Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
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I think I'll party with you, Beth. Any excuse to eat cake. We're snowed in, so I know I'll be craving something I shouldn't. We have 14 inches and it finally quit snowing. We even had thunder and lightening about 5:30 this morning.
bahamamom- You're really making good progress. How many miles is it to walk 30 minutes at 3.3? I know what you mean about the slow weight loss. I haven't lost any more, but I haven't gained the 3 back either. I could put mine back on real easy too. I didn't walk today, but I did go out and shovel the lower part of the driveway, so when my husband got home, he could at least pull in off the street. I felt really good about being able to do that. I'll probably be sore tomorrow, though.
I hope Zumba is going well for Nel. And Linda, let us know how you are.
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Beth, I hope you had a great party! Keep us posted about your physical therapy.
I was able to talk to the nurse in my rad. Oncologist's office. They will redo the mammogram when I'm at MDA on 3/6, then decide next steps. She was great and worked very hard to put my mind at ease. Dr. Strom was standing next to her and I could hear him telling her what to tell me. I really did feel better after that conversation. So...one more week to wait.
Grandma, I hope your snow is beginning to melt!0 -
Phillis, Some of the snow from last weeks storm did melt over the weekend, but we had a blizzard this afternoon and is still snowing tonight. They expect we'll get another 5 inches overnight on top of the 4 we got today. We need the moisture, though.
I hope you get some answers when you go on the 6th and that it's good news.
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Phyllis-I am glad you were able to get some reassurance. We will be hoping for a lot more information and, of course, good news next week.
Grandma-I usually walk about 1 and 1/2 miles when I am on the treadmill, depending on the speed. I start it off about 2.8 and go up to 3.3 within a few minutes, then go down a little at the 28 minute mark, and I stop at 30 minutes. If you walk at 3 miles per hour, then it takes 20 minutes to walk one mile. When I walk in our neighborhood with my husband and our dog, I walk 2 miles, but I generally go slower than that. I have been working on speeding up my walk there too, but I know it is still not that fast because I am very red faced and almost out of breath on the treadmill, but not on a neighborhoood walk.
I am going for my check up with the medical oncologist this morning. We have the day off from school today, so I am planning on a nice day today. I like the doctor. She always reassures me and her whole staff are very nice. I intend to ask her questions about how to watch out for recurreces. If I learn anything, I will pass it on. I hate needles, but I have gotten so used to having sticks after the last year that I don't even mind getting the blood tests done there. Then in the afternoon I am going to Frankfort to check on my upcoming retirement. I am pretty excited about that. I need to get an appication and ask them a few questions about how to file for it and the different options I have for insurane and monthly payouts.
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Grandma V and Bahamamom-way to go with your exercising! I was doing the Livestrong program and it looks like I need to be off for a bit. I had that strep infection in Dec., bronchitis, stomach virus and two weeks ago the strep infection hit me like a ton of bricks! I woke on Sunday morning feeling like I broke my arm. I was shivering and off to the doctor I went. They admitted me to the hospital on IV antibiotics for 5 days. It is two weeks and I am still recovering. I am so exhausted and saw a lymphedema specialist yesterday. My arm is still swollen and they ordered a sleeve for me. I was hoping to avoid it. I just feel like when is enough, enough? Being the patient is getting old and I so just want to exercise and live my life. 17 months of this and I hope I am done. I have read to keep up with everyone and am so happy to see how well everyone is doing!
Phyllis-I know how hard it is to wait for those results. I had to have a MRI to see if there was a fluid collection behind my reconstruction. My doctors were worried that twice in 8 weeks I could have such a horrible infection. Being an MRI tech and looking at the images were not such a good idea. My co-workers didn't offer to show them and when I asked they said I could look. I had an area at my chest wall that didn't look good. All I could think was that today was the day I found out I had cancer again. I couldn't bear to tell my husband. Well with the grace of God I found out that it was scar tissue and I was so happy I didn't tell my hubby. He would never sleep at night again with worry. I feel really confident but there is always this level of worry. I think after going through all this-who wouldn't? I also have a blood clot from the tamoxifen....luckily it is not a big one and it is in a safe place so I just take an aspirin a day. When I say the cooked timer has popped up on me--it has for sure!
I am not afraid to kick anyone that isn't a nurse out of my room that wants to draw my blood. I learned how to survive in the hospital after this trip. My doctors were amazing...after my white blood count went down my Oncologist told me to refuse bloodwork. He said enough needle sticks and everything was good, blood wise. God Bless this man. He was so upset that I was sick again.
Hopefully I can join the exercise ladies on this forum. I was doing so well and look forward to getting back to it really soon.
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Bonseye-OMG, you really have been through it! I am so glad that the scary chest wall picture was scar tissue. I know it is very easy to worry. No one could blame us. But I went to my medical oncologist today. I really do like her. She doesn't lie to me or sugarcoat things, but she does make a lot of sense. She said that we have done everything we could possibly do to prevent the cancer from coming back. Now if it is going to come back, it will come back, regardless of any tests we do, any precautions we take. And if and when it does, we will treat it. In the meantime, don't let the disease change me, unless I let it change me for the better-noticing everything, appreciating everything, doing the things I want to do, having fun, etc. She said that if I just sat around worrying about a recurrence all the time, the disease has won. She said that even though some people beat the disease, they stop taking care of themselves, dress like slobs, and so far as she was concerned, they had lost the battle. It sounds like you have a good attitude like she was saying. I sure hope you get well soon and can begin to heal like you need to.
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Thank You Bahamamom! I so appreciate the sunrises and sunsets...the sound of the wind...the beauty of nature. I tell everyone-each day that you get up and are healthy---be thankful and do something meaningful that day! I have got rid of the people that create drama and don't serve me as a true friend. there is too much bologna out there and none of it is worth worrying about.
I am learning how to surf the waves as they come......
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Boneseye, hope you are doing better. Good lord enough already
Bahamama, Trurer words have never been spoken. Thank you for sharing and I love your oncologist. Mine has a very similar philosophy, now I just need to get my head around it. Most days I am there.
Is anyone else experincing this. My patience for other's complaints about life is almost nil. My response, always in my head and sometimes to the person, is really get over it. Life is too short to worry about..... whatever. I am afraid I will have no friends soon. I have always been direct, but now feel like I might be crossing a line. Trying to keep it in (shutting my mouth, not my best skill).
Making it to zumba a two times a week. Not losing weight, but hopefully building stamina and at least maintaining!
Be well
Nel
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Nel-I hear you on the complaining...I don't have patience for petty stuff any more. I wake up every day so thankful to see my family and the sun shining. I don't let anything bother me. I am feeling better and am helping a dear friend who's husband died in January. He was only 54...went to work in NY as an engineer-working on the renovation at the Aqueduct Bridge between Manhattan and the Bronx and somehow "fell" to his death. No one seems to know anything....it is beyond tragic. Each day we can say "I love you" to our family and really appreciate the good that we are given...it's a good day! Meanwhile the neighborhood has come together to help this wonderful family that now has no husband or father. Senseless.....My husband commutes from central NJ to New York City every day and when the news comes on "Breaking News" i always panic. I have to get over that.....Enjoy each day for all the little things...they truly are the big things
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Bonseye, You really have been bombarded. I so hope you stay well, now. What a horrible thing to happen to your friend. She'll need you and the rest of the neighborhood for a very long time.
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My husband has come down with a cold and I have avoided infection so far. I am taking my vitamins and hopefully won't get sick. I'm sorry to hear about your illness Bonseye. Get better soon.
I am just now coming out of my fog. I deal with survivor guilt lately. I lost 6 of my friends to cancer last year while I was going through chemo and surgery. I think I get angry about cancer and how it has changed me. I am so happy to have grandchildren and a wonderful family. I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. I can't get to one stage and stay there. I know some of you have or still are taking anti depressants. Are they keeping your emotions steady? I know exercise will help me too. I had my first physical therapy session and he said my leg was weak. Doing the exercises will help. I am loving the sunshine. That and my vitamin D should keep the blues away. I am going to Indiana next week for a visit. I can't wait to hug those babiez!
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I think I may have gotten the germ from my husband. I am going to Indiana on Friday to spend a week with my children and the babiez.
Physical therapy yesterday was good but I am paying for it this morning. I haven't used those muscles for a long time. It's time to get walking again!
I hope everyone is doing well today. And I also hope I haven't been one of those negative people of this group. I realize that I am angry. I am angry that my body has betrayed me. There are days when I have to do a lot of self talk to myself. I am learning how to forgive and be thankful. Some days are easier than others. Now that I know what the root of the problem is, I can deal. I am thankful to each of you when I read encouraging words. My main problem right now is that I have left all of my face to face friends and haven't been able to attend a support group here. I am working on it.
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I am so glad to see activity here. Having a real tough time. Mammogram tomorrow, and huge marital stress. Things not great before and a year of diagnosis and treatment not so good. We have become so very separate and just don't help each other. I don't know if it's fear or him being the consummate fixer. I just can't share. I just can't. Outside of reading here, and coffees with friend on a very close treatment schedule, haven't sought counselling but am now. It just hurts to hear him say he can't help me, even with the fear.
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CHH and Beth, this is the place to come to share your innermost thoughts. Nobody gets it like we do, those who've traveled the same road.
Beth, loosing 6 friends in one year, that's terrible. You have every right to be angry. One of my friends who was diagnosed a couple of years before I was, just recently died. It seems like it took her so fast. The uncertainty of our situation is very difficult to deal with. For me, I want to believe the doctors when they say I'm NED, but yet, I don't want to be lulled into a false since of security, either, in case it comes back. It is very much a roller coaster. I have never felt that you're negative. This is the one safe place you can come and share anything and know you are understood. I try, but don't always succeed, to remember that a lot more people survive breast cancer, than die from it. According to the American cancer society there are almost 3 million breast cancer survivors alive in the U.S. right now. So we have to cling to that. I hope you are able to find a support group in your area soon.
CHH - Mammograms are torture. It brings back all those feelings of helplessness and shock we all felt at first diagnosis. It's real fear and no one can understand that, that hasn't been through it. I really think we all suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome. I'm glad you're going to get some counselling, but I think it would also help if you could find a breast cancer survivor group to get some support from. I have one friend who thinks I'm babying myself. I also think some of my friends are tired of hearing about it. So I just try not to talk to them about it. In many ways having a cancer diagnosis is a very lonely journey. That's why it's so crucial to seek out those who have been through it. Only they know the fear, anger and the loneliness. We're here for you and we do understand.
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Phyllis, I think it was March 6 that you were going to MD Anderson for mammo and MRI? I hope your trip is enjoyable and you get nothing but GOOD news.
Well, on the exercise and getting healthy front. I haven't been walking since we got all that snow and was going to today, but the wind is too cold. Somehow managed to loose 2 more pounds. I have been getting more done around the house and it's getting easier to go up and down the stairs to do the wash. So my leg is getting a little stronger. I still don't have much stamina but I think it's better. I try to push through the fatigue, but am not always successful. Beth, it will take some time, but you will get the strength back in your leg. I bought some new jeans yesterday and bought the size I usually get and I can get them on, but can't bend. So a little extra incentive to loose some more weight. Makes me remember as a teenager getting my jeans a little too small and laying on the bed, sucking everything in and using pliers to zip them up. Couldn't bend then either, but hey, I looked cool.
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Grandma-I had to smile at what you said about the jeans. I got a pair of jeans that were too really tight at Christmas this year. They also had that kind of metal button that hurts my thumb when I try to push too hard on them to get them to close up. I was ecstatic a week ago when I was able to get them zipped and buttoned up. It seems I am losing inches even if not as much weight as I would like to be losing. Anyway, like you, I couldn't bend and was pretty uncomfortable in them, but at least they closed up. Woo-hoo! And hurray for your 2 new pounds as well.
Beth-I don't think you are negative either. You have had a rough year, though, so give yourself some time to get your bearings and continue to adjust to being a grandma, moving away from your family and friends, recovering from a 2nd cancer diagnosis and treatment, and now your knew problem. I feel like I am a completely different person, and I have had it pretty easy, compared to you and many others on this board.
CHH-I understand your feelings about your worries and the marital stress. One thing I have learned, though, is that we were not the only ones affected by our illness. When you think of how the cancer has changed us, try to understand that it changed those closest to us as well. Some of our loved ones aren't good at sharing their feelings and may not even understand them either. Our cancer resource center has so many good things available to us. I wonder if thee is counseling available at the cancer resource center near you. You need each other now more than ever. I hope you can get some help soon.
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Thanks everyone. I know I have many friends here on this board. I am so grateful to all of you!
When my children were younger and I was home with them each day, a friend told me to never wear sweat pants when I was home because I would begin to fit in them. Welllll, I have begun to fit in my pj pants and not my jeans. I have started wearing my jeans again. Yes, I did have to lie on the bed to zip them and didn't bend well but I still wore them for a while. I have broken two of my belts!
Hopefully the snow won't stick in the mountains and my aunt and I can make it to Indiana.
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Hi ladies. I got bad news today. In addition to the new lump I found at the surgery site they did a fine needle aspiration on a lymph node they found with an ultrasound. They also did a core needle biopsy on the lump that I found. The lymph node is cancerous.....meaning that the lump is also and they expect the pathology report to confirm that.
It looks like I will have a mastectomy and node dissection on March 19. Still need to talk to my MO, so he could decide chemo first, surgery second.
My RO and BS both were very surprised that I have a recurence at the surgery site 6 months after rads. Cancer SUCKS!
Phyllis0 -
Oh Phyllis, that is bad news. It's not fair. After all you've been through. It just doesn't make any sense. You did everything you could possibly do and still this. Everything about this cancer trip is just crazy. I hate it. I wish I could be there to help. I'm sending you cyber hugs and crying with you. I agree "Cancer sucks!"
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Phyllis-I am so sorry you are having to go through all this again and so soon too! Grandma is right-there is nothing fair about this BC. It is just so hard to believe that surgery, chemo, and radiation didn't get rid of all this crap. You know that we are with you here, so please keep in contact with us, and we will try our best to help as much as we can. You will surely be in my thoughts and prayers as you undergo this next surgery and recovery from that.
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Phyllis,
Thoughts and prayers
Nel
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Thanks everyone. I spent yesterday in bed with a migraine headache, barfing, etc. Glad that's over! Things seem less dark today and I'm in a much better frame of mind.
On Monday I will have CT scans of everything, along with a bone scan, to help with staging.
I'm trying not to be too scared of the aggressiveness of this stuff and just wait for the scans.
Again, thank you all for being here for me and for all of your positive energy, thoughts and prayers.
Phyllis0 -
Phyllis, I'm so glad you got your surgery scheduled right away. You have a great attitude. Please keep us posted.
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Phyllis,
Glad you are heading to surgery soon! Sending you healing thoughts and prayers!
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Dear Phyllis---I just logged on and read your post. I am sending hugs your way. I know how much you didn't want to hear this diagnosis. I have been dealing with a lot of anger from my 2nd diagnosis and treatment.
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Hi everyone, I haven't made any real progress. I may be starting water exercises in April. I found a great gym that has many different classes for older people and those with health problems. They have a water exercise class called "silver sneakers", that sounds like it's about right for me. I have to have a paper signed by my doctor before I can start and my appointment with her is Mar. 28. So we will see.
We're all concerned about you, Phyllis, and are hoping you're scans came out clean. Mar. 19 is rapidly approaching for you're surgery and you're on my mind a lot. I hope all goes well for you and please let us know when you can.
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Hi Everyone...I am sorry to have been away for so long...life sometimes gets in the way of what we want to do. I will read all the posts from where I left off and hope to get back in the groups correspondence.
Phyllis ~ I don't know what to say other than I am so sad for you and will pray for your journey to be an easy one. Cancer does suck and I hate it! You know we are all here for you for whatever moral support we can give you. I just logged in to this site and read a blurb on "When Cancer Returns" and now to read about you makes me sad, scared and angry. You will be in my thoughts every single day, and I will think only positive thoughts for your tests results to be negative. The awful part of all of this is knowing (from personal experience) you will need more treatment. Please take care of Y-O-U! Hugs and love...Linda
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Welcome back, Linnyhop! We are glad you're back.
Grandma, I hope you get approval from your doctor to start the water exercise class. I know the LIVESTRONG program I am doing has really helped me become more flexible and stronger. I am lifting more weight on all of the machines than when I started.
I finally lost 6 pounds since I stated 9 weeks ago. And this week my 2 daughters talked me into doing the cabbage soup diet with them. This is day 5, just 2 more to go! It is a very restrictive diet with low calories that is designed to sort of cleanse you. I agreed to do it with them because I thought it would jumpstart my losing. I know it is not in any way good for me, but I have lost 4 more pounds on this diet so far. My hope is that after Sunday (the last of the 7 days of the diet) I will make better choices and go back to measuring thing like starches and try (I have to say try because I know it won't be easy) to stay away from sweets.
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Phyllis-I am so sorry for your new diagnosis and at a loss to understand how all the nicest people are touched by this horrible disease! I will keep you in my prayers <<hugs>>
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