I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
Comments
-
Thank you all for your thoughts on nipples and experiences and Barbara, for info on the Still You cami. I agree I have had the experience of old pathways being triggered. The brain is truly a remarkable thing.
Barbara
0 -
Sarak: what you said. I want every woman to do what feels best for her, but I really want to see more acceptance of going flat. It really is fine. I'm more self conscious about my sagging face line that I am about not having breasts.
0 -
Starak, I agree. I don't think people notice the difference between small and flat. I, like you, am paying attention and looking and there have been a few times that I think I've seen another flat woman but without conversation really didn't know. I help out in my grandson's first grade class a couple of times a month and none of the kids, or the teacher, have ever noticed. I also have helped out a couple of times in my granddaughter's third grade class and once again none of the kids have said anything or seemed to notice. So I wouldn't worry about anybody having to cover their eyes.
Alexandria, don't get me started on jowls. Now there's a problem.
0 -
Alexandria - I am so with you on the facial stuff and aging, but not nearly as critical as I used to be. When I see current or old pics, I might get a pang of sadness. To be honest, I am more annoyed with the lower half of my body and would feel more self conscious exposing that vs my concaved mess of a chest in a locker room. At least my chest has an excuse! The other part is evidence of how much time has passed since BC and LE and its effect on my body. In the last few months I have been exercising and sometimes don't feel so critical. I am trying to love my body as it is right now, practice the kindness I have for others and cut myself some slack. As you point out, Barbara/Starak, no one is really paying attention and notices those things but me. I just feel the need to "conquer" and take back what BC has done to my body. I can't have my chest back, but I would like my butt and legs! And I don't mean some crazy level of fitness. I just think I would feel more confident and satisfied. Sure, I can put clothes on and look nice, but I would like to feel good when I take them off! What I'd really like is the feeling of being fit and energetic. It's different than looking at models or whatever and wishing for some unrealistic body.
0 -
Tina, I know exactly what you mean by this: "What I'd really like is the feeling of being fit and energetic. It's different than looking at models or whatever and wishing for some unrealistic body."
It is one of the reasons I drag my butt to the gym 3X a week, even though it is pretty boring. So far, I have been doing it for 6 months, and although the change is subtle it is also definite. It is nice to feel strong again.
0 -
Crystal - I wear a Amoena, Energy Light 2S, Size 10 silicone with the Cami's. The cami's have a little hole at the top of the cup/pocket so that you can reposition the prosthesis without being noticed. It's also the most comfortable prothesis I've had yet, it's cool, lightweight (more or less) and lots of times I don't even notice that I have it on. And the cami's make a huge difference for me over bra's, I don't feel like I have to rip them off as soon as I walk in the door.
0 -
Ah yes, the jowls.
It's those reminders of youth again. For so many of us, this is not just a loss of breasts, it's a loss of the hormones of female young adulthood. I struggle to know how to be the age I am now. I went suddenly from 44, looking younger than I was, still nursing a little one, immersed in the world of young children, to laid-out in my bed most of the time, no social role other than the sick role, and when I re-emerged into the world I was much older.
I am so glad I had that experience of nursing a child. That little someone becomes so tied to you. It was as if my world revolved around a double sun. When I was diagnosed, my kids were toddlers and tapering off their nursing, but I still felt like my major identity was as mother. I still felt like I looked pretty young.
In the nearly 2-1/2 years since my diagnosis, my face has aged tremendously. I have new wrinkles and saggy spots. I don't look 80, but I don't look younger than I am anymore. When I lost weight during chemo, the skin sagged and wrinkled. Riding a stationary bike I'd see the flaps of wrinkles around what used to be very solid thighs.
I don't think I had a whole lot of "youth" left before this happened, but I do mind losing it so fast. Breasts, schmests. I do miss them a lot, but if I had a choice between getting my old breasts back now, guaranteed totally healthy, versus getting back that year of life I missed during treatment, I'd take that year of waning youth, any day.
----------------------------------------
We are in Greece, the UK, NYC, Virginia, New Mexico, where else? There must be bridges of flatties in between, they're just not on the site.
0 -
Outfield - your post brought tears to my eyes. It echoes my experience totally.
I'd love for a meet up. Momine and I can't be the only ones in Europe .... if people read this thread regularly but feel nervous about posting please step up and say hello.
0 -
I have not been on here for ages but am reeling from the news that I have now been told that due to radiotherapy damage I do not have the tissue for a reconstruction - I was promised this when they did the MX and I have a 1 kilo (2.2 pounds) weight didffference from one side to another so really notice it when I wear nothing and egen with a pros I notice it, I HATE being lop sided with a passion, I hate not being the same and really do not know what to do with myself......I am also in constant pain / aching and sore and never get a good night´s sleep, all since radiotherapy...so I may not be in the right place as you all seem happy but i am not one thing or another, just unbalanced and that is how I feel unbalanced and utterly miserable. It gets worse not better.....
0 -
Lily, you are more than welcome. That sounds really difficult. Did the PS have anything useful or constructive to offer?
I think before anything else, I would look for a second opinion, even if by email. If you really want the recon, I am sure there is a solution. Are you determined to stay the same size, or would you consider a reduction on the remaining breast?
When did you finish rads?
0 -
Hi Ladies: I had a left mx 2 1/2 yrs. ago. I find the chest, at the incision site and the area around it, is always very tender and sore. Are any of you finding this as well?
0 -
I finished rads late September this year......I will get an opinion from a plastic surgeon but they are only available privately and I have a few other health issues which make surgery more problematic for me (numerous sensitivities or strange reactions to drugs) and thus I can see the cost being like a mortgage if there are complications!!!! I am not rich and lost my business when all this started as I was self employed........
I keep telling myself I will get better as I have healed previous scar tissues that standard doctors told me would stay the same - it took 18 months though of intensive work - and right now i am tearful at the thought of even 6 more months like this.......in tears just typing this yet I am actually fairly ok about having had cancer etc......just not ok about feeling so mutilated
0 -
Lily - The PS that I saw said that I was not a good candidate for reconstruction (they didn't make me any guarantees at the time of MX, they just wanted to get all the cancer), but the PS did say that if I really wanted to have reconstruction that he would want my to heal for at least a year after radiation before making a final judgement. Since then I've decided not to reconstruct, and will probably have a prophylactic MX on my non-BC side so that I'll be even. I've gotten used to wearing a prosthesis, a good fitter has me in a very comfortable one, and I wear it with MX cami's. So, don't panic, give it some time.
Marmalade - my mx was in April 2010, about 2 1/2 years ago also. I still have a lot of pain, adhesions, just had "radiation recall dermatitis" pop up. My ribs, clavicle and sternum are very tender to the touch and have not improved since radiation. I'm told this is one kind of normal. If it's new pain, I'd mention it to your MO.
0 -
Thanks, LindaKR - I've had this same soreness since day one. Guess, as you say, this is the new normal, but seems weird because other surgeries don't produce lifelong pain. I can live with it (do I have a choice?) - I just consider my prosthetic "body armor" LOL
0 -
No docs have been able to give me any ideas on getting rid of it, but they say that it's not cancer. I was told that it was probably damage to the bone and muscle from radiation, and may never heal. It's very irritating to wear a seat belt, it starts to ache within about 10 minutes. The rib pain is right where my bra rides, which is why a cami is so much more comfortable. Boy, I feel like a whiner today!!! I have alot of residual pain issues, from radiation, chemo & the AI's. It's pretty tricky to figure out what is causing what and how to manage it. I have a great PCP (a Family Nurse Practioner) that's amazing, and so willing to learn whatever it takes to help me with my pain and fatigue.
I like that "body armor" Now that I've pretty much made the decision to have the prophylactic MX on the non-BC side, I'm getting excited about not having to wear anything if I don't want to, I think that straps, weights of breast and prosthesis, bands really exacerbate the LE and pain. Also looking forward to smaller prosthesis, should I decide to wear them.
0 -
Thanks for your kind and TRUE words Starak - I agree - as a teen, I thought that everyone was looking at me, and I did not measure up . . . up to my 30's I probably still had that insecurity . . . and worried about my appearance much of the time . . . into my 50's now, and post bmx, and chemotherapy, I'm truly thinking it just doesn't matter . . . like some of you, I felt WAY younger than mid-50's 7 months ago, I felt like I looked and acted younger . . and now, NOT SO MUCH . . I feel old . . and COMFORT is becoming the #1 agenda for me. When I wake up in the morning, I do not hurt . . . by end of day, I hurt where the elastic binds me . . . I bought soft elastic today, and am going to adjust one of my Amoene camisoles to see if that fixes the problem . . . I also bought foobs for $20 at Joann Fabrics - large "enhancers" in the bathing suit wear section of a fabric store - WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN? I put them in a soft sports-like bra, and the look is NOT bad - even tho they are "large" enhancers- they are fairly small . . I have size 3 prostethics . . I'll let you know how they work, in a practical way over the next few days . . I am also vowing to go flat with certain clothing . . . and purchase MORE of those types of clothes. I simply am NOT going to continue to have pain caused by clothing.
I am one of the lucky ones, and I know it - I had no radiation, I only had one lymph removed, no lymphadema - no problems that way. I had little side effects from the chemotherapy . . and I'm 6 1/2 weeks past the LAST round of that . . . I am rejoicing in my status . . and I TRULY hope you who are suffering and still battling this ugly disease have peace and rest this evening!
0 -
I am sorry you have so much trouble with this.
0 -
Linda: I'm a year and a half since my surgeries. I still have problems on the cancer side, depending on the position I've been sitting in and what I've been doing. I'm find I'm most comfortable wearing nothing tight across my chest. I'm sorry you're having so much pain, but hope that things will improve.
Fern: It gets better. You're still very freshly past treatment. I really felt self-conscious the first six months or so until I realized that no one looks and no one cares. There are a lot of small breasted women out there who barely show. DO what make you feel comfortable. Just go flat. I promise you'll be surprised at how few people notice. I also tossed a lot of clothes right after my surgery, and I regret it. i'd wear them now.
I did early in the process try on a sports bra, and it really hurt. I still have some residual problems, but wearing comfortable clothes is a wonderful luxury. Comfort matters. You survived cancer, you deserve to be comfortable. You also deserve to feel attractive, but that will come in time.
0 -
I'm all for the comfort factor. One tidbit I'd like to add it that most undergarments are made with the smooth seams to the outside. I had fibromyalgia for 15 years. My skin was extremely sensitive and I found that I could tolerate wearing everything (including bras) wrong side out.
I had forgotten about this solution to skin sensitivity until the middle of one night about a week after surgery. I turned turned my post-surgery camisole inside out and it felt a whole lot better. That meant the velcro for the drain pouches were then outside the garment which I think was an even better arrangement. Now I wear all of my camisoles that have seams "wrong side" out.
0 -
Linda, I keep a bulldog clip in my car. Just pull the seatbelt an inch off your chest and place the clip at the top of the shoulder belt. In case of an accident, you still have the safety of the belt, just not snug enough to irritate your chest. Works very well.
0 -
Laural - thanks, it took me a minute to visualize what you meant, but I see how that could work. I end up driving with one hand and holding the seat belt away from my shoulder with the other. I'm going to look for one of those right now. Awesome!
0 -
comfort is definately higher on the priority list than looks. I bought some tank tops at Mark's Work Wearhouse that have no seams at all and are of the softest cotton. Now that its's cooler out I wear them under all of my shirts.
I am starting to get nervous now that my prophylactic mx is a week from wednesday. I'm not worried that it is the wrong decision - I'm sure it is right for me. I just worry about how it will turn out, if they will find cancer, how much pain I will have etc... I have to keep reminding myself to just think about one day at a time.
I have worn myself out (as I usually do when I am nervous) I have my tree up and all of my presents bought and wrapped; all of my cards written. I likely won't be able to do to much for a little while since I am right handed and surgery is on right side. I plan to baby myself this time, and just rest. I will not push myself to go back to work before the new year. I have already informed my dh that since he insisted on hosting his side of the family's Christmas dinner, that he is going to have to do the whole shot. I will consider myself a guest with lounging priviledges. If I can pull this off guilt free, I will be doing well. I usually do everything while he lounges, so it will be interesting.
0 -
Djustme - The MX was the easiest part of this whole experience so far. Not sure what treatments you've had though, and whether or not your are also having reconstruction at the same time. Good luck!
0 -
Djustme - I agree with LindaKR - the MX was the easiest - healing is less than any other "surgery" I've ever had - like c-section, for instance . . . MX seems like NOTHING compared to having a body "cavity" opened etc . . . definitely more than a cut with stitches - but since yours is prophylactic, that means they are taking no lymph, etc. . . . so should be uncomplicated for the surgeon . . . GOOD LUCK!!!
0 -
Have to agree with the others, MX was the easier of any thing so far.
0 -
Djustme: I agree that the MX on my non-cancerous side was much easier than any other major surgery I've had.
Take deep breaths. Eat chocolate.
0 -
A small pillow under the seatbelt works wonders as well. Someplace on these boards I saw the recommendation and had one coming home from the hospital following surgery and kept it in the car for a long time following. It worked wonders
Be well
Nel
0 -
Djustme, same here, the MX was not fun or anything, and there is a long period after (or was for me anyway) of having ot be careful with the arm, discomfort etc, but the immediate post-op was relatively easy. I had a C-section 20 years ago and still have PTSD symptoms from that lovely experience.
0 -
I am recouping from DMX done on 11/2. No nodes were taken and I am surprised at how easy the surgery was. I am unfortunately still carrying the drains but I have been able to get around just fine from the start.
0 -
Thank you everyone. I too had a C-section 23 years ago and have to say that it was not a picnic, but I am surprised you still have pain from it Momine. After a couple of months I don't think I ever had any discomfort from my C-section at all.
Frapp, I am surprised you still have drains - that seems like a long time. I had my drains for 10 days with my first mx. I will only have one drain this time because I won't have any lymph nodes out. I am hoping that also means I won't have any of the lingering pain that I have from the first one. I still have pain everyday (discomfort the docs would say) that wraps from the scar on my chest under my arm and around to my back from the first mx. I am hoping no lymph node removal equals no residual pain. At least this will put an end to my 'waiting for test results anxiety'. They will test the material for cancer (I made sure that they would). I have tiny lumps and bumps in the breast which the doc says are normal, but I need to know for certain.
I will try to keep thinking positively - no cancer - no follow up treatment - no lopsidedness - no bras - no pain. And much more choice in clothing!
0
