I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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I think long cries are a part of this, and even monrths or years afterwards. I was able to snuggle in big clothing all winter, so now I feel exposed to the world being flat.
One thing that drops me every time is men, who smile, you see their eyes dip to no breasts, and they still smile...I mean they are not rude and say nothing at all, they were just "checking things out" as men will do... but it is a bad feeling to me.
I was a uniboober for 18 months, I hated it. It felt almost like my one breast was obscene. hard to describe, so incredibly unnatural. I like being flat so much better. I took a huge vacation as a uniboober and came home with maybe 2 photos of myself, so obviously I had huge issues. It isn't easy. But yet I saw a uniboober shopping and I doubt if anyone else even noticed!!! She was so cool in her Harley shirt, I think i was the only one who saw.
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Hi all, I'm repeating what I just put on Facebook. My thoughts for Flat Fest 2012 would be a lunch on Saturday followed by an activity then an evening out - theater etc. and then breakfast on Sunday. Just got off the phone with the head of the personal services at Bloomingdales. Explained that we were looking for styles that would look good flat. She's checking into seeing if we can go to Bloomingdale's, get some style ideas and fashions, and then those who want to shop can be assisted by personal shoppers.
Depending on how many of us there are, I was thinking of a private room in a restaurant. If there winds up only being about 10 people - we can just get a table somewhere.
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Just back from a vacation where for the first time I went in the pool semi-flat (left MX) -- and as far as I could tell nobody noticed. But maybe nobody looks at 65+ women anyway.
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I'm new to the site and to posting. I chose bi-lateral mastectomy, in part, because I was already flat chested. Surgery was early May - I'm 7 1/2 weeks out and doing great. (I thought I'd lose at least a couple pounds after surgery - HA - 1.6 pounds TOTAL. I always said I was CONCAVE - now, I truly am. Sign me up as "ONCE FLAT CHESTED - ALWAYS FLAT CHESTED".)
I am very discouraged about the post-mastectomy apparel options. No bras feel good; I don't like the feeling of the prostethics against my chest (yet). The AMOENA tank top "fits" me and my desired feel the best, so far. But they are EXPENSIVE!! and not covered by insurance!!!
I am looking at potential chemotherapy treatment options post-mastectomy to decrease my chance of recurrence. I am truly looking for accurate statistics of potential recurrence as I embark on evaluating treatment plans. I haven't talked to an oncologist I trust, yet. (Only saw one, thus far - the appointment did NOT go well.) Any words of wisdom from fellow-flat-chest-gals are welcome. THANKS.
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Exactly Crystal - mt remaining boob is kind of wrong - doesn't belong anymore. I also worry about that one getting cancer too. Knowing how I feel now about it all I would have had a BMX but I was too overwhelmed to think about it at that time plus was post heavy neoadjuvant chemo so exhausted with big chemo brain going on. It was proposed for genetic reasons but I don't have BRACs just a sister who had it. so the idea was dropped.
I think noone really notices... just today I decided to take particular attention as to whether people noticed. Walked in the streets and was at work for a few hours. Noone at work flicked their eyes (although I have been uniboobing there on and off for months - so maybe they are just immune now..... not even the students noticed and they are generally blunt to the point of pain!), and of the perhaps 200 people I passed in the streets and supermarket ONE yes just one looked at me - she was across the road from me pusing a pram and waiting for the lights and I was the only other person around - so she had time I guess to register that something was up or should I say off (HA!)...... So my confidence is back - the masses don't notice or if they do, they don't care..... FREEEDOM
Momime - you had scans I think, all ok?
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Hi Fern welcome (I guess
) - glad you are feeling good!!! Effectiveness of chemo is really variable - depends on your tumor and what type/dose etc of chemo. I have failed at 4 types because of my tumor type. You really need to trust your onc on this one.Radiation though is critical and I would insist on it - it has a really high percentage for reducing the chance of recurrance (as in improves chance of NED by 20-30%). I know of noone who has not had rads. At 7.5 weeks post MBX you are ready for rads. Here in Sweden, they generally wait for 4 weeks post-surgery to begin with a standard treatment of 25 doses (Mon-Fri for 5 weeks).
Lauri ..... 65... you spring chicken you! Brave chook too!
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Fern - you might want to look at the Triple Negative forum (TNS) for guidance re treatment options
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Hi MT1,
I had a double mastectomy w/o reconstruction on January 25, 2010. I have no regrets about my decision. I remember going to physical therapy shortly afterwards and got looks of disapproval from other women there. I get grimaces and evil eyes from other women, and that is so sad. That so much importance is put on having breasts and not fighting this dreadful, horrible disease that is trying to destroy the entire female population. I look at the old photos of myself and I say I had really pretty breasts (C cup), but then with sadness I also say those pretty breasts were going to kill me. I have a different reaction now when I see the breasts of other women. I am afraid for them.
I had enough breast biopsies to last a lifetime. I didn't want anymore surgery. Somtimes I stuff a bra, most times I go flat.
I love NYC. I am really interested in a Flat Fest!
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I'm not finding the Flat Fest Facebook page either
Maybe make sure your age restrictions are set at "everyone" - I had some issues with visibility on an FB page one time and that turned out to be the problem...0 -
Sian, you may be having a problem with cording. I had pain the first few days after surgery that was not what I considered "normal post-op" pain, persuaded the BS to refer me to PT despite the NP thinking it was "nothing" and it turned out to be cording. Mine wasn't too bad, responded to a couple months of PT. It is NOT LE, but the way it was explained to me is that it is some scarring of the lymph vessels. It still doesn't make sense to me, and I have a background in physiolgy and pathophysiology, but I will just accept the explanation for now, and am quite glad that problem is resolved. Now if I could get the rest of it to settle down.....
FernMF, I am 9 months post BMX, and still have very sensitive skin and also don't like the feel of any bras, etc. It took about 3 months before anything felt OK, and I used some very soft cotton sleeveless undershirts (like men's, from Jockey") and some very soft man-made fiber t-shirts - I think made of some type of polyester, from EMS - these gave a soft layer beneath regular shirts or sweaters - but that was in the winter, LOL. I still use the t-shirts, they are loose, soft, comfortable. Get multiple opinions if you need to in order to feel comfortable with your MO. I had such bad SEs that my MO ignored, now have permanent (probably) neuropathy, she tried mutliple meds, all of which gave me more SEs, and I no longer trust her. Sad to say that because I believe she is a genuinely nice person and truly cares about her patients, but she screwed up big time with me, and I am probably going to have to find a new MO.... woulda coulda shoulda gotten second opinion before I let her give me chemo that I was opposed to deep in my heart.... will listen to MY heart next time, NOT the MO or my beloved family members and friends. Bottom line: find someone you can trust, and trust your instincts. Do what is right for YOU, not for others!
DH said he would take me to NYC for FlatFest if it would make me feel good.... so I am seriously considering it! Personal shopper??? Hooray!
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Thanks for the suggestion Linda - I had a little cording with the SNLB & the MX both dissolved after about a month or so but this is different - it is a buldge below my armpit - I will ask the radiologist today.
Really sorry to hear about your neuropathy Linda - that sucks
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Alexandria, is the facebook page private?
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I'm getting confused. My personal page I made private, but I thought I made Flat Fest public. Does anyone know how that works? I have had a number of people who've made it.
Again -it's at https://www.facebook.com/FlatFest2012 Try pasting it into your browser.
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I can't see whole URL with my iPad, so I can't copy and paste to browser. I will try using laptop tomorrow. Also, when I searched from within Facebook, I could not find. I will figure it out.
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Alexandria, take off the s in the https and the extraneous letters at the end. Like this:
http://www.facebook.com/FlatFest2012
Grr. The http:// is there when I type it and when I hit edit, but not the rest of the time.
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Just wanted to toss a silly thought into this thread for the uniboobers. I'm a big fan of unicorns. If one horn is enough for a unicorn, then one boob is enough for me!
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Sian, my lymphedema manifests most quickly and consistenly as a bulge just below the armpit scar. During the end of chemo and beginning of rads it was happening on both sides. Get to a PT. Do NOT wear a bra. Use a cami or some other solution, but one without a shelf bra. You want to avoid any tight band going right there.
Also, the surgeons do not classify it as mastectomy-related LE unless it is in the actual arm, so you might get confusing info from the docs.
All through rads I did lymph clearing massage of the neck morning and night and I ate anti-inflammatory foods as much as I could stand (fatty fish, greens, chili). It also helps to stay hydrated and get a bit of light exercise.
Whereabouts in Sweden are you? I may be going to Gothenburg from Copenhagen in August. I usually take the train, so if you are anywhere on that train line, I could stop in for lunch. Scans were all clear!0 -
Momine, so glad to hear your scans were clear! Always nice to get a bit of good news for a change!
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To join Flat Fast 2012 Facebook page, go to: facebook.com/FlatFest2012
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Ann, cute comment regarding unicorns.
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Thought I'd post some past pictures of me dressed and flat chested to share wardrobe choices I've made. These were all taken during my chemo months. Don't have any recent photos without forms, or the ones I do have are from the clavicles on up. I'll go for long stretches when I don't wear forms. Tops with ruffles work great, and so does wearing scarves, to create a sense of volume, contour, or a visual plunge. Otherwise, plain old flat works too. I like v-neck tanks a lot and anything with a little pucker at the top.
Photo 1: Who needs breasts when they've got ruffles? (Celebrating my 40th with friends, 2010.)
Photo 2: I know my arm is in the way, but this is a favorite breast-free sundress of mine. In winter I wear leggings and a cardigan with it. It's elastic at the top, so it hugs my chest snugly and billows out from there on down. (Feb. 2011)
Photos 3 & 4: Below are two shots of me in one of my favorite breast-free tops. It gathers towards the neck, which provides a softer feminine look, I think. (Minnesota 2010)
Photos 5 & 6: Tank tops--a summer steady!
(Above, with my daughter and good pal, Liddy. She really helped me through treatments.)
Photo 7: Scarves are marvelous! (With friend Aaron about 1 week after first chemo treatment.)
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Radiation to the nodes? There is no breast tissue left.
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Here is a clothing website for form-free women. Her designs are beautiful. Great resource just for wardrobe ideas. chikaradesign.com
p.s.: I have absolutely no affiliation with the above site.
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LOL for the unicorn Ann..
Great photos AnneMarie - I agree scarves serve a purpose but why or who are we wearing them for?
Fern - there is always a little breast tissue left after an MX and just one remaining cancer cell can trigger a recurrance. For MX the radiation is often to the whole breast/chest (bottom of the ribs) (affected side/s) plus to the armpit, clavical and neck nodes (affected side/s).
Momine - YEAH!!!!!! for your scans (I wish they had better emoticons on this website 'cause I wanted to give you a dancing man
... Momine - now you have me worried (not really) but it makes sense that this is lymphodema shit shit shit. Can it happen so fast - I've only had 3 rad sessions??? Just measured my upper arm and my left is 2cm bigger than my right, it kinda feels heavy but that may be my imagination. The buldge is big but very firm - I thought lymphodema would be soft and squishy? No?
I asked the rad techs and they offered to get a doctor to look but I sais I can wait until Monday when I have a whole day to waste at the hospital between contrast and scanning.
I'm mainly bra free but will now stop completely (like that most of the time, most of my life anyway.) I ride my bike everywhere (average 5-10km a day) or else walk. I'm vegetarian so I will have to look up vege anti-inflammatory foods. I must admit I have not been doing any of the lymph massaging that I was taught - kind of thought that been active would replace the need.... plus it is 4.5 months since my MX so kind of deluded myself that I would be lucky.
I'm in Stockholm so a bit of a hike from Goteberg but you never know... please keep in touch re that and maybe I will take the chance to travel south for a little break. FYI I hope to be back at work 80% from August 7ish.
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Anne-Marie, Beautiful pictures.
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Sian, During my chemo days, the scarves were great for obscuring my port, which was quite pronounced. Working for hearing-impaired students, moving from classroom to classroom, I wanted students to focus on their coursework, not my chest or this object protruding out of it. I openly discuss breast cancer in public, but in my work life, when in a classroom performing my job, I do not invite conversation. I am there for my students and, professionally, I am *not* to draw attention to myself. I like my privacy at times in my public life, too. There are many times when I don't wish to speak with uninvited guests (it's one of the reasons I opt for glasses instead of contacts; they're a good filter). So the scarves can be great for blending in, thus giving me a little privacy. I most frequently wear scarves to work; I love the aesthetic, which has become a signature look of mine, and they help keep me warm, in the cold winter and air-conditioned summer. So, as with most things, the reasons are varied. Mostly, though, I just like 'em. The artist in me has always used clothing as a form of creative expression. Scarves add structural form, linearity and are a great way of bringing in a dash of bold color, much the way a necklace does, and since I almost never wear necklaces, I have scarves, which for me are more comfortable and pragmatic.
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Here's a question: How many of us flat chested sisters are single and dating? I'm curious to know, for those of you who are, when do you usually inform your date that you haven't had reconstruction? Even when I go form-free, people will assume I've got something, just perhaps itty-bitty ones, like a dancer. So I've always had to inform potential lovers. Interested in knowing how others deal with dating, what feelings come up, etc. It's never been terribly difficult for me to broach the topic, but there are definitely times when I get sick of 'having that talk' again.
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AnneMarie, Thank you for the wonderful photos! It never ceases to amaze me that I "see" breasts even when I know you are flat in many of the photos, like my brain writes that part in. So I wonder if the same is true for other people looking at us?
I love scarves too and I make many of mine as a hobby. Actually I loved them before breast cancer, so I am wearing them because I love them, not to "hide". That said, hiding is ok too...I travel to sell my art and I want the focus on "selling" and communicating, not on my lack of breasts, so scarves have their purpose.
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Crystal, I love that you make your own scarves. How wonderful! Have any photos you can share?
I started wearing scarves just before my mastectomy; they had made a fashion comback. Then, after my mastectomy, and especially when chemo began, fellow workers donated bags of scarves, mostly for my hair, but I wore them around my neck and head in accordance with whatever suited my fancy.
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Agreed - I love scarves - kind of essential in Sweden; but I'm not wearing them now in summer. I work with schools and preschools and the kids were much more interested in my lack of hair than lack of (1/2) chest. I have not had a port but I did have a PICC-Line for 8 months and always kept that covered - some things are just too "medical" to be on public display..
Sorry if you thought I was criticising wearing scarves; I was just thinking out aloud..... choosing flat confronts a whole binch of stereotypes/conventions.... how far do we go?? I for one could not go without a top in a public pool with a BMX. To me that feels like I would be kind of saying I am no longer a woman - treat me like a little girl/boy/man who has no breasts. I dont have problem with topless bathing and it is certainly not about shame; it is just I want to be part of the femal world and women with boobs don't swim in public pools without a topso why would I. Maybe I would feel completely different about this if I had a BMXand not just an MX which makes life a bit more difficult. What do you think???
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