A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
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Lita, finding peace and allowing oneself to flow with it,
however it changes and grows, is a true gift. Thanks for sharing your word for
the year. I also want to share my concerns about how your palliative care
doctor approaches the issue of medical marijuana, particularly with regard to “getting
in trouble.” How might moral courage
enlighten this doctor’s practice regarding this issue? How many of us have
fought against injustice in spite of apprehension over getting into trouble?
How might risk be shared? What about the possibility of developing work-arounds
in order to reduce risk and to promote clients’ knowledge base about an
especially confusing issue like medical marijuana? I could go on, but I suspect you grasp my larger
meaning. Having said all that, I have to admit that I am not a doctor, and
every doctor must decide for her- or himself what’s worth fighting for and
against and how honest they wish to be about making that decision.Bluebird, thanks for sharing the beautiful photo. I felt
immediately enLIGHTened. And a comment about the timing behind choosing hospice:
Sometimes people are simply overwhelmed by the prospect of having so many team
members swarming* their homes and inserting* themselves into their personal and
interpersonal lives (*words I heard when working with hospice). One option is
to choose hospice early enough that one can insist on a lower frequency of
visits (when the needs aren’t so many and so intense), which allows getting to
know the team and setting boundaries that are important. Often the person who
is ill may not need hospice support as much as the family members do, at least in
the beginning. (I am not assuming that the above necessarily applies to you/your family, but
your comments stimulated my thinking and mentioning.)Kaption, “But, we have to
let it go. We can only do so much.” Very powerful ideas lie behind those very
simple words. One of the thoughts that immediately came to mind is how to let go
of control—not only over our own outcomes but also others’ outcomes. We
nurture, support, hope, teach, share, you-name-it, but ultimately we have to
let go of attachment to outcome. Easier said than done, often painful process.Kattysmith, I agree with you: those words are incredibly
powerful and profound. I read them over and over when I first found that poem. I’m
glad they touched you.And some thoughts about emotionally distancing ourselves
from others…. I make a distinction between intentionally holding back and
withdrawing versus the experience of becoming more inward than outward oriented
as so many do when they are in the latter stages of life. When we pull away
from others in order to spare them hurt, who are we most protecting? Is it
possible that we are comforting ourselves with the illusion that we are sparing
others pain? Should we remind ourselves that allowing connection with others in
spite of—and perhaps in part because of—the inevitable separation brings us
opportunities that will enrich both our lives and theirs—and that the
enrichment and legacy building far outweigh the sorrow and grief of loss? Do we
stop to consider how those who are left behind after we die may wonder about
the lost connection and opportunities and question why they weren’t worthy of
deeper connection?As always, in lovingkindness. I remain grateful to
receive all your updates via email and to be part of this topic as I am able.
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Brenda - I appreciate the consideration you voiced. I have these in mind too. Will I like the nurse assigned to my case. Especially since that nurse will almost always be the one coming. Which I do like the continuity, but the other side is if we don't get along. I have chosen the palliative program for now. That will introduce us into the program and hospice will be an easier transition and quicker as needed.
I can tell my sister is having a hard time with this reality. I wish I could help her let go but the things is she would be here basically alone and I would be gone. I am going on a wonderful journey and she is staying behind for now. It's hard when I look at it from her shoes. I moved to Pennsylvania once and she stayed here but we got to see one another a lot and talk on the phone too. And still we missed one another.
With my sister, now I am even closer. My brother, he moved further in his presence and his emotions. DGG, she is so busy w her young life I hope to see her on weekends. With Hubby, he is the same. I don't know if he is in denial or just figure it is perfection the way it is. W DD who is in denial, we are closer anyway.
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LindaLou - this is the place I order the raw CBD CBDA oil from http://www.phytopluscbd.com/organic-cbd-hemp-extra...
In the Netherlands. Legally shipped to US.
I am editing my previous post to take the MJF info off the site, I think they pulled a huge scam using his name, I fell for it. But my first oil choice is my favourite anyway.
Diane
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This is kinda off topic, but I had one of those insomnia nights last night, and this is where my mind wandered b4 I finally drifted off for a couple of hours....
This Strain A H3N2 flu is a doozy. They do the "death counts" every day on the news for our surrounding counties. Most of the people who have died are UNDER the age of 65. I bet a lot of them didn't have their "affairs in order" before they passed. I mean, geez, who would have anticipated a couple of weeks ago getting the flu and then DYING?! I've heard it can go from bad to worse to death VERY quickly. Two of my friends were hospitalized. They both are recovering, but that's only because their families acted quickly.
I feel for the families of the flu victims. If they didn't have their affairs in order, it will be a nightmare. Lots of people take care of their banking, credit card, insurance, etc. biz online now. All those user id's, passwords, access codes...sheesh. When dad dies from the flu, is mom going to know where all that info has been saved/stored? How is she going to be able to access dad's accounts? Well, if she doesn't have the info, it'll be like the old days: walking into the institution will the old marriage certificate and the newly printed death certificate to prove she's entitled to close the accounts and transfer the $$.
If you're in an LTA, "living together arrangement," it'll suck to be you if you don't have a living will/trust you can access. No way in hell will they give you the money and/or house if you can't prove that you're entitled to it. It will all go to blood relatives, "the next of KIN," not your sorry butt.
So, as St IV gals, we are actually "blessed," I say that tongue in cheek. We KNOW our expiration date is imminent, especially if we're already on palliative care and waiting to transition over to hospice. We've started getting our affairs in order. We've made a list of accounts and passwords, and our significant others know where the list is. We've drawn up our living wills and trusts, we've told our families how we want our remains handled, and now all we have to do is wait it out. [AT LEAST I HOPE MOST OF US HAVE ALREADY DONE THIS....]
Word to the wise...if you haven't started your "End of Life Transition" planning, I think it's a good idea to start tackling that list. And be sure to wear a mask and gloves out in public. It would be so ironic to die from this year's FLU strain rather than MBC
L
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Lita- funny you brought up this topic. Hubby went over all our accounts and passwords with me this morning . Before it was just my stuff we went over but now that he had cancer too he could go first. We need to make one change to our will to avoid a mess then I think we have our affairs in order. He wants a regular funeral and I don’t. We will both be buried in the VA cemetery and we already did that paperwork. We have nine kids and they are all so different. The younger one will get more then the rest as the others already got inheritance from grandparents. I’m sure to the others it won’t seem fair but that’s how it is. It is tough to deal with all this but I have seen how death changes people or brings our a part they have kept hidden and I don’t want that to happen. Dying sure isn’t easy. It all sucks
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Am with you on that - working on my project and then going to get Hubby into the mix too. It's realistic. I gave him a bit of h e ll this morning. I said I worked on this all weekend so you only have to open one envelope and then the next. You activate everything, it will all be set up for you, crematory and all. I am doing this for you. And then I have to do it for me because NO ONE is going to do this for me ever, except me. I wouldn't have said anything if once just once he had sat down by me and held my hand or asked a question or something. He say over there in the living room side and stared at me like he is trying to memorize me. Which is sweet. But it is still on my shoulders. ANd I am in a hurry to get done so I can be out from under pressures, too many pressures. Beginning of the month, time to work on bills and budget and Feb menu plan and grocery list and all of it. Then the auto accident I have to prepare for the videotaped deposition, the new one, for in cas I die or cannot talk on the day of the court case. UGH. And so much. Dying takes a lot of time and organization. IT is now before or later when I have no input or control and it all lands on him and my sister. But I would really like it if there was someone to do all this for me or with me. Oh wait, there is - the palliative care team is on their way next week and will help. But what if I have too much pain or pain killers or get too sick to do it before then. And so I press on. Now making dinner, Hubby already got started. So had better run.
In his defense, he did bring me water, oatmeal, rub my back some, rake the carpet of dog doodle fur and then vacuum, make dinner, do dishes, clean counter, let the dog in and out, feed the dog, water the dog, take mail down and pick it up. ah well i guess he is a good guy after all. : )
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Sending you all (((((((hugs))))))) from us mods.
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I got most of my arrangements done. I took out my 401k to pay for it all. I have my cremation, plot, and we are working on our headstone. I will not have a wake, just a funeral at our church. If they want, they can have a gathering there. Of course my husband hasn't set up his cremation yet (I get it, he's 54 and not ill, but just do it so the kids don't have to). I will also be writing my own obituary. I do have to make a list of my passwords. I know when my Dad passed away unexpectedly, we sat for an hour at the funeral home, deciding whether to bury or cremate (he never said, so it was up to Mom and us 4 daughters). Mom wanted to be cremated, so we decided to "show" him at the wake, then have him cremated. Then Mom couldn't decide what to do with the cremains. Finally, she decided to bury them, after speaking with a friend, who's husband passed a month before Dad. It makes it so much easier, knowing what loved ones want ahead of time. I know that my parent's generation, thought it would speed up their death, if they pre-planned there arrangements. I got my mother to set up her's when I set up mine. She felt better after doing it (she's 80), even though I kept bugging her about it to do it. I think everyone of a certain (especially those of us who are in this situation) should make their plans ahead of time, to save the grieving from having to do it.
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Lynne- I agree with you. I did all my stuff over a year ago when they didn’t give me much time to live. Hubby has been doing his as well. We have our names jointly on everything now that DH has been diagnosed with cancer too. It all sucks just the same. I will let hubby pick out what clothes I’m to be buried in . It really doesn’t matter to me.
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I am going to buy a new rayon dress for in deep rich pine green for going to the crematory in. How I will get into it without distress to my family is beyond me. But it will be my crossing through the veil dress. I know they probably do cremation with no clothing Burr I hope they don't. Was going to use something from my wardrobe but everything will fit a dead EDITED NOT DEAD. ... DEAR. Canadian friend who is 5 inches taller than me. My clothes are always too long. So the new dress will be perfect. I may just have it cut in two, back off and have it laid over and tucked under a bit, no stress.
My friend is also a writer and helping me with making my obit more concise and descriptive. Glad to have it done. Making crematory appt tomorrow. Would be done if ni weren't prepping for the videotaped courtroom deposition they can use in case idie. If that just doesn't smack of irony.
Ohhh Lynne, 😂 I know Hubby's wishes. When he dies he wants to be drug into the meadow and set afire. I was telling my sister when the three of us were at dinner last week. I said I would but don't know how I would get him down there. She said we will wrap chains around his legs and pull him down and around with the Suburban. Whhhhahhhhaaaa. I said finally an idea I can get behind.
We both always wanted cremation even though it is not really green.
This afternoon we talked and I realized I want my ashes sprinkled a little here and there in my favourite places. Ceremony at the State park. Pavilion if needed. Nature center room to rent if too cold. And meal at a restaurant we go to often. Casual. It's going to be invitation only. You see I have 48 cousins now and their kids and spouses. Never see them. But they always do funerals. I don't want a family reunion or curious townsfolk popping in. Close family and friends.
Dianarose, did you do jointly as and / or or and? I need to do that too. Some bills are in my name, some in his.
Mods, thank you for thinking of all of us.
Dianarose, my mom wanted cremated. My stepmdad didn't, he wanted buried, she wanted her ashes spread. He decided to leave her cremains in the urn at his bedside where all kinds of this she would not have liked happened a few years after she passed. OMG So when he died my sister who was his and hers, we decided to have him cremated. More for my DS benefit because she just couldn't handle the ideanof body decomposition. Not out of spite but it seemed like it. I had his urn at my
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ipad died.
Continuing.....
At my house when my sister called with new news of his crapola. She said it's good you have the urn because I am ready to dump him in the river. Me, I may have thought it and dreamt it or even drawn pictures of the scene of that crime but she would have done it. His cremains were buried and some of her ashes with, then we spread some at the historical family cemetery and some at her place in the wooded area by her back garden and picnic table where she went so often to sit alone and watch the stars in the night and where she would rest her arms across her hoe when taking a break from the milk-fed pumpkins and the corn patch in her garden.
End.
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Lita - I saw your post after I posted. You are so right, we have to be careful. The irony would be quite terrible, flu instead of MBC. I think I will make an appt with my nurse so just in case then I will have the appt and an arrangement w her for meds. Hoping better than going to ER. And we know it is always on the weekend.
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Lita - I saw your post after I posted. You are so right, we have to be careful. The irony would be quite terrible, flu instead of MBC. I think I will make an appt with my nurse so just in case then I will have the appt and an arrangement w her for meds. Hoping better than going to ER. And we know it is always on the weekend.
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Bluebird- we made sure we are both on the bank accounts, stocks, mutual funds etc... Not Bills! One thing I learned from the lawyer when my best friend died is that if there is no big estate the spouse is not responsible for the others debt. This includes credit cards, medical etc... they get a letter stating there was no estate to cove this along with a copy of the death certificate. We have life insurance on our car and RV loans.
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On Monday, paperwork was signed for my mother to go on Hospice.
Neither of my parents have their affairs in order. We have been trying for years to help them set POA and medical proxy, as well as other things.
Three years ago, after my mother's second breast cancer diagnosis, we tried helping them get it done. They refused. They are private, and paranoid. They thought we children might take all their money if we were given POA. Similarly, we would stick them both in nursing homes if we had medical proxy.
What we didn't know was that Mom was showing the early signs of dementia, and Dad was in denial/covering for her.
We have made some progress, but things are half-done and we are running out of time. Both Mom and Dad have both spent the past year in and out of hospital and rehab with various medical problems. At least they were both at the same rehab. Both Mom and Dad thought they would be going home soon. Dad has gone home, but now Mom will not.
Dad has signed paperwork for their funerals, but has not bought caskets or cemetery plots. (Nor selected readings or music for funeral, nor written obits.) Doctors forced Dad to sign medical proxies for himself and Mom after her concussion last year, but we still don't have POA. We might have been able to have Mom sign POA after she "recovered" from her concussion, but she and Dad refused. Now she is showing more signs of dementia, so she cannot sign a POA now.
So now we'll muddle through the rest of getting her affairs in order.
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Dianarose - thank you. We will go through this one account at a time. On medical, if he was the one insured and me through him i wonder if he has to be responsible. The paperwork they have us sign for every doctor or hospital or scan asks mfor responsible party. We list him. Maybe I screwed that one up badly. I am the only one on my clothing card. We have no other accounts. Except auto which is both and we too have life insurance that will pay off account balance.
I posted about flu on INSOMNIACS thread.
I went to my nurse to get a flu test and was neg but wheezy lungs so got antibiotics. Anyway, we are kinda close, after all these years, and when I told her I had gone into the palliative program w Dunes Hospice she cried a bit. I asked, are you crying for me? She nodded. By the time we parted she had cried twice with one time being so she couldn't turn to face me though she did manage a big hug and I love you. I knew she was hurting. Her father died from cancer three months ago. Her sister in law of 25 yrs that she loves is in dying process now. And her sister had cancer but had double mastectomy and radical treatment and is clear right now. This made it real what my sister would go through and is going through with me in this questionable position. I must stop being so matter of fact.
Thing is I don't see me as dying. For all the prep work, it's just that until it's something else. Then I remember there is a very large lymph node of cancer on my carotid artery / jugular vein / vocal chord nerve. And three plus in the liver.
She gave me her home phone for anytime we need her to come. She lives 8 mi away. I am completely touched and grateful.
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Mominator - my mom had cancer though no one knew exactly what was going on. She had been to one doctor once a fdw days before, he had an xray done. Seriously. Denial with a stubborn streak. Fear over runneth her life i suppose. The day she died and had to be resuscitated five times between ambulance and ER seemed like that would have made her and my step dad want to have their wishes signed and on file. But no. She died in the same hospital four months later, a hospice / intensive care patient needing 24 hr care by a full team. My DS and DB and I tried to get her to understand but she did the poor me, I am too stressed to do this and step dad defended her like we were trying to drown her. And so it went. Fortunately her oncologist managed to allow passing to happen naturally so to speak. When she moved into a coma the monitors were removed. When i asked the nutrition be stopped, for goodness sake, her body wasnt processing anything, he told the nurses to turn it off though my step dad was in charge of all this but he wasnt there. I don't know if that is normal. The night she did leave my sister and I were with her. We listened to her breathing soar with the music we played. After she stopped breathing I looked at the ceiling and said Mom keep going, it's not safe for you to stay here now. We were thinking, please don't rush in and resuscitate. We waited a full three minutes before we calmly told the nurse. No one got excited. Her final passing over was the most beautiful experience my sister and I ever were a part of. But I have to say in the end she got lucky she was let go.
I understand your dilemma.
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oH bluebird I am glad you took such good care of your mother..Death is rarely orderly.
I was diagnosed over a year ago with heartnodes and now a tag around my heart. I am so not calm. I am transferring to USD. I want to die with dignity. My daughter says I don't have to. Lol!
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Very good point Lita57!!
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There are death doulas. Like birth midwives only more spiritual I imagine.
Twenty years ago I wanted to be a funeral director. I started college for this but found out that in our state the funeral director must also be a licensed mortician, we cannot hire one for the funeral home, must be one. That required a slew of things I never wanted to do in this lifetime, no way. So did not. Maybe there was a loophole like being hired by the head director / mortician to arrange the funerals. But I didn't think of that until NOW! sign.
Later it appealed to me to become a death doula to help people with crossing in a nondenominational spiritual way. But I did not. Just guess I am a writer. I suppose given enough time I will write what I learned or am experiencing.
The recent movie The Last Word with Shirley Maclaine was recommended to me by my DD. Very interesting, I love how her life changed at the end, it is never too late I think the message would be.
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I agree Bluebird-DE! I despise the use of those words - fight, survivor - ick! Of course I also have never considered myself sick! Living life can be a fight sometimes, but I don't want to die in a battle, I want to die in peace!
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Artiecat - that's right. Peace and dignity. I do my best.
I have a glass ball on my desk with tiny shapes inside that look like wild flowers. It is eggplant coloured with the flowers a lighter colour. It reminds me - the cancer cells are supposed to be like the flowers, die their natural death. I focus on that - just learn to do this right cells, just do it the right way.
Well that is the way I see me too, as a flower with a natural death. There is a fine line between life saving care and life taking care. I want so much to know when to quit and go peacefully. But that is another story.
Hubby is waiting for me, have to run. I am grateful to even be up from bed today as compared to two months ago. And planning a store outing for food. wow! While on palliative care w hospice. It seems all backwards.
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my urn choice. we are going to use scatter bags inside and recycle it for Hubby and my DS. Called Viridian Sky Urn. Ceramic.
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Bluebird, that urn is absolutely gorgeous!
So tasteful. It's a piece of art.
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Love it Bluebird! Very classy. I also love the recycle thought. Have a question about the scatterbags. Is that so ashes can be scattered at mulitiple locations? We want all of our remains scattered at sea just as both set of our grandparents and our parents were. I really need to go talk to a funeral director to see how this can be accomplished. I have always understood that the funeral ceremony itself was more for the living..... to help them process the death. I have never been to a funeral that wasn’t terribly sad and I don’t want that. If there absolutely has to be something just my hubby. Two sons/spouses and daughter; her spouse & our grandson if he wants to go. Afterwards a fantastic meal sharing hopefully funny uplifting stories. The money I save with the big funeral will go to the “Wish You Were Here,,,,,but have a blast anyway” short vacation to someplace fun. I kinda worry my kids will scatter when I’m gone so while I’m still living I want to work on teaching them that life is short ang family is golden!!! gentle hugs to all
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Juli - the scatterbags were in the book with urns and more. I imagine it is how to pull the ashes out and pass the bag easier???? But I want them to segregate personal ashes so the urn can be recycled. Washing the urn or vacuuming it out doesn't seem cool. 😯
Hubby said to me he appreciates that I am getting all this done and he will help me finish then we will do his.
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Lovingkindness to all on Valentine's Day. I read an interview with Kate Bowler, a professor, writer, and young mother who was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer at age 35. She's written a memoir and has a podcast. Here's the interview from NPR https://www.npr.org/podcasts/583447646/everything-happens :
"Kate Bowler's new memoir, Everything Happens for a Reason
And Other Lies I've Loved, is a funny, intimate portrait of living
in that nether space between life and death. In it, she shares her experiences
with incurable stage 4 cancer and gives advice on what not to say to those who are terminally ill. Bowler is also the host of Everything Happens, a new podcast [in which she talks with people about what they've learned from living in dark times].She writes that sometimes silence is the best response:
"The truth is that no one knows what to say. It's awkward. Pain is
awkward. Tragedy is awkward. People's weird, suffering bodies are awkward. But
take the advice of one man, who wrote to me with his policy: Show up and shut
up."Interview Highlights: *On why she wrote Everything Happens For A
Reason--Suddenly at [age] 35, I get this stage 4 cancer
diagnosis, and it's just like a bomb went off and everything around me is
debris. And I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, did I actually maybe expect that
everything was going to work out for me?" And so I wrote the book more
like a theological excavation project, like I was just trying to get down to
the studs of what I really expected from my life. And I think I was a lot more
sure than I realized ... maybe that I was the architect of my own life, that I
could overcome anything with a little pluck and determination.*On how a cancer diagnosis changed her outlook
on life--I kind of pictured my life like it was this life
enhancement project, and like my life is like a bucket and I'm supposed to put
all the things in the bucket. And the whole purpose is to figure out how to
have as many good things coexisting at the same time.And then when everything
falls apart, you totally have to switch imagination, like maybe instead, life
is just vine to vine. And you're like grabbing onto something, and you're just
hoping for dear life it doesn't break.*On how that diagnosis affected her
relationship to friends and family--Iwent from feeling like a normal person to all of a
sudden, like this spaghetti bowl of cancer. I was trying to learn how to give
up really quickly, like looking at my beautiful husband and just immediately
all the stuff you're supposed to say, which is just like, "I have loved
you forever," and "All I want for you is love." ... You have these impossible thoughts like, "You
will live without me," and "Please take care of our kid." And
like you're trying to do all that hard work and then in the same moment,
they're trying to rush in and say, "We're going to fight this."
There's all these plans they want to pour their certainty in, to remake the
foundation. And there's this, kind of, almost terrible exchange, where you're
trying to remake the world as it was. But it's all
come apart.*On whether she has had conversations with her
4-year-old son about death --He is entirely impervious to all of this, in the best
way. But I do think the thing that has radically changed is I really was,
before, trying to create this little bubble around him and us, 'cause I
thought, like, "It's my job to protect you," and then I realized that
I would be the worst thing that happened to him if this went badly. So then I thought like, "OK, parenting strategy
change." And I thought, 'Well, if I can just teach you that there is still
beauty in others in the midst of pain, then like, that's my job." So we
work a lot on like, "How are you feeling?" like, "I feel
frustrated." And then getting him to notice the feelings of others.*On how she has learned to cope with negative
news about her diagnosis--Well I have rules for when things are too sad, 'cause
sometimes, just the reality of things really feels like an avalanche, and it's
just going to sweep everything away. So I do make rules for the day, like don't
talk about sad things after 9 p.m., so I try to make my day a little gentler. I
try to make other people's day a little gentler. The other thing I do is I try
really stupid stuff, like I got terrible news a couple months ago, which
thankfully turned out to be a medical error. It was a scan and it looked brutal, but I spent that week
thinking like, "This is my last year for sure." And it was weird
because the next day, I turned to a friend and I said, "Would you like to
go visit the world's largest Ukrainian sausage?" And he was like,
"Oh, I'm in."*On her list of things not to say to someone
with terminal cancer, including "How are the treatments going and how are
you really?"--This is the toughest one of all. I can hear you trying to
be in my world and be on my side. But picture the worst thing that's ever
happened to you. Got it? Now try to put it in a sentence. Now say it aloud 50
times a day. Does your head hurt? Do you feel sad? Me too. So let's just see if
I want to talk about it today, because sometimes I do and sometimes I want a
hug and a recap of American Ninja Warrior."Kate Bowler also wrote an op-ed piece for the NY Times a few months after her diagnosis in which she talks about the prosperity gospel, death, and her diagnosis of Stage IV cancer. It went viral. In case you'd like to read it: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/14/opinion/sunday/death-the-prosperity-gospel-and-me.html?smid=tw-share
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Brendatrue,
Wonderful, insightful thoughts there.
A question I’ve been asked twice in the last month that really put me down the rabbit hole of depression was “ how/ what is your life besides being a cancer patient?”
I know many of our mbc sisters have jobs and children at home. I’m older (68) and don’t. I have a husband and grown kids and grandkids and dear friends. I am truly blessed. So my non cancer life is trying to be with them when I’m able. But, honestly, being a cancer patient takes up 90% of my life. And that’s depressing. So, that well meaning question is a tough one for me. Odd?
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Kaption, I am unmarried and childless. I don't have a lot going on myself, not working, appts.
The comment was ignorant of the fact that even if we were super busy with jobs, hobbies etc, cancer intertwined, we don't get to separate from it. The non cancer patient is lucky to not have to try to do this.
Myself, I tend to brush off comments now since I do not feel like educating everyone. I can understand that a well-intentioned person would not know better. If family said this, I would tell them.
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Mara, I know the two who asked were doing so out of love. A way for me to talk about something else. One was my son, and I did talk to about my reality. But, my surprise was my reaction to the question. Why did it bother me to realize that cancer does consume my time and attention? Guess it’s another level of acceptance.
Usually when I’m tired of talking about me I redirect the conversation with a question about the other person’s life.
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