new and future flat sister, with questions
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I should clarify.. -19 with the windchill.. possibly -25 according to the advisory. Sometimes they cancel school when it gets this cold because of kids at the bus stops. I think we are something like 30 degrees below normal right now. Oh..and I am in Michigan. It is all everyone and anyone talks about anymore. None of that "cold enough for ya" talk.. it's more like "OMG I can't take it!". lol
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I'm originally from SW Ohio. Dad was a home builder, we moved a lot. Some places I walked to school, others had bus service. But none of them ever shut down because of the temps. The kids think it's great now, they won't in June and July when they have to make up those days!
One year we were supposed to be hit with a hurricane the 1st day of school. We were closed, the storm went north, and we had to make up that day.
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Hi ladies, been so busy here today. Gardener arrived to finish the watering system, so I went out early, but then got a call to say some friends had called in, so I dashed home, ended up making Pizzas and having Champagne for lunch. Colin had offered to build a website for a friend who has just opened a B&B so she arrived and many latte's later, she has just gone, and it is 5pm already! So much for the quiet of the country!
I am thinking Chinese take out may be the order of the day!
I can't believe the freezing conditions so many of you are experiencing, not too long now till your Spring. I am going to have to contend with Autumn and those damn leaves again soon.
Zills, I am so sorry there's another Funeral. I hope you can get a good sleep with no children waking you up!
Ok Bobo, I get the picture now about MD's visit.
I can't wait till this surgery is over and you can kick this PS ahole to where he belongs. I've never heard of such a thing..only getting to talk, right before the surgery, who does he actually think he is? Well, we know who he thinks he is! I am getting furious again Bobo!
Must fly and stack that dishwasher, I have three more nights of carers coming to put Colin to bed, and then I take over again. I think it is all pretty well healed, so next week...kayak.........here I come! M x
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GB I am sending you a challenge to see if your ice cant beat mine!
These are hanging off our garage. So tired of cold. Sorry this pic is so big, I am new at posting pics. I promise I will post pics of my garden or flowers if we ever get summer.0 -
Oooh! Kayak! And GB is getting a tattoo?! Details.
So happy about Firebob's sleepover! I can't help it. Things are spiraling out of control... in a good way! Birdie, thinking of you and your cat knowledge because our Miguel is a little sneezy. We took him to the vet. Slight ear infection. Ear drops ($80). And we gave them until the prescribed date. But it is pollen-y here, and we're trying to keep him inside and warm, but then he bolts out for a bit -- he is very manly -- and he's eating, and drinking, and he's out with us, but he just sneezes occasionally. He has not beaten his little cold yet. I have been wishing you were here! Made him a warm bed with my own fleece pjs in it; hoping he will stay put and snooze.
PRB, my ps does NOT give out his cell number, that's for sure. I have tried to get qs answered, but it is a nightmare of his assistants returning calls, and then I'm teaching, and then we call back 1,000,000 times, and then I went back for another appointment, but still do not have basic questions answered. Asked him to draw a picture of what the scars looked like. He said no, that would take too much time, just yank my shirt up and he'd show me there. I said I hadn't really looked at the ruined side directly yet. He was dismissive and said, how else do you think I am supposed to do it. So I yanked my shirt up, and he quickly ran through something, but I was so shocked and traumatized it didn't make sense to me. I had to squint my eyes to get through it. And I do not believe him. I do not think I am going to get straight scars. Right now they are in a U shape. How is that going to be straight? And what about the scars running across the sides, for the side lumps? V worried. And worried about the divets.
As I have said, PRB, I cannot switch. He won't allow me to switch to his partners -- I've tried twice --- and my insurance only works in this hospital network, and meanwhile I've got to get the other thing out of there before infection. And meanwhile I've got to act incredibly cheerful and stress-free for the children. I am a million laughs today.
In the bag for Viv. Z, so glad you were there for your sister.
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Wow Bobo.. what a cluster you know what. I am so sorry you have this nasty guy for a surgeon. It makes me want to call him up and tell him off. I did that to my primary physician recently and it was very liberating to 'put it out there' so to speak. Of course, we don't want you making your surgeon mad before the surgery...but damn it just pisses me off that you can't get a straight answer from this guy.
So, I've been sitting here trying to think what you could do (short of going down to his office and sitting in the waiting room insisting on seeing him). What about calling the office manager? Most offices have one, and sometimes it takes a push at that level to get the desired effect. You need answers, and you need them before the surgery...and ask why you can't switch to a different surgeon in their practice. I might even throw out how you almost died twice under this guys care and you have lost all confidence in him....and if there are complications again after this surgery... they may be facing more than an angry patient.
I hate to see you going into a surgery, not feeling confident in the outcome. I think I'd pay for a second opinion from another surgeon. If they said straight lines were possible, then that might give you some peace of mind that he's telling you the truth.
Lastly, I totally get the trying to keep a happy face in front of the kids. I tried very hard to do that, but then something stupid would happen and I would just snap ...sometimes yelling (so not like me) and sometimes sobbing (again, so not like me before BC). I don't know the answer, but I suspect the pressure we put on ourselves to look 'normal' to everyone probably does more harm than good. Like we need added pressure during all this shit. ugh.
I wish you good luck..and I hope you can get some answers. I really think you need to push on this and not take no for an answer.
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ND Girl , Gramma B, Ideism,
UGGHHH I will stop complaining about the Colorado weather !!! Wishing for SPRING SOON for you all !!
In the bag Viv, Wren love the kitties and hello to all...............
Off to clean and de hoard...........ugghhhh
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Flaranch, That's my cleaning system exactly - and those are my results. Wish me luck today. Cleaning for fussy SIL.
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Birdie, if your fussy SIL doesn't like your cleaning job, please have her report to me.
PRB, did call the main PA today, phone tag, got a "nurse" -- PA too busy putting other customers into the meat market to speak to me -- relayed the Qs to the "nurse," she put me on hold, went and asked that PA who did not have time, and then came back and relayed the answers. The answer is yes -- he lied. He said if I gave recon a shot, and it didn't work, he could make it smooth and flat, just as it would have been if no recon. Now the story is -- after many rounds of questioning and evasions -- that here will be depressions because of the pockets created for the TEs. I SPECIFICALLY asked him in consultation if the pockets would create a depression should I choose not to reconstruct -- specifically, before all of this started.
And then, for my Q about what the scars would look like -- right now they are two Us, how will they be straight and flat from there? And how will the U's extend around the sides? -- I got more 'Well, we'll see, you can't predict, it will "curve around" -- no straight answers. I said, right now it's a U -- will it be a U and then a straight line? Why can't this be answered?
I hung up and sobbed in my car. My chest is going to be a ruin. He lied because he'd figured he'd just get me on the recon wagon -- multiple infections, wound vacs, etc -- and he thought he'd never have to resort to explantation. I sobbed and sobbed, then wiped my face with my shirt, caked up, and went in to teach my last class of the day. I am sick with worry. Obviously I do not trust this guy. But if I fire him, I go to a partner. And if I fire him, I have this other very painful, uninflated, scraping on my insides TE in, probably until first week of June, and there has been an elevated risk of infection every day since the first infection. If it gets infected, I face multiple emergency sx and lose all sense of choice in the matter.
I realize I brought all of this on myself so that our princess would not be scared to look at me without clothes. But now I have had it all -- a spectacular fall, she saw me with all the scars then, and weeks in the hospital, blah blah blah -- all just for a chance that I wouldn't traumatize her. And now I've traumatized her anyway. And don't say I haven't, and kids are resilient, because it isn't true.
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Bobo, I hurt just thinking about you. How dare that SOB? Your princess is probably more traumatized by your being gone in the hospital than by looking at you. Yes, it's hard right now because it's not what she expected. Once everything has healed and the scars have faded it won't look that bad and she'll forget how it looked immediately. Have DLLP take some photos before surgery in case you decide to sue. Even if you didn't sue, you could do him a lot of damage with photos (insert evil laugh). Sending healing thoughts and gentle hugs.
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I'm not so sure traumatized is the right word, Bobo. Scared her? Yes. Made her fearful that her mom might not come home from the hospital? Yes. But traumatized her for life? I really don't think so. About the only thing that would do that is your death ... everything else is pretty much fixable don't you think? I know your daughter is young, and her understanding of this whole BC
thing is limited, but more than anything, she just wants YOU. Scars and
all. She might be fearful at first, but soon it will just be who you
are.And yes, kids are resilient...and more importantly, they have very bad memories! Think about it... what do you remember from kindergarten? 1st grade, 2nd grade? My daughter who is in 6th grade can't tell me the name of her favorite teacher from 2nd grade. She spent an entire year with this woman who she adored...and yet 4 years later it escapes her?
Bobo, you have tried your best to do what is right, but it didn't work out. This is NOT your fault. It is the fault of your butthead surgeon who has failed you and has told you lie after lie. There has to be another way. What about calling the insurance company and telling them what is going on? Maybe they will make an exception and let you see someone else? I really don't know if that possible because I have never had problems like that...but I know if I were in your shoes I would scream at everyone possible to try and get to another surgeon. And I know I'm going out on a limb here, but what about trying to find another surgeon who would do it at a reduced cost for you? There are caring doctors out there who might just be willing to help.
I feel so bad for you. You are in between a rock and a hard place for sure...but keep pushing for an answer. My last thought on this is.... do you need a plastic surgeon to do this.. or could a general surgeon take out the TE? Maybe that would open up some options for you. My surgeon is a general surgeon and I would trust her to do just about any procedure short of a transplant.
I hate to sound so preachy...but I just feel there has to be another way besides using this guy.
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Bobo, so sad to hear how you are feeling right now. I echo what PRB says, your children need YOU, not a pretty scar. for what it is worth this may make them stronger and more compassionate too, also they will feel that Mom is the bravest, strongest best Mom in the world for trying all this for them, especially the princess. Also wondering if a general surgeon could do it too, would it hurt to inquire about this? I understand you want to be done!! hugs and support going your way!! We all love you!
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ndgirl, I went out in the blizzard to take these. If you had posted the challenge a couple of days ago I'd have won hands down. I just broke down the biggest ones that were over the front door and the kitchen slider. They almost touched the deck and were many inches thick. I was afraid the mail lady/UPS guy might get killed by one of them. When the snowing/blowing stops I'll get a full front shot.
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I think you have more, so we will call it a tie!! Really not a contest either of us like to win is it? Nice and sunny one but still in the deep freeze, so where is this global warming? Two years ago it was 70 in March and the fields were being worked, but that is not normal , we thought we has global warming then..wrong! Thanks for sharing, I couldn't resist!!
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when my 4 grandsons lived here they would love to break them off and eat them, I know not very sanitary but every kid growing up in snow country has to do it!!
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Love the pictures of the icicles! The house I grew up in didn't have gutters and the icicles would be huge off the back of the house. Yes, we ate them too...they were delicious
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bobo, still in the investigative stage re the tattoos. I want something that is simple, like an oriental plum blossom branch that will go across chest and nip up a bit to show over a tank top. Then if I bend over the view will be art and not just my naval!! I'm gathering photos at this point, then I have to see if there is someone here that works on scars or if I have to go to CA and find someone there. My DD has an awesome artist so maybe could get some references there.
Sorry Miguel is feeling sick. I hate it when my Boo gets his virus attacks a couple times a year, I feel so sad for him. Trip to the vet to the tune of a couple hundred bucks usually fixes him up, I just hate for him to be uncomfortable.
Fia, as usual a perfect poster. Boy does that describe me too!! I don't know CO has some pretty brutal Winters too!!
Oh my Wren, good luck with the cleaning. She had better not say anything to criticize your work or she will have a bunch of us down on her for sure!! If I had someone cleaning for me I would never be fussy, the only thing I would say is "Thank You, thank you"!!!
Oh Wren, what a good idea for bobo!
bobo, do take some photos if you can bear to. Even if you don't sue, they will be good documentation of what you went through. I took photos weekly and then monthly after 3 months post. It is amazing to me how much the scars have changed and healed. Take photos after sx also. And periodically if you can. If the a$$ of a ps messes anything up and you need another revision, God forbid, you will have photos to show a new ps. I assume once he discharges you from this sx, he can't stop you from seeing someone else in the group if you need to. He can't make you be his patient for life.
I know you worry about the children and how all this bull$hit you have had to go through may traumatize them, it's natural. But as ndgirl said, they will see the strength and the courage you had to try and be so proud of you, scars and all. You are not your scars any more than you were your boobs. You are a strong amazing woman and mother with nothing to feel bad or guilty about. I so want all this to be over for you!! (((hugs)))
PRB, I didn't grow up in snow country so no childhood memories of eating icicles, but the thought has crossed my mind.
Viv, thinking about you, hope all is going well!
posting, probably more posts while I was typing...
Hugs for everyone!
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Oh, forgot to mention that there is a full fledge blizzard raging outside!! It is about 22°F with wind chill feels like 7°F and the snow is coming down horizontally it is blowing so much. The up side is that it is really blowing off a lot of the areas I normally have to shovel so that job will be easier when I finally go out to shovel. That may not be until tomorrow as this is supposed to last until 11AM Saturday.
I will get out during a pause to put birdseed out for my birds. They are chirping like crazy under the Douglas Fir tree.
Hugs
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A woman here had a morning glory vine tattooed on her chest after mx. She said she wanted to look and think about how she was healing and healthy instead of looking at scars. There were pictures on the newspaper and it looked awesome. I might consider it if I weren't such a chicken about pain. I'm thinking of trying a henna picture after seeing one on a woman at the senior center. She said they last about 2 weeks.
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Somewhere I saw a tattoo of a peacock with tail flowing down, can't remember where tho, maybe on this site, but it was beautiful, I am like Wren, have this aversion to pain and also a bit afraid of infection, but hey that henna sounds fun.
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ND, if I was the strongest and bravest mom, I guess I wouldn't have tried for recon in the first place. I would have just assumed Charlotte would adjust fine to my immediately not having breasts. And I would have remembered that I myself would have preferred flat smooth scars, and I would have gone with that.
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I hope it is OK to post these here. These are some tattoos that I have found:
This is more than I would want x the butterflies over the shoulder, maybe just keep the smallest one and move it over above the center flower.
Something like this one on the front, minus the f'n pink ribbon!
This is nice and simple. I'd have the single bud intertwine with the short branch from the other side so the bud would end up right where my cleavage used to be and poke out from under a tank or cami. I'd do lavender roses though.
I'm still searching the web for more photos. I watched a video posted by p.ink from pinterest and the lady said she thought it wouldn't hurt because her chest was still somewhat numb. But it did, though she didn't look to be in excruciating pain. A hundred years ago when I had eyeliner tattooed on, they did numb the area first so it wasn't too bad.
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Oh Bobo, I am just so sorry you're going through this again, just like Wren, I hurt for you.
How on earth did this jerk get to be the best in your area?
I am feeling that you are between a rock and a hard place here. You have the ticking time bomb of possible infection if you don't do this surgery, and you now have the fear of an unpleasant aesthetic outcome after the surgery. I am weighing it up and thinking I'd go with the unpleasant aesthetic because there is always something else that can be done with scars, and besides, they fade away.
There is never going to be anything that impacts your children more than how you react to things, they learn from you. As much as you think the Princess has been traumatized by seeing you, I have to disagree. I know, I know, I hear you Bobo, it's just my opinion, but she loves you and having you, is all she cares about. M x
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M, I am trying to skype you. I don't know how to do it, though. Our account is katzy44.
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You've probably seen the full bra tattoo that caused quite an uproar on FB.
http://keepingkidssafenow.info/disease/breast-cancer-survivor-tattoos/
It is gorgeous, but that is way too much for me. The thought has crossed my mind about doing the white lace tattoo style and having a bra done with pale flowers over the scars. So much to consider.
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Bobo, All you can ever do is make the best decision you can at the time with the information you have at that point. I remember you saying that he could do it right then in one step and you'd be done and have beautiful breasts for your daughter. I was amazed afterwards when you mentioned TE's because they are never one step. It was love and concern for your daughter that flipped your original decision. That love and concern is going to come across no matter which decision you make now and that's what's important for your daughter. Wishing you at peace with whatever decision you make.
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Wow! Those tats are pretty. I'm too much of a wuss to do it. And all the time, care, and expense, no thanks
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GrammaB ,
Don't ' know if you have seen this but may be worth a look for ideas:
http://www.pinterest.com/wavesofstef/mastectomy-tattoos/
I think about getting one over my scars at times I would pick something like winding floral but I would want at least 1 dragonfly incorporated .Regarding an artist if your daughter has one that comes recommended in CA I would probably go with that . Just my 2 cents
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Bobo,
We are here so however we can help !!! Sending you hugs ! This punk woman made me think of you !! I get by a lot in life by reminding myself that "Normal" is merely a setting on the washing machine !!
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Just love those Tattoos, I investigated getting one as soon as I was out of surgery. I found too many conflicting ideas about the right amount of time to wait to do it. The shortest amount of time was supposed to be 2 years, supposedly for everything to be where it will remain. Then there were others who suggest 5 years and more. Then there is the LE possibility. I'd kick myself upstairs and down if my choice set me up for LE down the track.
There is a lovely girl on here who is a tattoo artist, she had her surgery at the same time as me and we sent lots of messages back and forth on the subject.
I too, investigated Henna Tattooing, and then I bought some interesting large fake tattoos to try out. I haven't even bothered to put any of those on yet. I know I can take the pain. I already have a tattoo on my hip, and since most of my chest is numb, it could actually be easier than I expect.
It's a big decision, to put something permanent in such a visible area. I rarely even look at my hip and don't see that tattoo often. Would I do the same design again, probably not, that was 20 years ago and I am in a different place now.
There is a commercial on television here, for circulon cookwear. It has a very stylish older woman and while the voice over is saying what a great choice it was to buy this fab cook wear all those years ago, the camera pans across to show her arm with a tribal band tattoo, and the voice over says, unlike some other choices made so long ago.... That just makes me wonder if such an in your face tattoo might end up being something I would regret, say at 80, in another 20 years, should I make it there!
I don't know! M x
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