February 2012 Chemo
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ditnhm
Sounds like you had a great weekend overall. The mere fact you felt up to trying on bathing suits you are my hero. You shoulnd't feel guilty either. No one could have convinced me prior to this that this what chemo was really. Ok the back spasms were not fun but if I can aleviate that with Clariton and get along as well as the 1st TX, I can certainly ride out the next 3 . We just won't know until each one what our SE's will be. Carpe Diem right?
Lumpy
Intersting to hear about the class you had the same type of assignment for. I guess it's more common than I ever realized but thinking more about it if one can face their mortality prior to getting an illness it's likely very valuable exercise. I know I certainly never did until this DX. Lucky you on the nether regions. My hair is hanging on in all areas. Actually shaved my underarms and legs tooday. Good luck tomorrow!!
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faithhopenluv ..... that's a wonderful mantra! You go girlfriend!!!
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Chemo #1 - mission complete!
The worst part about getting chemo administered was all the needles! I can deal with them, but I'm not a big fan. The nurse tried to use my port first, but it is still swollen (only installed 4 days ago) so after two tries she gave up. Then it took her a couple of tries to get an arm vein to cooperate.
Once the IV line was in, it was quite easy.
First she gave me an infusion of steroids (Dexamethasone) and saline solution.
Then she slowly injected three big syringes of Doxorubicin - which is bright red - while saline solution was infusing. That felt cold (the drugs come out of a fridge), but not painful.
Next she gave me an infusion of Cyclophosphamide, which took about 20 minutes.
Lastly she gave me some more saline solution, and then disconnected me and sent me home.
I've been home for over an hour now. Feeling a little nauseous and headachy, and I have a constant weird taste/smell. Otherwise I feel okay.
I hope everybody else is doing okay today.
((((hugs))))
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galena -- I hope that your first day now goes more smoothly. Sorry about the port problems. That must have really hurt. Take it easy and if and when you eat, eat something very light and quite bland. Rest easy .... listen to your body.
My prayers are with you,
Diana
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Sitting in the infusion chair now.....just got my Adriamycin and now Taxol.....doing okay so far, just feeling fatigue coming on! But I'm snacking here to keep food on the stomach. It's quite intimidating to be in with people who are terminal
Although there is a young mom younger than me here as well. I wish none of us had to be here. the nurses have said this morning that sadly, they are more and more busy with new patients 0 -
Sissy, ain't nobody terminal until they're dead. All of them are survivors fighting for their lives. :-)
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Sissyd
Where I get my TX its a really busy place too. I didn't count or anything but there are at least 6 areas (mabey more) with each having 12 chairs, 6 on one side then 6 facing. There were all occumpied from what I could see. Other areas have beds for pateints too ill to sit up. Every age imaginable although no little kids. I was thinking they must get treated out of the local childrens hospital.
The worst part of the day was when I was nearly done, the social worker came to speak to me about how things were going and there was a woman that was obviously a pateint that must have gotten bad news. I would say she was around 40ish and was with her husband, she was in tears but was stopping each nurse as she went for a hug. My social worker stopped talking mid sentence and was obviously overcome with sadness and got choked up.. She said that the woman was losing her battle. I didn't dare ask any questions, just said that I was sorry. She did her best to compose herself and went on speaking to me about whatever it was we were talking about (can't remember now). I told her to go take a minute and visit with the woman, I could wait. She said no, I guess she was trying her best to remain professional. It must be very difficult for the professionals because they are human afterall and even though there are lots and lots of success stories there are also not so good outcomes.
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hello my friends,
For the past 3 days I have been debating on posting. I "write" it all in my head but never put the fingers to the keys. I guess today just got the best of me. I have been trying so very very hard to be upbeat and positive. Friends and family keep telling me to be strong and honestly thats the last thing I want to hear. I am doing my best but some days I just need their prayers not their advice. *warning.. pity party coming!**
I am 4 days post #2 TX. I have been tired but not horrible, aches in the body but tolerable(took the Claritan) and of course no appetite but still making myself eat something. So all in all it doesnt sound bad right? But this time its my spirit. On Sat night, my 3 1/2 year old coonhound had a sudden heart attack and died. I am still devestated by this as pets are family to us. On top of that my 15 yr old cat has cancer and has limited time. My 9 yr old daughter is a mess and trying to console her when its hard to console myself hard. Also my hair starting falling out a lot yesterday. This has been one of the things I have dreaded the most. For the first time since I started all this I find myself faced with fear and scared to death. I feel alone in that even though I have an amazing friend and family support group, how can any of them understand what I am going through? THEN on top of that I feel guilty for feeling the way I do or even expressing how I feel. lol I am pretty messed up right now huh?
Thanks for letting me vent a bit... just trying to find some of that sunshine out there behind these dark clouds. I know it will pass but its just very difficult right now. I appreciate you giving me a place to air these feelings without telling me to "be strong" or "God only gives us what we can handle
Lots of love and prayers for all of you!
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Oh WOW JenH13, I am so sorry. I had a really, really hard time last week and I know I have more bad days to come. I took my 16 year old Jack Russell to the vet on Wed because he was having symptoms of a bladder infection. The vet said it is mass growing in his bladder. It has me to the brink on so many levels. I'm so afraid and sad when I think about losing him. He also gets me up 2 or more times a night to go out and usually doesn't make it outside. He peed on the bed last night. I want to have all the patience that he needs at this time of his life, but my sleeping is so bad as it is. I miss our nice walks together. ....And on Wed my hair was giving me so much stress, I knew I only had days left of it and hated how it looked because it was so thin. All I can say is the hair issue is off the list. Mine is gone, I'm in hats, bandanas and wigs. He is still making multiple messes in the house and I got about 4 hours of sleep last night between my hot flashes and restlessness and his accidents.
But..i had a great weekend with my friends. I had lunch with one I hadn't seen in awhile and then on Sunday I went on a boat ride with 3 other couples and had a fantastic day. None of this changes anything, I'm still bald and my dog is still sick, but I have 2 really great days in the bank to energize me for awhile.
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My dogs are also having health problems which freaks me out a bit. My groomer found a mass in the shoulder of my girl dog and my boy dog is having liver trouble too. I try not to think about it.
faithopenluv, i have a 20 year old chihuahua who can't hold it. i use belly bands, a band you put around them that catches the urine in a sanitary napkin. i buy them from this great rescue group and they're affordable. sure makes life easier.
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Jen813 and faithhopenluv
Sorry to hear what your both going through with your beloved pet kids. I just went through similar with my female cat. She was always kind of a bitchy cat but we loved her anyway, she ws 14. A few weeks ago she felt like being all cuddly and was sitting on my DH's lap. He had to get up but she wouldn't budge. He lifted her off to put her beside him to get up and low and behold he felt this massive lump on her chest. She was a long haired kitty so you couldn't see it at all. She seemed fine other wise, eating/drinking purring, not having any difficulties jumping, walking at all. Called the vet and made an appointment. The next morning I noticed little pools of blood all over the place. The vet though it might be just an abscess and proceeded to surgery. He called me mid way though the procedure and said it was a large tumor. Not wanting to put her through anymore, I asked that he euthanize her. Picked her up and buried her in the garden under the lilac bush.
We kind of feel like she took a bullet for me.
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Gritgirl, I didn't mean to be insensitive! That's what they were calling themselves....I'm with you, no such thing as terminal......only fighting survivors! I hate medical terminology!
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Sissy: no worries. i didn't want you thinking you were terminal either. :-) that's sad that the folks feel that way about it. last week a woman was in the chemo lounge and it was her last treatment. she was a two time survivor and she would walk around the place with her iv pole, wearing this silly wig (it had a rastafarian look), and cheerlead everyone along. i loved her. was so glad she was there. i don't want to cheerlead myself but i do like to joke with the staff and other people there just to make it easier.
the previous week there was an older woman there for her last chemo and when she left we asked her if she wanted us to sing her the graduation convocation song and then we told her she was valedictorian of her class. :-)
i can't wait for graduation myself. i also can't wait for my hair to finish falling out. this inbetween stage sucks. plus, when it grows back, i'm so hoping for a new color or new texture. it'll be a fun surprise.
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That's what they say about the hair, that it comes back really lush and healthy. I have long hair, past my shoulders, and will shave it when it starts falling out in clumps....not quite ready yet.
I love the joking around in the infusion room! We even had the pancreatic cancer pt. cracking jokes! One sweet little lady, ( must have been in her 80's) came in for a shot, and when she was done, she gave me a thumbs up and said in her best southern drawl, "gitter done!!!!!" , LOL0 -
My hair is very flat and dirty blonde in color. So if I got a darker color out of this, bonus! So I'm very excited about what might happen with my hair.
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thanks gritgirl - I'm not sure that it will work for him. He is a serious chewer. He had his paw bangaged once and was fixated on getting it off. He also has poop issue going too, just another sign of him trying to tell me something's not right. So I'd need a little more coverage to take care of it all. Instead I'm basically putting in pee pad carpeting and hoping he'll catch on more. It is miserable. My cat died in 2003 and I completely fell apart. I was ready to sell my condo and leave anything that had any memories tied to her. I know I am slightly better prepared mentally, he's 16 she was 11, but it still sucks.
I'm sorry for your loss MyLeftBoob, that's similar to what happened with my cat. He felt something but thought she may have swallowed a ribbon or something (yep right around Christmas) and when he went to operate he found that it was a tumor.
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Last year, we lost our Aussie shepherd the day after thanksgiving. It was sooo hard on us; we now have a beautiful cream golden retriever who I adore, and am so thankful for, as she is very sensitive to when we're feeling sick. She's been a great therapy for me, and I'm thinking about taking her for therapy dog training after all this is over.
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Animals are good therapy and its amazing when their instincts kick in. My male cat is super affectionate and is always in my lap. Looking back, a few months before I even had the mamo that led to my DX, he had taken to sitting on my lap and burying his head right in my left boob. No I am not kidding! Since I came home from surgery he now rests lies right beside me, head resting on my left thigh with his arm around my leg. OMG I love this cat! I would love to get a dog again in the future. Have had a few in the past and I miss the daily walk's. When my DH and I got toghether I would take my cockapoo for walks and DH's cat used to walk with us!! He was hilarious.
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Hi everyone,
Just got back from my first TX. I was so worried I couldn't sleep last night. Thank god all went well so far. No problem with the port, no problem with the drugs. No SE's YET. It's easy to say and not always easy to do but we need to keep positive. There was a woman in the chemo chair next to me with her family and I was so impressed how she was talking about past vacations and up and coming vacations and great recipies for soup. Just listening to her kept me grounded. I also had to put my cat to sleep over the weekend. 19 years old. My daughter and I cried half the day.
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Oh, gosh. Everyone is having such losses. I'm so sorry.
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Its a chilly but nice day here today. Morning clinic was busy, even tho I'm not seeing sick patients. Did several physical exams this morning, and one was another breast cancer survivor patient. Shes about 6 years out, and no problems. They're out there, I see them every day. All of her concerns were about her kids and grandkids. I'm feeling pretty good this week. Had a nice run this morning, and a full day at work. I'm guessing my hair will start falling out in a few days. I'll just make a fashion statement! and yes, I have decided I just have to get over it and not be overly sensitive about being part of this group. So.....gritgirl is the leader of this group....who is the secretary? Is someone keeping a list so we can make sure everyone is accounted for?
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Firstcall, I just started the forum. I ain't no leader.
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Hi Guys,
I'm so sorry to hear all the pet sadness--it's so difficult to say good bye to our fur babies, and it doesn't make it easier to be going through all this stuff at the same time! Sending out warm thoughts.
Got back from Chemo the Third a couple hours ago, and I definitley don't feel as good as I did the last time. On the other hand I feel better than the first time thus far, so I'll just stop whining. I don't have a port because apparently I have good veins, but today the nurse ended up putting in a new IV halfway through the Adriamycin, as she wasn't getting a good blood return. That was a bit nerve-wracking, as the fear was that the IV had come out of the vein, but all ended well.
I wore my daughter's hair today, which always cracks me up as she'll see it and give it a pat and say, "My hair is looking very nice today!" And apparently it was, b/c both the nurse who does the bloodwork and the chemon nurse did a double take and said, "Isn't this your third chemo? Is that your hair?" In fact, the chemo nurse went so far as to write down the website where I got it (hats with hair.) So that was reassuring.
Yuck. Time to see if I can nap. Only one more AC to go!
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so sorry for the loss of your pets, my heart aches for all of you. I know I would be devastated if either of my girls left me, specially now. As for SE I am sleepy all the time, and hungry! if it keeps up I will certainly gain the 20 i lost before dx. I sleep 2-3 hours wake up eat, stay up hour or so then back to bed, it sucks, feels like I just exists, no complaints really am blessed that thats all I have0
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dipad
Happy to hear your TX was uneventful. Where I'm treated is too quiet. Mabey I'll sit another area next time. I would have preferred some conversation but was mindfull about letting the others take the lead so I wouldn't disturb them if they weren't feeling well. No one did really.
firstcall
I'm so glad your're more comfortable. I just love it when you tell us of your BC patients that are doing so well, it really makes my day. Re the hair thing, it's comforting to me that as a male you feel the same. I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday about it. I'm still suprised at myself for feeling more concerned about losing my hair, which will come back ,than losing my breast! I was really quite over that within a couple of week after surgery. Perhaps because its more obvious to the world and screams "I have cancer", whereas I can wear my prostesis and no one can tell.
dipad
I'm so sorry about the loss of your cat. My DH is a big 6'3, 240 lb guy, tough exterior type, a real man's man. The day we put our cat down he was broken hearted. I had to pick the cat up from the vet and bury her. There was no way he could bring himself to do it. Never, ever have I seen him even shed a tear watching a sad movie or anything, that is until he saw Marlie and Me. When it comes to our animals we are all softies.
girtgirl
Sorry hun, hate to be the bearer of bad news, you are the leader
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Gritgirl, your more of a leader than you give yourself credit for
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Anybody headachy after first treatment? My treatment was this morning, but I've been fighting a mild headache all day
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Did you hydrate really well??
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I thought so! Hmmmm....anymore and I would have puked,
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First to all those with Furbaby issues- ((((hugs)))))). Love to all who had treatment recetntly - small SEs for you.
It seems I have the first official case of chemo brain for a newby. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good, got up, it was 8:30, ate a bagel. took my meds- including my 2 antidiarrhea pills. then went to sit down in the living room. all of a sudden, got so tired droped the paper, coffee cup and passed out. work up at 4 30 pm. puking and needing to go to the bathroom. after bodily functions were taken care of, realized I must have taken two AMBIEN. and slept through the whole day. not fun. ow I am cold, puking, and not tired, but wiped. what did I do that for? ug.sorry, puke beak. waiting 10 mn without puing so I can take the compazine. on the other hand, only 3 bms all day! LOL. I am gonna curl up in a bal right now. I hoe everyone is doning better.
and yed Grit girl, you are the defacto leader of this group! Sorry -hands a r shaking too much, gotta quit typing. good nite...
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