A place to talk death and dying issues
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Just let everyone who is posting here know that I am reading and appreciate every post. Thank you, Rosevalley, for sharing your thoughts which are highly interesting with naked saddening truth and honesty.
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Rose. - thinking of you. Always love reading your honest post
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Rosevalley, I just had a similar experience with my brother and sister this summer. My mom had passed away and we were emptying out her apartment. I didn't want to take anything because I know that they would just be more things for my DH to have to get rid of. I don't think personal items of my mom's would mean anything to him. I took a few things that I thought my kids might want, but honestly, my adult kids are not into sentimental "things." My DH is Scandinavian and not into what he calls clutter! I have a feeling he will be making many trips to the goodwill when I am gone! LOL
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Hi Lovely Ladies,
Thank you so much for your lovely replies. I think about how many women are dying every day of metastatic breast cancer (I think I read once 177, I'm not sure), and how many post here and how many may read here. I hope the Q and A of those that post also helps those that read. That the information shared, the links provided and the thoughtful and kind words reach beyond this sphere.
I know I've lost interest in a lot of things. I used to be a news junkie and now it's just not anything I want to read about anymore. All the death and destruction and loss of human life...for what?? Find a cure for cancer instead!!
I'm not blogging as often, my concentration level is difficult to maintain. (This could be due to the pain pills.) I could take more of those and have less pain, but I don't want to be what I call "floaty."
As with all aspects of life, I guess even in this stage, trying to find a delicate balance while walking the tightrope in high winds called life. Happy hump day everyone and thank you again for being you, wonderful you!
Namaste, T
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Song, Death With Dignity, by Sufjan Stevens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fgC_yTVZYo
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Namaste / Skylotus, so glad that you are well enough to post! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. Like your imagery of the life of our BC metsers - trying to find a delicate balance while walking the tightrope in high winds called life. Admire your spirit - maintaining mindfulness, courage, and grace to the end. Wish you great comfort today!
Rosevalley, Horneste, Blondie, you are all in my thoughts, wish you all great comfort today!
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Finally caught up with this thread and I just want to say that I adore you ladies. Such amazing insights, all in your very individual voices… I know it brings peace to many, including me! I can't help but think that Ma, who started this thread, is smiling down on us all.
Love and comfort to everyone. You are all in my thoughts…
Rose.
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Yes, Rose...they still have significance..I'm looking at some of those things right now :-)
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Just having to deal with chemo, doctor's appointments, and the side effects have me losing interest in so many things. Maven when I feel good I find myself wasting days just playing mindless games or watching t.v. So much I could be doing but no motivation! I have gone back through ma's posts many times since my mets diagnosis. Can't tell you how many times I've Changed my mind about my will and life insurance beneficiaries ... LOL! I am now of the mindset that what will be will be. We just redid our wills for the last tiime and I am done with that. Had to allow for a new granddaughter. I am glad to be around to see her born the end of January. Never thought my daughter would have children so it is a blessing to still be around! Wishing all of you wonderful, caring women a peaceful night. Thanks for all your sharing here.
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Hi Lovely Ladies,
I know I look for the meaning in everything, to the point I'm "googling" meaning of....(insert subject here). I would be wondering the meaning of smashed ceramics too. I think you reconciled it beautifully though. We are just simply thinkers....delving the greater meaning of humans and life, some of us, not many, unfortunately. Some just don't care. 😢
I do try journaling for the last 30 years and I listen to most recently,Deva Premal's "Gayatri Mantra", the 2 hour version.....I ordered another bed topper (foam) so we'll see how that works, and a bed tray, maybe I'll dig my tablet out.
My hospice nurse thinks I may make it to my birthday.....25 December. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Either way, I'll be OK. Thanks for listening (reading 🤓).
Namaste, T.
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Skylotus I'm hoping you make it to your birthday on the 25th of December. My Birthday is on the 28th of Nov., my Oncologist said are you celebrating with a large group making the most of this one, I said no, maybe next year. She stopped me in mid sentence and said you won't have another birthday. I don't see you lasting another six months. With all the pain and suffering my soul says to me it is not time yet. To me that means a great deal. I have held the hands of many as they left this world no two were alike. My mom I knew that she would die that day, even her hospice nurse said no way but she lived six years longer than doctors had predicted and my father would put her on life support and she would be in a coma and we would wait for days and then she would come out of it. She died sitting up in her favorite chair knowing this was it saying goodbye and I love you all and closed her eyes.
Thank you Brenda for your wonderful post about just that how things will be when it is the end. I think mentally I have a couple of more years but then this last week when I couldn't move from my bed or even type on the computer, I was thankful for Netflix and Hulu where they take you to the next movie one after the other. I would sleep watch, sleep watch. I find I sleep in hour or two sessions and then up about the same and back to sleep. What works for getting me to a peaceful place is Dr. Andrew Weil's "Sound Body Sound Mind" it sounds and music that works on your subconscious mind helping it to be less tense and in a healing nature. I've used this CD, it's also on my iPod for over 15 years and it works so well for me. I have no fear of death, I just don't feel that my mind is ready to just shut down. I still when I can find myself researching end of life, even new trials that maybe would give me another six months. I just want to still see my daughters through the next couple of years. Like they said to me today, they will never be "ready" for me to die, it's what they have to accept.
Things don't mean so much to me either. Here's what is of great importance, a comfortable pair of flannel pjs or fleece that lay nice and don't bunch up. My new (I've gone through six of these one each year from so much use) thermophore heating pad and hot water bottles for my spine and neck. Making sure I take my four anti nausea medications six times a day so that the vomiting is not as bad as it can get. I take 600mg of roxanol (morphine) but it does not make me druggy or sleepy, it takes the edge off only so that I can enjoy things such as... My daughters climbing into my bed and reading to me either poetry or a book. Then cuddling up as if they were still three years old just wanting to lay in mom's arms. Blankets, can't have enough of them and the weight and texture change from how pain and anxiety levels change. All food taste horrible, so my daughters making a delicious soup that I enjoy sends me over the moon. Plus a good cup of tea can even bring me to tears that is how much joy I get from such.
I lost a cousin this week to cancer, he went quick, was diagnosed in September and died this week. His wife is in shock for she said she wishes she had as much time with him as my daughters have had to really have meaningful days for preparing for the end. For my daughters they have been taping me and asking questions and writing things down about my life. They don't want to forget the sound of my voice. At the infusion center this week again people came up to me and said I wish I had a family member like your daughters, the love and joy of helping you really comes through. One lady who has been in treatment since 1991 said that she loved speaking with my daughters and that they always offer to get her lunch or make her some tea or even bring her some magazines for she comes there alone.
Even as I write this my one daughter is sleeping next to me, they don't want me to need something and have to wait for a response they take turns being with me so I am never alone. I took care of my mom and they saw such and they are doing the same for me. I know that sometimes when I'm in so much pain I get short or cranky, they will kid me and look under my bed and say what happened to our mom. It always makes me laugh and changes the mood. These are some of what is important to me these days. I wish I could share a nice cup of tea and a good laugh with all of you
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skylotus- We are going to celebrate your birthday online here with you on Dec 25! Please be here!
M360- hoping your bday next week is full of love, laughter, and lots of fun (with cake!)
I love reading both of your posts and insights-so clear, calm - you have no idea how you are helping us readers cope with death, too. You are preparing me. Thank you. Xoxo
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You are blessed M360. Your daughters are gifts. They gift to you and you gift to them. Mindfully drinking a cup of tea fully present is a thing of wonder isn't it? The world is a miracle when we are awake to it. I think that's why people feel so attracted to little animals and babies. They are present fully engaged in being babies. When they eat, they just eat. When they look and smile, they do only that. No multi-tasking, that's for the walking dead. If you want life then do one thing at a time, but do what ever it is fully present.
Skylotus- blessings to you tonight. I hope your foam topper brings you relief and listening brings you comfort. Thank you for sharing your journey; everyone here benefits. Hortense and Blondie big hugs and lovingkindness to you both, to us all.
For some reason tonight I have been plagued with the big "D." We were watching a movie... thank goodness for pause. I think I feel better, but tired. I saw my PCP today. She asked me if it helps me feel less trapped (not her words but the meaning was intended) to obtain DWD meds come January when insurance changes. She said "you don't have to use the drug but it mght be a comfort to have it?" Yes. I wonder how many fill the script and die before they use it? I love the idea of dying out somewhere in nature under a tree. Then the practical issues of how to get your body out of there, cremated and all.
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M360, I am sorry that I did not realize that you are also facing a tougher situation. I thought you might be, like me and many other posters here on this thread, in the beginning or the middle of this path that we are all on. As Rosevalley well said, you are so fortunate to have so loving daughters around you, taking such good cares of you. I think Skylotus, Hortense, and Rosevalley are also very fortunate to be very much loved by their children. Love your story of your Mom outliving the doctors' prediction by 6 years. You, too, will outlive your doctor's prediction!
Namaste/Skylotus, hang in there. We will celebrate M360's birthday in 9 days first and then will celebrate yours on the Christmas Day! I bet you will also see 2016!
Rosevalley, Hortense, and Blondie, I want you all to repeat M360's Mom's story. I want you all to outlive everyone's prediction.
Comfort and peace. You are all in my thoughts.
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So I joined a lot of FB pages on Dying with Dignity and Death cafe? anyone else go this route?
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Hi Lovely Ladies,
I'm not on FB, but I'm gonna start looking into this more. I live in AZ, it's not legal here, as far as I know. I type on here from my phone, so forgive me for not using names.... I too have held the hands of three who passed, my Mom, my Dad and my brother. All three deaths were very different. I knew my Dad would pass the day he did, Hospice thought he had another week, so, no one really knows. EVERYbody and everyBODY is different.
Happy Birthday early M360, hope you check in on the 28th for lots of bday wishes. Rosevalley, the topper is a Dream!
T
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When I posted yesterday, I was sitting, waiting for my bone scan. I was able to write only one line because my name was called unexpectedly. Yesterday and today have been exhausting, and I feel as if I can barely hold open my eyes much less type. Skylotus, I imagine many can relate to the challenge of trying to find that very delicate balance you are trying to achieve. Sometimes I wonder if I would find more balance in my life if I let go of trying so hard to find it! I've been practicing more and more the art of letting go--whether it is an intense feeling, a plan, a conviction, etc.--just to see what will happen. I believe that doing so would help my biological heart as well as my metaphorical heart.
MDs often are poor predictors of death in both directions--they may guess that someone has months and months--maybe even a year or more--to live, only to be surprised to find that is not so. And they may become so fixated on the biological aspect of decline and dying that they overlook the resilience and other psychological/social/spiritual factors that keep people going longer than expected. Honestly, I welcome it when my MDs are willing to talk about dying and death with me. I am more frightened by those who aren't capable of having those kinds of conversations or those who just won't, for various reasons. I remember when my oncologist told me that most likely I had looked at the face of death when I was diagnosed with breast ca at age 38 the first time around, meaning that I would probably die from cancer--sooner or later. Now my internist and others say that it might be cancer, or a stroke, or a heart attack. Who knows? Maybe I will just become worn out on many levels at once. I'm not fixated on the topic, but I do think it's important to prepare as if I am going to die sooner and to live as gratefully and meaningfully and hopefully as possible each and every day regardless.
With regard to DWD in Oregon, as of 2014: "Since the law was passed in 1997, a total of 1,327 people have had DWDA prescriptions written and
859 patients have died from ingesting medications prescribed under the DWDA." That statistic and others can be found here, just in case you are interested: https://public.health.oregon.gov/ProviderPartnerResources/EvaluationResearch/DeathwithDignityAct/Documents/year17.pdf Right now there are only 4 states that have DWD laws: Washington, Oregon, California, and Vermont. Montana has no statute on the books, but a State Supreme Court ruling made this type of end of life option legal in that state. To get a better idea about what's happening state by state, you can check out: https://www.deathwithdignity.org/take-action/
I'm not a big fan of FB, so I've not pursued any pages on DWD or the death cafes/salons. I've asked someone in my community to initiate planning for a death café, but I don't think it's going to happen. I know I don't have the energy to do it. Fitztwins, have you found joining the FB pages to be meaningful?
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I don't do FB, although I am on it from years ago. My one DD had such a poor experience with it she gave it up. I guess I followed suit. Maybe it would be useful.
I should have checked the DWD site for how many filled and how many ingested.. thanks Brenda. I hope all states come around and eventually get the laws in place, after all you don't have to use them. Hope your bone scan goes well. I am amazed at how long you have had BC.. 1995-wow. My DD2 was in 5th grade when I was diagnosed. Now she is a sophmore in college.
M360 I am thinking you will have a Happy Birthday next week! Thinking of you Skylotus, Hortense and Blondie. ((((Hugs))))
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Suersis- I just got a new shipment of pleurx bottles and the new clamp is an improvement! The tubing would sometimes flip out of the clamp and now that can't happen plus the roller stays in place better. They changed the dressing too. I still can't figure out why it is rectangular when the drain sponge and 4x4 are square... it should be square, but the new sides are easier to get off! I used to spend quite a bit of time trying the peel the backing off the transparent dressing. I didn't like that the sterile cap wasn't in a protective sleeve (even though the packaging is beastly hard to open) now that it is loose you need to be careful it doesn't roll off. I flicked the old cap on to the blue field drape by accident and then couldn't tell which was the new one. So opened another extra I had. In all I think they made it easier. I read that the longest person to have a pleurx drain for ascites had it for 18 months; she was an ovarian cancer patient. Amazing. I was wondering what you thought.
Just edited this post, since I went off topic! 39 degrees tonight.. had to move the plants into the garage. Might have frost - definitely had frost. Yhe whole back yard was white. Even the gold fish in our pond are moving slowly suspended in the water. Be warm. Take care everyone and have a painfree restful weekend.
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I envy you all that have family support, it is not that i dont, but i dont, lol just watched my daughters new baby 6 mths snd her 5 year old overnight, why to spent time with them, am i exhausted but knowing they probably wont remember me it is more about me. I am an only child my parents are deceased so all i have is my friends , who dont want to deal with it either. Thety sat "do we have to talk about it now", yep we do. My friends were all around when i was doing chemo but now nobody has the time. I dont require alot, just woild like for people to have a conversation with me, the rwuins are boys n dont like to talk, n i am lonely, in my room.
Not having a pity party just sayin..my kids are 41, 38,34 and the twins r 21. They live here and contribute nothing to the household, so i buy for me, get moms meals, finally after 6 months they came, one of the twins works n the other one is supposed to get a job being my care taker but who knows. Thhat wd have ben waiting 6 mons also.
the drs n me never discuss time, i did talk to the hospice nurse about it, i think i am good til feb.,lol. The mo n i dont really see each other.
I want to get scanned n they wontt unless i come off of hospice. Medicare wont pay for it.
Anyway know it is long, sorry, so glad u all r here, i feel like we are going through this final journey with you all thinking jof hu all always, waiting 4 pizza...lol
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Blondie I am so so sad to hear you are lonely. I think dying is by nature lonely. Twin 21 year old boys don't strike me as the type to talk much anyway- no matter the circumstances. I don't know if that makes you feel better or just discounted. Your daughter shouldn't have left you over night with a 5 year old and a 6mo old baby. That would wear out a teenage babsitter much less a hospice patient. I bet you are tired. Why would you want a Scan what for? I hope the pizza is tasty.
If you think it's better with a "loving family" you would be missing the mark. My DH deals with things by silence and keeping busy but NEVER EVER EVER talking about death or dying so the journey is mine alone. The dinosaur in the room is never talked about. If I bring up something he listens and says nothing. When I am finished talking then the "conversation" is over. My 14 year old isn't "signing" anything either. She has lost her biological mom in China, her foster Chinese Mom after we showed up and took her, and now her adopted Mom. She can't talk about more loss. My mildly retarded autistic daughter will bring it up and then next sign... feeling better?? She can't process and likes to cuddle. The College DD won't bring it up either the non topic. She is her Dad reincarnated in female form. You will never find out what she really thinks unless you beat it out of her; she is walled in. Wonder where she learned it? So I decline and pretend the world is just hunky dory.. don't all people drain 2 liters of gut fluid every couple of days, take pain meds every day and sleep 50% of their lives? Fess up this is normal right?? All Moms do this.
Anyway... my 76 year old Mom has dementia (doesn't talk or care) and my one brother is in his drug induced psychosis (spending his days chain smoking, talking to the air and pacing - he toasted himself with drugs and is paying now) and my other brother works full time and takes care of the other two... all meals, all cooking, all blood sugars, meds, medical appointments and finances.. If I hear from my sane brother every 6 months I am surprised. I would hate his life.. he is trapped by obligation. He can't walk away as the other two will kill each other through neglect. (My crazy brother stopped giving my Mom her diabetes meds in favor of OTC supplements, slept until noon forgetting her blood sugar checks and my Mom crashed and is now insulin dependent and getting more and more hard to handle. Crazy brother will still make pancakes at 11 pm smothered in syrup and give it to my Mom, because he loves her and she likes pancakes. Then my other brother freaks when her sugars are 400 in the morning!! Now he hides sweets from the 2 of them. ) I can't help my sane brother as I live 3000 miles away and my health sucks. So my immediate family is tied up in their own health concerns and checked out. I feel sorry for the lives they lead. My Mom is an obstinate toddler and my crazy brother in la la land, gave up his drivers license cause "they are watching him." But here are all these "family members" and none to talk with - ever.
If I want to talk about dying slowly, ever so slowly of this freakin disease, I come here. I talk to the computer, to folks I have never met and who for all I know don't exist! But it helps to unload the journey and frustration to the "void" or internet. I figure I was born alone and I will die alone. It feels ok to me, but I have had 8 plus years to think about it. I am so sick to death of the charades and sucking it up so that others feel good and don't have to deal with cancer. I smile and tell folks sure "things are good as they get," which is a lie. I never feel good...ever ... don't ask. It won't get better. Dying is my ticket out of cancerland. At least I am not a woman living in Syria under the rule of ISIS... now that would be worse then dying of cancer.
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Correct, somebody is worse off than me...
Big hud, thsnks rosie
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It's not being worse off. It's not a competition and I am comiserating with you. I think dying is by nature lonely- the living can't relate and don't want to be reminded of their mortality... too uncomfortable. I also think dying of cancer sucks and dying of dementia turning into a toddler at 76 sucks. I think being crazy sucks. Lots of things in life are sucky. I do not mean to make anyone feel like their "suckiness" isn't justified and isn't miserable. I so get it. It is miserable.
((((HUGS))) back to you.
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I'm glad you're here, Rosevalley. I learn from your posts.
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Blondie and Rosevalley -- Wish you all the best. I check this thread often to 1) see how you're doing, and 2) gain some perspective on dying. Thanks for your honesty and insights.
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Blondie, I think lots of people who are dying struggle with finding people they can trust to share their feelings, thoughts, and experiences. And that happens when they live alone, or live disconnected from family, or even in great big families. So many people in our society just aren't comfortable with discussing serious illness, decline, dying, and death--even as topics, much less when those topics apply to real people! You are probably not as alone in your experience as you might think, but still, I hear you: You feel distress that your family is not able to talk openly about these things. Do you try to talk about it regardless? You might want to make comments here and there without trying to have a full blown conversation if they tend to shy away from being open about what's happening with you. They may feel so emotionally overwhelmed that they just don't know how to cope with dying and death. Have you considered the possibility of meeting with your family and the hospice social worker to just get some basics out in the open, including how it affects you not to have the chance to be open with them about something that is so important?
Have you considered asking hospice for a volunteer? One of my friends is a hospice volunteer, and she spends much of her time just visiting with people who are at the end of life and would like someone to talk with, listen, be there. Sometimes it's easer to share very personal issues that might overwhelm our families with someone outside the family, like the hospice social worker or volunteer.
Also, sometimes clients in hospice care want to have scans just to "check progression," but hospice tends to focus on clinical signs of illness and progression and to address those for the goal of comfort care. Perhaps your hospice team can give you more of an indication of what signs they are seeing that tell them you are declining, if you are interested in more specific info.
Rose, you bring up something that is true for many of us: we will die in the midst of family dynamics that are messy, at times downright dysfunctional! I remember reading an article about how many people have this idea that they will have some sort of transcendent dying and death experience and that their families will experience the equivalent of that in their own ways, and that not to have it means they aren't doing it "right." I remember thinking at the time that just might apply to me, by the way. Anyway, the article talked about not getting attached to a certain idea about death, because there are so many different ways of experiencing dying and death (outside the biological process, I mean) that we have to be careful to remain flexible and go with the flow of our lives as they are already established. I'm not implying that you are too attached to a certain idea, just what your post reminded me to think about. I'm definitely one of those people who like to "process" (my husband shudders at the word) and to be very open, but I have to remember that most of the people in my family aren't like me and I have to accept that--to an extent. And that's because it's important to me to have some meaningful conversations before I leave my loved ones and this world behind, and I truly believe that having those conversations will help bring my loved ones comfort later on.
Sometimes having a book to trigger conversations is helpful. One I read years ago is Ira Byock's The Four Things That Matter Most. Here is a link to one summary of the book: http://www.wikisummaries.org/The_Four_Things_That_Matter_Most Here's Dr. Byock talking about the "four things": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM-OcGhtsRk
Like so many of you, I am thankful that we have this place to share conversations about dying and death. And I am thankful, truly, for all who post here and for those who "just" read and find inspiration.
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I also read this topic, even thought I am not Stage IV, to gain perspective on dying, since it is something we all will inevitably face.
I can relate to the thought that dying is a process that we do alone. This summer, my 95 year old mom passed away in my home after being bed-ridden and under hospice care for 4 months. I'd go into her and ask "is there anything I can do for you?" and she'd always say "no." At that point, her needs were being taken care of and she needed little else. The unspoken part of her "no" answer was "I'm dying - there is nothing you can do about it."
Thank you ladies for sharing all that you do here, I know it will be me, someday.
I will share a little story about my mother's death that made me less fearful of the whole process - the last few days of mom's life she was slipping away and not eating and mostly sleeping throughout the day. 3 days before her death, the only words she spoke were "thank you" to me when I came in and checked in on her (and I know she meant "thank you for everything" - I had cared for her for the previous 8 years) 2 days before her death, her only words, in response to me asking "how are you doing?" were "not so good." and finally, the day before she died, I went into her room, she awoke, looked around with the most beautiful smile on her face - a look I hadn't seen in years, a look of pure joy, and she said "George!" - my dad's name, and I know she was with him again.
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I too read this thread even though I'm not stage IV, but may be depending on if the nodule on my lung is cancer. I find so much inspiration from you folks here. Your thoughts, attitude, are something I marvel at. We all will die some day so this thread brings much perspective and knowledge for me. May God give you all many restful days. xo
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Blondie and Rosevalley I'm sitting here reading and I want to reach out and just let you know that I care and I hear you. As I touch these keys on the computer I'm putting my inner soul energy wishing that when you again are on and writing you can feel the truth in my words that I feel your loneliness if you need to talk please PM me and I am willing to call you and listen, really listen to what you are feeling or need to discuss. Last week I wanted someone other than my daughters to talk about death and what was keeping me up all night worrying about how my daughters will cope when I'm gone. So I called the American Cancer Society and they had both a therapist and another cancer patient who is dying call me and just talk about what they were going through their fears and wondering about the end of life. It really made a difference. Yes, I have two daughters who spend so much time with me talking and taking care of me but I see how it's draining them daily. My one daughter gets mad that her older sister works every day and she feels that she should cut back and spend more time with me and the daily needs of the house. I'm the one who told her to work as much as she wants, I want both of their lives to go on and be full of friends and laughter. She works her schedule around my doctors appointments and they allow her to have afternoons or mornings off if I'm having a bad day. Also she spent all that time in the hospital with me sleeping on those pull out chairs for over a week. However, I'm really worried about my youngest daughter, she is so worried about her life without me being there to support her emotionally and physically. Tonight she cried and cried and we talked from 2 to 4:30 in the morning. Having a mother who for the past seven years has spent every week at a Cancer Center the driving the times that the said this is it she's not going to make it, and then I do. These events tear my daughters apart. However, this is my life and I didn't ask or want to live like this and I can't change it. I need to find an outlet for my youngest some way for her to let go of her frustration and daily fear that she worries is today the day. I try and tell her to not be so serious, lets just laugh and live each day. This is something she can't do, she will get up four or five times a night checking up on me. Even though her sister is sleeping right next to me because she felt she needed to be close this night. Sometimes I wish they were a little less attached to caring for me, for I see how it has aged them and I see the bags under their eyes and the headaches and stomach aches from all that they are dealing with because of my cancer and my death sentence.
I have decided that I will not accept this less than six months death sentence that the doctors are saying is what they feel given my scans and how weak I have become. Mentally I'm not there, I want more time to help my daughters get their lives more secure and some idea on what they will do in the coming years with college and working. They stopped college because they wanted to be able to be there for every infusion and every doctors appointments etc., But I want them now to start living their lives before I go. I want them to let go a little and spend more time on themselves, and not on me. I can go on and on with this topic but I'm sure you all understand where I'm at.
I just don't see it as my time is up I see another year at least and I'm meditating on such and putting out this energy of living.
My good news is yes my daughters have gone way out for my birthday, from thermaphore heating pads, new shoes, a wonderful long vest with big pockets and large collar to just wrap around me and then I alway wanted a red antique desk, I've looked for one for years and they found one and got it for me. Why a red desk I don't know I have this wonderful desk that I love and have had for years that has seen my life unfold, but I alway wanted a red desk,now I have one. On top of that they got me a 42" HD TV for my bedroom so that I can read the subtitles of all the foreign films I love to see, my little TV was too small and I couldn't see the subtitles and an iPad or computer was too hard for me to hold, my hands were too weak. So I'm set. My youngest will make me a carrot cake which I love and my older daughter will make a lunch of grilled lobster and a risotto with mushrooms. I can't wait! Then we all will climb into my bed and watch a movie together and have a cup of tea and just enjoy the life I have at this moment. I am one lucky dame!
Happy Thanksgiving to all you ladies I wish I could have you all over and we could eat and talk and just be. When I'm there I will imagine each and every one of you and toast to your lives with love.
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Blondie, Skylotus, Hortense, Rosevalley, M360: Special Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
Happy Thanksgiving to All!
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