January 2014 Surgery Sisters
Comments
-
Thanks, Diane. I did mean worry card not sorry.....I was on my iPhone this morning and didn't check spelling.
0 -
Hi Ladies. I wanted to share my CaringBridge journal from today with you, since you were mentioned, and because I know you can all relate. Here it is:
Well here we are again, on the eve of what I hope will be the final reconstructive surgery. Third time's a charm, right?
Dr. Gorbani will be doing liposuction from my lower abdomen, and grafting the fat by injection into my foobs (my term, not his) to even them out, and also doing some skin origami to create nipples. I should be okay to drive within a week and able to lift my arms in 8-10 days, but no heavy lifting for 2 weeks.
David and I had a fantastic Saturday last weekend, he testing for his recommended Pom (aka Advanced Red belt) and me for my black. To be able to test at all was fantastic. I have never done anything so difficult before in my life and it was empowering and uplifting to have the support and love of so many. Testing with David and Krishna made it extra special. If was a day that I'll never forget.
Friday, as I left class I just felt sad. I will miss TKD, the masters and my friends there. If I'm honest, I'm also bummed about fighting the effects of surgery one more time, but know what it takes now. You just have to keep showing up. Words to live by, right?
Yesterday was a banner day. I started the morning with my final TKD class with Master Lee, Mirza (a wonderful young man literally 1/2 my age) and a young black belt named Jordan. As usual, I left feeling better than when I came.
From there I got cleaned up and had my first hair but in almost a year. My hairdresser told me that he had lost his mom to ovarian cancer this year. He said my hair was considerably thinner - not a surprise to me, just a gift from the hormone blocking meds I took for a short while. He was very glad to see me, and that I dodged chemo and hugged me tightly when I left...sporting a fantastic new hair cut.
Next I went to visit a friend in the hospital. She's had a rough time, and was in ICU with drains taking care of the fluid building up around her heart, and yet, she looked amazingly good with a huge smile on her face. We talked about looking for the silver linings. I was struck once again at the ability of the human spirit to keep pushing forward. I just know she will be okay, but prayers for my friend Sandy everyone, as she has a long road ahead of her.
Because it seemed like a shame to waste my fantastic new hairdo, and because it has become my new norm to just spend evenings alone with Sammy (David's cat), I just couldn't face going home. I decided instead to go to a movie. The 100 Foot Journey wasn't playing for about 2 hours, so I wandered into Jack's, a nice restaurant/bar near the theatre.
I walked up to the bar and sat down next to a lady, who looked to be in her mid 60's, and seemed friendly. She and I started talking and were so familiar with each other that when a man sat down on my right, that he thought we were there together. He asked about my large bruise on my arm from testing. I told him I was a martial artist. Of course the usual "I better not pick a fight with you then" comment followed, but this time, I wasn't offended. I just laughed and said, yes, that would be a bad idea. His sister arrived seconds later and I learned they had just had to put their mom in a home. I told them about my day. We talked for quite a while about their mom, and life in general until 2 more members of their family arrived, wanting to leave the bar for a table. Everyone left but the sister, who stayed behind to pay the bill. She and I continued talking and for some reason I told her I was having surgery on Monday. When she asked why, I simply told her. Before she left, she gave me a big hug and said that she was inspired by my story and thanked me for sharing it. Yes, I was hugged by a woman named Maureen that I had never met before in a bar and it was wonderful.
The lady to my left did have a friend coming. They were laughing and having such a great time together and when they left to get their table, the bartender and one of the wait staff hugged them. I asked the bartender, were they related to someone at the restaurant? He told me that the two women had both lost their husbands, met in a support group, had been friends ever since and met here all the time. I felt a rush of warmth hearing that. It reminded me of Wednesday nights with my friend Patty, before she moved away.
I also made me think about the women in my "January Surgery Sisters" online support group. We are women from all over the USA and 1 in Canada, who all had BC rock our worlds. They are true sisters and the bonds are real. We've talked about getting together at some point, when everyone is finished with treatment. It would be wonderful to have that actually happen.
Yes, the movie was wonderful, but the human connections were magical. You just never know who you will find around you if you look and allow yourself to open up to them.
Yes, there are silver linings everywhere, and I hope I never lose my ability to see them.
Love and hugs to all of you!
Diane.
P.S. Apologies for going on so long here, and for what will probably be a drug-induced post op post.
0 -
beautiful post Diane.
Thinking of you tomorrow.
love you lady
E
0 -
Diane, I feel like Eve has inhabited my body, lol! I am trying to post through the tears. Love you girls! Beautiful post.
We must figure out a way to get together. I will go anywhere.
I become an official empty nester next weekend. We started packing and cleaning her room today. Her BFF left for UF this afternoon.
Wishing you a good outcome tomorrow, Diane. I am not a person to just have cosmetic surgery without a medical reason but I sure would like an abdominal liposuction even if I don't need foob grafting! My body sure has shifted this year :-(. I will be very interested on how you like having nips. Still contemplating tats vs nips but I probably won't make that decision until 2015.
Ann
0 -
Beautiful post Diane. I wish you well on your upcoming surgery. Like Ann, I haven't decided on nipples yet... Am leaning towards 3d tattoos.
I'm slowly feeling better... So good to be home. I'm sore and a lot of my discomfort is from my digestive system. My bowels haven't woken up yet. Ugh. I knew to expect this from surgery and pain meds, but still. Blah.
We went out for lunch earlier and then walked once around the mall. I am so exhausted, but I'm supposed to be walking every day and it was raining outside. Now I just plan on keeping my couch company. :-)
I'm not allowed to drive so the kids and I should have a quiet week getting ready for school next Monday.
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
0 -
Diane, what an insightful day you had. I believe that this "c" experience has allowed each of is to see everything more clearly. For me, I am so aware of my daily silver linings/blessings. The small things that maybe I took for granted are now part of my daily presents. Today I saw my son outside on his scooter. When he saw me, he blew me a kiss. Priceless.
These past couple of days have been hard for me. A young girl I met during chemo (30 yrs, 5 year old son, single, and also fighting BC) has been facing an uphill battle with her disease. On Friday, Her mom sent out a Facebook post letting all her friends know that she had been admitted to hospice and allowed her son to move out of state to be with his dad. My heart breaks for the decisions that she had to make. My heart breaks for the way this disease has consumed her fragile body. I am at a complete loss. She was someone I identified with, made friends with, and stayed in close communication. Now all I do is sit and wonder if she's ok and pray that she and her family are in comfort and peace. I can only imagine what her family is going through. I tell you this story to just exemplify what Diane experienced. No matter what wre facing, if we open our eyes and hearts to our surroundings we may be utterly pleased with all if the silver linings sprinkled throughout our days.
Thanks for letting me share . Love much, Marissa
0 -
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, diane
0 -
Diane, what a beautiful post - thanks for sharing that special day. For a moment there I thought you were going to tell us how you met the love of you life, lol! - don't worry it'll happen when the time is right. First things first! Good luck tomorrow - I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Marissa, your post was touching, too. Sending hugs.
I don't have anything to add except that to say that I value our sisterhood here so much - all the posts of the many struggles and triumphs, both large and small, help get me through each day.
Hugs to all.
Mary
0 -
Checked in and wearing my cute gown, socks and cap.
0 -
Here's looking at you ,kid.
E
0 -
WARNING VENT ALERT!!!!!
Well already then. After a lovely celebratory weekend, thinking I was in the clear and cancer free......... movie watching, wonderful steaks on the grill and somewhat copious amounts of a great merlot....I just walked down to my mail box and received a letter from the imaging place where I got my US. Well DAMN!!!!!! Apparently, I am NOT in the clear. WTF, I have to go back for more imaging, what kind I don't know but I will request an MRI. Not screwing around again. Not this time. I am so pissed off and disappointed I can hardly see straight. haven't heard from my BS yet....playing the waiting game again.
Oh well, at least I had 3 days of feeling cancer free (my silver lining) Have to find one somewhere, right?
Thanks for listening
Eve
0 -
Thinking of you Diane! I couldn't WAIT to put on my regular comfy clothes. LOL. I've had enough of those gowns to last a lifetime.
Eve - {{{hugs}}}. I'm so sorry for this stress and worry. More imaging doesn't necessarily mean bad news... just that they want a better look. I'll be praying that it's nothing!!
So someone needs to explain surgery recuperation to my children. I realize I'm functioning fairly well, but I'm sore, I can't really bend or lift anything and I can't drive. So why am I waiting on them?? They are eight and twelve and suddenly helpless. They couldn't figure out breakfast, Kelsie spilled slime on her carpet that won't come off, Jared argued with me over lunch choices.... Sheesh! Welcome home. LOL
0 -
OH Eve! So not fair - and what a rotten way to find out! Couldn't someone at least called? If this is just a "making sure that everything's okay" kind of check, that's good they're being cautious. But like you, I'd be very upset that no one called me before sending a letter (what if you never got it?).
Michelle, I hope you can somehow get the rest you need! Happy Healing!
0 -
Well hell Eve! Get the MRI. Man this sucks. Sorry you have to go through this stress. Love, love, love you.
Heading home drugged as chest and tummy sore, but OK.
love to all,
Diane
0 -
thanks all,
the reason I am so pissed is that the tech and radiologist told me on Thursday that everything was AOK. They said I didn't have anything to worry about, and now they are saying they have seen something after reviewing the US that worries them.
You know, just keep your mouth shut until you are sure, or are they just in CYA mode. I don't know, and that's the frustrating part of it, I am not a doctor, so I trust these people to give me the their expertise....not a friggin guess.
Anyhow, glad you are going home Diane.....can't wait to hear what you think of the almost finished project. Rest well my friend.
E
0 -
Eve
Hoping that the news coming via letter is a good sign. Thoughtless and downright inconsiderate, but not urgent. Hugs and prayers
Anne
0 -
Eve,
Hope you get clarification and it's good news!!
0 -
So today was my first day after my infection and surgery to go in to my classroom to set it up. Of course, the principal and superintendent came in to see how I was feeling- as I'm working in the classroom with my damn picc line!!! I was waiting for them to say something about it, but they didn't. I don't want anyone to think I'm not healthy enough to come back!!! I have to get back to work. I'll tell you though, I was there from 830-430 and I'm SORE!!!!!!!!! My lymph nodes in my under arm on the arm that was infected are swollen and sore and the picc line is anything but comfortable. I wore an ace bandage over it to try to keep germs out... Oh and then I get a call from my mom, who was watching my kids at my house to tell me my nurse was there. I was like, what? I told them I wouldn't be home today!!! Oh well she mAy come tomorrow... I also have my gyno appt in the morning for my follow up after TAH/BSO---- looking for good news!!! Then it's back to classroom for a few hours, take my son to baseball practice and my daughter for her cheer fitting... Busy day!!!!!! Hope I sleep tonight. Just took my antibiotic and a Tylenol. So sore!! Lol gosh I'm getting old lol...
0 -
Michelle - I hear you. My son wasn't getting it either. I had to show him my giant bandage on my abdomen and my mom had to have a talk with him. He's 11and actually pushed on my stomach because he thought I had the remote under my quilt. Thankfully he didn't hit a sore spot. You can't wait on them, but it's tempting.
Ann - A close as you and your daughter are, Ian sure you will miss having her there daily, but picture you Skypeing withe her often. Will let you know if the benefit is there on the liposuction. I have a gf who did have it for cosmetic reasons and she did gain most of it back. I'm certain when you are finished with treatment and able to exercise at full speed that you will get your body back. MT sounds like it is far more rigorous than TKD. Hoping to stop taking the narcotics today if I can handle it. It only hurts when I try to move. LOL
Beverly - I'm sure it's rough, but you will get more stamina as the days pass. Good luck today. 😃
Eve - Get your answers, even if it means being a pain in the rear. Sorry you aren't getting more support from your BS on this.
Marissa-thank you for sharing your story. I am so sad for your friend. The choices she had to make sound horrendous. I'll bet she is thinking about your friendship and drawing emotional strength from it. It's got to be hard to wonder how she's doing.
Mary - LOL the guy was married. Keeping my heart open, but thinking maybe next year on romance.
Sorry for all the typos. Using my phone to post. 💜
Love you all,
Diane
0 -
Diane - I still can't believe you don't have to wear compression shorts or anything. Lucky duck! My PS has had such strict requirements
Eve - have you heard anything else about when you go back in?
Tomorrow will be one month since my exchange and the deadline for removing this dang "straight jacket." Although I must confess I took it off sooner. I've been wearing a compression camisole that feels pretty good. At least I can take a breath without my lungs hurting. Yesterday while shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond, I picked up a Genie bra / camisole / shaper that feels pretty good. Finally found some Bali shapewear that are pretty comfy compared to the Spanx. But after reading online and talking to my Pink Ribbon mentor, I found out what I really should have been wearing is medical grade compression shorts. It just sucks when your PS can't be more specific about what to wear and where to get it. Just an FYI in case anyone is ever in needs it, I can send you links to the compression shops I found.
Been feeling kind of down lately. Just really depressed. Went to see mom and not much has changed there, of course, but I try to spend quality time with her.
I'm happy with the outcome of my exchange so far. The girls are shaping up nicely. I have a few more weeks to go with the 10 lb. weight restriction. Other than that, nothing to report. But this week has been hard for some reason. I just have a nagging feeling I can't shake. The fear of you-know-what. Been doing some research on what I can do to prevent a recurrence. I read a study that said for postmenopausal women being treated with AIs, your BMI has a lot to do with whether or not you have a recurrence. Personally, I have a lot to work on in that area. My BMI is 29.2. Not good. My goal is to get out and start walking every day no matter what.
Also found a very useful site and thought I'd share: http://foodforbreastcancer.com/.
Hope you are all having a good day.
Take care,
Mary0 -
Hi Mary: I'm sorry you are having a rough day. We all have them and although they do pass, we need to deal with those feelings. I asked my doctor about compression garments and all I could get him to tell me was that they have different procedures in Minnesota. I think you said your implants were on top of the muscle too, which is different from what I've got. Hopefully, we'll both have good results.
. I'm exhausted just from making breakfast, so will likely be sleeping AGAIN soon.Hugs to all!
Diane.
0 -
Hi Mary,
Depression just stinks. Been there a few times in my life. I think being out of control in our circumstances is part of the reason. I try to walk everyday and it does help a lot. Not to mention it reduces the risk for reoccurrence. I just got back from my walk, it is 101 degrees out, not the best time of day to get out there, how ever after a cool shower and sipping on a cold fruit smoothie I feel pretty good.
I do not have an appointment yet for my MRI, I will by tomorrow. Spoke with my BS this morning, she wants to make sure everything is ok, because my first go round was filled with discrepancies as to whether or not I had cancer, not fooling around this time. We'll see.
miss Diane, you get some rest. Let yourself be a couch or chair potatoe!
Hope y'all are all healing and life is giving you a bunch of silver linings.
love you,
Eve
0 -
Hi everyone
Just thought I'd say hello to all of you.
Eve, the waiting is no fun. Hope they get you in soon.
I am looking like the Michelin man again. My right arm is wrapped from fingers to shoulder- no real problem- they feel a little fibrous tissue forming and want to take care of it before it becomes a problem. It would be so much easier if it was the left arm. I will be like this until 24 hrs after I arrive in Ga next week, then can go back to my compression sleeve and glove. Gonna be a long week...
Trying to touch base with everyone special here in Fl although I plan to be back by early Oct. A very good friend who lost her severely handicapped 2 1/2 old grandson a few months ago tried to avoid meeting until I reminded her that the lessons we have both learned this past year are that no time is guaranteed, and the only thing that really counts are relationships. We met for dessert last night and had a wonderful time. I think she is at the stage where she feels guilty for living "normal" life, where her every thought isn't haunted by grief. Been there myself.
Have a good weekend
Anne
0 -
Anne - That sounds very unwieldy and uncomfortable. I'm glad it's temporary. You were spot on with your friend. I continue to believe that it is our connections with each other that matter. Everything else just keeps us going. I'll bet she will be thankful that you didn't just give up on her like many others would have.
Going sort of stir-crazy after too many days spent alone. I do get daily calls and texts, but am craving fresh air, so today I may see about taking a short walk outside. My PS appt. on Monday afternoon seems so far away, and I'm really ready to shed these bandages and take a real shower. The bruising on my chest (that I can see by peeking under the bandages) is minimal. Whatever there is on my stomach is covered by the very large bandage, but it is taking everything I have not to look.
Feeling really crappy about something ladies. My mother's 75th birthday is 8/28, a week from today. My sister and her family are off at burning man where they are every year on mom's b'day (don't get me started on that one!). This is a milestone so it's kind of a big deal. Mom says it's okay, but I can tell it really isn't. She's going to come here to celebrate with me and David. I offered to go get her best friend and bring her here (she's in a home near San Jose), but she doesn't want me driving that much, and she could be right, given that I've not used my arms much at all. Most of her friends are old, don't drive much, and are in and about Santa Cruz, which right now feels like the dark side of the moon. I wish I could think of something special to mark the day, other than just David and I singing to her and making her a special cake. Money is too tight to do much. Mostly just venting here. I know she understands that we love her. Maybe we can arrange a Skype hookup with her cousin.
0 -
LOL...you gotta have a sense of humor when the smoke alarm battery decides to give out and start chirping when you aren't supposed to raise your hands over your head. Of course I had to do something and the cat is of little help. I dragged a chair over to what is thankfully not a high ceiling and was able to get the stupid thing down without resorting to using David's Kumdo sword...which now that I think about it, might have been more rewarding.
0 -
Diane,
What about making a picture collage or watching old family movies to reminis and have a few good laughs....
Love the fire alarm!!! I could just see you standing under it like really?!?! Really?!?! Now what!! Lol
Thinking about you all. Saw bs today. Got picc line out and she said everything looks good. I go back to ps sept 2. Hopefully the incision stays closed! There's so much glue it's crazy!!!
Monday and Tuesday I have staff professional development days and then Wednesday my little kindergarteners start school!!! So excited, but also nervous! Just want a good, healthy, complete school year!!
0 -
Thanks Beverly. A collage is a really good idea. I could work on it and send it off to be printed. She would probably love that. Glad things are getting better. Keep being positive and you'll get there!
Diane.
0 -
LOL!
OMG Diane, your recovery - just like your life is anything but boring! The image of you using a sword on the smoke alarm, what a hoot! Be sure to take care of
yourself, though. I know you want to see your mom, but remember you've gone
through a lot to get where you are and you don't want to undo it.I
highly recommend using Skype. My brother and I finally figured out how to use
it. In months past we tried and tried in vain to connect but it never worked
for some strange reason. Sooo frustrating! But today, all the stars were
aligned and then just like magic - PRESTO! There mom was on the screen. So, I'm
very happy I got to video chat and didn't have to drive 3 hours through heavy
traffic just for a short visit.Another
good thing about today ---- I'M FREE! No compression garments required
anymore. WHOOHOOOO!!!!
Eve - I'm sending you positive energy and lots of love and hugs. BTW, I'm having spinach pizza tonight
Hope everyone is feeling well - have a great weekend!
0 -
Lol Diane, I would have hit the alarm with the sword! My kids always had kitanas around, hmmmmm thinking I'll get one. Do whatever makes your mom happy. Maybe make the cake with her. Skype has always been a godsend for me. My son and daughter in law in Okinawa always call me on Skype. Of course it is at 6am and I am super groggy and so NOT looking my best....but a treat none the less.
great idea Beverly, about the collage. I have a Tupperware container stuffed full of old pictures. When I run across it looking for something else I always stop and go through all the wonderful memories contained in those smiles. Lovely. have fun with your class and keep healing.
Anne, sorry you are having problems with your arm. Hopefully catching it early will take care of it fast. I am beginning to wonder if my arm and shoulder pain is from the surgery....something else to have checked.
Mary, Hope you are feeling a little more "UP" today. it is all a process, and not one we can rush. Yay for getting the compression garments off. A little bit of freedom. I do know all will be well. hang in there kid. by the way I had 5 slices OMG of pepperoni pizza tonight....and I whine about my weight....
Well, I HAD an appointment today...for the 4th...sheesh. However after asking how much the MRI would cost $1250 I was freaking out. So I called the place where I usually go and their cost is $500. UH! NO BRAINER. So I called my BS to have a new order put in. I am thinking Tuesday will be the day I have a concrete day for the MRI. Yup! hurry up and wait. Oh well, all is well.
hope your weekend is divine,
love
eve
0 -
Okay...just to be clear, I only THOUGHT about using the sword! I've being very good...for me anyway.
I just spent several hours scanning and uploading photos to make what I think is a pretty nice poster for my Mom. She will cry for sure and you bet I'll make her a cake Eve. Her favorite - Lemon cake with lemon curd filling and lemon cream frosting. Yum! That should make her feel loved. :
Yay to freedom Mary!! Eve - you go girl!
0
