January 2014 Surgery Sisters
Comments
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I googled it too just now. Wow - the things that can happen. I was trying to imagine it in my mind. Sometimes my implant on the non cancer side feels funny and I can't help but wonder - is it slipping down out of place, what's it doing, and how do they know what-all is going on in there. I feel, but don't see, slight rippling just beneath the surface on that side. Kind of wish I could see how it's all held in place. Since mine are above the muscle encased in Alloderm it's all a mystery. Oh well...some things are better left to the imagination.
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I Knew I had a problem because my cancer breast felt bigger....just different. Now my implant on that same side feels like it has moved closer to my side...same feeling as before. As you all know I already had implants before BC. Had a MRI last Sept...all was well....who knows....
Mary, how are you doing? Any decisions on the vaginal thing? You are stage 2b and grade 1 yes? with a 10 score on your geno testing. with a micro mets? is that right?
I am stage 1 ( although having 6 invasive tumors has always bothered me) and grade 2. With an 11 on my geno test. or oncotype....I chose to not take Ais because of the side effects that related to my bones and what you are experiencing.
It seems to be a crap shoot....which is a bunch of crap!!! I guess time will tell.
My friend sent me a FB post by Rita Wilson, Tom Hanks wife, but a good actress in her own right. She had a Dmx recently...the original pathology from a biopsy (I am guessing here) showed that she didn't have cancer. She insisted on a second opinion...that came back BC......so we absolutely have to listen to our gut in making decions for ourselves. There are many women on her FB page that have had the same experience.
Yes! listen to the docs AND do your research. I hate it when one feels bad for doing the Dr. Google...what's wrong with information? I don't buy into everything...I read the San Antonio breast cancer symposium stuff....these are the top docs in the country...how is that wrong. At the very least I can have an intelligent conversation with my docs....
Diane...how are you doing?
I sure miss a lot of the ladies who used to post. Prayers for them...hope everyone is ok.
K off the soap box.
Been painting and painting. House is looking refreshed...lots more to do, but I like projects.
love to all
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Hi Eve,
I am having an abdominal MRI on Friday to rule out any bad stuff. I insisted on it because of the cramping I've been having. I want them to check out my ovaries. So, that's good they agreed. They don't think my fibroids are an issue. They think my pain is due to some female plumbing problems. I'm also meeting with a URO-GYN on Friday, too. Been busy measuring my pee and fluid intake. Yeah, pretty exciting stuff! The wonderful nurses in Women's Health are fixing me up with some DHEA. Gonna fix all my vjj problems, they say. Hubby will be happy, I hope. Most of concern right now is jaw/tooth pain. I need to see a dentist and am stressing big time. I have a major phobia, so been searching for some old Xanax leftover from January. Lol, I've got all kinds of stash leftover. Good news is that I had a Dexascan and I don't have osteoporosis anymore - just osteopenia. I was thrilled to hear that. Now if I can just get this toothache taken care of, I swear I'll never complain about anything ever again.
Speaking of painting, I'd like to redo my living and dining room with a fresh coat and a warmer color. Got any suggestions? I'm terrible with picking out colors. Can never make up my mind.
It's been gorgeous here. Gonna go for a walk with DH.
Take care!
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Want to do the dentist thing too. Hate it!! I have a filling that split....not in real pain ...but it is there. ya know. sigh. I DON'T want to spend anymore money on this stuff. The Dhea is supposed to help with libido also...I could use some of that magic.
I have a bit of a stash left. I save the Ativan for really bad nights and I have a valium for my next MRI. Will be making appointments next week for lady stuff, BC check up and too find out why my back/hip is hurting so much....fun stuff. Just want it over with. Mary, you and I are the same age...might just be inevitable.
As far as paint colors....when I lived in Iowa, my kitchen was all white. I painted the walls a very pale yellow and the ceiling a pale periwinkle blue..like a hydrangea. It was awesome. So bright in the winter but sunny in the spring and summer. Send me a picture....what colors do you wear?I am pretty good with color, my strongest suit as an art student back in the day.
I taught my friend how to see the blues in a gray or green etc. You could just go really natural and add the warmth in paintings and pillows and décor pieces.
I could go on forever about decorating.....love it
ttyl
E
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Eve - Oooo, that sounds painful! I'm so glad I have dental insurance, but it doesn't cover it all....leaky filling, possible root canal, and maybe a crown is in my future. And I'm not talking a tiara
Good thing we're getting a big tax refund (all those medical expenses). My dentist said my teeth are in surprisingly good shape considering how long it's been since I was last seen. Apparently I have fractures in a few molars that may be causing the pain. Yikes! Bring on the laughing gas - oh and pass the Ativan, DHEA, and whatever else ya got, lol!! I agree, much of this crap is rolled over into old age stuff that is inevitable. Still not easy knowing that.
I'll see if I can snap some photos for you. My house is circa 1940's and very small. I want to jazz it up a bit! I like your idea of the hydrangea colors. When we moved in I painted my kitchen walls buttery yellow with white cupboards. It's so old it's vintage. I thought about doing a "coffee with cream" color for the living and dining room. It totally needs a makeover. Yep, pillows, pictures and all "new" furniture is desperately needed. What colors do I wear? I mostly wear jeans and I have no usual colors, but I like 'natural.' Can you come out and take a look? We could go thrifting!
~M
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Eve - I'm doing much better. I saw the PS yesterday and was allowed to shower today, which was just flipping wonderful! Things look pretty good, although I know that they need to settle in. I still have a lot of steri strips on my incisions, which really itch and I'm still really weak, but I'm feeling better, and there is less pain. I'm supposed to start my range of motion exercises again on Monday and I have to wear the black Mirena bra they put on me after the surgery for another 2 weeks. Looking forward to being able to sleep on my side again.
Mary - Good luck with the scans. I'll be praying for you. Let us know how the DHEA is. I have a feeling that I'll need it at some point.
It would be so nice if we could just let go and not worry. Isn't that why we all had BMX in the first place? So we could feel like they got it all? Maybe it's too soon to stop feeling afraid, but I hope we all get there.
Love you all,
Diane.
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Diane my friend..."THE FEAR" I am glad you said that. Yes it is there, every morning. But it is not just the fear of BC . BC brought back all of the crap of my life. I don't know how to get rid of the bad thoughts. I am lucky in that I can invoke my secure feelings of being with nate when I am alone in the morning. We actually just snuggled in bed all day on Sunday. Just laid there and talked and slept and relaxed. Had not done that ever. There are days I am scared as heck. Every crappy thought crosses my mind...every time I failed someone ...everything. It is so hard. But I get up and get on with it.
BC sucks.......totally sucks.
I need to go to so many docs right now...but I want to save money so we can buy acreage for our new house. So seeing the docs leads to tests and pretty much uhhhhh I don't know. Let's try this pill or that pill. Well I don't want to take their dang pills.
Mary, YES I would love to see your house. My first house was a craftsman bungalow. Old and huge. Another, my favorite, was in Iowa. It was 1100 sq feet. It was the most perfect house of all. Built in 1910......Huge oak beams...just solid and fabulous. The attic was converted into 2 bedrooms...my boys loved being up there. The basement was just block walls...but my studio was down there. I had a kiln and a huge oak table that had been used as a layout table from a local newspaper. The boys would come home from school and sit with me, do their homework with cups of hot chocolate. So yes it is cold and long winters up where you are just like Iowa but it was a wonderful time for me and my boys.
k I'll stop...it is late.
Be well
E
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Eve, your Iowa house sounds wonderful. We've always had fixer-uppers and then they don't always get fixed up.
Diane, glad to hear you're feeling better. Remember to pace yourself, lady!
Well, I'm off on another marathon medical tour. Two today, halfway point distance-wise, then visit with mom, stay overnight at my brothers, two more appts. on Friday, then drive back. The drive home will be the longest - 3 hours. Talk about pacing yourself. Here I go!!
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Hi all,
I have been reading along faithfully, just not posting much. I find it very depressing that 15 months post- surgery, we are still coping with all kinds of issues. Guess that's why they say cancer is the gift that just keeps on giving. I am going in for "clean up" surgery tomorrow. My BS left extra skin on the sides of my chest under the arms for recon. I decided against that and the pocket under my right arm (cancer and lymphedema side) has filled up with lymph and other fluid. So he is going to clean that out and get rid of the pouches on both sides. He says it is a very simple surgery, with a quick recovery. In fact, he says I can drive Sat if I feel up to it. Just want to be DONE.
I, too, am terrified of dentists and have not gone in two years. I know I have problems, but don't know if I have the energy to deal with them. What used to be routine is now a big deal, whatever it is.
M- I just repainted all but one bedroom in my house around this time last year. That is, my exSIL and my daughter painted while I watched. We wanted a warm tan or beige for the main color but ended up with a more mustard- like color. It looks okay, but not exactly what I was going for. We tried probably a dozen colors at least before choosing this one, which seemed closest to what we wanted. We got the color we wanted in my daughters room, but could not find it again. I am going to attach a picture (I hope) of a shelf my exSIL built for me. The shelf is the color we painted the kitchen and one accent wall in the family room which is open to the kitchen. My kitchen doesn't have a lot of wall space, but I have always stuck with whites,calm yellows or blues, so I was a little nervous putting such a bold color there - I love it! My only advice to you would be to try whatever colors you are thinking about in several parts of the room. Make sure it looks the way you want it to do. My SIL decided on his own to put white wainscoting in the dining room with deep red on the rest of the walls. Again, I love it. Good luck and have fun.
Diane- glad you're doing well. Hope you feel better each day.
Anne
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Hi Anne,
I love that color - that's what I was thinking, too. Something warmer, but neutral. It always looks so different in different lighting. That's what makes it so hard.
I guess I look at the survivorship issue from a perspective of yes, I'm having issues, but I'm finding solutions that'll work for me long term. I'm planning on living a long, full life, so I want to prevent things that are within my control to make sure I have vitality, health, and balance in every aspect of my life. That's why I'm working so hard to find emotional, mental, physical health and wellness. I'm going to be better than I was before, but it takes work and I need help with that. We'll need tune-ups and check-ups more so than the average person, but that's the way it goes. I have high hopes for all of us!
Good luck with your surgery! I'm sure you're looking forward to getting things cleaned up! Please come back and let us know how you are.
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Hi all
Surgery was a success according to the Dr, but the patient almost didn't survive. I had one of the worst nights I can ever remember. I know it was a combination of the surgery itself, the fear and adrenalin that goes with that, plus having to get up at 4:30 am, etc, but by 7:30pm I was a mess. I took all the meds at my disposal, but they didn't help at all. I was in pain, exhausted, uncomfortable and just miserable. After the mastectomy, I averaged 1 to 1 1/2 Percocet a day. Yesterday over 12 hours I took 3 1/2. I took my Ativan as scheduled, then an hour later my Ambiem. Usually, about 45 minutes or so after the Ambien, my body is asleep, even if my eyes are still open. Not last night. Add to all this misery that the bandages are about 8 inches long on the chest under each arm, and I am a side sleeper and was a mess. My daughter refused to go upstairs to her bed until I settled, so that just added more pressure. Finally, around 1:30, I figured out how to put a pillow under my stomach, below the bandages, and another one under my shoulders, above the bandages, so there was no pressure on the bandage itself. At 2:30, I took an extra Ambien, and finally fell asleep. I slept till almost 2 this afternoon, but feel so much better. Plans to take one grandson to get some shorts today have been postponed, but life goes on. The good news is I feel better today, and so far haven't needed any pain medicine.
Anne
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Anne,
Sorry to hear you had a rough time at the start, but hopefully you are over the worst. I wish you a full and speedy recovery!
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Anne, That sounds really rough, but hopefully you have turned the corner. I'm a side sleeper too, but am back on my back. I put 3 pillows behind my head and shoulders, 2 under my legs and one under each arm, basically mimicking my recliner. It works pretty well, but have no fear. You WILL be back on your side soon. Hugs 💜
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Diane-
Happy to report last night was much better- no extra drugs and a normal nights sleep. Still somewhat uncomfortable, but nothing that Tylenol can't handle if needed. What a difference a day makes!
Anne
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Hi Everyone, Things are feeling a bit better now that surgery is three months behind us, aren't they? I wanted to ask- I started tamoxifen three weeks ago and I have such an incredibly dry mouth. I did not have chemo. My doctor said that dry mouth is not a usual side effect. But shortly after I take the pill it's like the pill itself is sucking all water from my body. I don't even know where it goes! But I get a headache, dry mouth, and when I urinate it feels stinging like it would when you haven't had any water all day. But I'm drinking tons of water. What is this from? It is so weird! Please let me know if you have experienced the same thing.
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Oh my Anne,
So sorry you had such a rough night. Glad to hear you are doing better. All those drugs can certainly wreak havoc. I guess the secret is focusing on the end game. Feel better, my friend.
Diane, the doc must have done a number on you! I am glad you are happy with the results. No pain no gain...I guess. Get better my friend.
Hope every one is well.
Mary, how was your visit with your mom? How was your visit with the docs....were they able to help with your issues?
My biggest complaint is that I am really, really tired. Ultra fatigue, and getting worse....Hubby and I have agreed that we will spend money on getting me feeling better and while still looking to buy a new home my health takes precedent. sigh...hate this. He has a problem with one of his eyes...his retina is swollen...could be a precursor to diabetes...which his dad has and grandfather before that. So that is something else we have to resolve. getting old sucks....but getting old we must. All is well....we just have to deal with stuff the best we can. Yes?
Onward and upward to infinity and beyond.
love
E
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Anne
So glad you are feeling better! its all uphill from here. Keep us posted, girl!
Ocean girl,
I have been on tami since October. My mo and I agreed to a 2 month holiday to see if the side effects dissipate so we can determine if they are caused by chemo or tami.. I have been off for 2.5 weeks and still have tongue tingling/burning and swishing Biotene daily. I don't really notice a difference with dry mouth. However, my joint and muscle aches are much improved.
Hubby says memory is better and cognitive functioning in general has improved. Getting the right word out is still a struggle so I can't say for sure yet if it is tamoxifen or chemo or menopause.
Might be best to contact your mo to see if it could be caused by some other factor.
Best,
Ann
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Eve, our posts must have crossed. Nothing worse than that fatigue that won't end. I seriously wonder about biorhythm impact. I can be doing fine and then, bam! Tired, tired, tired!
We have learned that nothing is more important than our health so kudos to you and Nate for focusing on that as a top priority. I have seversl family members with diabetes.. You have to stay on top of it.
We got a call this weekend that my sister in law suffered a major brain hemmorage this weekend. Emergency surgery all night and now her kidneys are failing. We keep praying. My husband is the most distraught I have seen him. Keep her in your prayers.
Yes, keep the faith. To infinity and beyond!
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Ann, I'm so sorry to hear about your SIL. How is she doing?
Glad to hear your memory is improved. THat's always a nice thing to have, lol!
Eve, yes, you go girl! Health is the number one priority. One of the hardest things I'm dealing with now is keeping a balance between being watchful and prudent, and being an obsessive hypochondriac, lol! Seriously, though, all my tests were clear and I'm relieved that my ovaries are okay and the fibroids are considered "stable." Still .... don't like the idea of estrogen-filled fibroid thingys taking up real estate in my uterus. But as they say - It is what it is.
Mom's doing okay. She seems to have stabilized physically despite having fallen again a few times. She on the downhill spiral, BUT she is still very much aware of certain things. I'm so surprised by the things she notices. I look for the good things always and they're there to be found - in precious moments, sharing a laugh, a song, a touch - simple things. Yesterday I took her to a piano concert at the facility and when I held her hand she gripped my fingers so tight it almost hurt. It's funny how she always always picks up on my mood. I just miss her so much sometimes I think my heart will break. It's going to get harder, so I don't know how to prepare for that. I did finally find a wonderful psychologist who is helping me with survivorship and family issues. She uses mainly integrative mind-body things like acupuncture, meditation, thought-stopping and even clinical hypnosis. That's been a huge help.
Yep. Onward and upwards!
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I so love you ladies. Ever hopeful and optimistic with a dose of reality.
Ann, praying for your SIL...and your husband. So sad when things happen so fast. Peace my friend.
So my fatigue the last few days.....woke up this morning with a sore throat and a nasty head cold. So at least that explains a lot. Nathan came home and made me tomato bisque soup (home made) and grilled cheese sandwiches. Nothing like dipping a grilled cheese sammish into hot tomato soup...good for what ails you. Yum.
you know Mary, isn't life about the simple things? Sometimes we just have to slow down and remember that. Your mom sounds so lovely. I know her situation isn't ideal.....but just holding her hand sounds so awesome. I truly envy you. Hugs to mom from me.
Gotta go nurse this stupid cold. One of my favorite things I own is a thingy (for lack of a better word) that is filled with rice and herbs. You heat it up in the microwave....It is pure ahhhhhhhhhh when you put it on yor head or shoulders or neck.......that is where I am going right now.
Love
E
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hi ladies. I am so upset and don't even know what to do!!! I was just lying in my bed and rubbing my foobs as I always do at night to self check and noticed a lump!!! A lump!!! It's like the size of a grape and it's scaring the hell out of me! My husband was in the living room and I yelled for him and he came running. I was like do u feel a lump?!?! He was like yeah I do. Don't panic. Maybe it's from the fG. We will call the doctor on Monday. Well Monday seems like an eternity! And.i Wouldnt be a go to dr on monday, I have a staff meetings and3 of my 4 kids have baseball. I'm a mess right now!! A lump??!
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Beverly,
Try not to panic. I know...easier said than done. I think I may have said this before, but I have a pea sized lump they concluded was micro calcification from FG. It's in my good side. And there to stay apparently. It isn't getting bigger. They don't track or follow it - it's just going to sit there.
If that is the case with you, maybe they will remove it since it is larger than just a pea. I know - one more thing. These things are rarely an emergency so you're probably okay to wait until after your meeting and games.Thinking positive for you!
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Mary,
Thanks! I went to sleep thinking about it last night and this morning when I woke up I couldn't findit. My husband was like oh good it's gone. But I'm more worried because now I wonder if it's covered up by the implant or far from fG. Wth?!?! I'm going to call bs on Monday and see if she can see me to put my mind at ease hopefully on Wednesday. I'm going to check again tonight. Do we ever get to a place where we can just breathe and not worry about every single lump/bump 24/7?!?! I don't think I'll ever b able to
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Well, unfortunately I haven't gotten there yet.
It's not just the lumps, it's all the aches and pains. I've been going to doc after doc chasing down various side effects. I'm tired of tests and at this point I'm wary to report anything. That isn't good either. I think you have to find a balance between the two extremes.
I think a good, kind and understanding team helps, too. I'm using everything I can think of - psychologist, integrative medicine doc, meditation, yoga, eating right, exercise, etc etc. But sometimes it just comes down to simple things, like one good laugh (or hug) a day. That's what I'm prescribing myself as get well medicine!
HUGS!
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Dear Beverly.....sigh what a pain yes?
I had a lump show up also...did the MRI last Sept. Just scar tissue. Mine was a little larger than a pea. Like Mary said it IS scary and no I haven't got to "that" place either. Sometimes I am there but then something comes up and bam! right back to "wondering if?"
All I know is freaking out doesn't help and a lot easier said than done.
hang in there kid
E
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thanks eve
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Beverly - I had something similar happen. I felt what I thought was a lump a few days before my surgery, then the next morning I couldn't find it again. I'm pretty sure it was the fat grafting getting their panties in a wad or something, because I haven't felt anything since. I see the BS next month, so I'll tell her about it, but I feel like if it was something, it wouldn't just disappear. It isn't easy, but try to calm down and go see you BS as soon as it is convenient for both of you. Most likely, she/he won't find anything but let us know..
Eve - I don't know if it is possible to lose that "what if" feeling, but think that the trick is just going to be not letting it take over and cast a shadow over our lives. I'm working really hard on that myself. I will need to leave the darkness behind, or I have no chance of finding love again. I didn't fight this hard to stay alive, only to die alone because I'm to sad to love. There is more out there for me, if I can just move past all these physical challenges. I'm glad you have decided to wait on the new house until you have all of the health issues dealt with. Even the happy stress of buying your dream home is stress, and you need to be strong.
Ann- I'm glad you memory is improving. My memory seemed to be much better when I went back to work after 2 weeks of rest. Between the treatments and the surgeries and drugs, maybe you just need more sleep.
Mary - You really do work the system so well. The way you have managed your own care is tenacious and inspirational. I have to think that anyone who interviews you for a job and doesn't hire you on the spot is really losing out.
As for me, every day the newl implants look better, and so far, they are staying put, so I'm happy. I'm still sore, but am feeling stronger. I also saw my knee doc last week, and he says he'll refer me to agility PT in June, so I can start working toward quick take offs, pivoting, and kicking, with the goal of getting back to taekwondo in Aug/Sept. I'll head back to my regular PT Monday. I can't begin to tell you how much I hate feeling like an old, fat, crippled lady, so I'm feeling hopeful that I can see an end to this chapter of my life.
Here's to moving forward, and to being there for each other, when we have the occasional stumble along the way.
Love and hugs,
Diane.
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Diane...
forgive me for getting a chuckle when you stated that you felt "old, fat and crippled" . Now, I understand why you feel that way...BUT BUT BUT........no way my friend do you look that way. You are amazingly beeeeeutiful. I am happy that your new foobs are to your liking and you are getting close to being able to get back to TDK...that is so awesome to hear..long haul for you....good job on getting through it. Almost there!!!!
The house hunt for me is a joy...not stressful at all. it is the balance of saving money for my medical issues and addressing them and having a reasonable down payment....it is more my back...maybe tailbone...like you...than BC. balance is the key.
So my question for you....who or what kind of doc do you see when you get a cortisone shot for your back pain? This is my biggest concern right now.
Y'all take care.
E
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Hi Eve: I go to a spine doctor at the Orthopedists' office. Just to warn you....they will want to do Xrays and an MRI before they will give you a shot, to make sure that there isn't anything else going on. The shots do work for me, so I hope you can get some relief. I'm sure you will find your balance, AND get your dream house when the time is right.
Any time I can get a chuckle out of you, I'm happy. You gotta have a sense of humor! Thank you for your nice comments, but sadly, I am now 3 lbs heavier than I was at black belt testing from inactivity and let's be honest, just plain eating too much trying to comfort myself. I do quality as fat now, but I'm working on it. This week I quit drinking wine, stopped eating sugar, and am just cutting back on the amount I eat. I plan to push more next week if I feel okay...still recovering from my surgery, so I want to be careful. If I feel strong enough, I'll get going on a real diet soon. I need to be lighter for rehab and my vacation trip in June!
I saw my PS today, and although I do still have to wear this stupid surgical bra for 2 more weeks 24/7, he gave my referral for my tattoos!! As soon as the insurance authorization comes through, I'll be able to make an appointment. I'm so excited!
Hope you are all having a good week.Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!!
Diane
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wait wait wait lol you said 3lbs heavier.....ummm you can't be upset about THAT! 5 years ago I weighed 114 lbs now I weigh 135lbs....114 was WAY WAY too skinny for me... That is the pic of me in my avatar...my wedding day...I had to be careful in my gown that it didn't fall down....so funny . I liked being thin, but it wasn't healthy for me.
Where are you going for vacation? We are doing the camping trip at Fort Desoto again...on the beach..taking the pup...and going kayaking this time...can't wait....August is our vaca time....so I hope to get this back pain under control by then. It is really weird...I'm ok as long as I lay in bed, propped up with pillows...as soon as I sit on the couch and try to stand up...om my....my legs shake in pain....really strange. BUT the afternoon finds me a ok. 3I'll get it taken care of...just wondering if they will do the MRI for my boobs and back at the same time...they will sooooo have to knock me out for that...lol I am such a baby....
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