The Hermit Club
Comments
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Bayoubabe- sorry to hear of your difficult journey. First of all, I am glad you were able to take off a good amount of time to get through your treatment and recovery. But it sounds like you are still healing from some recent procedures and not back to where you were, and now dealing with the "new normal."
Maybe the work you do is too stressful to consider anymore. We are different after all we go through physically, emotionally, etc. It is clear you have bills to pay from treatment (have you looked into setting up payment plans to ease the financial pressures?) One thought is, can you find some different kind of work that is part time? I was able to go back to my work (consulting self employment) but had to work PT for three months to ease into it. It may not be that working is out of the question, but the job you have been doing is?
I am sorry your community sees your time off as something pleasant, and that you should be all better. We all have commented here on this thread about family, spouses, friends, co workers, etc. who are not very empathetic about our situation. Some folks here have shared their process with many, others of us with just a handful of folks. Yet we have all felt dinged, stunned, or otherwise dismissed at times by others who cannot deal with the word "cancer." Unfortunately, we can't make people get it, but we can open ourselves to being around kind and understanding people who truely care about us, won't judge us, or push us, or make us be something for them to be okay with where we have been. I suggest you look around to see who those people are and spend your time with them.
Please remain here to share with us as it is a lovely group of women who are kind and respectful of one another and try to help. We are glad you found us!
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Teka- good perspective. It takes a long time to recover from everything.
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Thank you both! I know I will get through this, just tired of having to get through things, which I'm sure you both get. A new job is definitely in order, but will take my time figuring out just what I want to do.
I did something today that is totally out of the box for me, just to let myself celebrate getting this far. Others will look at it strangely, but maybe that is what I wanted, not quite sure yet. Just went and got my hair colored for the very first time ever, however, I wanted to celebrate being a warrior. Thus, my hair is now a very pretty shade of purple! So not me, but I am loving it. Not sure what my principals will think next week, but the kids will love it. Maybe I am crazy on this end of things! Midlife crisis/cancer crisis? Either way - fun!0 -
Bayoubabe- doing something with your hair is a good step for you! I love the idea of purple hair! I saw a woman at my salon recent who had the lovliest violet hair. I am sure it looks great on you, and have fun with it when you go back to work. I know the kids will love it.
Other advice is just keep taking life one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. It helps with the feelings of being overwhelmed.
Routines with work do have their place too, they give us something to think about besides our problems. Even though I was very tired when I first went back to work, it helped me to focus on moving forward and getting my independence back.
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Always loved purple - never thought it would have so much meaning for me! Anyone have suggestions for managing the fatigue that will come with going back to work? I have the crockpot ready to go. Kids activities are on hold for the first two weeks, til I get steady feet. Anything else?
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Bayoubabe- when I went back to work, I made sure I came home and napped every day. But I also don't have children so probably easier for my situation than yours with family to feed dinner, etc. Several on this site are also moms and probably can give you some better advice about juggling work, children and managing your energy.
But you will need some extra rest every day, and I found an afternoon nap made all the difference for me being able to get through every day. The fatigue can go on for awhile, but I found with time, I had more good days than tired days. We are all very different here too in terms of what we have gone through, and our reaction to it. So remember it just takes as long as it takes. It has taken me a good six months post treatment to feel better, for others much longer.
People may not understand the longer term effects with your fatigue either. I stopped trying to explain it to people and just have learned to retreat when I am feeling tired. Today is one of those days.
Teka- love phlox!
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del
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Welcome Bayoubabe--so sorry u'r here but all nice women to come to really.
I already love u'r purple hair---I let my hair go all white (I never would) and I put different colored chalk color in it mostly purple (with glitter)hehe and blues so I'm right with u on that.
Niw I'm not sure but can u get any more time off with Disablility just a short time. I'm not trying to be a downer but maybe u do need more time, beside u have young kids. and personally I don't know how any of u do this whole crappy thing taking care of kids. Mine are in their 40's, so they do for me. Anyway if u feel really not ready please check into that. Plus cancer has in some areas, a place u can call to clean u'r hous for free. And this is all different for everyone so u'r right about anything how u feel. I always say there are no rules, and that's for healing to. Anyone who wants to help u in any way LET THEM
Jazzy is great with all this stuff, I'm not as good--her attitude is and has been wonderful and she's a good leader, I am retired. I wasn't planning on it til I was older (and I certainly old) but just couldn't do it anymore. That doesn't mean u can't, it just means don't feel like u'r behind in emotions, feelings or anything. Everything is on u'r own time. Don;t let anyone make u feel guilty, please it is what it is. OK do u have to work full time if u go back soon? U'r job sounds very stressful to me, can u get more time on Dis. so some money will be coming in???
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I just saw what CC just wrote--she's so right.
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Teka I dont know who that is but it sure look like GC--younger.
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We have so many serious things to talk about here, but I like to lighten it up now and then with a bit of humor. It helps me to find something funny every day, and hope this gives you a laugh too.
I am glad to see they have the school supplies in the stores. This is for the teachers here!
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Oh my gosh! I am laughing so hard right now! That's what I forgot on my back to school shopping list. With help like that, my return to work will be a breeze. Then again, I may not be able to get out of bed the next morning - but can blame the Femara instead! Thanks for the smile!
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To funny Jazzy.
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Oh, Jazzy--back to school was never so funny before! I have to try to copy/paste that to a few teacher friends.
Bayou--I don't know how you sped ladies do it. I have inclusion kids, IEP kids, resource a few years ago, self contained a few years ago, but it's all more exhausting than anyone knows 'til you've been there. I admire you ladies who work completely with special ed. Do take advantage of any offers of help. Make a list of things you'd be comfortable having others do... so if a friend or colleague were to say, "Gee, wish I could help." You smile and say, "Oh, that's wonderful. Could you walk my dog Wednesdays?" or "Could you pick up my boys from soccer?" or whatever it is you need. Grab every line of help offered and tie a knot! Let people feel good about helping you. It may feel a little awkward at first, since none of us grew up accepting help. I think hermits are seemingly all independent, do-for-others types of women. But do the best for YOU. Treasure each moment of rest and recruit your minions! :-)
Thank you, ladies, for all the sympathy over the ick carpet. They told me now, forget new carpet, they're putting in "tile"... (picture hospital flooring.) I'll most likely be out of my room at least a week. I dread trying to put it back together. My bookcases are gone, (they trashed one of my favorites), my computer is missing, the room has been stripped of all teaching resources. It wears me out to think of putting it back together. (Ok... enough whining... sorry. waaaaah!)
Wish I had the energy to catch up with each of you, but know you're in my thoughts and hopes and heart. (I have 84 essays to grade, so off I go.) Hugs.
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Teka
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Skittle u've got u'r hands full--just give them all B or B+--just for showing up. It's still hot around here.
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Hermits- Glad you liked the back to school funny. I have been a teacher once in my life at a community college, and teaching the young adults is hard enough, but the kids and special needs children to me is the hardest job (along with being a nurse).
Bayoubabe- I have my AI days and know what you mean about getting out of bed. I stayed home from my client site today as my body is just achey and super stiff joints, and think I am just having an arimidex day. I am here if you want to commisserate around the SEs. The AIs are no picnic.
Skittle- I think you are very right us gals are very independent and always doing for others. That has really changed for me the past year, I have had to really put myself first, maybe for the first time in my life. I come from a not so healthy family and always had to deal with putting other family health problems first. Then I got sick with two pretty major things last year, at the same time. If there was any gift in any of this, it is learning to take better care of me.
Hoping everyone has something nice planned for the upcoming weekend.
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Hi
You will find your new normal eventually but you aren't quite there. It does take time to heal in all ways.
Would your school district let you teach regular Ed? Or possibly just go on a long term sub list?
Or get out of teaching and do something different.
Good luck and come back. We're a nice bunch, and we care0 -
This is the sweetest thread! Thank you all for your hints and thoughts! My one principal did tell me that I could possibly work 4 days a week for a while if necessary. So that might be a possibility if necessary. Then 1/2 hour later, while speaking with my other boss, when I told her I could probably do it with a few extra minute breaks here and there, she said sure, but just make sure you are making use of that time, checking emails, or grades, or something! Ugh! Seriously! Since when is doing other work a break! So frustrating, too many bosses/principals. The one has had such a rosy life she just does not get it at all. The good thing about Special Ed. Is that you are never the only adult assigned to a class - my coworkers will cover and let me take a LONG bathroom break or go sit in the office (without emails!) for 10 minutes. I can do this ( I hope)!
Jazzygirl - I totally get you on caring for others. I have cared for three close family members who have passed away all in the last seven years - mom, brother, gram. (Wonder what caused my cancer? Stress?). My dad is currently in chemo for a cancer diagnosis from June. I sent him to live with my sister in MN. First time in a long time I put my needs first. So glad! I know it was the right choice.
Hope everyone is having a good peaceful day! Beautiful sunshine here! Hugs!0 -
Oh Bayoubabe u've had a lot going for some yrs now. Too much. I hope this newer plan for u'r work helps--please get any chance u can to relax and put a chair by u'r feet so u can put them up. I hope u get the four day week. I know a 3 day weekend sounds good but consider having a Wednesday off this way u'r week is broken up. My sister did that for a while and she said she liked that having /wed. off and sometimes she'd make her Drs. app't then and sometimes she'd just do nothing but it broke up the week.??????????? I hope whatever u do it'll be OK for u.
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This one is for Cami! Have a good weekend my hermit friends!
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Hahaha did u ALL read that?, that's for muah only. hehehe Oh Thank you Jazzy now if I can remember what to do.
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Something I read today about things that make you happier. Many of them are things we already know, but a good reminder!
http://blog.bufferapp.com/10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-make-yourself-happier
One of them is to exercise so off to the pool I go!
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Teka
and tht's the best excercise I can think of-0 -
You all give new meaning to estrogen positive!!
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Does anyone watch Project Runway? I love love love this show.....
Beautiful day here in Milwaukee, planted some more perennials, layed in the sun. A bit tired, couldn't get to sleep. My body just wouldn't relax...but yet I was so sleepy...
Bayou, I am a firm believer that stress can and will create havoc on ones body. My last job was insanley stressful, and I think it was the cause of my dx. I am on disability now, until October. Although am going to have recon surgery Oct 30th. I do not want to go back to my job, (I don't think they want me back) and I don't want to go back to nursing period. If I had it my way, I would not work at all. I am not lazy, but just don't want to deal with meaness that so often occurs in the work place. Nurses are notorious for eating their own....
Sounds like your boss wants to be accomodating, that is nice. As far as people being clueless...yep I found that out, and I also found out that people can be down right cruel....I figure people like that will after to answer to the big guy one day. Loved the purple hair....that is so cool. I think I will stick to my white hair. I always use to dye it brown, but now its coming in well and white as a snowbird....lol. My DH said I look like that woman that is on those yougurt commercials...can't think of her name....oh it's Jamie Lee Curtis....Take Care everyone.....Happy Weekend...
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Lori I can't watch those shows, I have skinny envy.Besides I usually watch scary movies and action shows/movies-no estrogen when I'm watching TV; U'r still on chemo right u had some enrgy going on--don't worry u'r still healing anyway.
Chit I have been napping on and off all day--and even thos I take the same meds at nite for some reason I don't get as tired at nite when I want to. Oh well
My kids are going out tonight so it's just Joey and me--he'll be tired now that school started so he'll go to sleep early, I know.
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Teka0 -
Teka...are you a nurse? I would like to be a nanny....I miss taking care of kids, I would be good at it, because I have had four kids to learn from.....children are cool.....
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Happy saturday hermits- been working to finalize materials today for a presentation I got invited to do at a local conference on Wednesday. I bought a new dress at Chico's yesterday to wear, so I look good standing up in front of all those folks. Tomorrow I will rehearse my presentation a few times to make sure it flows.
Lori- I have worked in a lot of different industries in my life, and currently doing systems implementation work in healthcare. I will say that I continue to be surprised at what a mean culture the healthcare industry is. I work more on the financial/admin side of the business, and with the org I am currently consulting for, I deal with the worst behavior by the women there who are gossipy, backbiting, and outright cruel. My project team (mostly women) have successfully driven out two female consultants to date. So I totally get what you are saying.
I am sorry your fellow nurses were so unkind to you, and glad you are not having to deal with that right now. Do you think there may be a way to use your nursing skills in the future at another type of environment? Like being a school nurse or working for someone like Hospice?
Teka- like your saying, time to squeeze in a bit more end of the summer fun. Tomorrow I am going to the farmers market and will see some friends who play in a country bluegrass band that I have not seen in a long time. Simple pleasures like this give me the most joy these days.
Cami- glad you have an evening to spend with Joey.
Blessings to all the other hermits here. Hard to believe next weekend is already Labor Day. Next thing you know, it will be Xmas!
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