Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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I have not ever gotten a good read on recurrence from my docs either. In part, I do not ask about it with my husband present...he does not like to think about it, and I think really just wants to assume it will never happen to me. The best response I have gotten so far (which was a non-answer) whatever will be will be regardless of if I know the risk. He said radiation would reduce it by a third. He was a resident, so I let it go, I think he was afraid that my Radiation Oncologist who is the Department Chair would not be happy with him. I think she would have been fine, she seems pretty direct.Radiergirl, I am glad you went and you had a good doctor. I am sorry you did not get an answer you wanted. Topless Nazi cracked me up.
JJ - I hope your first day back to work was good. I assume you will not see this 'til after work.
Chloesmom, that is really funny.
As for me, my boob hurts. A lot. Of course the right one that had Rads. Now I am worried my no flap reconstruction is not going well. It hurts like a stabbing pain on the lower outer edge/ribs. I had a fill on Thursday, started hurting like this Saturday afternoon. Everything else feels fine. I go in again on Thursday. I hope I can make it that long.
I went to a wedding reception on Saturday, my first large social outing alone (husband had a migraine). It went better than I thought. I am so awkward anyway, and since I did not know many people there I was proud of myself for even going. Apparently, either the masses are lying, or people beyond the 80 year olds with perms are now jealous of my chemo curls. It is between 4 - 6" long in different places, but still doesn't touch my collar when dry because of the curl. Seriously this hair is so curly I am spending all of my disposable income on product to keep it from frizztown. Apparently I found a winner for now.
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SmartAss
Im happy you get my humor.
Rads.=.the rad boob hurt for a while. Its now about 5 months out and the skin is still thin. I believe the cosmetic MD when he said that things will keep changing up to two years.
Curl...do you realize how much $$$ women spend to get curls?
%3Bhttps%253A%252F%252Fcommunity.breastcancer.org%252Fforum%252F7%252Ftopic%252F773315%3B583%3B800The link is not a celebrity and her hair is very short and curly. I think its sexy.
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Found this really MOTIVATING fb page for us survivors....Follow it!
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Well the first day of work (actually just doing half days for a bit...actually who am I kidding...I will gladly do half days as long as I can!!). It felt like a time warp as my desk was exactly how I left it...complete with files from Dec. it was good to see everyone but I got back just in time for the big restructure. I will still have my job ..just not with the company I have been with for 19 yrs and it bites. Like really bad.
In the year before my dx I've had so many changes. DH had a break down that was scary...and tough on us, I had breast augmentation, we bought a vacation home, my DD went off to university (empty nest and I'm only 44!), we sold our house and moved farther away from work into a really tiny but pretty town...and having never bought resale we decided we hated it and just bought again (spanking new) That's all on top of BC and my work changing.2 yrs ago my life was so Betty Crocker but all of this craziness makes me think of Betty Ford. I so need some peace...I'm hoping after this move.
RaiderGirl -your scar sounds like mine. If I flex in the mirror you can see the chunk...but in clothes (and not flexing) you can't ...the scar line is wrapped around my aerola...My symmetry bugs me (and only me). I'm only 1 month post rads so I'm in the wait and see mode
Thanks to all you ladies for your posts. I love the sense of humour, sarcasm and "real ness" of this group!!!!
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"Betty Crocker vs Betty Ford"
Works been crazy so I have only been able to read, love and feel comforted/supported by reading posts lately, but I just HAD to stop/login and comment that this made me snort out loud! Thank you for this release. I love you all and continue to be so grateful to know I am not alone.
Purl
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Nice to see you here Purl!
Thats a lot of stuff in a short time, JJOntario... I think it would have finished me off. I just notice its been three years for me, and its only been just lately, that a little optimism, joy, energy, and stuff like that is slowly coming back to my life. I am so happy about that, and I know that is also subject to change, but I am glad for it now. And the best part? I don't have to see any cancer doctors for a whole six months! Just my primary, who does give me other meds for other things. tomorrow, I am driving for two hours to get to my friend SlowDeepBreathes, whom I found here on BCO, and we are driving a handmade (by her) scrumptious sounding italian dinner to san diego, for some other ladies who are from BCO, vacationing there for a few days! I am so excited to see my friend again!
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Tom Boy - hope you have an amazing time with your friend! It sounds like a nice treat!
It was my 2nd day at work. I had a co-worker inform me that her sisters BC was way worse than mine (because she had a mx and was stage III). Although I would gladly admit to her sister that yes her stage was worse than mine (and then I would give her a hug)...I friggen hate the way it was presented to me...almost with disdain about the fact I took 6 months off. I hate the way people...especially women judge each other. She also said that I looked so put together and my boobs looked great. I told her that most people only show you what they want your to see and that I really am exhausted. I am not a happy camper today.
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JJ - That was a rough day at work. I totally get it - people see our outward appearance, which at least for me - takes extra time in the morning since I am still sore, scarred and tired. People will say "You look great - so glad you are doing so well.." When in realty, once I finish getting ready for work, I want to go back to bed. Then - once done with work, I need a nap!
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I agree about being blindsided about the loss of quality of life, but still am glad I gave it my best shot. I'd stand on my head in traffic if it kept a recurrence away. Either way BC stinks
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JJ Ontario
I have had people tell me the misery stories of those they know that had/have cancer . usually it makes me feel like I ought to suck it up . I got good at turning things around and shaming them.
I tell them that "I am so glad that you shared that story because now I know you understand the pain, fatigue, sadness, fear, and everything else that comes from any cancer in any degree. Survivors would not exist without Supporters like you."
Their eyes when Im done speaking = OO
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Raidergirl,
great comeback there. I usually just punch em.
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Raider, it's fine for the docs to say we shouldn't talk about recurrence rates and should just "live well," but we're the ones with this monkey in our backs not them. What the hell does that mean, anyway live well? My MO at one point said I said I should consider myself cured because "most" women don't have a recurrence. Really? 30% do have a recurrence, that's not an insignificant number.
I love, love, love your respone to the morons with the stupid comments. I always think of the good comeback when the moment has passed. Maybe, I should be like Wintersocks and just punch them. :-)
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Smart, I think that doc was a weenie not to give you a straight answer about recurrence rates. Saying it will either come back or not is a patronizing non-answer.
I hope you breast pain isn't serious.
I got the chemo curls too and get lots of compliments. One friend mentioned what she'd pay for them at a salon. I wanted to say the price for me was a couple pounds of flesh.
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JJ, sorry to hear about the stupid comments at work. I totally get it. You have had a lot of upheaval in your life recently. I hope you can get some stability soon.
I'very had a bit of upheaval too. On Monday, DH and I flew across the country for my mother's memorial service which is tomorrow morning. DH hadn't been feeling well, and last night ended up passing out and hitting his head. We made a run to the ER at 4am. He's feeling a lot better, but has been admitted for observation to make sure it's not his heart. Anybody want to take any bets on whether we'll make it to the memorial service tomorrow at 11 in a town over an hour from here? We didn't need one more thing. I'm supposed to have my exchange procedure next week.
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Oh no.......so much insensitivity............good luck tomorrow 2TAbbies........I wish I could make such pithy comments at the right time.............
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We spent the day in the hospital, but they couldn't find anything seriously wrong with hubby like cardiac issues so they discharged him. Big sigh of relief. He has orders to follow up with his PCP when we get home. I'm so done with medical crises.
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2Tabbies - so glad things worked out...and more sad about your Mom. I won't write anymore about it in case I say something wrong...but my heart is with you. I hope you are excited about your exchange and that it goes well.
Raider Girl -I am totally stealing you come back. I feel under watch from this girl and she really needs to bite me. Apparently her sister does speeches, organizes runs.... I'm just trying to catch my breath.
Even though we can't afford it...I would love to be permpart time!!!! I can't believe I'm wishing the days away to get to Friday. After all of this...it sucks.
Thanks again for all of your good vibes!!!
*On a positive note I sat in the sunshine all afternoon and ignored the laundry!!!
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JJ, no worries about saying something wrong. I know it's hard to know what to say about someone else's grief. Thanks.
I'm right with you on wanting to go part-time and hating that I live for the weekends. It does suck after all this. Hooray for sitting in the sun and ignoring the laundry!
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TwoTabbies- I'm glad your husband is ok. I can't imagine how shell shocked you must be over the total of all these maladies.
And you have my most sincere condolences for the loss of your mother. That I do understand. Remember all your bco sisters will have your back tomorrow, and going forward.
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Jackbirdie, thanks for the condolences and the rose. My mother would have loved the color of that rose. We all made it through the service today. DH feels fine, but I have a cold or allergies.
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2tabbies- so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. It is such a surreal experience (regardless of the relationship) to lose your mom. I wish you peace as you grieve. I hope your hubby continues to feel better & no other issues pop up.
Thanks for the kind words on the breast pain. It has been intense, current theory is nerve regeneration or scar tissue. Hoping is gets less sharp so I can move around more. I go in again next week...fingers crossed.
On the chemo curls & someone saying they would pay a lot of money...I would add to the couple pounds of flesh. I think chemo csots about $10,000 a round plus another $45,000 for the neulasta shots & about $10,000 for the emergency room visit. So would you go through 9 months of no hair and $200,000? I think no.
JjOntario- hang in there. I promise it does get easier as you get reimmersed in the work.
Raidergirl- your response is inspired. I am going to plagarize that response for all the fools out there that I encounter.
My sister came and stayed with me for a couple days while my hubby is out of town. I needed someone to drive me as i am taking pain meds for the pain. It was really nice to have her around. She has been such a help to me. I am lucky to have her as my parents are both deceased.
Have a great weekend ladies. You all are inspiring and amazing.
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Smart, thanks. Yes, it's been a bit surreal. My mom was the last parent that hubby and I had alive. Speaking of DH, he seems to be fine. I think this little incident took 10 years off my life, but he's fine. :-) Now, I just need to get rid of this cold that I have before my surgery next Thursday. I sure hope they get your pain figured out.
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I'm doing ok, Bosum. The pain is under control. It only hurts when I move for the most part. I've got my favorite medical device - drains. Two of them. They should get pulled next week. The worst thing at the moment is that I'm really groggy. I flew from NY to Oregon on Tuesday and wonder if jet lag could be adding to the fogginess. So I'm lounging on the couch with one of my kitties and letting DH bring me things.
Thanks for asking.
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2tabbies,
Hope you feel better very soon.
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Thinkingof you 2Tabbies. Sounds like the perfect prescription!
Hugs, Katy
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Thanks, winter and jack. The fogginess is beginning to lift. I hope my ears unplug. That's NOT helping my balance. Note to self: Do NOT get a cold right befor surgery.
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Nothing more healing than lounging with one of your tabbies, 2Tabbies. You've been on my mind; sending you comforting vibes and prayers.
Lily55: For some reason I feel you need a hug today, call me psychic. ((((hug))))).
Love, Purl
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You are psychic......thank you
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2tabbies- I hope that you continue to feel better, both physically and mentally. I hope your hubby also continuing to feel better. You have had a lot on your plate.
I hope everyone else has had a restful week.
I have been relaxing and resting this weekend. My right breast has been excruciating since my fill on Thursday. I am hoping it is more tolerable tomorrow. I can't decide whether I should keep my fills at 30ml on that side despite the pain...so that the length of the pain is shorter than less fill over a longer period of time. Not sure which way makes the most sense.
I went to the young survival coalition again. It was a good meeting & helpful hearing others experiences. One of the things that came up that I thought was interesting. One of the gals said she could not get echocardiogram because of having tissue expander. I still have to get echoes every six months because of Herceptin lowering my ejection fraction. Have any of you heard that?
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Thanks, Purl and Smart. I continue to do ok. I think the improvement in my mental outlook is due to time off from work.
Smart, I hadn't heard that about not being able to get an echocardiogram with expanders in place.
Lily, I hope you're doing ok. Sending you a hug.
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