Mothers with school aged children
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honestly I have been doing better than I expected. My life is so different than it was. I feel good. People say I look good. I can get up in the mornings and do stuff. I do have to take breaks but I can do stuff and keep up with the kids for the most part. They are pretty easy. They are what keeps me going. It makes me feel so good when I pick them up from school and they are so excited to see me! I know some of my friends and family probably wonder why I don't keep my 3 yr old at home...she goes to preschool. I feel that that is the only way I am able to keep up with them when they get out of school. I feel guilty though. Like maybe I'm waisting my time away with her. I should be with her every second I can. I want that. I really do. I don't think I would be able to function and take care of my whole family if I did that though. I really want to go sneak into her room right now and cuddle with her! I am also enjoying my time with close friends. Lunches mainly. And a few of my friends are having babies so I love to go and hold them and give the mommas a break! I love babies. I am just really thankful that it is me that is sick and not my children. I can't handle children being sick. I think I do need to take some time for myself and do things I want to do and forget about cleaning the house etc. like spending time with my horse. Hiking with my dad. Shopping with my mom. I also just want to get out and do activities. Try new things. Travel. Pretty much seeing the smile on my kids faces will make all right in the world! Be kind to yourselves. Your body and mind are going through a lot. Your children love you and they just want to spend time with you. If cuddles and watching movies is what you can do, great! If you need to rest while they are home, rest. You have to take care of yourself first...they love you anyway!
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Kjones- I can relate with sending the little one off. I had the same internal struggle. I know I made the right decision. He needs to run and play and I enjoy our time so much more. Quality time is better in my opinion. I also allow one sleepover in my bed with just him. I do that for each of my kids actually. Or sometimes we all crawl in bed together and watch a movie. I love those moments. I couldn't handle it if my children were sick either. I sometimes thank my higher power that it was me and not them. I would rather no one have it but I am relieved it's not them.
I'm off to the conference for metastized breast cancer. I'm so excited to learn everything I can. It was spur of the moment. Just had a treatment yesterday so I am resting all day today. Luckily it's not a bad drug and doesn't knock me down like chemo.
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Just wanted to let all you moms know that I feel for you. This boat we all sit in is a bit unstable and we all have to find ways to make it work. I, too, am trying to find ways to be present with my family in spite of the pain, side effects, and fatigue. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be the perfect mom. Rest, and take care of yourself, mind, body, and spirit. When you fill up your own tank it's so much easier to be fully present for your kids and spouse or partner. I'm no expert on this, but I've seen what happens when I don't give myself what I need first. It all falls apart. I'm too tired, or in pain....which leads to cranky mom syndrome....which tends to make the entire family cranky. Anyway, you all know this, I'm sure! This weekend, our kids and dogs will fend for themselves while my husband and I have a weekend away to celebrate our anniversary. It's tough to leave them, but it was him and I before it was mom and dad and we need a little time to connect the way we did before all the wonderful mayhem. Weekends like this help me to feel supported by my husband and continue that closeness that helps us both deal with this disease and the worry of what is to come.
Hang in there everyone. Do or plan something that is all about you and your needs as an individual. It will go a long way towards allowing you to be present with your children.
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Thank you Romansma. I agree with you completely on making sure we are feeling good so our kids will be too. It is a trickle down effect. I love my kiddos so much and I am glad I have help with them. I know they need more then just me to care for them. Even if I was healthy they need others to spend time with and learn from.
Thanks for your post. It helped remind me that everything I am doing is okay.
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I've been bracing myself for the onslaught of new germs since my kiddos started school last month, and we've done really well so far! But yesterday my son brought home a notice that a kid in his class has chicken pox and the classmates were exposed. Great. He had the vaccine as a baby, but I've been on chemo for the last year+ so he hasn't been able to get the booster due at this age (my onc says no to the booster for him as long as I'm immune-compromised).
So, here's hoping that all of our talks about germs and hand washing/sanitizing have taken root. I guess we'll know in 2 weeks!
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Hi Ladies,
Having kids is by far the toughest out of all of this. I am a step mom16 & 21 as well as have two bio sons 7&8. Boy, I am praying to see the little boys graduate from high school or better yet, get their PHd! That is my goal!!
So, I have a big problem with telling people that my cancer has returned and I am now StageIV. I just don't want the "looks" and the comments, which I am sure you all know what I am talking about. People mean well, but boy sometimes...... I don't want to be treated any differently and I don't want my kids treated any differently. Did anyone else feel like this when they became Stage IV? Part of me thinks I should tell more people, but I just don't really want to.
Just another ick resulting from cancer.V
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Oh, I hear ya about not wanting to tell people. I've been stage iv for almost 2-1/2 years now, and until I lost my hair a few weeks ago, barely anyone outside of my family knew anything at all. Now, obviously, it's more visible but I'm still not telling people I'm stage iv. I do a lot of smiling and nodding and not a lot of giving out information. It's your personal business, not anyone else's. Don't tell unless you want to.
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When I was first diagnosed, my son, who was a Sophmore in high school, didn't want his friends to know. I told him that once I lost my hair, people would figure it out but that we would refrain from telling his friend's parents before then. In retrospect, for our family, it would have been better to let everyone know right away. He had a very hard time that semester. His teachers and school administrators knew about my diagnosis and they did a lot to support him. However, socially, he had a difficult time with his peers. I believe that, had his friends known about our situation, they would have been more understanding and sympathetic. Once they all knew, things have been a lot better for him. Keeping that secret from his friends probably made him feel very alone.
Perhaps with younger kids it's different. In general, I've found that letting everyone around us know has been beneficial. After his friend's parents found out many of them told me about how cancer has touched their lives. Almost everyone has a loved one who had or has cancer. I had no idea before then. So many of my friendships have deepened considerably since my diagnosis.
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I agree that letting everyone know seems to help. If anything, it just releases it so we aren't 'holding it'.
I just had the Best weekend away with my husband. I had been dealing with daily nausea for about two weeks before. Guess what? No nausea all weekend! I'll have to report back on whether it returns. This is a pic of one of our 'activities', napping in the garden on Saturday afternoon right before happy hour on the terrace. Didn't want to leave!
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nice!! So glad you had a nausea free weekend!! Looks very relaxing!
I did nothing on Saturday! And I took a nap with my little one!
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hope. How wonderful that you and your dh got to get away for awhile. Isn't it great ? Nice to pack up and take a breather esp with no nausea - sweet. Every couple needs some time without children to recharge and rekindle.
Kjones / a Sat afternoon nap with the lil one is precious like gold. Oh please tell me the windows were open and the breeze was blowing with the ocean in the back ground. :-).
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almost...if the ocean sounds like a lawn mower, then yes!
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lol the smell of fresh cut grass will work.
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New to this thread , I have 2 beautiful girls ages 8 and almost 5! We have removed to NC the same week I was diagnosed stage IV. Unfortunately our summer of fun, sun and adventures turned into crutches, MO trips, scans, rads and procedures.
I am also paralyzed with fear and sadness when I think about my girls distant future and what I will be able to share with them. Now, more than ever I am living in the present and it is important for me to pace myself, take a nap, lock the bedroom door for 10 minutes. Accepting and practicing that certain messes or mishaps disappear with an easy turn of my head and to continue to stay engaged with those that matter most.
To iamstronger, I also had trouble letting friends, old coworkers and family in on my little secret. As it turns out I feel a little lighter on my feet after once those were aware. I will admit it was a relief when my mother spoke with my daughters teacher (my Harper would have let it out of the bra- I mean bag eventually saying or wearing our pink "Annie's Army" shirts to school :-)
~~Wherever you are, be all there.... Jim Elliot
Anne
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Just found this thread. Love it. These are my kiddos. They are 3,7 and 10. When I was first diagnosed they were 5 mo., 3 and 7. It's been a whirlwind wind, but I am grateful for them. I get the whole to send or not send to school. Last year I home schooled my daughter. She's a late August birthday and was not ready for 1st grade. Kindergarten teacher said she was (%$%*(). I used to teach Special Education and knew in my gut she wasn't. Put her back in public school as a 1st grader this year. She's happy as a clam. I feel better too. Only having one at home is so much easier. I do think it's funny how he has no concept of pre cancer mommy. I've had it his whole life.
He thinks blood draws, labs, and Dr. visits are normal. He's learning his numbers and letters from elevators.😊 Thanks again for this thread.
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Fujimama, Beautiful children, thank you for sharing
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Fugi- they are just beautiful!
My oldest boy turned 7 yesterday! He's getting big quick. He scored 2 touchdowns at football. One was the winning one! Proud mama, and so grateful I got to be there.
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Fuji. Beautiful children
Fite - 2 touchdowns including the game winning one. Wow that's awesome. So very happy for both you and your son that you got to be there. Hope you took lots of pics gig memories with mom there.
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Fuji--glad you found this thread too! Beautiful kiddos. Glad school is going well for them this year. They are resilient huh?
Kite--happy birthday to him! Wow...two touchdowns!! You should be a proud momma! What a great week! Enjoy!
Hope you all are enjoying this amazing fall weather! I am getting ready to go to a volleyball reunion with girls that I played with in 1992! We went to nationals that year. It was pretty special. Now I get to meet their husbands and children! So excited!
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wow. I can't believe it's already report card time. Where did that 9 weeks go ? Time - please please slow down.
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Well, it seems my whole family is sick. All four of us struck down by pneumonia. Chills fever coughing the whole nine yards. Everyone is on antibiotics. I was dx with pneumonia yesterday. Finished day8of gemzar on Friday so on my week off. Thankfully my counts are OK. To top it all off the rabbit died today (we knew he was unwell), and it is my oldest 12th birthday today! I don't have energy to do anything... At least my husband seems to be feeling better today.
Venting done...
Diane
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oh gosh! That is awful! I'm glad you are able to take meds for it. If you have the energy, just tell hubby what you want done. Happy 12th birthday!...maybe you all can celebrate when you all feel better. So sorry! Sending healing vibes your way!
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oh Dianne. Bless your heart. Hope your whole family gets well soon and do a do-over for 12 year old bday.
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Diane, I don't mean to be alarmist, but please be careful of yourself...I'm also on Gemzar, and there is a rare complication with it called lung toxicity. It can be very serious, although fortunately very rare. Basically it can damage your lungs and can even be fatal. Sorry to sound all dramatic. I hope you and your family get plenty of rest and recover quickly. I'd bring you chicken soup if I could!
Do you have anyone to help you all? Bring a meal, do some laundry? I hope you're not being the typical mom like we all are, trying to do a load of dishes while hacking and shivering! The dishes, laundry,and house will all still be there when you get better (come to think of it, that's not very comforting, is it?!?)
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Thanks raro, I think it's likely pneumonia considering three of us have been diagnosed on X-ray. My mother in law came to help( much to my displeasure...we are all hacking and coughing, I don't want her to get sick). Friends have brought over soup and my MIL cooked a chicken today. We are good but, I'm nauseous so not eating much. Just trying to get liquids in...
Not fun,
Dia
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Diane I sure hope it clears up quick for you! That is such a bummer and it always seems to take forever to get everyone back on track.
I'm on round 2 of being in the hospital due to this severe back pain I have. I have been here a total of 5 days with a 2 day out in between. I am waiting for the pain clinic to call me so I can have a nerve block or something along those lines. Everything on all my scans shows nothing as far as a fracture, more cancer, etc. I sure hope I get some relief. Being chained to a pain pump is not fun and being in constant uncontrolled pain isn't either. Miss my babies!! Blah!
Anyways, I hope everyone else is having a smooth week. Loving that fall is here!
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kite--holy crap! So sorry you are in so much pain and away from the ones you love the most! I also have back pain in which all scans come back clear...it's not as strong as what you must be going thru. So frustrating. Hope you get some relief soon and that you can hug your kiddos soon!
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Thanks Kjones! They finally got ahold of a pain doctor who is coming to see me tomorrow. What is so weird is it hurts where I had radiation and the vertoplasty.(sp?) Seems the two things that were supposed to help with pain have made it worse. That's why I think there is an angry nerve in there.
Anyone's kiddos know what they want to be for Halloween? Mine are ninja turtles and Malaficent.
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Kite so sorry you are experiencing such discomfort. Can I offer the suggestion that they look to make sure its not osteonecrosis in the radiated spot? I don't know how they check for it. Hope you find comfort soon.
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The1toC- they have not mentioned that but I will bring it up. They are saying it's "muscle/skeleton." Vague if you ask me. Basically nothing on the scans shows them a specific diagnosis. I wondering if it nerves that got damaged or if the necrosis is healing and it's painful, maybe? All I want right now is it to feel better. Missing out on a lot of my life sitting in this hospital.
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