I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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I think the chemo pill I am on has been slowing the healing. So I have stopped taking it and am hoping that the doc will,remove my drains in tomorrows follow up. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
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Djustme, I had a bad infection from deep inside that broke through to the skin 2 weeks after the C-section. I never felt quite right after, had daily abdominal pain, with bouts of crippling pain. When docs checked it out (I asked a couple of times), they only noted that my uterus leaned to the left. Also, my abdomen had a bulge, like I had a belly. No amount of diet or exercise would get my stomach flat. It turned out that all of my insides were glued together by adhesions, most likely caused by the infection. That is why I had the pain and the bulge.
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Although I have been back to work since last week, I was working from home. I traveled to one of my clinical sites yesterday. I got up, got dressed, went to the airport, got on the plane, went to the site, went out to dinner, back to the airport, and flew home. I wore a pair of slacks and a fitted top. Why am I writing this? To hopefully comfort and support anyone who is having a difficult time with going flat.
I chose, for comfort, to go flat on this trip. This was the first time I would be away from home and didn't want any discomfort. I had my hair cut short in prep for chemo. No one noticed except for the study coordinator, who is a good friend of mine and knew I was going flat. I came home and my DH, who has only seen me in comfortable pj's and sweats for the last 6 weeks, commented on how good I looked. I asked how I looked flat in my dress clothes. He said he didn't even notice, yet, the top I was wearing has always been one of his favorites!
I have been going flat since my surgery, but local (store, doctors, family). This was the first time "in publc" so-to-speak. IMHO, I think in our breast-concious society, we think people will notice, but frankly, I got more stares with my bigger boobs that I did flat. Ultimately, all individuals going through this will have to make up their own mind about what makes YOU feel comfortable, but do not base you decision on the outside world, because frankly, I think they are too busy to notice and those that aren't and do notice or stare, well, they need to get a life!
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Last weekend I went "flat" to a BIG fine arts/craft show wearing a sweater with a cowl neck and a long scarf wrapped and draped in the folds over black jeans. A number of friends and artists whom I talked with commented on my scarf or how "arty" I looked. No one seemed to notice my lack of breasts. Even my husband took no notice until I pointed it out.
Yes, I think most everyone but those of us who don't have breasts are the ones who take notice of chests. I've found myself being overly aware of other women's breasts. Thankfully, I feel a lessening of that hyper sensitivity as the time between surgery and getting on with my life lengthens.
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My cat, my beautiful, loving cat passed away today. When I got cancer, I told him he couldn't die for at least one year. He didn't. During chemo, if I got out of bed, he tried to walk me back to my room. My Arrow. He was the other half of my heart. We were one.
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MT1 - Hugs and my thoughts are with you.
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MT, so sorry about your cat.
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Oh that is soooo terrible MT1. But I'm glad he was there for you up until now. It's okay to grieve for a pet. they are family. I have two little shi tzu's (can never spell the breed name). I am having them groomed on Monday so they will be extra nice to have with me for naps after surgery. I have become a big fan of naps since my last surgery. I think everyone should have at least one per day during recovery, (and at least one per week at all other times!).
I'm only 50 but the last few years have taken alot out of me. Now that my dh's parents and my mom are getting up in years we spend a lot of time either taking care of them or thinking about them. The tables have turned. I also have already lost a brother to brain cancer and have two sisters who are seriously ill and either could take a turn for the worst at anytime. But sorry MT1 - I have digressed, give yourself time to grieve, and think of the the time he was there for you. He hung in there for you.
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MT1, So sorry to hear about your cat. I lost mine the same day we decided I needed a mastectomy. The cat was my little velcro cat; I still miss her.
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I'm sorry for your loss MT. Fly free, sweet Arrow.
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Melly, I am so sorry for your loss. I know what a great comfort, anchor, and extraordinary nurses my Yorkie daughters have been in my life.
Fly with Angels Arrow.
Barbara
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Mel, my condolences. I had a similar deal with my dogs.
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So sorry about your furry friend. They really do help us get through the hard times.
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Mel,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved cat. I have lost a few- a dog and several cats over the years and the loss cut deep each time. Maybe someday, although it won't be the same, you might consider a new furry friend from the shelter- they need you like you need them. Sometimes, I have considered not having another pet to avoid the pain of loss but I have not regreted the decision to have more since they are all such a joy. Six cats, two dogs! Yes, I am one of THOSE people.....0 -
Everyone,
For those of you who like the jockey camis- or the cool skin reversible tanks- they are on sale 25 percent off, free shipping, no minimum on jockey.com. The tanks are disounted even more if you purchase two.0 -
MT I am so sorry about your precious cat....my dog is still with me, and our pets take on special meaning when they have been by our sides through cancer.
I had an unusual pet experience, a very magical canary who sang his heart out for me. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and that week, he stopped singing. I moved forward with my treatment, he got more sick. The week before my mastectomy we drove him out of town to a bird specialist, and he had a huge terminal lump on his breast, and he was put to sleep. I think my precious canary took the "hit" for me....
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Mel, I'm so sorry.
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I am so sorry to hear of your sad news Mel. My beautiful dog, my best chum, suddenly became ill earlier this year and died 2 weeks later. She never ever let me down. (Unlike a fair few humans I could mention.)
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So sorry to hear you've lost your BFF.
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Melle, Deepest sympathy for your loss. It's so hard to lose our furry friends.
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Mel,
So sorry about your loss. Our animal friends are so special to us, particulalry during the last year.
Wishing all a peacful holiday.
Be well
Nel
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Melly, I am so sorry about your Arrow.
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I am so sorry, I know how it feels to lose a beloved soul mate - i am in animal rescue and currently have 5 large dogs and 3 cats......earlier this year I had 8 dogs and no cats, all living in house with me.......sometimes I miss the close one to one of just one or two dogs but all of them are just wonderful in their own unique ways......and all are rescues ...
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Thinking of you, Mel. You have had so much lately.
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Mel, so sorry for your loss. It is harder to lose our animals than people sometimes; maybe it is because they are so much more dependent on us than other people are. Special thoughts for you and lifting you up - may you have peace.
I am enjoying a brief respite with DH - on vacation for 2 weeks, so will check in occasionally. Have been going flat the entire time except one day I thought maybe the "body armor" prostheses might help with the seat belt thing, but it didn't. Thanks for the tip on the bulldog clip - I will try to get one and see if that helps.
Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Will check in later.
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Happy Thanksgiving to all. I am truely grateful to all on this list for being present, answering questions, chatting and supporting one another.
The passing of Arrow has had the benefit of helping my husband and I reconnect after our disturbance last month. Thank goodness.
We are exhausted. The emotional trauma of last month, my getting Shingles, Arrow's passing...
I am happy to be finding connection with my husband.
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So glad to hear that MT1. Not what you had to go through but glad it helped you to reconnect.
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Hi ladies,
I have surgery on December 4th and I am having a bi-lateral. I was going to have reconstruction at the same time but I am having second thoughts on that idea.
Here is a little history.. I am 51 in good health 3 weeks before my yearly Mammogram I found my lump. I didn't wait and went right in. Had core needle biopsy BS said IDC grade 2 and good candidate for immediate reconstruction. Met with PS twice. Yesterday met with Oncologist and found out I am Triple Neg. after I had my meltdown I did research and it said with reconstruction there is a higher chance of recurrence. I feel like my Breast did thier job, nursed all four of my babies (Now adults) so why bother with more surgeries?? I so think my husband was a little surprised but he will just have to deal with my decision. My daughters from the start have said not to have reconstruction. I need to decide quick my surgery is Dec 4th.
I would love any input!
Carla
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carlads - I chose not to do recon, for the following reasons (they may or may not apply to you - just my 2 cents) -
I didn't want more surgery, I have a high risk of recurrence and didn't want anything to mask it, don't need them anymore, like you nursed my 5 kids, was 54 at the time, I'm not a good candidate because of all the treatments, rads, scarring, adhesions, and now 2 1/2 years later am planning on having a prophylactic mx on the "good" side, to even out, so that I don't have to wear a Prosthesis if I don't want to , I'm large breasted and the weight on my shoulders causes pain issues, if I did have recon I would need a DIEP and to get that I would want to go out of state to the best to insure the best outcome, but that's expensive and requires several surgeries. So there's my reasoning.
Also, if you're unsure, you can always have it done later, might be better that getting it, finding out you don't want it, and having to have it undone.
Good luck with your decision, it's a hard one and very personal. My family did not want me to have recon, and, now, they are very supportive of the prophylactic, not sure my husband would have been at first. You need to do it because you want it, not for others.
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Carla Darling, Whatever that answer in your deepest truth, it will get you through with flying colors! I did mine, and I'm surprizingly pleased with the outcome. Sure there are hard times and revisiting the choice, but I also continue to uncover hidden gifts stemming from my preference. Here's a quick list:
no bras
no bounce when jogging
fantastically hydrodynamic (swimming)
no more mammograms
no more biopsies
no more mri's
no more worries about breast lumps, tumors, etc.
no implant maintenance
faster recovery
less pain
less disappointment (i don't like fake stuff--makeup, hairspray, etc.)
I still ponder reconstruction. I haven't ruled it out entirely. a DIEP flap might work in my case. I know I don't want ANYTHING under my biceps because I swim, paddle, lift, etc. Who knows? Maybe someday I will? ....?? The good part for me is that I can decide this later. For now, my husband and my kids and my parents are very happy for me. I'm very happy with my flattitude.0
