Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
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So glad to hear of the positive things so many of us are able to do now that the "main" treatment is behind us. I still have 2 Herceptin infusions, but feel lucky that those are so much easier to tolerate than chemo was. Quaatsi I loved reading about your trip and I am glad you will be able to work less and enjoy life more. I am working as well, and love the office staff I work with, but when it isn't fun any more I will definitely check on retirement! One of my best friends is retiring in December. She is a 10+ year BC survivor and while I am sad for me (we are both School Office Managers), I am happy she has so many NED years and will be able to enjoy life more in the future. This diagnosis has given me many bittersweet moments, but somehow I feel glad that I have muddled through it so far.
Bonseye, you have had quite a journey and it is wonderful to hear that you are able to work where you were treated and be an advocate for other women. You are right, it is a tough road, but we are strong women. I am in the process of "paying it forward" to another Office Manager who was just diagnosed. I so understand the anxiety and stress she is feeling and hope I can help her as so many women on this site have helped me. So glad you shared your news and I am truly happy that you will get to do fulfilling work.
To all...glad to hear about so many of you at least once in awhile. Looking forward to staying and touch and reading of your many successes. Take care and hugs to all. Linda
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Thank you linnyhopp! Your Office Manager is blessed to have you...I will too pay it forward as so many friends came forward for us....I have been humbled by this experience.
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Bonseye ~ Thanks for the kind words but I honestly don't deserve any type of kudos for trying to help other women. I think all of the women who post here are the inspiration for all of us to "be there" for all of the bc victims who, sadly, keep being diagnosed even as we are finishing our active treatments. I have said it before and will say it again. I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through the past year without all the support here. I believe that all of us who have been touched by this rotten disease can somehow bring comfort and knowledge to others.
I have to say that the past week has been a hard one for me. First I heard about the office manager at the one of the other schools being diagnosed, then I heard that my hair stylist's sister found out she has mets in her lung and liver. She had been diagnosed 4 years ago and was feeling the best she had since it all started. I have to say that hearing this made me very nervous. No matter how positive our outlook is, we always seem to be looking over our shoulder. I am also dreading my mammogram in 3 weeks! I have some weird skin on the radiated side and it freaked me out. I saw the PA at the breast care clinic and she said the skin looked "normal" for a radiated area. That was the one positive bc item this week. I am trying to not go to the "what ifs" but sometimes it's really hard.
I really apologize for some of the stuff I have written that is negative, but honestly, this is the only "safe" place to say what I feel and not have people just tell me I look great or that things are going to be fine. That is my prayer and hope but at times it's not easy to stay positive. OK...now that I have that out of my system I am going to thank whoever reads this for even reading it! Hoping to hear from some of our Nov. 2011 buddies in the near future. Hugs to all...Linda
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I can't tell you how good it is to read all of your posts. Quaatsi, I envy your trips on your horse. I've never done anything like that, but it sounds heavenly. It would be good to get away from all this stress.
Bonseye, I can't get your link to work, could you post it again and this time try hitting the space bar once after it and for some reason that works.
Linda, It seems to me that every month or so I hear of someone I know being diagnosed or having a recurrence, etc. I guess before I had cancer myself I was oblivious. A friend of mine who was diagnosed 1 year before me, was just diagnosed with mets. She was 83 when diagnosed and refused chemo. She did have a mastectomy and SNB and no nodes were involved, but she was afraid of chemo at her age. She recently told me, she wishes she had done chemo like I did. I tried to console her the best I could. I told her that with or without chemo it may have come back anyway that there are no guarantees. I hope that was the right thing to tell her. I was just at a loss as to what to say. I also told her that if I had been her age I may have decided against chemo, too (I'm 58), because it's just so hard on you that the risk may outweigh the benefit. I said she made the right decision for her at the time and that's all any of us can do. The whole time I was talking to her my stomach was churning and my level of fear was building and it made me feel so ashamed that I was worried about myself when she was facing so much worse. If any of you have any suggestions on what I could say to her to alleviate her guilt, and to give her some encouragement, I would really appreciate it.
Beth, I hope you're enjoying those babies. Sounds like such fun to have twin grandbabies. Let us know all about it when you can.
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Grandma V ~ I think you handled the conversation with your friend in the best way possible. I admit that whenever I hear of someone else's BC issues it renews all of my fears. I seem to constantly look for reassurance on these boards, but know that we are basically all in the same boat. At 83 I don't honestly know what I would do either. I think it's such a personal decision. Depending on my health I might try it, but no decision is totally right or wrong and I think if you have further conversation with her you might keep telling her exactly what you already did. I wonder if it would be too late for her to discuss with her MO what treatments are available to her even though it's been over a year since diagnosis. I still wonder if I should have done the clinical trial I was offered at the time. It's all a guessing game and none of our worries and tears can alleviate our fear of "what if." I am trying my best to take each day as it comes. I have to go for my mammogram on November 21st and dread, dread, dread it! I did have a PA who works with the breast care clinic do a "clinical" breast exam and she didn't find anything suspicious by feel. However, since the MRI is what finally showed all my issues, I find that I don't take too much comfort in that (mammogram) exam. I guess those feelings are normal and may always be there. Well, I have gone on way too long. Hope everyone who still visits this thread is healthy and happy. Hugs to all...Linda
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Sorry for not updating sooner but I have been in Indiana for over a month and have stayed so many places that I cannot keep up on anything. The storms are brewing and I am trying my best to get home before my anniversary on November 2 but it doesn't look like I will make it through the mountains!
The twins were born on October 1 and weighed 5 lbs 3 oz - Zoe Ann and 5 lbs 12 oz - Zabrina Sue. They now weigh 7 lbs 3 oz and 7 lbs 6 oz. I have loved them so much!
How do I insert a picture?
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BethU ~ So exciting to hear about the twins and so happy to hear they are growing every day! I hope you can insert a picture because we are all waiting to see the girls. I can only imagine how excited you are to have spent time watching them become more beautiful every day. Hoping you can make it home for your anniversary, but the main thing is to stay safe because Zoe and Zabrina are surely counting on spending lots and lots of time with you in the years ahead. Happy hugs to you...Linda
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Oh, Beth, that's such a cute avatar. Congratulations! I've never tried to post pictures, but some who have say, you upload the pictures to a different site, like facebook or photobucket and then copy, and paste them to this site. I hope it works. I'd love to see more pictures. Be careful on your way home. The storm that was 'Sandy' is still making trouble.
Linda, thank you so much for the reassurance regarding my friend. I will keep your suggestions in mind. I know what you mean about mammograms. It is such a dread, but also a relief after it's over with. It took 3 doctors to tell me I'm ok now, before I started to believe it. Like you I'm trying to take it a day at a time. We can only live one at a time anyway. We've been having such beautiful weather here, I feel a little guilty since so many are displaced and lost their homes in the storm. I hope all of our bco sisters and their families are ok.
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Bethu-Congrats on your little grandbabies. My first is almost 9 months old now, born one week after my last chemo. I know you have enjoyed loving them to pieces.
Grandma-I agree that you had a good response for your older friend who now has mets. I think that once we are armed with all of the facts we can get, then we have to just decide what is best for us and be happy with that decision. If this disease was more predictable, many of us wouldn't have it in the first place, but it can hit any of us, family history, risk factors, whatever. At this point, it would serve no purpose for her to regret her decision. It wouldn't change anything, and it could potentially cause her more stress and depression and self-blame. Nothing is to be gained by any of that, so she doesn't need it. I think she is lucky to have a friend like you.
It is so nice to continue hearing from all of you. It comforts me to hear how everyone is doing, to read your still encouraging words, and to rejoice as each one gets her clear mammograms, etc. as we proceed along now. I feel we will always be a part of each other. On a brighter note, I got a free haircut at JCPenney yesterday. They were offering them to all breast cancer survivors, plus donating $1 for each haircut to breast cancer research. I had to laugh because I couldn't really imagine myself either thinking I need a haircut or being willing to let anyone cut what little I have now. But my hair was becoming really unruly, sticking straight up in several places. The beautician really gave me a lot of advice about how to grow it out, and after asking me how I would wear it if I had enough hair to wear it how I wanted, she cut only small areas which would help shape things up and give me a better look while it is growing out. I am so grateful for the kind things that people and businesses do for us like that. I will definitely start getting my hair done there now because I so appreciate their contribution to breast cancer research.
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Thank you bahamamom, it's so sweet of you to say that. A free haircut, wow. Was it you that got the free massage? I still have a massage coming to me, but I thought I would wait until I get my port out (which will be November 14, yay!!). How are your thumbs now? Are they any better?
Speaking of getting ports out, for those of you that have had yours removed, was it very scary?
I only have 1 more herceptin treatment next Friday and I'm really starting to get excited about that.
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Bahamamomma - would love to hear your stylists advice on growing out. I am about done with the curls going every which way. Thinking I will get it cut just to avoid the grow out (I know, doesn't seem to make sense).
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Grandma-Yes, it was me who got the free massage. I live in a pretty big city, Louisville, Ky., and I guess we have a lot of resources here. There is a cancer resource center that has classes and lots of free services. My biggest problem is getting time off work to schedule the massages and other services. I finally got to go to the Look Good Feel Better about a month ago, and I am expecting to get the 2nd massage during our Christmas break. They actually provide 6 per patient, 3 for the patients and 3 for their caregivers, so my husband and I are both getting them. They also have a lot of things like exercise, nutrition, music therapy, things like that, but I have never tried to go to any of those. My thumgs are still pretty painful, but I think the Ibuprophen 2 x's a day works. I am also taking that glucosomine, not sure if that has helped or not. Congrats on your last herceptin and the port removal coming up. I was so happy to get mine out. It always freaked me out. I don't like needles, blood, or anything related to it. I had no problems with it coming out, just a litle soreness around the area for a while. My surgeon did mine in the hospital as an outpatient, and I was out during the surgery, so the only scary part was getting the IV in before it. Plus, since it is kind of the last thing, there is someting very spectacular about getting the port out. Hurray!
CHH-The beautician was very helpful. One thing I was concerned about was all the thickness and length that I had in the back and the very short growth on top. She said that since I was trying to get it to grow out to one length, she said that the top would have to come on down before I could really wear it that way, so it wouldn't hurt anything to trim all that off in the back. I was really hating to lose the little bit of hair that had grown out in the back (since it was all I had-the top was so short), but it made sense. As the top grows on out, I can keep the back trimmed up and looking more purposeful until the top gets down to that length, then stop cutting the back. She also combed the sides forward toward my face. I had just been pushing that back away from my face, but the way she did it, it does look more like an actual hairdo and less like the mess that I have been walking around with for the last few months.
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oh my goodness-- again I missed so much. The discussions have been very interesting.
This morning my teenage son wanted to talk. Bottom line is that he said that he was grateful that we went through this experience (my cancer) as we did-- that I was able to push through those times when all I wanted to do was sit, that he and his dad got closer and that he grew up faster-- WOW...amazing son that I have. I am one very lucky gal.
In fact I really am lucky-- I finished my Herceptin last wednesday and today I go in for surgery to revise my scar, do fat grafting on my chest and get my port out-- oh yay!! I cannot wait to get this thing out!
I won't be riding, I am told for 2 weeks...we will see......
So, if I am done with a year of chemo that means many of you are as well. I wish you all a very happy joyous holdiay season-- this time last year we couldn't appreciate it as much so I am doing DOUBLE celebrating!
Q
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Quaatsi--I am sooo happy for you! I had a moment with my son as well. He was sitting next to me and looked over at me and said "Your done??!!"" and just cried. It was a special moment. I certainly wouldn't have chose this journey.....most of our journeys we wouldn't chose but this one is so life changing......My almost 14 year old son hugged me good-bye when I drove him to school (Middle School) and after he walked out of the office the sec'y said to me "He still hugs you?! Wow" I replied "That's my son" "He always hugs me" They were shocked as most kids care what the other kids "think" and my son only knows what matters to him. I hope that others can learn from him. He is quite a leader and his soccer team of boys will go out of their way to say hi and even give a hug here and there. They lived this journey with us as well......wore pink in a tournament and the families took care of us for the year.....very humbling......
Celebrate getting that Port out and may we all double enjoy this holiday season. We were robbed of that last year and it is time enjoy!!
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GrandmaV-I just saw your post...trying to catch up after 8 days without electric/internet....ugh!! NJ is a mess! Thank goodness we have power...so much of our town is without...my son's school had power for one day..home again due to snow taking out power again. I just copied my profile link again-hope it works.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irhThSK6iF4&feature=share&list=ULirhThSK6iF4They have two of the same.....maybe the other one didn't work? I am also having my survivor story featured at a Diamond Gala to raise money for the American Cancer Society. My Breast Care Center is being honored and a donor is sponsoring my story in the book given to the patrons that attend. Hoping me sharing my story saves a life.....I was so lucky as all my tests were negative.......I had an odd situation with a stabbing pain....not the normal every day pains....and my surgeon listened to me...had my biopsy--the rest is history...
Just feeling very blessed.........
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I have been walking with a new friend each day. I had my port removed when I had my implants put it. I still have pain where the port was and it was removed on May 17. My knees hurt a lot. I am taking Arimidex each day. I also take the Claritin. I need to get back to swimming but haven't gotten to a gym yet. Our babiez are coming for a visit next week and I cannot wait! Please pray for safe travels. I can't wait to get my hugs in. I don't ever want my daughters or granddaughters to go through what I have gone through.
Thanks my Friends for standing by me.
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Bonseye-I am glad you have your electricity back. I hope you didn't have too much damage from the storm. I have seen some of the pictures on television-looks awful, especially now with the cold and snow. We have been without power for 4-8 days before, and I can definitely identify with how that feels. It is amazing how much we rely on our power. I always think things like, well, we can't watch tv, so maybe I will cook some dinner or do the laundry. Pretty pathetic, just shows how much a part of our lives the power is.
Your story reminds me of what most people think when they first learn that you have BC, that you just didn't go for your mammograms, yearly checks, etc. I have to say I was guilty of that myself. I really understand why others think that since I was guilty too. The media makes it seem like women who take care of themselves and get their screenings shouldn't have BC, and if they do for some reason, it will be so early that no damage could have been done yet, no spreading, no need for treatment other than a quick little surgery. Now when I think about that, it doesn't even make sense that the annual screenings could possibly prevent BC, but before I had my own encounter with the disease, it made perfect sense to me. Anyway, whenever someone learns of my BC, I know they want to ask if I got my mammograms, many of them actually do, and I try not to be too upset with them for assuming the worst. But anyway, your personal story really reminds me how elusive the disease can be, and I am so glad that you had a strong enough conviction that you made the doctors investigate further after they tried to give you a clean bill of health with your breast screenings, exams, etc.
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I had my last herceptin yesterday!!!! I'm so happy to be done with that, too. Port removal is suppose to be Wednesday Nov. 14, but it might be postponed. I'm being treated for a toenail infection and see a podiatrist Monday. My regular doc. thinks is aftereffects of taxotere, because all of my nails keep splitting vertically, but then one got infected. We'll have to see what the foot doc says.
Congratulations to Quaatsi for getting done and port removed.
Bonseye you have beautiful hair. I enjoyed watching the video. You did such a good job. You made us all proud.
Beth, I know you're excited about seeing those babies. I think being a Grandma is the best thing in the world. My knees have been terrible this last week. I'm calling my onco Monday to see about trying one of the other AIs.
It's wonderful to keep hearing from you all. thank you.
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bahamamom3-We are good after the storm. Our neighborhood was really badly affected. My friends just got power last night...it looked like there was a bomb in her neighborhood-trees down on every house. Crushed cars at a few houses and trees on the houses. It was like nothing I have ever seen before. We have 30 acres behind us and there were over 20 trees down but nothing in the way of damage to our house. I lost a beautiful christmas tree out front-my favorite. It fell but missed the house and cars. No complaints here. We were 7 nights without power but have a generator. We are good at running it! The challenge was gas. We are 30 mins from PA so we just hoped over the border and missed all the lines. We hooked up our furnance and refrigerators and freezer...tv and lights. We were cozy but our cable was out. It was hard not knowing visually what had happened. We had a lot of family time with the radio. It was nice to be safe and warm. My friends weren't as lucky so we all help each other out.
GrandmaV-thank you so much. I was so nervous with the video-glad you liked it and my hair is the color it grew it. I am really liking it and plan to keep it short. So easy to get showered and out the door. I am going to a Diamond Gala and my Breast Center is being honored...and long story short-they chose me as the survivor story in the book that is being put together. Today they called and invited me to the Gala. I am beyond excited! My Oncologist, and Breast Surgeon along with my Nurse Navigator are being honored. It will be amazing night to share this with all the people that were dedicated to making me better. Happy Weekend to an amazing group of ladies!
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Bonseye, that's exciting. Isn't it amazing that good things can come out of such a horrible experience? You certainly had an amazing team. Let us know what the book is called and when we can buy it. I hope your neighborhood recovers quickly. We had high winds and storms last night and I was worried about our big maple tree out back. With the drought we've had for the last 2 summers the trees have really suffered. But thankfully only a few small branches fell and we didn't loose power.
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Has Arimidex affected your joints? We purchased a home with wood floors and it hurts me to get up and walk after sitting for any length of time. I finally have a walking partner and it really hurts to walk. My shins have shooting pains and my ankles are swollen. I see my onco in December for my three month checkup and meet my PCP for the first time in December. Any helpful hints for me. Is using Claritin still an option? Most days I wake up feeling fat and ugly. The babiez are here visiting so I can keep it under control a little.
I am still looking at joining the Center in Kinston when the pool is finished. I need the weightless water for exercising.
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Good Morning all,
So much to catch up on and happy to see us all moving forward. Boneseye, my hair looks very similar to yours. I to am going to just let it be. I get many compliments on th style. And I am leaving it gray after all those years of coloring it. Saving money!! And enjoy your evening at the GAla. How wonderful.
I finish Herceptin in February. Can't wait. Some of my joints are uncomfortable. My onc tells me arthritis, I am not sure, think it might be the herceptin. Others. Grandma - can't wait to have my port out. I eny you.
Like others I am begining to look forward to the holidays. When I think about last year, I don't remember a thing from the holidays. I was jsut trying to get through it all. I am trying to come up with some ideas to make this year special for myself and my family. I have had many great friends thoughout, but 3 or 4 who really have gone above and beyond. I want to do something special for them this year, ideas?? I have a few, but nothing seems to really let them know what they have meant.
Enjoy the day. Be well
Nel
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Bonseye-I am very jealous of your hair. That video was really good, and you look great! My hair is straight and sticks up in a lot of places. It isn't too bad when I first wash and style it (I use that term very loosely), but by the end of the day, it is back to sticking straight up again. I also have some kind of swirly patch at the top in the back that is proving to be quite troublesome. I will be glad when it gets long enough that I can use a curling iron. Maybe that will soften it up some.
Also, I have an idea about doing something to let people know how much we appreciate what they did for us last year. It will probably seem kind of silly to some of you, but I have not sent out Christmas cards in years and was wanting to start this tradition again. I was thinking I would get those cards made at a photo studio that puts your pictures in the cards. I will get pictures of my husband and me all dressed for the season, new hairdo and all. Then I was planning to write a very personal heartfelt message to everyone, expressing my love to them and my gratitude for their help and support. I may even make this a yearly thing and include a number of how many years I am still cancer-free in the message some kind of way. This is not like me at all. I usually hate getting my picture made, but I know the people who helped me get through this love me and think I am beautiful anyway. And to them, I think they will love seeing me looking well and happy, and I know they will feel good knowing how much help and support they were to me.
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Port was removed today. Now it seems final. I'm done with active treatment. I saw the podiatrist a couple days ago. He removed part of the toenail. A sliver on each side of the nail and then used some kind of acid to burn the roots. He seemed to know some about taxotere. He said it can take up to two years before nails return to normal. oh fun.
Nel - It's good to hear from you. February will be here before we know it and you'll be getting your port out. I know what you mean about showing our friends who stood by us what they've meant to us. I liked bahamamom's idea of photo's in cards. I also thought about making something for each of them. I'm not sure what though. I crochet so maybe I'll crochet something, or making each of them a special dinner. I think I'll be more attuned as to what people need during an illness and plan to help out that way as well.
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Grandma-My fingernails all turned black and broke off in pieces, but my toenails seemed fine until they just one by one fell off all in tact. Anyway, several months ago I started taking Biotin for my hair and nails, and I think it really made my nails grow faster and better. My fingernails and most toenails are all fine now. Just my 2 big toenails are still not right yet, but I had to stop taking the Biotin because it was interferring with my thyroid medicine.
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So happy to see so many of us are moving on and finishing up with our "active" treatment. I have one more Herceptin the day after Thanksgiving...something I will definitely be thankful for! And like many of you have mentioned, I am grateful for the people who were my support as I went through the process of treatment. I now know who I can count on and hope I can find some way to let them know what their kindness and generosity has meant to me this year. I am hoping some fabulous idea will pop into my head any day now!
I have the freaky, curly, unruly, gray hair thing going on, too. I had my first "haircut" a couple of weeks ago. It actually felt great to go to the "beauty" shop, but I would have to use the term beauty lightly in my case. However, I am so glad to be on the side of growing it out instead of watching it fall out. It will be awhile before I go without my wig (aka Zelda) since I honestly can't get what is growing on my head to behave. I have a feeling that the purchase of much hair gel is in my future! Bonseye ~ I am going to watch your video and from what I am reading here I know I will be jealous!
Beth ~ I have had joint and my MO said it was probably from the Arimidex. He said it usually gets better. I also have an autoimmune disease that causes joint pain so I am taking prednisone as well. Needless to say I have gained back the weight I lost during chemo...grrrrrr! Going for walks is a challenge for me and I am hoping that resolves itself as my husband and I are hoping to go on a Mediterranean cruise next year (for us, the trip of a lifetime) and want to be able to see the sights without it being a struggle.
GrandmaV ~ So happy that you had your port removed. My MO doesn't like ports so I didn't have one. I think I was lucky that my veins decided to cooperate. I had part of a toe nail removed way before the BC diagnosis and it was definitely not the most painless procedure I have had. My fingernails got really brittle and still continue to break off without much trauma, so I finally got gel on my nails. I have to keep them pretty short, but they definitely look better than the ridgey ones I had during and for a few months after chemo. I often wonder what the "inside' of us looks like from the chemicals we needed since the outside has had it pretty rough!
Hope we can all keep in touch on this thread. Again, I am so grateful to all of you for your support this past year. Just think, this year we can all enjoy that Thanksgiving dinner next week. Last year everything tasted like some gross metal! Take care and I wish you all many Thanksgiving blessings! Linda
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While I haven't been in this group long, I'm feeling the need to proudly proclaim the all clear following by breast MRI yesterday. Technically I started chemo in Oct. 2011. I was bilateral - 2 cancers at a time. Blessed that both were early stage. People around us really fatigue about hearing about the process. Thanks for hearing my shout for joy. It's a great day.
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Bilateralbeauties I heard your shout. Way to go and what a way to clebrate the holiday.
Happy Thanksgiving to all. 2012 is so very different from 2011. I feel healthly and can't wait to finish treatment in February. And Linnyhop, the food will not taste like metal. WAHOO!!! Waht a difference a year makes.
Be well and cherish the day
Nel
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Bilateralbeauties ~ I couldn't be happier for you. Hoping I get good news from my mammogram...just had it this morning. Very nerve-wracking and trying to keep positive thoughts. I will get another MRI in 6 months. My RO recommended being screened twice a year and alternating the test. So far the MO is agreeing since the RO says that the MRI gave the actual info and the mammo gave some but not all of what was going on. I have always been nervous when I have had the mammograms for the past umpteen years, but now it's a special brand of terror!
Nel ~ I know that this year I am thankful for being done with so much of the treatment. Just one more Herceptin this Friday. I will be glad to be done with active treatment, but like so many others have mentioned it seems scary to just swallow that anastrozole pill and hope for the best. Yikes! But, there is so much to be thankful for this year...and one of the "biggies" is the caring, concern, knowledge and generosity of spirit that I have found with my BC.org buddies. I only wish I could personally thank each and every one of you.
Wishing you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving filled with many, many blessings! XOXO Linda
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Peaceful holiday to all. I am so thankful to feel well, almost finished treatment and for the support of family, friends and folks here at bc.org
Be well
Nel
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