishes against the side of the house. I think I like the noise.
Joy and blessing,
Amy Jo
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Hi Jag
I had my port placed yesterday. They don't go in your throat but they do go in your neck. When I first had it done I thought my throat hurt but realized it hurt when I swallowed because because itpresses on the side of your neck.I have been having alot of pulling and when the anesthetic blocks wear off it hurts even more but it is so worth having it.
I hope you do well with all your treatments.
Take care and pink hugs
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Amy jo - I had a MUGA scan a couple of weeks ago to check my heart to see if it was strong enough for the chemo. Its a real easy test they put a IV line in and take some of your blood and but radation in it then but it back in your arm and this machine takes pictures of you heart for 10 min. while you lay still hope that helps.
Good Luck
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Amy Jo - I also had a Muga, it is a heart function test done before and during chemo to test the heart and check to see if the chemo is doing any damage to the heart. Its a safety precaution. Yes a lil more of the isotopes (the expensive lil suckers you hear about) and wait for I think it was 15 mins and just lay there and relax while the machine takes pictures. Nothing to that one, its an easy one. Good Luck your treatments, I start chemo Friday. We'll do it together. ((HUGS)))
Cathy
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I didn't have a MUGA but an echocardiogram. This uses ultrasound to measure heart function. My office does the MUGA is they see a drop in function on the echo first.
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Thanks for the information on the Mugs. I won't have to worry about that one. I will update everyone after the visit with the dr that will be putting in my port. They tell me it will be on the inside of my upper arm. I think I may insist on a different location as I think that placement will drive me nuts and I don't need anything else that will make me any crazier than I already am.
By the way the friend that stayed with me most of yesterday got all the dishes she could from our BUNCO group so I now have a new full box. YEAH! Ready for the next step.
Hope all of you are having better days and getting plenty of rest with out any bad dreams.
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Amyjo - My lumpectomy was on the right so my port is on the left. My surgeon told me to mark an area that doesn't interfere with my bra strap and that it is over the boney chest as much as possible. So I marked an area inside (toward the middle) of my bra strap. My surgeon said he could put a picc line in the arm but he recommended the chest port. The catheter from either of them still has to end up near the heart in the vena cava I think. If possible I would get a second opinion about the port placement. It is 'easy' for the nurses to access the chest port duing chemotherapy.0
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Jag : I had a port for two reasons. First, I had a few nodes removed on one side and, although the chances are slim, I'm worried about lymphedema in that arm. So that leaves only my right arm for any future pricks. Second, I have to have Herceptin for a year. I'm figuring I'll be getting about 24-26 treatments altogether. The port will definitely save my veins. My surgeon, who specializes in placing ports, put mine into my jugular vein. However, it looks like it's right under my bra strap. Since I'm on the small side , I've been able to get away without a bra as long as I wear print shirts.
I also cut my chin length hair short about a month ago. I'm on Day 8 of treatment #1 and my hair has been looking "dead" for a couple of days now. I expect to lose it soon.
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Jag- I thought I had a sore throat and was getting sick after I got my port, but yes, it was the catheter that goes into the neck. It bugged me for 3 or 4 days and then I got used to it. It is a strange feeling. Worry not, though, after you heal, the port is a blessing.
AmyJo - hugs, when you run out of plates again I'll go to the Goodwill and get you some!
BarbaraA - hugs, maybe you can take up the plate throwing? I'll bring you some from the GW! I'm thinking of you relaxing and taking a long, barefoot walk on the beach.
Grannydukes - you're the best! you make me laugh every day!
Dark chocolate, plate throwing, yoga calming thoughts to everyone!
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AmyJo - so glad you got a new supply of dishes. You're right though, the noise is very satisfying. Jag - with you on gaining weight. I weighed 123-126 for 30 years (5'3") and now I weigh 108. It HURTS my butt to sit on a park bench because my padding is gone!! Teklya - I do yoga myself when I can motivate myself but doing it with other survivors sounds great. I'll check it out.
So Shelley and Louise and sistas - Left a message at a shrink late yesterday to schedule an appt. We'll see what she comes up with as far as an anti-depressant. Also, night 2 of melatonin 2MG and I slept 5 hours in a row then went right back to sleep for another 2 hours! Seems to be working or else I'm in the phase that happens after I have been getting no sleep and my body just collapses for 5-6 hours. Hopefully, it's working. I will up the dosage after I take it for a week.
Thanks for being here for me!
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good mornig girls
im so glad i make everyone laugh.today just began so all im gonna say isGod bless each and every one of you.Cyber sistas we are but we are really soul sistas.God put us all together for a reason.im sayin a prayer for each and every one of you right now.
hugggggggggggs
K
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grannydukes- You are a blessing to each and every one of us. Your a very special lady and somewhat of a team cheerleader. We love you! (((Hugs))) from me and I'm sure many of your sistas. I love how you tell it!
Hope everyone is doing well today!
Cathy
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Well put tryn2staycalm, I agree!!!0
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Let me add my RAH-RAH as well!
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Hate to complain about my port, but I can't believe how sore and very uncomfortable I am. The nurse and the Doctor told me I should be back to doing "normal" things today (the day after). I couldn't sleep last night and it hurts to walk today. Hoping this gets better soon.
I think the reason BC affects us like it does is because we are strong women. We are the ones that look after others. We take charge - we are the ones in control and then BC comes along and we no longer are in control and it's hard for us to be the ones that need to be cared for.
I was asked today how long my treatment was going to be and when I said 18 weeks for the 6 treatments my co worker seemed alarmed and asked why so long. I said that doesn't include the 9 months of Herceptin after chemo and radiation. I started to dwell on how long this is really going to be. I ended up leaving work early and coming home to sleep...in a chair. I have never left work early, but today I just had too.
I always seem to ramble on.....one more thing before I let you go - My son's 4th grade teacher sent a card home to see how I was doing. He goes to a Catholic school and she said that every day when the kids pray Gabe always prays for me and for his moms new sisters!
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