I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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Thank you glennie! I am so glad I got rid of that thing, it was so annoying. It isn't something you have to do immediately. I waited till I had been through a whole Summer, to see if it really bugged me when I was wearing sleeveless clothes. I wanted to avoid any more surgery, but It annoyed me in so many ways, I had to have it removed.
I was a bit nervous about CPRS/RSD, (syndrome) as well as LE. I had that syndrome after hand surgery and was worried it may happen again with either of these 2 surgeries. Fortunately for me, it didn't happen. The scar, although very long now, is fine and flat.
Just know that if you decide to do it at a later date, it is very doable.
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I look for other flat women too! I am very glad I chose not to reconstruct, but expect I will probably go in for a scar revision and dog-ear removal next summer. I'm a little concerned about how it will affect my LE, but I think it will feel better physically not to have the adhesions I have (and of course the dog ear), and to smooth things out a little. My biggest challenge at this point, other than getting the LE under control, is finding clothes that fit the way I like--I wear foobs about half the time, but only because most of my clothes look better with something to fill them out. I am now focusing on finding things I can wear flat and feel good about. So far that means boat- or ballet-neck tops, and since I have been having a hard time finding things I like, I've bought some patterns and am going to try making them.
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hi. Thanks for all your comments.
My daughter isn't a major part of my decision as I know she would get used to whatever I decided. She does adore me.
I am scared to have the recon (infections/pain/longer recovery) and scared not to have it ( how I might feel and the issues with a possible relationship in the future).
I feel very indecisive.
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Ali, just a thought, but you do realize that a reconstructed boob does not look anything like a real one, and has no sensation, right? So having it would not delay "the talk" any. When you reach the point in a relationship where the clothes come off.... he will know, whether the foob is in your bra or under your skin.
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I would really like to be flat,,, however since I have truncal LE, I'm not sure that's a possibility. But it would be nice to be able to tell what is really LE swelling which is hard for me to do right now with the excess skin. Hmmm, is this my usual puffiness,, or not?
If I get the skin removed, it will be next spring at the earliest. My TVUS is Friday and I'm mentally preparing myself for the news that I'll need a hysterectomy. That will be quite enough surgery for this year.
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Glennie, don't be concerned about it. The excess skin, if that is what it is, can be removed at any time. I had mine done well after the original surgery, after I had experienced a Summer and I knew it was going to forever annoy me.
Let's hope you don't require a Hysterectomy! M x
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hi, thanks.
I do know my breasts will look and feel very different but just feel that standing up naked I would look like I am more or less expected to look.
I met up with my surgeon this week. I knew I had a 3.5cm lump which is advanced, high grade DCIS. The MRI has shown another separate 5cm area that looks like dcis, close to the chest wall, but we won't know until after the mastectomy as I don't want to wait for more biopsies. I pray it is dcis or nothing.
Amazing the mammogram couldn't see it, because I have dense ducktail tissue. I have size a to aa breasts and they feel soft. I feel like one is only DCIS, no room for much else.
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Ali,
If you're feeling indecisive, I definitely encourage you to take however much time you need to arrive at a decision that feels right to you. As others have noted, you can always change your mind.
Have you looked at images of non-reconstructed chests or images from The Scar Project?0 -
Thanks, Ariom. I'm just mentally preparing myself for the news. Not that I want it,,,,0 -
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Hi Oncowarrior! Nice to see you again!
We had surgery around the same time, I am pleased to say that my Uni status, is just fine with me too. I am completely happy with my choice to have the Umx and no recon!
I wish you all the best too!
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Ditto here on the uni with no reconstruction. Happy with my choice
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Add me to the happy uni with no recon crowd. The more I read about reconstruction, the more barbaric it seems.
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another member of the happy uni with no recon party.0 -
I know what you mean, Onco. The line of reasoning I keep hearing is, "I wanted to be normal again." What does that even mean for a woman with breast cancer? In my mind it is almost like a combination of denial and vanity. Sure, we all want to be normal, but our lives have been invaded by this disease, and what we have to do is find out what "new normal" is, for each of us. I've lost a lot of family members to cancer, including an aunt to breast cancer, and most of them never had a choice of being normal again, at least what normal used to be. Why should we have it any different?
I said on another thread, I've become a militant flatsy. The longer I'm flat, the more normal it is, and the less normal recon seems to me. And do you know, not a single person has seemed to even notice.
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Add me to the happy uni with no recon gang.
I had a funny thought in the bathroom one day. Stepped out of the shower about 2 years out from surgery, saw myself in the mirror and thought a deep down "I wish I had two breasts again" which is not something I had ever felt, spoken or thought. (Always my surprise has been really how LITTLE I minded about what had to be done to me). Then right after that thought, the thought occurred to me that when I had had two breasts I had no idea whatsoever that it was something I liked or was grateful for, that in fact the only way to find that out was by being where I am now, no other possible way to know it. Not that I'm recommending it as a rest cure or anything but it was just funny to realise that I could only feel this appreciation after the loss. (Guess I should start being more observant of and grateful for the other bits of me I still have!!).
Love to all. XXX
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There are a lot of us!
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Feelingfeline, I definitely try to notice and appreciate the bits I have left. If I am walking, I will take a minute to appreciate that I have two legs to walk on. It sounds trite, but I do think it is important.
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Hi all,
We are gathering stories from those of you either opting for reconstruction or deciding to not reconstruct.
If you would like to share your story with us, you can click Here
We plan to feature the stories in the Acknowledging our members section of the community.
Thanks!
From all the mods.
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I'm also happy I chose to be a uni with no reconstruction!
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I am still happy with my decision for a BMX with no reconstruction. I would lie if I say I don't miss them but that is a rare thought. Can't imagine putting myself through more surgery for fake boobs.
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I was reading something recently that used the word barbaric to describe reconstruction, got me thinking....
When you really think about what they do to us so that we can have a little lump on our chests that looks kind of like a breast, at least it does with our clothes on, it really is barbaric. I think that we should have the right, I'm not saying that, but really the added surgery, risks, and when you get into the flap surgeries, Oh my word!!!!! An 8-12 hour surgery to make a breast? The more I think about it the more I think that it's really messed up, and that our society is really messed up - a society that makes us think that the most important thing is to "look" like a women, that we can't be feminine without a breast.....I could go on and on. Sorry about the rant, but I think that woman was right, reconstruction is barbaric. In the last 4+ years since I had my MX, the push for women to reconstruct has accelerated, who's saying that we need that to feel good about ourselves, to get past our cancer, etc.... It seems to be the people that will profit the most from it - plastic surgeons. Ok, I better stop now. I hope I haven't offended anyone, if I have I'm sorry.Linda
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I love my BS because she just took my word that I wasn't interested in reconstruction. I didn't have to go through any hoops at all. I don't think all that surgery would be worth while unless it was my face.
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Hello Linda, I haven't seen you in a while, how are you doing?
My surgeon was the same Wren, no issue at all. I did appreciate that he said the door would be open, if I did change my mind. He also said, I should remember that if I did go the recon route, I would have a "Mound" not a breast. I was grateful that he didn't try to influence me.
I think it is interesting, in my BC group, in my small town, there is only 1 woman who has reconstructed and hers was an saline implant. There are 22 women in the group. Some had Lumpectomies, but the majority wear breast forms, or go flat. Most are probably over 45, but we have a diverse range of ages and stages of BC.
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Linda, I also find it stranger and stranger the longer I go on. To me, recon is built-in prosthetics. The more I think about it, I wonder just what having them built in is supposed to do for me. There is always this sideways suggestion that it is for the sake of your sex life, which bothers me on so many levels, and besides a lot of recon feels funny to the touch and looks so bad that the "owner" ends up covering it up anyway. So, if it really mattered to your partner, you could just as well wear some falsies in a sexy bra or top.
Anyway ... My surgeon was also great about it. He agreed to do bilateral, informed me that he would want me to wait 2 years to reconstruct (which turned out to be a major blessing in disguise) and never ever tried to influence me one way or the other. All he said was that he would be happy to suggest a PS, IF I chose to reconstruct at some point. He also appreciates my various jokes about being flat.
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Momine my surgeon sounds alot like yours, i was blessed to find him!
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Linda, I've called myself a militant flatsy, because I feel exactly the same. When they amputate a leg, you might choose a prosthetic, but they don't implant it permanently and it's not intended to look like they real thing most of the time, it's just functional. But there's absolutely no functionality to recon, is there? It can't ever replace the real thing.
Yes, we've had amputations. Some of us look great afterwards, mine not so much, it looks like a mutilation, to be quite candid. But it is what it is, for now, and all I can focus on for the time being is kicking the damned cancer's butt.
But ya gotta laugh, so I'll repost my favorite for those who missed it before.
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Hi ladies...I have enjoyed reading your posts on this thread.
I'm in limbo right now on recon and am leaning more and more toward not having it. I had bilat mx in November with immediate TE's and everything went to crap lol. After infections and TE removal my left side now looks mangled and disfigured. I've had 4 surgeries already on my left side and this side was non-cancer btw.
I fell into the lie that I could have new breasts after my mx and all would be well again. Well, it hasn't worked out that way for me at all. I now have extra skin/fat on my chest left over incase I do want to go on with recon. I have so much scar tissue on my left side that it just looks terrible and hard.
At times I wish I'd never had the bi max and just either done uni or never attempted recon.
I'm 40, was 39 at dx and honestly thought that having "new breasts" would be the upside to this crisis. I feel like such a fool now. I'm angry that my surgeon at the time wasn't up front on the real possibility that it could fail or otherwise get infected. When it did start showing signs early on of infection he wouldn't listen and I believe that it was prolonged and caused more severe problems.
Anyway, I guess I'm saying that I applaud you strong and courageous women for not having recon and owning it and not being swayed by society. I still don't know what I will do down the road, but am leaning more and more toward no recon.
Good luck ya'll!
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