Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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Let me just chime in on the picture. It does not evoke happy or encouraging feelings! Maybe your "friend" thought the figure was courageous because she colored her face and hair?? If so, that is shallow courage and doesn't touch the soul and what we've been through. Her reaction to your comments has something to do with her, not you. I'm glad you had a laugh today, purl51.
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Maybe far-fetched but could she have been thinking of Braveheart? Mel Gibson painted his face blue and was a brave warrior. Just a thought...trying to figure her out!
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Jeannie: Thank you friend. I am reminded too that in the past I probably wouldn't have said anything but waited to hear how she interpreted it first, but that just doesn't happen anymore. I just speak up now; I have a feeling a lot of us are finding our new voices feel important and valid and true for maybe the first time in a long time. Speaking for myself for sure.
Tim: I thought of Mel Gibson's face in that movie too. Being Scottish and all (haha). Knowing my friend, Braveheart was NOT in play here. I can only imagine her response if I suggested it. Almost tempting to bring it up, but I best not. She simply, TO HER, felt like this woman a brave/beautiful woman. Fine works for me if that's how she see it, but again, it was her angry response at my mentioning how it startled me, that really threw me.
Thanks everyone. You are amazing. I feel so supported. ((((love))))
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You are sooo right about "finding our new voices". I used to be compliant and agreeable and polite and passive. No more! Maybe it's the lack of hormones? lol But more likely when you've been in the fight of your life, you don't roll over anymore when someone pushes you around, I am woman hear me roar!
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Love it Tim!
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For the past few days I've been walking around on the verge of tears but not knowing why. I know I have a lot of stress right now but why cry? And then I remembered....I've been back on Arrimidex for 2 1/2 months and the effects are really kicking in. That feeling of wanting to cry but not knowing why...I've had that before. Right along with the aching ankles. But I'm never taking another vacation from his drug, not after the endometrial cancer. The onco thinks it may have helped to prevent the cancer from spreading. So...I'll ache and weep if I must. Three years to go!
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Tim,
I believe there seems to be gathering support for being on the AI for 10 years! (sorry).
3:55 here in the UK - can't sleep, so just checking my favourite thread.
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Tim i was like that on femara but Aromasin doesnt make me feel like that, maybe you could investifate changing AL?
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Thanks Lily but I've been on all the AI's. Glad the switch worked for you.
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Tim - that is rough and it is especially rough when we know that continuing it is a must. I so admire your strength. Hope you start to feel more yourself again. Is there anything they can give you to help counteract the side-effects? Just wondering.
Take care,
Julieho
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Julie, the only 3 antidepressants I can take are Lexapro, Celexa or Effexor. Lexapro does nothing for me and Celexa is just another form of Celexa that I have not tried yet. Effexor raises blood pressure...a real problem for me.
But the strangest thing happened this morning. I woke up with a smile! The sun was shining. All of the anxiety about starting radiation vanished. I felt energetic. I can't figure it out. I did sleep 13 hours. And maybe I'm making blood to replace what I lost? I don't know but suddenly I felt excited about going to New York for treatment. I think that the last few visits were so traumatic that I was thinking it would be the same. But I'm not having surgery. Hopefullly I'm not going to have a bleed (please God!) It's spring! And New York is my favorite place! And the treatments are short. And thank God they have such treatments! Everything seemed different today. Don't give up gu ys, everything can turn on a dime!
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Tim, it takes longer to get in position perfectly than the actual zap.
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Thanks spookie, good to hear!
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How long are you in NYC Tim? I am from NYC and going back in late April for a week. It would be so fun to meet up with you.
So glad you are feeling emotionally better, one day at a time - right!
Julieho
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Tim: Ahhhhh, your body needed some Zzzzzzzz's! It is great when a day starts with a lighter feel and hope. I love NYC too and will be thinking about you. Keep moisturized and Julie is right, the actual treatment goes quickly. I pretended that I was having a "spa" body treatment and tried to fill my mind with peaceful, healing thoughts. Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions.
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Purl,
Went back to look at that card. If I would of received it, I would of thought it was in one of those box of cards, but why did she send that one? Or it was laying around her desk, and did not want to make the effort to shop. The fact that she said it reminded her of you....odd...
Tim, did you have radiation on your breast? Will you need multiple zaps? NY in the spring should be lovely. I hope you get to enjoy some down time, good food & no SE...
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We're leaving for New York at 4 today. Only staying until Wed morning.
Just went to a local onco who told me I need chemo. I'm reeling. There is no standard of care! She said without chemo my recurrence rate is 30% with chemo 20%. Sloan said with radiation alone I had a 2% recurrence rate. I want to believe them, of course, but the local dr made more sense to me. Trying to hang on to my sanity!
Julie, where do you live? Next trip I may be there longer. Don't know.
I'm a wreck right now....
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Hole, I need radiation to my vagina for the endometrial cancer. I didn't have radiation for my breast cancer and I just saw on this site that the latest is that I should have had it. I'm going nuts here with all of the different opinions. The local dr said I should see a third dr to break the tie. In th meantime the monster may be in me...and growing! What a nightmare!
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Holeinone: "The Card" ...She saw it in a shop in Montana, it reminded her of courage, thought of me, so she bought it. She explained to me yesterday regarding her anger towards me because I thought it was a startling depressing picture.....saying she was running very sensitive because that morning she received a curt email from her brother. Whatever. I didn't hear a heartfelt apology. I'm just going to surround myself with loving supportive people (like you women for instance) and make every attempt to enjoy and be grateful for each remaining day on this beautiful spinning planet earth.
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Tim, so sorry. What a blow...I am guessing your local Onc is in favor of getting the radiation first. Good luck, we are all with you zapping the crap out of the "beast"...
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I haven't checked in for awhile - wanted to say hi.
Just got back from Texas and consulted with another MO. Have you heard of the Caris report? They test your specific tumor for chemo sensitivity and what targerted therapies may work the best. My MO back home doesn't use these reports and that's one of the main reasons I went to Texas.
This report is not fool proof, just another tool in the tool box. It takes 4-6 weeks to get the results back.
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Tim, best of luck not only with the treatments but also making sense of all the options! Hope you have time for a bagel or a slice of pizza or whatever your fave NY treat is (I'm from Long Island originally, so I missed duck l'orange and baked clams).
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Tim, thinking of you today-please let us know how you are.
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Tim, I am too thinking of you. x
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Tim: Consider yourself surrounded by thoughts and love.
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Ugh - Tim it really sucks when we get varying opinions like this. I am sure you are reeling.
Given you are all set to go to Sloane and NYC for radiation I would ask your doctor who recommended chemo if you can have them consult with your docs at Sloane. I did this with my two teams of doctors. My local team in Vermont of oncologist and surgeons corresponded quite a bit and consulted each other on some "differences" in pathology their two labs found in my tumor. My second opinion team was a great group in Boston at a reknowned hospital there - (my chemo brain is kicking in so I can't remember the name - ugh).
Anyway, the point is I had these two teams of docs look at the differing reports, etc and they ultimately came up with a recommendation for treatment that they were both satisfied with. It is clearly NOT a perfect science, any of this but that would be my recommendation.
The two teams of doctors should be more than willing to do that for you. You can of course get a third opinion but that is where I would start.
I am glad to hear you are only in NYC for a short trip of radiation but bummed I will miss you. I live in Vermont but grew up in Manhattan so will be down visiting end of April.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and keep in touch and let us know if you get anywhere with having them consult each other.
And by all means, get a good slice of NYC pizza or a good old New York bagel.
Much love,
Julieho
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Tim i would get a third opinion in your shoes and then go with my gut also, it could be that chemo is really optional........hope all going ok today
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cf you made me laugh so! Went to the Carnegie deli for the first time in my life and it was GOOD!
The radiation treatment was NOTHING! I felt NOTHING! Nothing to fear but fear itself, at least as far as this goes.
Spent yesterday in Central Park and my husband and I got sunburns as though we'd gone to the Caribbean.
But of course the whole time, we're trying to figure this mess out!
Peace, were you at Anderson? I think that's my next stop.
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BTW, missed the pizza because of the ulcer! Did have an egg cream however! Gosh, I love New York!
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