January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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Hey Eve - Friday for the MRI, check. I'll be holding your hand and will have an adult beverage in your honor when I get home from TKD. I hope the Valium lasts all afternoon! Sounds like you had a marvelous weekend. I can almost smell that pork butt. I made chicken marsala with mashed Yukon gold potatoes, Caesar salad and my Mom's favorite lemon cake with lemon curd filling and lemon cream frosting for dessert, with a really nice bottle of Zin which went really well with the marsala sauce. David informed us that the crimini mushrooms in the chiecken would help keep my cancer away. Love that boy.
Beverly - I hope things went okay for you today. Sending you positive thoughts for healing and power.
Had my stitches out today! Woot!!! I hated the flipping bandages. My foob skin doesn't like adhesive...even the sensitive paper tape was giving me welts. I go back on Nov. 18 (1 week after my 1 year anniversary of my diagnosis) for a follow up and hopefully the swelling will be gone and I'll my scars will be healed enough to get my tattoo referral. I'm pushing hard to get it done this year, mainly because I'm seriously struggling financially and if it's done this year, I won't have any co-pays since I've met my yearly out of pocket. Ann - I think my "fips" are going to look really good when this is all over. I'm also encouraged, because I could actually feel it when the stitches came out, which means I'll likely have some sensation. PS says limited exercise for 2 weeks, which for me means I can jog if it doesn't hurt, kick and do forms, but no hopping, punching, pushups or taking hits. I'm going to see how I do tomorrow in the family/beginning class. Can't wait to get back out there.
...and now to kick back with a glass of wine. Anyone care to join?
Diane.
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Diane,
Saw pa. She said its open a bit not much. I told her after I shower it opens she said well its pretty closed now, let's do the wait and see. I said when do I come back? She said you don't unless there's a problem. She said lets wait for awhile for any other surgeries; they suggested fat grafting and nipples. Not sure I'm doing nipples.... Seems like just another thing that could have issues healing
and fat grafting.... Not sure about that either. I'm uneven because of all the excisions and lumpectomy but man I don't look forward to any more surgeries. Work is soooo stressful right and money- well my bills are piling up with no end in sight! I don't look forward to going to work everyday. My foobs hurt throughout the day, I have no energy- definitely not enough for 20 kindergarteners and all the stuff I need to do for preparing for lessons. I work from 630 am until 5 at night the earliest then run with my kids to baseball, cheer and pretty soon girl scouts. Don't feel like I can keep up and be successful. It's not a good feeling!!! The past couple nights I've taken Valium just to get sleep so I can get through the day. I lay in bed thinking about what I need to do the next day and what strategies to use with the kids who's behavior is... Well bad!oh well it is what it is I guess. Just hoping it gets better each day because otherwise I think I'm going to go crazy!!!no really!!! I am going to go crazy!!!0 -
Beverly, hang in there. I know this has been a really rough road for you plus being a teacher is no easy task !!! Much credit to you
Diane: glad your new nips are coming along. Did the surgery hurt much? How long did you have to wear bandages? I have another full next week and then well see how big I am and when the next surgery is..long road for sure girls!!!
Oh, I officially started my new wigless life last Thursday. It had been over a year since I'd been wearing the wig and finally came to terms that enough was enough!! There are bigger things to worry about. Right?? I'm sooooo glad and grateful to just have hair; might not be my preferred length but it's hair and it actually is connected to my scalp!!
Eve; your posts about all your delicious cooking is making me hungry. I confess that I never cook but can sure appreciate it.
On a different note, my chemo friend I talked about a while back..the young beautiful girl With the 5 year old son...well her health has continued to deteriorate and she passed last weekend. I feel numb. I'll be attending her memorial tomorrow. She battled for 16 months. Trajic story. Please pray for her family and especially her son; she said good bye to him a couple of weeks ago when she was placed in hospice. Don't mean to bring you all down but my heart is aching
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Beverly - All I can say is that the first few weeks after I went back to work 6 weeks after my BMX were really rough, so I imagine with both the Hysterectomy and the exchange surgery, you are in about the same place. I promise you that it gets better. You will get stronger each day, even if it doesn't feel like it now. I had trouble sleeping too, but you will live through it and come out the other side. Okay...at the risk of repeating myself...if the incisions open up when you shower, why are you getting them wet? You can get clean enough with a washcloth and wash your hair in the sink if that's what it takes for another week...just saying.
Marissa - I'm so sorry about your friend. It breaks my heart when I hear about our sisters that leave us, especially when they have children. Prayers for her son and her family and hugs to you for the loss of someone you loved too.
To answer your question, the exchange surgery didn't hurt much and neither did the fat grafting after the first couple of days. My PS usually does the exchange and fat grafting in one surgery, but wanted to wait and do the grafting with the nipple recon, since I had swelling and a divot on the right side from an earlier hematoma on the BC side after my BMX. I was out of work for 7 days for each surgery and took only Tylenol after the first day home.
Even if you decide against nipples, I highly recommend the fat grafting. It made such a difference. I have actual cleavage now, and when I lay down, you no longer see my ribs poking out in un-natural places. Beverly - I had only 1 tiny incision in my lower abdomen from the fat grafting where the canola went in. The fat is injected where it needs to go with needles, so there are no incisions to heal from that...only from the nipple recon, but you should check with you PS to see what he/she does, since procedures seem to vary across the country.
Ann - Are you starting to feel better? I imagine it takes awhile to get that stuff out of your system. I see the MO next Tuesday to talk in person about why I don't want to try the 3rd and final AI. I'm hoping she will be willing to suggest a more homeopathic approach with diet, etc. Started back to class tonight. I'll be doing M-W-F-Sat classes with just forms, kicking and running, and no hopping, punching, take downs or hits for 2 more weeks.
My friend has been home from the hospital for almost a week now and is already trying to go back to work part time after pneumonia and lung surgery! This tiny woman went from terrified to fierce in a matter of days. When she gets strong enough, they will start her on treatment to try to slow down her bone cancer and giver her more time with her daughter and husband. This is where the inspiration for the song comes from..."I am woman, Hear me roar!"
Love and hugs,
Diane.
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Hello everyone,
Marissa, congratulations, girl, on going wig less! I think a wig burning celebration is in order. I still struggle with wearing my wigs. First thing I do when I reach my car after work is take it home. A colleague saw me putting one on in the parking lot once. We both acknowledged it, but, I wasn't too embarrassed since he had previously shared that his mother has been battling BC for awhile. He gets it. Good luck with your fills. I see my PS today to finalize my plans for exchange. Hugs to you as we mourn your friend with a heavy heart. I ran in to a high school classmate at my MO during my final IV. She is stsge IV and the herceptin is not working. Our MO is sending heR to a NY doctor for a new protocol that sounds promising. I hate this disease.
Diane, so glad you are recovering well and getting back to your exercise routine. I hope you get your answers from your MO and feel comfortable with whatever decision you decide. I see my MO next week where he plans on tamoxifen. I will be on it for a few years until bloodwork proves I am past menopause and then an AI. I am as nervous for the tamoxifen as I was chemo and how I will tolerate it. If I didn't have such a strong family history or lymph node involvement I would probably forego it, but, I am too nervous not to give it a try. Oh, and it sounds like you put on a lovely birthday for your mom. Yum!
The fatigue and hip/leg aches continue. I am not in a good place. 10 days PFC and I feel more tired than ever. Getting through work has not been easy. Thankfully, I had a planned walk night with a friend yesterday. I didn't want to go but felt much better after I did. I need to break this cycle. I am gaining weight, big belly bloat and heavy leg ache. When I see my MO I am going to ask if my thyroid medicine needs adjusting now that I am through chemo. I had it removed last summer. I really expected to feel better by this stage. Patience, right?
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Ann - I hate this disease too. It isn't right that the treatment should be so debilitating.
I ran into my friend Heidi last night. She is the one in the video link I sent you. Stage 3B with 3 different types of tumors and a crazy number of lymph nodes taken. The very good news is that 5 years later she is still cancer free. She says that it helped her during treatment to hear about survivor's stories. Her situation was so rare that she has become the subject of many papers now. Her smile is proof that the human spirit is so very strong. Hang in there. I really hope you do ok on the tamoxofin. If I wasn't solidly in menopause or had a hi gher risk, I would just live with the SE"s. We have to do whatever it takes. Maybe she will give you a longer break before you start so you can start to feel better. So glad the walk helped. I will be holding your hand.
Love,
Diane
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Beverly - hang tough, girl! You really have a lot on your plate right now. I don't think I'd be able to handle all that. I'm having a hard time just dealing with life in my little corner of the world and I'm not even working right now.
So sorry to hear of your friend, Marissa
Sending HUGS!! Diane, you continue to be an inspiration to us all. Your posts are always so positive and supportive. Thank you so much in case I never told you.... We're so lucky to have you in our little group.
GOOD LUCK with your MRI tomorrow, Eve! I'll be thinking of you and sending positive energy!!
I had a follow up yesterday with the MO and also had my 6 month Zometa infusion. So far, so good - no ill effects from the Zometa this time, thank goodness. I have to go to the chemo section for the infusion and as I sit in the chair surrounded by everyone hooked to IVs, I am forced to realized how fortunate I was to be able to dodge that bullet. Kudos to you ladies recovering from chemo! You are very strong indeed, even though it may not feel like it. As I was sitting there a Pink Ribbon mentor stopped by and chatted with me - she also had ILC and is a 17 year survivor! Really made my day!!
Back to the MO appt. - after reporting how crappy I feel, especially with the depression, my MO's radar went up and said I need to go on meds and see a counselor, which I planned on doing anyway. In fact, I had already scheduled an appt. for this morning to see a therapist I've been going to on and off for about 3 years. I really like her. She always has lots of good tips for me. BTW....I had depression before all this happened in case you're wondering, but the MO said it takes at least one year AFTER treatment is done to feel somewhat normal again. I think we all know that by now.
Okay, I saved the good news for last - he actually told me that in his educated opinion I am cured and that I probably will never have to deal with this again - EVER! He finished with "BE HOPEFUL." Yes, Dr....writing that down on my list and putting it at the top. Wow, I thought, he's really going out on a limb saying that, but maybe I should believe him....Do I dare?
Sending healing energy and hugs to all!
Love,
Mary
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Marissa, my thoughts are with you as you mourn your friends passing. Yes, this disease is just awful.
It somehow not only steals our bodies but for a time redefines who we are and erodes our hope. However, when I come here and read the posts I feel renewed by the love and support by so many strong and compassionate women.
Thank you to all of you.
mary, I get the depression thing. I know that is a problem for me right now......more manifested during my day by lack of motivation and simply not caring....not always but it is there. I am thinking that after this MRI and my PAP etc. next week I'll get my proverbial sh*t together and move on! I'd love to hear the words "cured". Or no worries....you are good to go. But I truly think I will have to make that happen for myself. I am breathing, so that has to be something to celebrate!
AND look always for the joys in my life, which are many.So tomorrow is the dreaded MRI. I am going to stay up late tonight and then take the hefty dose of Valium at 10am. I should be a loopy mess by 11am, when I get on the table.
uh oh....dinner is ready so I have to go....
love you gals
ttyl
E
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Ladies thanks for the support and encouragement. Diane I questioned dr about showering, she said its been 3 weeks it looks closed shower. I said should I cover it with gauze? She said no just don't scrub it. I literally wash the top of my breast and let the water/soap run down over the rest of the breast. I turn sideways so water isn't spraying straight on incision.... It's just frustrating. Guess it is what it is. Everybody is sick of me talking about it; family, co workers, doctors.... I guess I just need to let it go and hope for the best. My class is very stressful and I don't have the patience, or energy to deal. It makes me nervous. I'm hoping my principal doesn't think I can handle but then again, realistically I'm not sure I can right now. But I have no choice. It is almost impossible, no it IS impossible for one person to be able to teach 20 kindergarteners. It's insane!!!!! I told principal today I'd like social worker to come in to check out one of my boys. He ripped up his work paper, broke his crayons and threw them on the floor and then sat there growling at the other students.... I'm going to lose my mind ladies!!!! I've been taking a Valium at night just to sleep (again) because otherwise I lay there all night thinking about the upcoming days chaos!!is it bad that I lay in bed in the morning having a tantrum because I have to do it all over again?!?!
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Beverly,
K, At some point you are gonna have to decide how you are going to handle all of this.
It HAS been a lot for you, but from my experience with having a LOT to handle, there comes a time when you give in, give up or get on with it. Honestly all of that an happen in a split second.
You have to decide what you can control and when you have to let go. It sounds as if you are going to heal up ok. So let go of that. Keep the area dry and put some neo sporin on it....if the opening is small...let it go. I had a 2 inch opening back at BMX and just ignored the thing and it took care of itself.
There was a time in my life where I was crying and yelling in bed like you. Life was completely out of my control and I was so very alone, except I had my 2 little boys to take care of. Soooooo I just got my rear up and did what I had to do. Eventually everything got better and I was the better and stronger for it.
I had to downsize our lifestyle to the smallest place and rethink everything. Declared bankruptcy, sold the house, got a cheap car and took it from there. The idea was to eliminate all the stress. From there on out I changed my expectations, needs, wants...all of it.
YOU have to count your blessings, as far as this thread, theses ladies giving everything they've got to help........you girl and sorry to be blunt, YOU my dear are the only one who really gets to walk away, albeit with some truly difficult experiences regarding healing that you have had to deal with. You my dear, will be ok. You care so much about the kids in your class...it is so evident that you CARE. A rare thing in a teacher these days. You can handel the little ones that are having a hard time adjusting. You are a loving and caring lady.
There is so much to deal with, ONE STEP AT A TIME. PICK YOUR PRIORITIES, at home and in the class room. You are a teacher, a noble profession, so take what you have learned with BC, take your strength and give it to your class.
Just don't, don't give in to the despair........feel it and tell it to go, you are not weak....you are strong and you have so much to give.
K?????Got it????
love and mega hugs
Eve
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Eve - Enjoy your vitamin V this morning. You've got this, but we are all with you!!
Mary - I'm so happy for you! I say yes, hold on to those words. My surgeon told me I am cancer free too. Yes we have to get our check UPS, but believing we will be okay just might make it happen.
I was really touched by your comments. Sometimes I worry that I'm going on in my posts too much. I am so aware of just how lucky I am to have had my BC caught so soon, and how much harder it would have been to have to endure chemo and radiation. If I can make things better for any of you...it makes me very happy.
Love you ladies!
Diane
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Post as often and as long as you want Diane....you always are so noble and your post are caring and intelligent.
Well, I did it. I walked up to that MRI doughnut hole machine, shook my fist at it and said "I WILL beat you" lol And I did! Yes the valium was great but my BFF holding my hand for the whole 40 minutes was even better. Not bad at all. I imagined I was Wonder Woman and all the loud noises were the shots coming out of my ray gun, taking care of all the ISIS bad guys in Syria and Iraq....I think I got them all!
Anyhow, we have a huge, nasty thunder storm rolling in so I better go.
love and hugs
Eve
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Yay, Eve! That's one HUGE victory - and you got some fighting time in. Nice going!
When will you hear the results?
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I neglected to mention , that I want to thank you all for the support. Knowing you ladies are out there really helps make things easier.
I won't get the results until Wed. or Thurs. I looked at the cd's, some pretty weird pics. Before BMX my boobs looked liked boobs...now I can't tell a thing. It looks like the cancer side implant has ruptured a bit more, but the silicone is still contained in the outer casing. So no worries. Time will tell.
have a fab weekend everyone
hope you all are feeling better.
love ,E
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You know Beverly, part or even most of what you are feeling could be the result of your hysterectomy and having your ovaries removed....ie: menopause. That can certainly help with the "going crazy" feelings. It will pass, but can be very rough for the duration. Don't be too hard on yourself. Things will get to a normal place.
Hang in there
Eve
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That's a very good point Eve. Many of us already road the crazy train...albeit more slowly. It has to help to know that what is happening will get better...and I promise Beverly...it WILL get better.
Eve - thinking positive thoughts for you this week, that you will both get good results, and that you will feel like you can trust them. Whatever happens, I won't let go of your hand. Love you!
Ann - You have been on my mind. I've been trying to concentrate on sending healing vibes your way. I just know that things will get better for you, but suspect it will take all of your patience and then some. Hugs to you. I know you will break the cycle and fight your way back to MT eventually.
Good, productive weekend. My son and I worked together and our condo is finally clean again. Friday and Saturday TKD classes were awesome. I've now at least walked though 3 of my 4 new forms. They are awesome, but difficult, so I'm thankful I'll have 2 years to to memorize and try perfect them. It is go great to be back with my TKD family. Nips are healing and looking better every day.
Love and hugs to everyone!
Diane
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I wanted to post this on Saturday, but was out of town....
On Sept. 6th 1994 I lost my best friend, Sheri, to breast cancer. She left behind a husband and two beautiful daughters. I found my cancer after a dream where she appeared to be trying to speak to me. The next morning I woke up, touched my left breast and immediately felt the hardness there. That's when I knew something was wrong.
She saved me. And for that I will be ever grateful.
I will never forget the good times we shared. She loved to dance. She was such a shining beacon of life I always felt inadequate in her presence. She was a good person who always saw the best in you, but at the same time wouldn't take any crap. Sheri would do anything for her friends. I consider myself so lucky that our paths crossed. We met in Jr. High and kept in touch throughout the years. She helped me through the tough years and encouraged me to get help for my depression. She gave me back my life - literally.
Our posts here remind me of that kind of friendship. The kind that withstands the toughest times and never bends. Thank you my fellow warriors! Sheri would be happy to know of our group and she would definitely approve of women empowering themselves with knowledge and helping each other in this way.
Love to all!
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Thank you Mary for sharing your beautiful friendship with Sheri. Knowing you, I have no doubt that she loved and admired you equally.
Your post reminded me to always acknowledge my love for the very special people in my life. While I try to do that it never hurts to say I love you again and again.
I love you ladies, bunches.
E
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Thanks, Eve. I know I've posted about her before and maybe too much. The anniversary of her passing is always hard. Plus, I'm hormonally challenged so I can't remember if I told you guys how I found my cancer, lol! Lately I've been finding myself repeating stories....something my mom did years before her (ALZ) diagnosis. Yikes!
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Mary; that was beautiful. Your friendship was/is beautiful. She did save you and I think that is just amazing. I fully believe that God sends us messages in many different ways. What a blessing for you.
On a different note, I do have implant question...just had m lady fill today and am now expanded to 500cc bilaterally. I can feel every cc too!!! Anyway, my PS will be scheduling my exchange in the next 5-6 weeks. Now I Need to decide silicone vs gummy implant. Advice? I went on some implant threads bit am still at a loss. Need your help girls.
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Marissa,
I have the "gummy bear" shaped gel implants (Natrelle 410s). I really like them, but you need to have anatomical TE's. Apparently the anatomicals are all they do at my clinic now because they don't have problems with rippling. I'm happy with the shape - they look very natural and feel very comfortable. The projection is very good (even when I'm laying down, lol!). I love how they filled in the defects from my BMX - I had huge indents just above my TE's that were very prominent. Plus, now I have cleavage for the first time in my life. I'm told to wait 4 to 6 months to see the full effect. Some women say the gummies feel too hard in comparison to silicone rounds, but my breasts have always been dense, so I like the firmness. I had fat grafting done at the same time, so maybe that adds some softness. Hope this helps.
Mary
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thanks Mary, my PS is recommending gummies...he says that they are preferred for breast reconstruction and not used n women who are getting augmentation. I haven't a clue if I have anatomical TE's...how do I know? My PS has the Plan to also do nipples at time of exchange and says ill only need about 1week off of work.
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Ok, I am of no help in the realm of gummies unless it is gummie bears. But I am curious....what is the difference between gel (gummies) and silicone? I have had silicone for 23 years and they have always felt great....hmmmmm, maybe a little firm? But my hubby never knew I had implants until I told him. The gummies must be softer over regular silicone because there is still breast tissue over the silicone? My silicone implants, are more firm since the BMX. I didn't even think about it until now. Maybe that does help a bit.
I just find the new choices fascinating.
E
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Oh and Mary, ALZ, PTSD, ADHd, ADD , ummmm Aniexty disorder , clinical depression....all the ABC disorders....girl, my BFF and I swear we have all of them. Not to make light of anyone suffering from them, because I have a couple.....I forget my last name sometimes......a disorder called BMTMT.......(being married too many times)
we forget what we are talking about all the time.....
I so hope you all get my sense of humor......
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Hi Mary: What a beautiful tribute to your friend. I absolutely believe that she spoke to you and guided you. When you love someone enough, they never leave your heart.
Marissa: I have 600cc Natrell silicone implants. I did seriously consider the gummies, but after feeling like I had Nurse Ratchet boobs of steel with the TE's, I just wanted something softer. I had also read the exchange threads and although it seemed to me like the gummies would be better for TKD, I heard that they could actually flip with heavy exercise unless they were anatomical. I was also worried about the firmness, and ultimately decided on the silicone implants. They have come a long way, and no longer ooze and leak and are now made of cohesive silicone. I watched video's of them being cutting them in half, being hammered between boards with nails, etc., and they maintained their shape. They are still pretty firm because the muscle sits on top, but I think they feel pretty good. As it turned out, my PS doesn't use the gummies at all, so it was good that we ended up on the same page. If your PS is recommending gummies, you might want to ask why. He may have a very good reason, or may just not be willing to use silicone. If he's okay with both, I would just ask to feel some sample implants. The implants will feel much softer than they will actually be with the muscle on top. I think it mostly comes down to personal preference, so you have to do what is right for you. Hope this helps
Eve: LMAO! Totally get it! You rock in any alphabet!
Mary, I'm right there with you, because I have serious CRS. If there are any among us that isn't hormonally challenged I will be very surprised. I nearly put chicken stock in my smoothie instead of almond milk, actually walked to the fridge with the intention of putting the Cascade in it instead of under the sink where it lives, and am constantly going into a room, only to wonder why. My friend Heidi says she used to play a game following chemo called, "what is the stupidest thing I can do today". We laugh at those days now.
Sweet dreams ladies!
Love and hugs,
Diane.
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Eve - LOL! Yeah, sometimes it all feels like alphabet soup floating around in my head!
You asked what's difference between silicone rounds and 'gummy bear' implants. For one, the shape of the gummies or anatomicals is very different - they are sloped in a way that some say looks more natural. They are filled with "highly cohesive silicone gel" which gives it the firmness to hold its shape. They do have some give, though, it's not like they don't move at all and I think they feel very natural to the touch. The round gels are softer and rounder with more upper-breast fullness. Here's a link to the website comparing the two:
http://www.natrelle.com/410_landing.aspx
Marissa - if your PS planned on using gummies from the start, then he most likely used anatomical TE's. You could always ask just for kicks. There's so much they don't tell you and I don't know about you, but last year when I first met with my PS, I had no clue about implants or even what questions to ask. But so far I'm happy with the results.
Diane - loved your CRS anecdotes! It's nice to know I'm not alone.
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oops, I should add there is another type of 'gummy bear' that is round, so it's confusing. The Sientra smooth round implants are also made of highly cohesive gel, but they're supposed to be softer than the Natrelle 410s.
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thanks girls on the gummy advice...still researching but at this point I am awfully uncomfortable!!! This last fill did me in!!! My arm on the radiated side is sore, I feel like a metal cage is wrapped around my ribcage and my TE's are shaped like watermelons and are as hard as bowling balls. I am seriously having a hard time finding anything to wear. Baggy loose shirts are my friends but I still have to look professional at work!! I'm so happy to be in this phase of BC recovery but seriously....this Dolly Parton like silhouette is for the birds.
Diane; yes I did feel some implants at my last so visit. The gummies are more firm but my ps really believes in them for the patient undergoing g reconstruction because they are so "durable" , have a great shape; I've also red that they have less incidence of promoting capsular contracture and firming ripples. My so says they are really pricey and so not used in augmentation so much.
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Hi all, so much going on with everyone, sorry if I miss something.
Eve, nothing but positive energy your way and a positive outcome tomorrow or Thursday when you get your MRI results. Your January sisters are with you no matter what!
Mary, your tribute was so special. MIT is not often we make such special friendships and I do believe that she is watching over you.
Anne, Laurie and Michelle, I hope you are all doing well....we are thinking of you!
Marissa, read my comments on our Michigan thread re: implants. Talk about CRS ! I got my threads mixed up!! My ps wants to do sientra rounds silicone cohesive gels. He may fat graft at time of exchange. Mic not, definitely after. I say lipo as much as you can off of my chemo pause, 12 lb gained belly. I won't mind a bit if you have to throw some away, lol!
Diane, you are always thinking of others. Thank you for the healing thoughts. They are helping. I think I turned a corner. Like my husband said to me yesterday, you may not have made it around the block but you did turn a corner this weekend. I actually went to my Muay Thai class tonight. Sheesh, I didn't have to worry about not doing contact. It was a beautiful evening so the two hour class was spent out doors doing interval training. Run/walk, sprints, jogging up hills. I modified a bunch and didn't do the bear crawls. My right Achilles aches tonight. I won't be able to move my legs tomorrow and it will be the best feeling ever! No complaints!
My MO is sending me for a rads consult. Didn't see that one coming today. 90% sure I won't need it but he wants to be sure. I was totally focused on figuring out my exchange the end of October. We had always talked no rads. He is sending me to one of the best in the state. The same doctor he sent his wife to when she had a similar diagnosis. Trying not to worry at this point. Also, trying not to let vanity get the best of me (which if I am honest is the biggest reason I want to avoid rads...I don't want to compromise my recon!). Having said that, a mega study just came out a few months ago stating a rather significant benefit with rads for similar diagnosis. So much to think about.
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Hi Ann - You have been on my mind. It's fantastic that you made it to class tonight! I was right there with you Sunday morning with my obliques just screaming...such a great feeling! LOL...what a couple of pugilists. All you have to do is have one good day, and you know that there will be another one, even if it isn't the next day.
So I had a rough afternoon. Most of the time, I'm okay, but my visit with my MO just took the air out of my tires. I really love my MO, but I have a hard time even going through the doors of the cancer institute. I'm way too empathetic and can feel the pain around me and there is also the realization of what has happened to me, each time I walk through the doors of the big "Cancer Institute" building that houses her offices.
In my mind, I imagined her agreeing with me that it was not a good idea to try the Aromisin, given the joint pain and hair loss I had with Arimide and the Rheumatoid Arthritis flare that I had on the Femara, and then she would wish me well, giving me pamphlets on eating to live, and I would go on my merry way.
She did agree, but suggested I try Tamoxifen because even though my tumor was small, it was invasive, and there is still some risk. I felt okay about it, and hearing that it would not cause joint pain because it doesn't block production of the hormones makes it sound like a good idea. My BS had also suggested it. I guess there is some increased risk of blood clotting and uterine cancer, but my active lifestyle and lack of uterine lining from my ablation make that minimal. I may also have an increase in menopausal symptoms (hot flashes, mood swings, etc)...but I guess I can live with that if it isn't too bad. She also said to call if I notice anything that doesn't seem right. I have to go back for a check up in 3 months, and after that she will see me every 6 months for the next 10 years.
So although it felt okay speaking with her, and she gave me a nice hug before I left...as I walked out, I could feel the protective bubble I keep around me crumbling and I barely made it to the car before I started crying. Repeating the mantra that I'm so very lucky they caught it early just wasn't working today. Stupid cancer...10 years?! Can I get 5 for good behavior?
Well crap. I drove to the pharmacy and picked up my prescription, so I can start tomorrow. Silver lining there...there was no co-pay! That has NEVER happened before, so maybe it is a good omen, but I still felt like crap...so I went home and got my uniform, even though I had planned to take the night off, and drove to the Dojang.
Here I sit, feeling soooo much better after class. My good friends Tosha and Krishna were there and I instantly felt better. BTW - my friend Krishna stepped on a needle a week before testing and it went in so far that she didn't realize it was in there! Hard core, right! Anyway, I wanted to share this with you ladies, there isn't anyone else who would understand that way you do. I also think that I sometimes give the impression that I'm always up, which isn't true. I have simply learned how to pick myself up again when I fall.
Eve - Ann is right. We are here no matter what. I will be putting my energy out there for you, and will be holding your hand when you get the results hoping for a high five, but not letting go.
Love and hugs to all,
Diane.
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