I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
Comments
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ps. i did wear sports bras while my armpit scars/dog ears were healing because it helped with the chafing.
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Carlads: I agree with Happy and Linda. The choice is very personal and one that you do not need to make immediately. There is too much on our plate in the early days. I chose no recon and my husband and family are very happy and comfortable with my decision. There is no right or wrong decision.
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I wanted to add my own rant to this thread, and carlads, I hope this is helpful for you with your decision-making. I hope your surgeons are being supportive to you! I like how you said you are in good health! That's the most important thing to me - treat the cancer, and let me go on with my life and my body my own way. I have a bilat mx scheduled for 12/12/12 due to ILC in my right breast - I am 41. I do NOT want reconstruction, I do NOT want the possibility of added discomfort I am not forced to have by my body's own recovery. There is no telling how comfortable the implants might ultimately be for me - but I don't really feel a need to find out.
The world doesn’t seem to be too educated yet as to letting us have the option not to reconstruct! Ideally, surgeons would be on board with whatever you choose in terms of your final look, and would be telling you ALL your options and what you can expect, and what will happen if you change your mind. They’d make sure to include the option not to reconstruct when they are trying to educate you, so you can make a fully informed decision. Has anyone out there ever have a surgeon talk to them about putting off reconstruction so they can undergo radiation? Have you ever had a surgeon say “We can put off reconstruction or forgo it altogether, if you wish?”
Instead, what I got from my PS this morning was more resistance - after my phone call with her, I'm meeting with her again next Tuesday to try to get her to understand that I do not want any extra skin left in case I change my mind next year - I want her to trust my ability to think for myself, and to try to give me the result she would want for herself if she were undergoing this surgery without reconstruction. I can't believe in 2012 this is such an issue! She would have time to be giving me much more useful information if I were NOT having to educate her that yes, it is a viable option not to reconstruct! I haven’t even had a chance to ask her yet what she expects me to look like after I heal up…
That’s my rant – I’m sorry if I have annoyed anyone. Carla, if you can, try and make sure your surgeons are on board with whatever you choose and are thinking in terms of giving YOU your best result. Think about whether you want to leave options open for down the road. I hope you have been able to find the pictures that other women have taken showing what it can look like not to reconstruct. I think I read in one of these posts that sometimes it is not possible to have a symmetrical look - you would want your surgeon to discuss what to expect. Your surgery is coming up soon - I hope it all goes well! I am sooo grateful so many others have shared their experiences here!!!
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Carlads - I did not reconstruct. Had my first MX then chemo and rads. Planned to do second MX and reconstruct and changed my mind at the 11th hour. Called my BS and said I just want a MX and no reconstruction and I want it now. She never questioned me which I appreciated very much. We already had all the discussions and I was well informed. My reasoning:
1) I was looking at TE's and then implants so that was multiple surgeries. After a year of chemo/rads I just couldn't face more surgeries......
2) I am 58 - not old but boobs just don't mean the same to me as years ago (they tried to kill me!).
3) I am IIIc and am high risk for recurrence. I just wanted to get rid of the risk.
4) I had rads which put me at higher risk for complications on the recon.
I made a decision to be done with surgery and get on with my life. No more bras, no foobs, just flat chested me feeling comfortable with my choice. My belly seems bigger now
but it's just life. I'm not perfect, never was and I can live with that.Just enjoying my cancer free days and praying they continue for a very long time.
Make the decision you are comfortable with. There are always possibilities if you change your mind in the years to come. But do what is right for you.
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Carla, It is such a personal decision. You are the one who needs to be comfortable with whatever you decide. I did the research and had my husband read it all. When it came to the part of reconstruction my DH did not want me going through the extra surgery and I was so grateful for that. I could have had a lumpectomy but was very put off by my oncologist that I decided to have a BMX. My surgeon was supportive when I changed my mind. The reasoning behind my BMX was no more mammograms, no more biopsies, no more MRIs, no worries about radiation on the left side over the heart, no worries of side effects from hormone therapy, no worries about recurrence. At 61, I wasn't going to have any more children and my breasts had already served their purpose when I nursed my three children. I felt I could move on with my life much faster which was important to me. Some think my decision was radical but my husband and surgeon were behind me 100%. Besides, I don't miss wearing a bra. I go flat every day. I even went flat to work before I retired. No one really notices you are flat. Good luck with your decision and surgery.
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Don't forget about the greater chance of lymphodema with implants.
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Carla, after gearing up for a BMX with immediate TEs placed, I was forced to reconsider because my surgeon wanted me to wait 2 years for recon. Now I am glad to have had the extra time to think and research, and the conclusion will most likely be that I skip it.
1. The good-looking recons are mostly the ones done with skin-sparing prophylactic mastectomies, to my eyes anyway.
2. I do not want silicone, and the thought of sticking something under my pecs skeeves me no end.
3. I don't really want any more surgery.
4. I am not really into butchering other parts of my body for the sake of fake boobs.
5. All the various recon options seem to be, as far as I can tell, high risk, with a high incidence of infections, problems and outright failure.
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Carla, I am another one who did not do reconstruction for all the reasons listed above by everyone else. I also go flat - no bras, no bounce, and I feel happy with my decision. For the most part, no one notices. Some clothes are more flattering than others, but I've gotten to where i don't care so a lot of the time, I just wear tee shirts. Or at least when it's not snowing.
Still, good luck with whatever you decide.
Daryl, part of why I wanted to do a "flat fest' or a flat world society is the attitude of doctors, that so many of us have faced. It absolutely should be presented as a real option.
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Deyrl, My Doctor never suggested reconstruction. Never even mentioned it. So yes, there are doctors who are not caught up in the recon and are listening to women and their needs.
Carla, lots to think about, but you will have time to think about it all... no need to rush into anything.
I did not choose reconstruction and recently I have had thoughts that I should have. Until I read some threads in the "reconstruction" section here. There was one and most women said their husbands avoided the reconstructed breasts. So in my opinion, why get it done? I know women who had surgery the same time as me (first breast 2 1/2 years ago)...I am healed, using my arms for work and they are still getting reconstruction touch-ups. Ugh.
I wear cute boobs when i want to, big ones, small ones or none at all. It is all very ok.
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I had one mx last year because of DCIS. Because of the location of the cancer I have a scar straight across the left side of my chest that ends under my left arm. I would have to go to tissue expanders to get enough skin to do an implant and there really isnt enough fatty tissue to make it look normal. I thought I might go through with it until I read all of the information and looked at the pictures of "really good results" - to me they all looked as bad, or worse than my scar. So I showed the information to my husband and that got him on board with the no reconstruction thing. He is not so happy with my decision to have my right breast removed, though he understands my reasoning (I'm having a prophylactic mx to remove the remaining breast tomorrow morning). But I am doing it for the same reasons the others have mentioned. I want to move on and live my life and stop having people poking, prodding and discussing my boobs! I can't stand not knowing when the other shoe might drop so to speak. I don't want any more cancer. I am 50 and I intend to go flat everywhere, including work. I wore a blouse the other day that was the first blouse I ever wore in public after my first mx. I can't believe I was so self concious, just one year ago. You can't even tell that I still currently have one breast in that blouse. My health is my number one priority. I want to be around to see my son get married and for my grandchildren one day. I do not want more surgeries and more pain. I want to be done once this second mx heals.
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Djustme, I hope that your surgery and recovery go very smoothly.
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Carlads, I have had it both ways, had a double mx in 2002 and got implants back then, had them in for 6 years. Then I had a recurrence in 2008. Their were 2 tumors growing under my implants. The edge of one tumor peeked out into my cleavage area and that's how I found it. So I had another double mx "revision" and this time I made specific requests to my surgeon: 1. remove all possible breast tissue 2. remove both implants.
I have been going flat for a couple of years now, at home, at the office, even job interviews. Dark colors, layers, and prints work for me. I have developed an appreciation for graphic tees. I do have to make more of an effort with my wardrobe (I used to just order online, but now I actually go to the store & try stuff on) For a while I avoided jackets/blouses with darts but now I don't care. I even took my mastectomy swimsuit with pockets to a seamstress to remove the cups/pockets!
Hope this helps a little, and I hope you find the decision that's right for you and have a successful surgery.
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Carlads,
We're obviously skewed toward the group that got no reconstruction on this board! I share so many of the same reasons mentioned above.
My tumor was agressive and advanced, and I am happy to have a flat chest that is very easy to examine. I am really glad I greatly cut my risk of having to deal with future scans and biopsies. I could not stand that anxiety over and over again.
I abhor the idea of cannibalizing (Starak's word choice) some other part of my body to create breasts that I cannot even feel. I am an athlete, and even if I weren't I'm pretty sure I need all my muscles! Perhaps if I could once again have sensate nipples I'd consider a procedures, but I am not one to take risks for purely cosmetic reasons. That seems especially senseless for me when there is the non-risk option of foobs, should I choose to want the appearance of breasts.
I go flat 100% of the time. People really do not notice. I have stopped trying hard to dress in ways to conceal this, and I'm totally comfortable with it. My breasts were not a big part of my identity before my cancer so that may have to do with how easily I became comfortable walking around without them.
It's a relief to be done with bras.
I was very lucky to have a flat-chested surgeon (all life, not BC) who did not question my decision and left me with wonderful scars that mainly run in the crease under my pecs (I do have pretty big pecs). That's a little lower than a lot I see. If you are sure you won't want reconstruction, consider looking online at pictures of mastectomy scars because there may be things the surgeon can do. I wouldn't want my own scars anywhere else, but there are others on this board who requested them in other places.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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You all are great! I am meeting with my breast surgeon tomorrow. He is sure going to be shocked..
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It's so nice to know that you have a choice. I know when I was diagnosed, most of the discussion focused on reconstruction, rather than cancer removal. After my DIEP failed, I chose not to get any other surgery. Of course that means I'm lopsided and wear a prosthesis (not around the house though, even though it looks weird not to).
I look for other women wearing prosthesis too, just to know that I'm not alone. Of course that might make me the creepy boob-looker woman out there making other women feel weird, but what can you do?
I don't mean to shill for ACS, but rather than the silicon forms, I really liked this one (and it costs only $45!!): http://www.tlcdirect.org/Micro-Bead-Lightweight-Breast-Form-Mastectomy-Prosthesis-American-Cancer-Society-TLC-Direct. I've stuck it in the washer and dryer to keep it clean without a problem (normal wash, normal dry). No problems with TSA either. It's very light and comfortable. It still feels weird if you lie on your stomach, though, but less so than the silicon forms.
Oh, and you might also like this site, do a search for "padded camisole": http://www.yesstyle.com/en/list.html?q=padded+camisole&ss=120&bpt=48. Some of the tops come with padding (minimalist) but are super comfy even without it. Prices were very reasonable to me (I discovered the site after a visit to a post-mastectomy specialty store, so of course). Just a thought.
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I'd like to add just one more thing, I think I may have mentioned it on this forum, not sure, but all 5 prosthetic fitters that I've seen have all said if they were to have BC they would not have reconstruction, they all said they see reconstructed breasts many times a day and hear lots of stories - most aren't positive, and the outcomes aren't really that great. I was just looking at some recon again by one of the best PS in the country and was shocked at the way they locked, I'm keeping my flat chest (at least for now). I've learned to never say never, but I can't see anything that would change my mind about being flat at this point in time.
Carlads - please let us know how it goes!
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My female BS doesn't encourage recons. It really wasn't a discussion. I told her I was not opting for recon and she agreed. She did a beautiful job. My MO and several fitters have commented on what nice work she did. My only regret is that I had UMX. I wish I had known then what I know now...I would have definitely had BMX. If I ever get to a place where I can afford it I want to have the PMX.
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FLWarrior - I'm with you 100% - Shouldn't your insurance cover it, except for deductible, out of pocket, etc.... I qualify for Medicare in March, as I'm on SSDI, and then I can get a great supplement, so there will be no out of pocket
a PMX is on my list for March or April. 0 -
Carlad, As said above, this group is obviously skewed in one direction. I too had a BMX (1 cancer, 1 prophylactic for symmetry), for all the reasons stated. On top of all those reasons, it doesn't take much of sitting on this board to see all of the things that go bad, not to mention the surgery after surgery after surgery after surgery, ad nauseum .... trying to get it right. Personally I am very happy with my flat chest. I have breast forms that I can wear if I choose.... or not.
I hope your take away from all of this is not more pressure to go in one direction or another but to know that you have options, and that it is your choice what you want to do. You will have seen alluded to here that there seems to be a group think amongst professionals that all women should recon. I hope you do get from us that it is NOT true for all women. So my advice is to try and find that quiet spot in your soul, look carefully at all of your options - and yes, saying No to recon or yes to a BMX are among those options, and make the very best decision for you.
I do want to reinforce the previous answer. IF (and that is a decision only you can make) you decide on no recon, or no recon with BMX, be prepared that you are likely to receive alot of resistance. You may likely have to be very strong and insist on what you want. Plan on it. Also, the question of extra tissue and how the scars will look. If you were 100% sure you do not want recon, you would need to make it extremely clear that you want as flat, free of extra skin and aesthetically pleasing as possible. A discussion of scar placement may also be in order. I asked for and got low in order to accomodate the v-necks that I wear all the time. If you are on the fence about future recon, then the extra skin could make it easier but could also leave you with a bumpy result that you might feel a second surgery is necessary to fix.
There is no one size fits all in this game and do not let anyone make you think there is. Most of all do not let anyone, be it us or some uppity surgeon push you down a path that is not right for you.
I am 2½ yrs out from a BMX and no recon. I can say with 20/20 hindsight, without a doubt I made the right decision for me. My number 1 hope for you is that 2 yrs from now, you can say the same.
Barbara
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What Starak said
It is so very, very personal and there is no one size fits all. Do give yourself space to think on it. Just know that living flat is a viable option, even if there can be days when you want to curse the grinch who stole your boobs.0 -
Hawks, Thank you for posting the padded cami website...how interesting!
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Surgery was eventful today - which is great! I have a fair amount of pain, but not as bad as last year (I can type, and I couldn't do that after last year's mx). I am looking forward to lots of rest and a speedy recovery. Thanks for being here ladies.
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Djustme, thanks for checking in. I've been wondering how you were doing. I hope you have good pain meds but that you don't need them too long.
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Djustme: glad to hear you're doing ok.
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Djustme rest well tonight. Wishing you a very smooth and easy recovery!
I found the padded cami website interesting too. thanks.
Carlads hope your BS appt went well.
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Djustme - Good to hear all went well today and you are recovering nicely. Yes, plenty of rest and chocolate(!) are in order.
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Hi everyone. FLwarrior yes it went well. He totally went with my decision. I told him I do not want reconstruction. I asked him to please do a nice neat job. He told me he would.. Thank you all so much for your input. Do we have any TN warriors here other than me?
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Djustme - get well soon - hope your recovery is painless and easy.
I am currently on an "Arimidex holiday" - after only 3 days without it the dreadful fog is clearing and I feel human again.
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I just have to say that I really feel for those of you dealing with the side effects of hormone treatment. It must be awful to not feel like yourself. I can only compare to what it was like in the time leading up to a natural menopause and first two years after. That was enough for me. To be thrown into menopause so abruptly at a young age would be mind bending.
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I don't know how long you get to stay on holiday Greenfrog - but welcome to clarity.
Unfortunately the morning after my mx I woke up to blood on my bed - my inner and outter dressings were soaked through. I should have gone back to the hospital immediately (this is why they should keep you over-night instead of sending you home the same day). They could have siphoned off the excess blood, cleared the drain and patched me up. Instead, I called the surgeon, who I saw this morning (24 hours later). The blood is now all clotted and cannot drain down the draining tube or be siphoned off. There is a fair amount of clotted blood under the scar. The surgeon decided that its best to wait and see if the body heals itself by reabsorbing the blood, because he would otherwise have to reopen the wound in order to do anything with it now and that means a high risk of infection. So I am supposed to watch that the swelling doesn't get larger (indicating further bleeding under the skin) and watch for signs of infection. If it doesn't look any better by next friday, he will open me up again. Definately not looking forward to that.
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