Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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Thank you 2Tabbies!
JJ: We all heal at our own pace. You MIL has no idea what you are going through....let her words pass through you....she is ignorant. Hugs
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JJ - you have got some good advice, here! The new house will probably be great once you are in it. Make sure you have your own little corner in it - or room, if you can! Comfy chair, things that matter, noise cancellation headphones, you get it. AND IT IS ONLY FOR YOU.
I would like to let your MIL have it. Bitch slap sounds fun. We should work something out where we could do that for each other? WOuldnt that be great? "Knock knock" on MIL's door. She answers, and one of your supporters just slaps her down and walks away. Sign me up. Linda
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haha. Group bitch slap.
We are here for you JJ. Everyone has their own healing sched.
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Group Slap! Too funny! I really do believe there is merit in the idea of, if not a slap delivery to someone's door, then maybe we should start an insult-o-gram service? Think the sharks would invest?
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I love that idea
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love it.
Have any of you seen the movie "What Happens in Vegas" with Cameron Diaz? In it the supporting characters talk about doing exactly what you are taking about, and at the end they do it.
Someone knocks on the door...the "bad guy" answers and gets punched in the junk...and cries "Why? Why?" And the puncher replies.."You know why!" And walks away....might be the best part of the movie.
Have a good rest of your Saturdays.
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JJ, I hate to say this but there is no "going back" and things will never be "normal" again. It sucks but there it is. Honestly one of my biggest rants is how the docs all lie through their teeth and say things like "you just have to get through this little ____" (surgery, chemo, rads, whatever) and then "you will recover and be back to normal in no time". My BS actually said that "back to normal" line with a straight face and added "in about a month". Seriously, WTF? That muscle he cut off is never going to grow back. Those lymph nodes are never going to grow back. The fact is I will NEVER have full use of that arm again. And don't get me started on the SEs of chemo that we are assured are "only temporary" but are turning out to be anything but. And the whole new set of SEs from the tamoxifen or A.I.s.
Anyone who has not been through it can NEVER understand. If they are nice people they will be sympathetic and helpful even though they don't understand. If they are not so nice they say things like your MIL did.
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I think that this belongs here. I identify with so much of what she has written.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-argu...
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Kathy - I am speechless. So HAPPY there are people who can write like that - who getit, who get us. And happy for people like you for passing the words on. Thank you. Linda
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Thank you for sharing that, Kathy. That is good. I'm going to pass that on for sure.
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There is no going back to normal for us. Once we get a diagnosis our lives are forever changed. I don't know if I will have the energy to get back to my same level of activity. If I do it will be gravy. It's all a gift,
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jennie, your BS seriously said you'd be "back to normal in about a month?" I'd be laughing my a** off, but it's not funny. They also don't tell you about the SEs that show up long after treatment. I had lymphedema show up in my leg 9 years after surgery for ovarian cancer. Peripheral neuropathy appeared in my fingers months after chemo. And honestly, I'm better off than a lot of people. I have no LE in my arms (yet) and full range of motion. I still tire easily, but have resumed most of my former life. When I'm not at doctor's appointments, that is, or in the black hole of depression thanks to Tamoxifen.
I love the group slap idea. Too bad it's not real, but I've heard of a real service that will send someone dead flowers.
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Kathy, thank you for linking to that article. She say it all perfectly. This. Exactly.
And you have forgotten the feeling of spontaneous joy or excitement, what it is like to go through a day without it all feeling forced.
And you're guilty for feeling anything like this when you are "lucky to be alive," right?
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Ladies,
i hope you don't mind me posting here today, but I just feel so depressed today. I feel like everything is wrong. I have all the antidepressants, perhaps I don't take them as I should (i forget) , but I actually feel so tearful and low today. I think it is about my kids going on holiday with their dad. I feel like I have nothing..... I don't know how to feel better and how to look forward...
I am waiting for the second stage diep and more investigations for other problems. I am fearful to write sometimes in case people think I am feeling sorry for myself, but I do try to pick up and get on, but it is too hard at times. I am sure most on here have/had this feelings. I am certain I cannot be alone here....
How can I help myself?
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Hi Wintersocks, First, just know that you are not alone. I also have feelings of grief, sadness and sometimes anger. This morning I was ready to throw all my pills out the window. Every few days I set aside a window of time to grieve, think all my negative thoughts and cry. I find I am so often trying to control it all, I don't really let it out and it needs to come out. When the time is up, I make myself do something positive. Know that it ok to grieve and feel sad. I also know some feelings the feelings of being left out of events in my daughters lives. It sometimes hurts, but I know that my children are better off for having more good relationships in their lives. I saw a picture of my granddaughter yesterday on facebook having a girls day out with my ex's significant other. I just remind myself that it isn't a competition. The more love in their lives the better. I even posted a positive comment on the photo, reminding myself. Hugs to you, Wintersocks. There are many positive things ahead for you. You will get through this period. You are not alone.
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Thank you for sharing that great work. She gives voice to so many living, struggling, courageous people dealing with treatments and trying to make sense of it all.
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please nobody ever feel guilty about venting or so called whining here. This is our one safe place. It's supposed to be always safe here and we all understand.
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Where do we go from here? T/C 4 is hitting me hard. Then, more surgery. How can we look forward and to what? I am feeling very down, as you can tell
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New to the boards. Completed 9 out of 12 Taxol infusions & had to stop due to developing lung toxicity issues from the Taxol. Felt like crap through most of the Taxol & wanted to quit at 8, but oncologist convinced me to continue. Then developed toxicity issue...guess my body was telling me at 8 that I was done. Should've listened! Now I'm 9 days out from my last infusion of Taxol & having my typical crappy Sunday. Thought it was going to be better since I stopped chemo over a week ago. Feeling bummed! Could really use some support. Thanks
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Lynn- I'm so sorry. I remember TC 4 well. Sometimes when it was really bad I took a bath with salts, an anti anxiety pill, an oxy, and got in bed and just tried to sleep it off. Hoping the next day would be better.
Things will be better for us. It has been promised here by our bco sisters that have gone before us. Try to believe. Try to just get through to tomorrow. Rinse and repeat. I am so very sorry. PM me you want. My brother and SIL are here but j am checking my email regularly.
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Wintersocks, mysunshine, and all others who are feeling depress, you aren't alone. I can go along fine for a while especially if I have something enjoyable to distract me, but then seemingly for no reason I feel like I've fallen in a hole. I'll walk around for days feeling on the verge of tears. Maybe that's my problem. I never actually cry. It just doesn't happen. Please don't feel bad about venting here. We don't think you're whining. Gypsyjo's technique of setting aside a time to grieve then doing something positive is might be a good thing for all of us to try. Missing your kids must be especially hard.
mysunshine, you're still in the middle of the storm of treatment. At that stage, I think the only thing you can do is just get through each day one day at a time. I hope you have people taking care of you and you can find some things to do that you enjoy. Read a good book. Listen to your favorite music. Hang in there. It's a long road. We're here to help any way we can.
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My heart goes out to all who are discouraged. The low point for mr was the 2 months after the chemo was done when the cards and calls stopped coming and the SEs were the absolute worst. It's the first time I could cry. I had been so busy trying to get through everything the previous 6 months that I never did cry. Then it hit! Have been going to a counselor which turned things around. Felt like a slug today and forced myself to ride the exercise bike to get the endorphins flowing so feel good now.It does get better.
Many Hugs!
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Chloesmom, How are you now? I thought by 2 months after final treatment the side effects would pretty much be gone. ? I am alone and while someone is with me for 10 days after each treatment, they leave. That means I will be alone to recover for more surgery. How do we do this? People email and text snd say Yea, you are done! They have NO idea! I am far from done, if there is ever a done.
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Validation. I went to see my MO today. This was my first visit since Feb and it was great. I finally received validation that my fatigue, breast swelling and the scabby boob are all real and even though I finished rads on May 13th this is all normal. It was great for DH to hear this too so he gets that the SE are not just random things I've come up with and in the words of my bitchy MIL...I'm not "milking it". He wants me to continue to do restricted work hours till at least after our move. I'm also going to meet with a counsellor as my plate is just too full and it has been now for too long. I'm hoping some professional perspective will be helpful!!!
Hugs to all....you really are my "breasties" :-)
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JJ, I'm so glad your DH heard the doctor validate your symptoms. Maybe he'll pass it on to his mother. I hope you start feeling better soon.
mysunshine, You're right. People who haven't been through this have no idea. If you still need help, is there a friend who might be able to pitch in? What surgery do you have coming up? Hang in there and pamper yourself as much as possible.
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gypsyjo,
I am going to try some of the things you recommend to try to get a grip on this, It's always worse at the weekends and holidays. I actually haven't really cried that much since dx, just existed on numbness and coasting. I realise I have to try and do something other than exist in cancer land.
Yes, the feeling is of being 'left out' as you so well describe, I find it utterly painful to know the boys are with him as he flashes the cash now, and has a laugh now and hangs out they are grown. I raised them more or less single handledly. I feel like I have not got to enjoy the best of them and I am acutely aware that at stage 3, I am on a bit of a knife edge.....
Perhaps, I need some kind of relationship counselling to get 'unstuck' with this, , Again, you are right to be pleased your grandaughter has other love in her life, what I wonderful way to view such a hard situation. I will try to remember that. Life and a cancer dx are sometimes a terrible combo. I often feel exhausted.
Thank you all for hearing me out, and jackbirdie for reaffirming that I can come here when it feels so tough. I do worry about whining...
mysunshine4, you are just at the beginning here, someone told me to put 'one foot in front of the other' whilst going through chemo tx. That's all you can really do, but know that chemo does end.....
2tabbies, the text in bold really does say it all......
I hope all oldies on here and the newbies know that we can always come here, I as I do when I need to, when I feel bad it's the only place I want to be.
Thank you all xxx
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Thanks for asking how doing. Feet ache, hands stiff in morning and on and off in day. Not as tired niw. The muscle pain is mostly gone but stiffness is not. Getting better every day. Still fatigue if I try to do too much
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Wintersocks come and visit me! a lot of the horrible feelings are due to AI´s, I am feeling a lot happier and looser since taking myself off them.......its only a holiday from them but i am thinking longer term now as my QOL on them is **** be kind to yourself
Have been mega busy, not working just doing loads of animal related rescue things.........and had pneumonia.........steroid induced heart problems, but am ok now. I am just the kind of girl who needs to be left alone..............
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Well - this thread has been a Godsend for me - and now also for my sister. Her prognosis is excellent, but she was diagnosed and operated on for thyroid cancer this week. The whole thing happened so fast and at one point she was standing in Princess Margaret Hospital, renowned for it's cancer treatment, crying, and saying she couldn't believe that she was in a Cancer Hospital.
My inner warrior kicked right in and I managed to talk her off the ledge. Much of what I've said were things I've learned about coping from all the strong girls on this forum. It was awful seeing my beloved sister so fearful, and I remember that feeling of diagnosis, and how my body stopped feeling safe. I feel like the silver lining that has come form all my experience has allowed me to be an excellent wingman, and I'm so grateful for the knowledge.
I aslo realized how well I know my way around the hospital. I was like a friggin' tour guide, directing her to the best bathrooms, coffee shops, and lounges. I've also released that I've stopped taking 'no' for an answer, and when they try to discourage me from going into the recovery room, I went on my own, got a member of the maintenance staff to open some doors, and made it over to my sisters bed. The desk nurse seemed a bit pissed, but that could have been her normal crabby expression. Either way, I didn't care.
I just wanted to share that here, cus everything i've learned here as been so important. And I also feel that our inner warriors never really go away, and when I really needed mine last weekend, she knew where to find me.
Lots of love to everyone,
Janet
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Janet- Your sister is very lucky to have you. Best wishes to you both for a long life free of cancer and the damage it does to our bodies and our minds
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