Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!
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13 more days until my surgery. The wait is starting to get to me. I just want to get it over with so I can start healing.
But good it isn't sooner. Between now and then I have 1 monster deadline at work, 2 back-to-school nights to attend, 1 "Welcome America U Students" Sunday at church to host, 1 campus ministry dinner to cook for and 1 9-year-old's birthday party to host. Plus attending s'More with s'Methodist tonight. (toasted marshmallow make everything better)
Plus solo parenting all of Labor Day weekend including the birthday party, plus much of this weekend because my husband's gigs will run until the middle of the night. Ah the glamous life of a musicians wife.
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Outrunning, better busy than sitting around and doing nothing but thinking - honest! You certainly will stay out of trouble. Have fun with all your doings!
HUGS!
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ra1950, congratulations on sobriety!
Our breast cancer histories are identical though mine was on the right. I had a lumpectomy and intraoperative radiotherapy (IORT) on 8-25-15 and am doing okay.
I will keep you in my prayers for your surgery!
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Outrunning--you make me tired just reading all the stuff you're going to do. You know, it's actually a blessing to my mind that most of this stuff doesn't constitute an emergency. It's comforting to me that I can take some time, read and educate myself, talk to doctors and then make decisions, rather than rushing headlong into the operating room and crossing my fingers for the best. I hope your Labor Day weekend is a lot of family fun!
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Okay, if you don't have a glass of wine in your hand, you might want to get one. I'll wait...
So, I went back to the BS today to have my big ol'hematoma looked at again. The BS had also had the opportunity to take a look at the slides with the pathologist and together they have decided that I need re-excision--the margin is just too close. Foo! Thankfully, she had a cancellation for next Thurs while we were there, so now I'll be going to surgery Sep 3.
With that out of the way, she decided to take another look at my suture line with the ultrasound and sure enough, there's more in there. A whole lot more. So here we go with the big honkin' needle and syringe, and then 15 min of mashing on my poor gigantic rock-hard black & blue breast. In total, between Wednesday (2 days ago) and today, she has gotten about 4 OUNCES of blood out. Half a cup. No wonder I've been in so much pain!
If there is a silver lining here it's that the BS will be able to go in there with her surgical shop-vac and clean out all that blood and gunk, and fix whatever is leaking (something surely is!) Otherwise, we'd just have to let nature take it's course, let the body re-absorb all this blood (which takes about 5-6 months), and live with pain and drainage. She swears that she can make it right this time and I'm holding her to it!
But now here's something you'll all enjoy...wine, ladies?
I have not been sleeping well at all. I tried the recliner. That lasted less than 15 min...So I finally got so desperate that I took all my regular sleep meds, plus a Percocet, PLUS a half a Xanax. And OMG! I swear, it was like I took LSD. I was laying there in the dark, looked over at my DH and "saw" someone standing beside him. When I raised my head, I "saw" a whole bunch of people and animals swirling gently around the bed. Then I looked up and saw all these tiny bubbles, like if you were looking through a glass of Sprite. I raised my hand to touch the bubbles--and they moved away as if had put my hand in dish suds. Huh! Then I looked to the right and saw some large bubbles, like you'd get with a bubble wand. I swished my hand through that and the bubbles turned into hundreds of small prisms and mirrors, turning and twisting gently in the air. This was no dream. I was wide awake and having the hallucination of my life.
I woke up fully rested, despite my poor pitimous boobie.
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horse girl that's very interesting. My MO and I also discussed just herceptin and she was willing to do,it. My bet is many women like us will go that route.
I close my bra in front and spin it around. I also always sleep in my bra. I can't actually sleep if my bra is off. My bra is off in the shower. That's about it lol
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Oh, Poodles! I'm sorry you have to have a re-excision. But surely that shop vac will get rid of all the excess stuff you seem so intent on creating and you'll be much more comfortable. And I think the clear margins will be worth the extra discomfort - peace of mind cannot be overrated. That's a ton of stuff to get out of your girl. You feeling a bit softer?
I trust you are not likely to do that cocktail of interesting medications again. That would have scared me shitless! I never did acid but I imagine that your description is pretty accurate. At least once you were through hallucinating you got rest. I think I'll stick with wine (which will be after I quit laughing)
TresJoli, You must have the most comfy bras going! The only time I've ever slept in a bra is after breast surgery (one cyst, one biopsy, and finally my lx). Most of the time I can't wait to get the darned thing off. I would guess you are more buxom than me (which means you are an A+/B- at least!).
Ladies, have a wonderful weekend!
HUGS!!
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OK. Someone please tell me what is the difference between targeted therapy and chemotherapy? Pardon my ignorance.
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ladies... Can I get an honest opinion? This is my hair after ten weeks of chemo. If you were me, would you just keep covering it and let the new hair grow in along with it, or would you shave it all off at the end of chemo and do a"do over". I can't decide.
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Tresjoli2, Not sure what I'd do. Do you hate it right now? If so, shave it off. My mother's hair came in with a different texture and color after chemo (she was in her late 60s). If you like still having hair, then keep it. If you're happier covering it until it fills back in, then do it. How much longer will you be having chemo? If it is months, I'd be tempted to shave it off. If it's a few weeks, that would be a more difficult decision. Let us know what you decide. Sorry I'm not more help. Nice smile!
HUGS!
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Gosh, Tresjoli2. That's a hard call. I think I'd have it trimmed up real short and see what happens.
I worked with a gal about 20 years ago who was undergoing chemo for Hodgkin's lymphoma. We worked in a NICU together as nurses. I had nothing but admiration for her--she had the most gumption I think I've ever seen. Never missed a single day of work, even though sometimes she just dragged herself in there. She never quite lost all her hair and it really was a "thing" with her. She didn't like to wear wigs or scarves, just her own hair. And it looked pretty bad, all straggly and limp. But her hair meant a lot to her and she felt that she just couldn't "give in", as she called it, by shaving it all off. So she continued to work with her awful looking hair and eventually, the new hair came in and it all got better.
I guess you're the only one know knows what you should do. And I don't think it's an easy answer.
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tresjolie- that's such a personal decision. It all depends on how it makes you feel and how you think shaving it would make you feel. I have extremely thin hair (without chemo). I think my summer of surgeries has taken a toll on it too. I feel very self conscious about my hair and that I can see so much scalp through my hairline. I would probably shave mine if I thought there were a chance it woul look thicker. Just like our girls though. Hair does not define us. This is only tempor
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So true, Ringelle. Chemo isn't the only thing that wreaks havoc with hair. Stress does a number too. Hopefully, now that things are a bit more settled, your hair will come back nicely.
HUGS!
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Hey there ladies. Met with the MO today. We have now ordered the Oncotype test (results to be disclosed on September 24th) and a PET scan. She said she wouldn't have bothered with the Oncotype test normally, but due to my family history, she wants to be sure. So chemo is still not out of the question, but she felt it was a very slim chance. I will definitely be on tamoxifen for 5 years. Possibly 10. She also said she's 99.9% certain I'll be doing the brachytherapy instead of the general radiation, which she felt was the best option for me. No oophorectomy for me at this time - she said she doesn't like to do them because it can trigger early dementia and alzheimers, and, most importantly, because my mother had so many issues on arimedex and the other one (femara?) that she would rather I be on the Tamoxifen and we take our chances with that. She also said that there is no reason to traumatize my body with medical menopause and then put me on AI's - she said it's too much in too short a time for a small cancer that was Stage 1.
So I felt pretty decent after the meeting, except she poked and prodded me to death. But she said my "soreness" is normal and there isn't anything out of the ordinary - no swelling or anything. So that was good.
When I got home I was reading all the literature and stuff she put together for me, and I started reading statistics and got really frightened and upset. When I saw a 70% survival rate, etc. - on personalized statistical charts for me - I panicked. Even if it was for "if you stopped at surgery, here is the statistic." I had a mini-meltdown.
This is so much more complicated than just "get it out." I mean, I knew that. But still. She said she wants my statistic to be "in the 90's." I know it will never be 100%, but all I can think about is my daughter...and the MO reiterated the high risk my daughter has. Anyway - I've been on a bit of a pity party here. Sorry - I don't mean to bring anybody down.
MLP - I can't believe the got that much fluid out! And I'm so sorry you have to go back in again.
Tresjoli2 - that is such a personal decision - but how much longer do you have chemo for? I think that would be a big factor.
Outrunning - whew - your schedule is much like mine. School meetings, Girl Scouts, Neighborhood Association meetings, work, etc. You name it. I have two meetings tomorrow alone. LOL Try to find a few minutes to yourself to relax.
Okay - back to my Pity Party.
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wow, so much to catch up on...don't know if I can keep up!!! What a crazy day for so many of my LX sisters!!
I had a not so great day today, though nothing like some of you experienced. A colleague at work was trying to excuse being late on notifying me on a project that he wanted my help on (even though he has known about it for four weeks or so!)...and started to tell me that there were 'extenuating circumstances', namely that he had to move this month. He has a long history of doing this type of thing, but this time I couldn't even be nice. I started crying (fortunately we were talking on the phone, but I am sure he could hear it in my voice) and just sort of lost it, as in, "Joe (not his real name): I really don't want to hear about your circumstances. I have circumstances too. And trust me, yours pale in comparison." Or something like that. There may have been a few choice swear words thrown in. (which isn't unheard of in my profession, by the way, but I try to avoid using them). Oh well, now I am afraid he thinks of me as an unprofessional baby. I feel like I won the battle but lost the war.
Sigh. TGIF is all I can say!!
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Tresjoli2 -- I don't know what you had before, but you still look like you have a lot of hair to me. Unless you want to go for a buzz-cut look, I'd just keep your hair, if I were you. But then, I lost ALL my hair during chemo and it's growing back in but it's still under an inch and it feels like it will take FOREVER to grow back in to a decent length, and that idea depresses me (although, I have to admit, in this hot weather, I kind of like running my hands through my fuzzy hair! I've NEVER had it this short, so it's a fun thing to do. But hopefully I'll never have it this short again!!!).
Hmmm... I'm now thinking maybe one of those horrifically expensive weaves might be in my future? It's going to take me years to grow my stupid hair back! Good thing I invested in a nice wig, at least! I might have to get another one, since I'll probably wear this one out...
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I LOVE the bra fastening discussion! I've always just put mine on in the back, but there have been a few times when I've had a sore shoulder and needed something front-fastening and pretty much figured out that I could just fasten my regular bras in the front and then turn them around--duh! Now I don't understand why anyone bothers with fastening them in the back--but for some reason, I just naturally fasten then in the back! Weird. I have no idea what the reason would be! Just what we're used to doing? Something genetic? Who knows?
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The A&E Pride & Prejudice series with Colin Firth is just the best thing ever! That story really works as a series. And Colin Firth as Darcy has inspired many a romantic heart! Heck, even my Dad used to like to watch the whole series over and over again with us girls, and he was definitely more of an action-movie guy.
Anyway, I highly recommend it!
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I think there's a San Diego group that gets together for dinners now and then... They have a thread on this board somewhere!
I'm more in the southern OC area, or West Los Angeles for treatment, area... But San Diego is very do-able when I'm in OC (where I actually live).
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I haven't been checking in here as much lately. I've been just amazed at all the non-bc time I now have since finishing RT! It's like I'm out of all the craziness and back to normal life, almost! Weird!
I'm still doing Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks, but that's OK since I feel better about checking in with my MO... Not ready to be out without any watching yet! I haven't started on any hormonal treatment, though that's because my MO hasn't got a hold of me by phone yet (he had to run off to a meeting when I was last there and we played phone tag since!).
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Good luck to everyone recovering from surgery and to those going in as well.
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bjclaywell most people are at 70% with surgery only, I was too. Don't let that number scare you.
Tresjolie I trimmed mine up. Even if you want to keep the length, maybe just get it evened out for now. Trimming off the scragglies (if that's a word) helped me feel like I looked so much better. I never shaved my head, just trimmed it with the clippers when it looked scraggly. After chemo, I had my new growth and the long stuff, and I trimmed the longer stuff and it looked and felt a lot better. But I didn't have as much hair left as you do. Still, a good shaping won't hurt! I also dyed my hair dark (yeah, I know supposed to be a no no but I figure this chemo ravaged hair is going to get cut off at some point) and the darker hair color added a lot more "volume" look to it. And now I have hair about 3/4ths of an inch long, dyed chocolate brown, and I gave up the head coverings. Now people who don't know I went through chemo think I did it on purpose.
I plan on dying my hair as long as I live. And I figure now is a time to try colors, etc. just staying away from red at the moment until I have enough hair to go to the salon, because I don't want to end up orange
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BJClaywell, No wonder you had a meltdown. That was a ton of stuff thrown at you today. It sounds like you have an MO who really understands you and your situation. That's good. I'm glad you're getting an Oncotype done. Those results can be very helpful. Keep thinking positive! Tamoxifen seems like it is right for your situation. And, if down the road, you need to try Arimidex or Femara, you can. Because your mother had problems with them doesn't necessarily mean you will (but you'd think it would make it more likely, wouldn't you?). And remember, you can only do one thing at a time right now. So you've already increased your odds to 70%! And each step will add to your numbers. Try to relax and have a good weekend!
HUGS!!
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I had my first mammo today since my dx one year ago. Can't believe it's been a year! Everything looks good and it wasn't any more uncomfortable than previous mammos. I also had a DEXA (had one 10 years ago) and it revealed I have osteoporosis in my lumbar. NP mentioned possible infusion of some sort. It sure sucks getting old!!! Anyway, has anyone had infusions for osteoporosis?
Tres....I think if you're done with Chemo I'd leave it and trim up the back, if more is going to fall out I'd probably shave. But of course one never knows what one will do until faced with the decision.
poodles....sorry you have to go back for a re-excision but hopefully they will get it all taken care of this time. Interesting hallucination...
TGIF!!!!
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(((MLP))) sorry you need a re excision but glad your BS had an opening so soon. I have to admit that your story about the bubbles made me chuckle. Glad you got some rest anyway. Tresjolie, you really are tres jolie with that lovely smile. That's such a dilemma. I guess for me it would depend on whether I was going to lose more or not.
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keys-plez I found this articleWhat is targeted therapy
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Nash, congratulations on the clean mammogram! Is the osteoporosis from taking Femara? I am sorry you are having to worry about that.
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Tres.
Haven't read all your posts so not sure if you gave more information. But I'll tell you when I saw your picture my first reaction was , "ohhh! Tres' hair looks like my stepmoms! Her hair is growing in again after multiple rounds of chemo. Stepmom was shy about her short, uneven hair, but we were both thrilled that it was coming back! And she said the uneven patches are being filled in-although too slow for her liking-but she was confident that it would once again be "normal ". I felt her hair and it was soft and,,,ALIVE
I can't give you advice about what you should do, again, partly because I'm sure I haven't read the whole story, but mostly because I'm not in your shoes. I could speculate about what I'd do, how I'd feel; but I honestly don't think that would be valuable.
However for what it's worth, To me, your picture was beautiful.
Period.
Octo, I think you might be a bit too hard on yourself! We all have our breaking points, and although you don't have a large PR staff to spin the story, (like a couple of narcissistic politicians out there), you don't need to rationalize a justifiable reaction. But I hear you that you're confused and maybe chagrined that you reacted to a larger degree after that yahoo pushed your buttons. Cancer sucks! It screws with us, it makes us feel weak, takes away some of our dignity and autonomy. But please don't let it "win" the battle of making you feel small or unprofessional, when you had simply reacted as a human being.
Big hugs to you!!
And also you Tresjoli!
See you all soon as I get back home.
Xoxox
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Molly, Outrunning, Peggy, Nash, BJClay, Ringelle, and othets..your kind words helped me get through the week. Sorry I hadn't had time to acknowledge your posts earlier, but I truly appreciated everyone 's love.
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Mlp- I had already had a glass of wine when I read your post and the descriptiveness made me chuckle. But I am sorry you have had to go through that and am glad the BS will "clean" it up for you.
Tres- wow, what a decision! You look great though! I might go to a good hair stylist and she what he/she recommends as a cut to transition it if you aw t to grow longer or wait to fill in more
Octo- sounds like mr. Excuse had it coming and you are entitled to being irritated with someone who did not follow through on their responsibities in a timely manner.
Nash- congrats on the clean mammo!
Bj- I've had the same statistics freak out. I want us all to be 100% cured!0 -
Molly50.....Thanks for the link.
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bjclaywell you and I are in a similar situation except for her2. One thing to think about is a compromise on the ovarian suppression. Since recurrance is high in the first two years, My MO is putting me on ovarian suppression for two years along with tamoxifan and then we can reevaluate. I went to my OB/gyn for a second opinion and he thinks that is a great plan..so maybe a middle ground approach? I'm only 40 but wanted extra protection without forcing menopause for a full 15 to 20 years.
Thanks ladies on the hair advice. I realize I have a ton and its a first world problem. I've had two cuts already. I had extremely extremely thick hair that flowed down my back. I think it's why I have so much left. I had mostly been worried about how the regrowth would look coming in. My hairdresser gave me her cell phone said she'd be there when she needed me. Might be time for a trim.
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Nash, glad your mammo was easy-peasy! Several ladies on the Arimidex forum get infusions. Seems to work for them. I take Fosamax - I have osteopenia in my femoral neck. Some people have trouble with Fosamax causing bad acid reflux. I don't seem to but my acid reflux is rotten anyway. Ask your MO what you should be doing to protect your bones.
My former boss always told me getting old isn't for sissies (and he's only 5 years older than me!). I agree. But it beats the alternative
HUGS!!
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TresJoli, It is so hard with hair, isn't it? It seems to be such an integral part of ourselves. How lucky you are to have thick hair. Keep it trimmed. Get rid of it if it looks like more is falling out (easy for me to say!). I suppose figuring out what to do with your hair isn't high on the WORLD's list of priorities, but is sure is in YOUR WORLD! And frankly, that's all that matters!!
I went into natural menopause at 45. What are you meaning "forcing menopause for 15-20 years"? I barely had symptoms (I know, I was very lucky). They should go away after awhile (whatever that means). It seems like a good idea to do the suppression for a couple years.
HUGS!
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