January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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Ann - Hurry up and get better so you can be sprung from that joint! What an ordeal you've had. Ugh. NOT a happy Easter!
Anne - I'm so sorry about Dusty. Pets become so much a part of the family, especially when you've had them for so long. One of my cats died two years ago (he was diabetic) at age 13 and my other cat is 18(!)....I know it's just a matter of time (although she doesn't act her age...LOL) and we're going to be so sad. Well, except for Hubby.... he hates cats! LOL
Had rad #10 today...tomorrow I'll be 1/3 of the way finished. Woohoo!!!
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Hi ladies! Tomorrow is my last fill, hopefully and I will schedule my exchange... Again, hopefully! Then I Thursday I'm having an ultrasound and a few other tests to determine if I need a hysterectomy. Man, can I catch a break?!?! I've been having really bad periods that last a week, I bleed through everything and I have lots of large clots. I'm so afraid it's ovarian cancer! I had an ablation in August, I'm not sure what's going on... I should not have periods like this! I hope to get some answers on Thursday, but for now I'm excited about tomorrow! I met with a social worker at the Cancer center today. I have to say I cried walking in. It hit me, "I'm going to the cancer center". It hit me like a ton of bricks!!! After I left there I took a 2 mile walk to clear my head and breathe. Now if I can only sleep.....
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I keep asking if I can be sprung from this joint but so far I am still being held captive!
Another nuepogen injection yesterday. Hemoglobin continues to drop and the WBC hasn't gone up yet, but, I am optimistic! I do not feel that bad!
I am revolting against jello. Didn't like before and would rather stick with water than eat it now on the clear liquid diet. Tried all the favors. Yuck! I will stick to chicken broth. However, if aNy of you want to sneak in with some real food, I wouldn't tell a soul!
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Mmtagirl,
You're so funny! Take care Of yourself so u can get up out of there!! Lol are they telling you anything? Or just continue to run tests ? Thinking about you
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Ann
Hope you get good news today and can go home - if not, relax and enjoy not having to do any cleaning, laundry or dishes. With our immune systems so compromised, you don't want to risk an infection, so you are right where you need to be for right now. Gentle hugs - Anne
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Ann - hope you are released soon. In the meantime....enjoy some laughs!
Hope those blood draws and vital checks are normal real soon. If not, you may have to take two weeks and call us from Hawaii, lol!
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just checking in Ann,
hope you are getting some answers.
Mary, thanks for the funnies.
hope everyones is well
Eve
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Mary, I needed the laughs. Thank you!
I am stuck in detention for at least another night. My WBC is .7 and I am severely neutroponic with an ANC of zero even after 2 neupogen injections. In fact, I just received my third injection. Still on clear liquids. I am refusing any more jello and have stuck to chicken and vegetable broth today. I better have lost a few pounds of the weight I have gained since diagnosis! It is bad when I am pushing for more hospital food!
More to come on this saga I am sure......
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Hi ladies. I had my appt w ps today. I thought it was going to b my last fill but instead I have one more next week. My left side is 650cc and my right is now 600cc. I'll get 50cc in the right next week to even me out. The ps was happy about my tissue condition and symmetry. I also scheduled my exchange for June 2nd!!!!!
I meet w my gyno on Thursday for a transvaginal ultrasound to help determine if I need a hysterectomy. I have awful periods, even after trying an iud, cryoblation etc. I'm worried that there is something else going on.... Please Lord, don't let it be cancer...
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Mommyathome - Deep breaths...I know it must be hard, but try not to worry. Your doctors will take care of you, no matter what is going on. Hang in there...Thursdays is almost here, and you don't want to make yourself sick with worry.
Ann - I hope you get sprung soon! I HATE jello too...especially the green jello. I would go with chicken broth too. If I was closer, I would give you a great big hug!
Mary - I loved the funnies...especially the Cat scan! LOL!
First day back to work was long and I was sore at the end of the day, but did fine. Hopefully, each day will get easier.
Yesterday, I told my ex boyfriend about my BC for the first time. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Our relationship is complicated and primarily consists of emails about our families. His parents and brother/sister-in-law are still good friends and his dad is dying (cancer in his tongue/mouth from chewing tobacco). I thought he should hear about it from me, since his family has known for months and it's only a matter of time before someone slips, but I put it off until I felt strong enough. He was really sweet and asked what he could do. Of course, he can't do anything, and I don't want him to, but it was nice to hear that he thought I did the right thing getting rid of the girls. I know it's nuts, but I feel like I have to mourn their loss all over again. Wow...sorry, I guess I'm sort of melancholy tonight. Maybe that second glass of cab was a bad idea.
Gonna sleep with my tiara on tonight. I'm sure things will look better in the morning, so I'll be looking for that Silver Lining. I'm sure I'll find it!
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Thanks Dtkd! You deserve the tiara. We have all been through so much and it's nice to be able to "talk" to others who understand because they've been there and care... Even though most of us only know each other through our journey. It certainly is nice to have a place to go where people care and understand.
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Ann - I'm hoping you get good news and can ditch that joint soon! What a crazy ordeal. I like jello, but I wouldn't after someone told me that's all I could eat. LOL
Mary - thanks for the laughs. I saved a couple of them for my blog. Sometimes I don't have much to say but want to post something, so I'll put up a picture.
Diane - I'm glad you talked with your ex and that he was sweet. Men aren't always. LOL Congrats on your first day back at work!
Mommyathome - Hang in there! I'll say prayers that the ultrasound shows nothing worrisome. How do you feel about a hysterectomy? I have to have one this year due to my BRCA+ status, but I'm glad. I've always had horrible periods and I'm so damn happy to be DONE with that crap! I'm already in menopause "chemopause" thanks to chemo so I'm ready to be rid of those female parts!
I'm so tired. Hubby and I had a huge, horrible fight last night. I think he's really stressed lately, and he finally admitted last night that when I was first diagnosed he just went through the motions and did what he had to do and didn't get mad. Well, now it caught up to him and he's MAD, and it just keeps building up. I'm sure my hormones and emotions don't help, but I really don't feel like I'm as much at fault as he says. I don't know. Just a sucky time, and I can see how easily the stress of an illness like this can tear people apart. It's so sad. I love him more than anything, but some of the things he does and ways he acts lately, I don't like him very much sometimes. <sigh> Oh well, today's another day....hopefully one with a silver lining.
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Michelle,
Yes, I'm out w having a hysterectomy I don't want these damn periods anymore. It's so bad I bleed through my clothes, I need to sleep w a hospital bad under me etc. I'm just worried they will find cancer! My maternal grandma and great aunt had ovarian cancer. That shits scary! My gram was diagnosed Thursday and gone by Saturday!! I just need to know that there's no cancer!!!! I need that for piece of mind!
Men sometimes just don't get it... Even when they are trying their words or actions just make things worse. Girl, focus on getting stronger, keep positive in ur life. You are strong! You are brave!
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Hey everyone. Glad you liked the comics. I laughed a lot yesterday - it was fun! Today I"m going to my mom's for a few days. Maybe we'll go to the flower shop.
Ann - thanks for checking in yesterday, but please rest so that you can get better. You can always catch up with us later. We'll be here waiting.
Bev - yay for having a surgery date! You'll be done before me. Remember when you were worried that you hadn't started yet and we were all talking about our first fills? My exchange isn't until the end of July because my surgeon is so busy. Oh well. Good luck with your tests. I'll be thinking of you. Did you do BRCA testing? It seems like there is so much they can do nowadays, but still so much they don't know, like with gene testing.
Diane - I love the vision of you falling asleep with a tiara and an empty wine glass by your bedside. Sweet. LOL! Glad to hear that the new girls turned out and things went well at work. I'm sure you look awesome.
Eve - I'm so jealous of all your beautiful flowers. Yesterday I spent some time raking. Nothing much is coming up yet. I have a TON of oak leaves to rake every year before I can even think about gardening. Oh well, a little bit at a time.
Michelle - I can relate to what you're going through. I've never told this to anyone, but when DH was taking care of me, it was obvious that he was going through the motions and doing what he had to do. What would other people think if he didn't - I'm sure that was more of a motivator than anything. Also things I heard him say on the phone and his general attitude. It really hurts because I keep wondering why he can't help me when I need him the most. During that last fight I mentioned awhile back, he said something that was pretty shocking. I'm still not sure if he meant it, but I've been pretty depressed since. I know he wants me to snap out of it. But that's hard to do especially when you don't have support. It's a vicious cycle. BTW, after reading your blog, I decided to start my own. It's a great way for me to vent - like here - only more so, lol!! It's been very therapeutic for me. I'd like to extend an invitation to anyone here if they are interested. Just send me a PM with your email address, preferably gmail if you have one because it's Google.
Have a great day sisters!
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Bc101,
Yes braca and Bart negative. My ba recommended a hysterectomy at 45yrs old but my periods are out of control even after the ablation that I'm concerned it's something else. Hopefully I'll get some answers tomorrow.
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wow my girls,
I am just so sorry that you all are feeling like shit...ok I said it....SHIT.
I am right there with you all. But my thing is more physical....and totally weird. Ever since the evening of surgery for the BMX I am getting welts and hives everywhere. I can just scratch my scalp a little bit and it will trigger a major histamine response no matter where else I touch my body. I can rub my arm and red welts will appear. It's just the strangest thing. My BS said I need to see my PCP about it. Sigh...more money and quite frankly answers that are not forth coming.
Took half an Ativan and a Benadryl last night ...much better today. I am like some of you ...I just want to cry. Hubby says to go to the naturopath...so I guess I'll try. yay more money. ( I think he thinks it will be cheaper than my retail therapy over the last few days..lol) I had to buy some shirts that don't hug my body so I can go braless. wearing a bra is painful after an hour...PAINFUL....just so arrrrggghhhhhh!
I know my ills aren't as worrisome as yours but ...just frustrated I guess.
We just have to hang in there....fix what we can, let go of the other stuff.
I think the husband thing will be ok. If you all were ok before BC you will work it out.
I had a life threating ectopic pregnancy many years ago...my marriage was pretty crappy before that and I ended it a few months after that. Almost dying made me realize life is short. But BC makes everyone lose their sense of equilibrium.
I think our hubby's as men do what men do. They are supposed to be unemotional, and strong...the caveman thing. Their job is to protect us and their family. When one of us is hurting and they can't FIX it....it is very difficult for them to wrap their heads around. So when we act sooooo strong as in "I've got this" they don't know what to do.
have a little secrete for you all....cry, I am not kidding, cry...don't be so strong, be vulnerable...say your scared....ask to be held. Say your terrified.
The guy thing will spring into he-man mode and then your hubby's will know what to do. May sound crazy, but women are women and men are men! Can't change it.....
K probably had a couple to many Cabs....Yay Diane....
Love you all,
E
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Well dr said things look good on ultrasound, but recommend hysterectomy. She said she thinks, based on ultrasound that I have adenomyosis. This I guess is the reason for the heavy periods etc she said the ablation didn't work-probably because of my 4 c sections. They couldn't tell from ultrasound if there was any cancer but she said I had a biopsy when I had the ablation done and that was normal. So now I'm waiting to schedule my hysterectomy. I have my exchange June 2. I'm hoping I can get the hysterectomy scheduled for late June, early july the latest !!! I have to b 100 percent in august to go back to work!!!!!! She said I'd do the robotic hysterectomy which takes 2-4 weeks to recover, no lifting or sex for 12 weeks.
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mommy, glad you were able to get some answers and have a path. Just a suggestion, but did you consider pushing out the exchange until you get your immediate medical issues resolved and you are feeling strong? Perhaps then you could schedule the exchange during a period when school has a break and you are physically stronger? 3 surgeries in such a short period of time seems daunting to me if you need to be 100% in August.
Oh Michelle, I'm sorry you feel so bad and got in a fight with hubby. Don't feel like you are alone, we all go through it. My husband either retreats and I can tell we will need to have a good fight so he can clear the air. I hate fights but I have learned they help him to have a good old fashioned pissing match. Then he is fine. Or, he goes to the other extreme and is extra conservative and smothering and I feel like I have lost all independence which is even worse for me. It doesn't help that we are always tired, but, the storm shall pass.
I came home this afternoon. I had to beg the Hospitalist to call my MO and confer with him or I would be there another night with a fourth nuepogen injection. As I expected, my MO said I should be discharged. I had to promise the Hospitalist MD that I would not have any visitors today and I would have a CBC done first thing in the morning. I can handle that. Final diagnosis: neutropenia and colitis.
Sliver lining-- I learned a tremendous amount on WBC, hemoglobin counts, ANC numbers and how/when they fall during chemo. I will probably be switched to AC from TC for round 2. Not sure how I feel about that with what I read about adriamycin but at this point all chemo combos are toxic and stink!
Ann
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Well all righty , Ann....
yay, to going home.
Beverly...wow what a crappy ride. Hopefully in a few months ..at least by August you will be on an even keel. It may take a bit longer...but hopefully with a plan things will begin to settle down
I deleted a rant up above.....not really a rant....but I happen to have high expectations on husbands and men in general.
Like ann my hubby will retreat....ha ha ha!...I won't let him though. I like to get issues resolved...NOW! No time to waste. We always have a good laugh....and underneath all this crap.... all this heartbreak....all this uncertainty....
we have to find the love and even give ourselves up to the spark of intimacy. That is really difficult for me to be vulnerable....but that is the comfort for men....being intimate....tell me I am wrong...but I think it heals a lot . Hold hands , rub feet, snuggle a bit. no pressure for anything....
K,
I'll hush for now.
gotta go pound chicken for "homemade From the garden Basil pesto sauce" oh heaven.....
love you guys
E
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amen sister Eve. I'm coming over for dinner......
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well here is the new adapted recipe for my pesto chicken...I'll let you know how it turns out.
Sometimes I pound the chicken too thin and it is difficult to roll up....sooooo
I drizzled olive oil into the bottoms of large muffin pans.
sprinkle the cups with Italian seasoned bread crumbs
add thin raw chicken...lining the cups
spread the chicken lined cups with pesto...I just dip with my fingers and slop it in...lol
cover with mozzerlla cheese and a few more bread crumbs.... bake at 350 for 30 min......more or less
ate it! lol fab and easy
we had this for dinner....the freaking bomb.....
3 breasts made enough for 6people...yummy
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Thanks ladies. My husband wants to me to wait to have hysterectomy, but if I do I definitely can't have it until next summer. That to me is not an option. This bleeding sucks and I'm still worried if there's cancer. I understand that three surgeries in a few months is not the best scenario but..... My ps suggested doing the exchange first because it's an easier surgery...
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Eve - I second your emotions about the men (from what I remember, LOL) and OMG that chicken sounds gooood. I'm definitely trying it soon.
Jeez Ann, I'm glad you are home, but what a giant pain! I hope they find something better for you. ((Hugs))
Of course I bounced back after a night's sleep and have been pounding out the work...nearly through all my emails from last week - YAY!
Tomorrow night I'm going to dinner and a play called "Sleuth" at a local theatre with an old flame (not the same one) LOL...I stop dating them, but lucky for me they still want to be friends.
This FF (former flame, since he never reached BF status) and I have been friends for close to 20 years. He was one of the first people I told about my BC and checks on me periodically, but hasn't seen me since BMX. I'm looking forward to a night on the town! Don't worry ladies...I'll have some wine for you...Anne - All I can say is listen to your doctors. My exchange was a piece of cake compared to the BMX. No narcotics at all after the surgery, but the hysterectomy is major surgery, so see what they say. Maybe if you come through the exchange with flying colors, they will say go for it.
Hugs to all!
Diane.
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Ann - glad to hear you're out of the hospital! Hopefully things will go better next time.
Beverly - well, at least now you have some answers, sort of. It's never easy, is it? Good luck to you as you try to navigate down yet another path.
Eve - thanks for the support. I get the high expectations part, believe me! But some men are, um, well, let's just say more challenging than others? Oh well...it is what it is.
I spent the last 2 days at mom's and we were able to get out of the house for awhile. We went to Bachman's, the local florist shop, famous for their beautiful greenhouse, indoor cafe, florist and gift shop - a wonderful place to spend a rainy day. Mom used to be an avid gardener - a passion that was passed down from her mother. So, naturally I love to garden, too! Wow, things sure are different these days, between my cancer diagnosis and mom's Alzheimer's, but we try to enjoy the little things. I'm realizing more and more that the present moment is all we have.
It's supposed to warm up this weekend and things are starting green up. I can see little buds on my lilac bushes. Yay! The sun is trying to come out. I'm hoping to get out for a walk and rake leaves out of my gardens.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Mom at Bachman's
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Love the pic of your Mom, Mary. The hydrangeas are almost as beautiful as she. I envy you still having your mom.
Diane, your night out sounds marvelous.....an old flame huh? you could have more than wine. a little something something on the side...just kidding!
I have my buddy/stepson this weekend. We will all end up at the pool, dog park , geocaching, watching a movie or two...lovely typical weekend.
texted with my oldest son this morning......love my smart phone....still feel kinda dumb with it...but super fun keeping in touch.
ttyl
you all take care and rest....or party....we do need a balance you know.
E
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Ladies....I'm sorry I've been MIA. I read your posts...but I can't write anything worthy.
Anne...I'm glad to hear you're home. I hope the rest of your chemo goes better....I didn't have chemo so I don't understand all that it is.
Michelle...husbands just don't always understand. It bothers me when I hear my BF talk to others about my situation and he comes across all-caring. But when it's just us and I mention a symptom that's bugging me...it seems to annoy him now. I told my councillor that I think he's sick of me. He just wants me to become magically better physically and emotionally....and gets mad now when I'm not. So we argue a fair amount....sometimes it more exhausting than my recovery.
Diane....glad to hear you are back to work. I'm finally committed to go back May 1 for half days. See how it goes.
Eve...dear Eve. I see you are still here offering kind and supportive words to all.
Who have I missed? Sorry if I have.
Returning to work is taking all my thoughts and efforts. I'll be more tuned in and supportive. Miss you guys.
Love Laurie
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I'm just reading "Silver Linings" now.
Have any of you read "Faults in our Stars"? Kinda a teen book....my daughter read it and wanted me to read it. Really good book....but super sad. I cried a fair bit reading it. Cancer from a teen perspective.
Laurie
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happy Friday girls... I absolutely love reading all of your posts; I find them very comforting and am so glad that wre all on the mend..so to speak:). I'm happy to report that I'm done with rads!!!!!!! The only problem is that I am now officially molting. LOL!! I'm finally feeling better physically and emotionally. Didn't realize this would take so long. I truly am grateful for every new day. Well I'm off to dinner and then home to read some more "silver linings". Right now, this message board is a silver lining to my day. Blessings...
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Laurie, I read "Fault in our Stars" about a year ago and absolutely loved it. You are right, super sad, but, also the characters were very humorous. It was a book that had me sobbing and laughing. Worthy of the read. Good luck with returning to work.
Girl strong, congrats on finishing rads. Sorry you are molting, though ;(. Maybe you or Michelle can help with a question on eating through chemo. My appetite is almost non-existent and I know I need to eat. However, everything tastes like cardboard. I need to stay away from spicy and acidic foods until I can get the GI track under control which doesn't help. Did you have any go to foods that had some taste?
Happy Friday!
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Mmtagirl
I couldn't eat much during chemo either. I found a protein drink at SAMs that had 24 grams of protein in it. I had that for breakfast, ate a little lunch, then drank Ensure for dinner. Silver lining- my tastes have changed for the better- no more chips, soda, bread. I am eating cookies again and having ice cream, but not every day like I used to. Hope that doesn't change.
Anne
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