Mothers with school aged children
Comments
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Susan, I'm so sorry about your eye procedure! I know exactly what you mean about things affecting our health and mood. Sometimes I feel like my mood can be so fragile. I have monthly Zometta infusions. They aren't that terrible, I end up feeling like I've got the flu for a couple of days. By I always end up feeling "down." It took me a while to realize that sitting in a room full do people who have no reason to be there except cancer messes with my mind! So, yeah, "no down side" is a relative thing!
Left foot, I'm so sorry for all the tests. Like Susan and I were just saying, some things make it hard to just live! Going in for test after test each with a different prep is exhausting! To have little ones seeking attention at the same time must almost be too much. But the faces in that picture are not overwhelmed! Those are faces that are well cared for and loved. They look strong and happy. I know the guilt of adding something to their lives that you don't want them to experience, but the real job of a parent is to teach them love and confidence even in the face of the most difficult things. It looks to me like you & your kids are well on the way!
How I wish there wasn't a "list" of things we can use to keep living our lives well. Every time one of us faces a change, that list hangs over our heads. Scratching something off the list can bring darkness for days. I so look forward to a time when they have a real handle on cancer and there are so many GOOD options that the list never crosses our mind again!,
Virginia
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this really isn't related to this topic...or maybe it is...I have this problem of when things get really hard, like with my family members health, I just block it out. Like it's not there. I know that comes across as if I don't care. I do. Very much. It's like I can't take it all on. I have to preserve my energy for my husband and kids. Is this strange? I feel like my family can't catch a break. There are 6 of us who have major medical conditions. It's too much sometimes. I have mixed feelings about my grandparents. This may be totally selfish, but in a way, I think they would say the same thing...they have lived their life. A long life. Don't dwell on them. But then I think of my own end of life issues. I want to honor their wishes just like I hope my family will honor and respect mine. Don't know if this makes any sense.
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some may find it selfish but I think it is reality. You have a lot on your plate and you do need to conserver your energy. do what you need to do. I would just tell them that you support them but at this time your energy is being used to keep yourself healthy and that that is all you can do. They should understand if they have their own health issues. Give what you can but put yourself first. It is selfish, but sometimes, it is just what you have to do to survive.
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kjones-I don't think you are being selfish, I think it is more of a self survival mode. You have your own family to deal with and they are your priority. I know it gets hard when our extended family comes into the picture, we love them and want to be there for them. But you are right when you say your grandparents have lived their lives. Yes we need to make sure they are loved and cared for, but beyond that there is only so much you as one person can do. And your immediate family is your focus. 6 people with medical problems in one family is a lot! I often find myself getting frustrated with people because I am overwhelmed with my own situation, and while I want to be compassionate I am having a hard time just dealing with my own reality! Take it easy on yourself, it is so easy to get spread too thin. And while summer is fun, it can be exhausting too.
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leftfoot--how are you holding up from all of the procedures? How is your energy level, keeping up with your kids? That is a great picture b the way.
My MRI was fine. Thank God. I went to see a neurologist yesterday to see if he could help with the pain. I liked him. He listened to all I had to say and came up with a plan.
Tarheelmichelle --how did your move go? What color did your son pick?
Anyone want to share special summer memories with their kiddos? (Or winter if you live else where
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K jones- Yay for good scans and a new plan. I hope it works for you.
thanks for asking about me. I am a little tired after a long month but its is all ok. .All scans of brain and body came back great. Nothing new and the old is very very hard to find. So stable and as close to NED as I can get. My esophogos is a little messed up but we are working on that. I am fighting fatigue but what else is new. I can definitely tell its August and I am looking forward to time off once school starts. 4 kids under 12 during teh summer gets busy and tiring even without chemo. But at the same time, i am dreading the end of summer. I love no particular schedule and not fighting about homework. We try to keep the kids as free as possible but their hobbies (soccer, football, music) leave little time after school and weeknds are short. Fridays sleepovers are usually out so only day for socialization is sat after games.
I am off today for a whale watching trip with my boys. Hoping to see the Orcas off WA/CAN coast. then off to the oregon coast tomorrow for a last minute summer vacation at the beach and then visit with their grandma (my step mom).
Our best summer memories are probably trips to Whistler where boys went zip lining and girls climbed the moutain. We also spent one summer on Mt. Rainier just enjoyin the hikes and views. I love living in the pacific NW during the summer. So much to do and see. We love our annual trip to Lake Crescent In the Olympic Pennisula where we hike, swim, and canoe. The biggest boy has graduated to helping to steer the canoe. its on to kayaking next year
Best wishes everyone.
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Hi everyone! Im gald to have found this topic! I have been dx with mets in Feb. I log in and read once in a while but only posted couple of times. Havent had much time lately working full time and commuting. Hence I am posting to ask if anyone of you are still working full time? I have 2 kids in elementary. The first few months of treatment hasnt been bad (herception, faslodex and zometa) but lately I am noticing I am getting a lot more tired lately plus I have started getting very achy esp on my back (i have mets from t1 to my sacrum). I get home and Im just wiped out that I cant even spend time with my kids. I just feed them and get them ready for bed so I can sit on the heating pad to ease my achey back. But my kids which I think most of them are, onece they see you calm they want your attention so that sitting down doesnt last much. I am thinking that working will keep normacly in my life but I think its hurting me at the same time. My insurance is through my work and I cant afford to lose it. I was thinking of working part time but then I would lose my benefits as well in doing so. My husband's work offers insurance but at a very high price. He is also not stable with his job. This is causing me so much stress I have been getting a lot of heartburn which can also be from herceptin I guess. Sorry this is so long, thanks for listening
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Minnie72, you simply can't choose working over not working simply for the insurance, when you are exhausted and in pain. Please check out pain killers. Do not resist pain medicine. Pain turns into a monster and distorts reality. You have Stage IV cancer AND young children. Check out disability options. You are eligible for disability for yourself AND for each child (I'm fairly sure, as this is what I receive.) My heart went out to you when you said you try to sit and rest, but the kids wear you out. You will have to train them to know what Mom can and can't do. My son knows what "Mom is resting" means. I am available for snuggling and togetherness but not for snack preparation, or any other motherly chores. Kids will accept limitations. You just have to be clear, and let them know it's fatigue that limits you, not lack of love for them.
Kjones, I'm still surrounded by boxes but I did complete the move! From a noisy downtown loft beside train tracks to a quiet townhouse twice as large, surrounded mainly by retirees and trees. I love it. My son loves his "Down Pour Blue" (Benjamin Moore) room (it's a navy shade). I've never been happier in my life, truly. My son starts junior year of high school next week. We've been watching Netflix reruns of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," eating quarts of ice cream and talking about cars and clothes, his favorite subjects besides girls. I know how precious this time is. College is looming and the thought of not seeing my son for weeks at a time breaks my heart a little, but at the same time I am fortunate to be here. When I was diagnosed with Stage IV almost 3 years ago I was preparing to die. Now, each day is another chance to be with my son and husband and I love those moments.
We all suffer such pain, fatigue, frustration. I hope for all of you, that the joys in your life from your precious children give you respite.
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Having a bad day. So very tired. My house is something that could be on a tv show about dirty houses. I haven't done dishes or laundry for a few days. I even broke out the paper plates and disposable utensils so I didn't have to do with the dishes. My husband had been away for the week, and my kids had soccer and football practices while he was gone. this weekend I had two soccer tournaments and a football jamboree. I know why my house looks like it does. I spent all of my energy getting my kids to their activities and on the important things. But that doesn't help when I look around at what a mess my house has become. All i see is the stuff I can't do because I don't have the same energy I had before. Its all I can do just to get off the couch. I really need to start catching up with house work. I am running out of disposable dinner wear
and the kids need clean clothes. I am happy that the kids are doing their thing. But boy am I tired. I know you all understand. Thanks for listening.
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I understand leftfootforwaed, I don't have the energy to do anything and I feel useless. This disease sucks working full time being a mom and a house wife. I can't do this anymore. Sometimes I just ask why me. The medicine is kicking my ass. I would think it would get better but it does not.
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Hi, Just joining in here. I just had to say, we've been using paper plates and disposable cups for a month! There was a great deal at Costco. ;-)
I have 5 kids at home and 10 adult kids on their own. My 5 at home all have Down syndrome. I just finished chemo 5 weeks ago and getting ready for BMX and recon. Going through chemo, I could rally when we didn't have help and I had to be on my own. I had a tummy tuck 5 years ago. My PS told me this recovery is very similar so I know I won't be able to just pull up my bootstraps and get things done. I'm a bit worried about the logistics of it all!
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leftfoot-I totally understand. Even though we know that it is important to use our energy to focus on what is important to our kids and family it is hard to come home from a day of driving them to games or activities and then come home and be faced with a messy house and hungry kids. We have had several fun trips this summer, but then the post vacation let down is hard to deal with emotionally as well as the extra laundry piled up on the floor. Oh well! I struggle to stay "in the moment" and contstantly remind myself that being a mother is the most important thing to me......and the weeds in the yard or cleaning the house isn't as much as a priority as spending time with my kids. And it doesn't seem fair that we can't do both, but I for one, do not have the energy to live the life that I used to. Or the one I still hope to have. I do see an increase in energy and I think it is a positive sign that my tumor markers are stable or slightly decreasing. Whatever it is, I will take it!
Stella-I don't know what meds you are on, but maybe there is something that can help. I take Lyrica to help with the joint/muscle pain from the Letrzole(Femara). And because I often have a hard time sleeping, not to mention waking up with anxiety and hot flashes, I often take a Xanax before bed. Getting a good nights sleep is so important. I can't function without sleeping well. Also because I expressed concern with my Dr while describing being sleepy while driving long distances,he prescribed some form of Ritalin. I don't really like it, for me it just gives me instant anxiety, but I have used it a couple of times and it worked. So don't be afraid to ask your Dr for other meds. I often research to see it something might be useful and then I present it to my Dr. He has been very receptive so far.
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I am wondering how everyone is doing getting back into the school routine. Today was our first full day of school. My 1st grader had himself up and dressed and was watching tv and 6:30 this morning! My 6th grader got up in a good mood today, she is my sleepy one and I just hope it is a good sign for the rest of the year. My two high schoolers, freshman and senior are on their own schedule since they drive. That is nice I have to admit! And my college girl is home for 3 more weeks. I am trying to enjoy every last minute of having her home. She goes to school 4 1/2 hours away and I miss her terribly when she is gone. Good luck everyone!
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my kids started back last week. One in 5th and the other preschool. It was bitter sweet. We have had a great summer! Didn't want it to end in many ways. My husband is coaching football at the high school so I won't see him again until November. This year, I feel well enough to get up every morning and take them to school! And pick them up! I just pray my good health continues! Makes a huge difference! Things have started off smoothly. Now if we can just avoid stomach bugs, that would be perfect!
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We have one more week before our kids go back. It was such a crappy summer with me doing chemo. I don't know who's more excited for them to go back, me or them.
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Kjones-It has been really bittersweet for me too. The summer went by way to quickly. We did some fun trips, and it was great. But then the let down from coming home and seeing how fast the days fly by is hard for me. Last school year was hard for me, I had several mornings especially last fall, when it was all I could do to get up and get them dressed and out the door. I would put on my comfy clothes, brush my teeth and comb my hair and try to pretend everything was normal for them. I would drive them to school, and then often times cry my way home and go back to bed. It was a difficult year and I honestly had hope it would get better, but I didn't know. The fatigue can be so overwhelming. I watched a lot of TV because I it was so hard to do anything. And yet I need to do the grocery shopping, cook dinner, help with homework, clean the house, do the laundry etc. Everything still needs to get done and while the kids can help, it's not the same. And I felt so isolated. People are busy, they work and get on with their lives and it's hard for them to understand while I might look OK from the outside, I am no where like I used to be. I still don't know how to live with this diagnosis. I feel like some people have distanced themselves from me, and I don't have the energy to maintain many friendships. There is a stage IV support group in our cancer center, but it is for all kinds of cancer. I was the only one with children still at home. And we have lost several people to lung, pancreatic, etc cancers. I don't really know if it helps me to go or not because I often leave feeling worse than when I went. I did make a connection with another breast cancer stage IV woman. She is on her 19th year with it, and she leads a busy active life. She has been an inspiration to me. There is hope, and I make it through by concentrating on my children, trying to make their lives as normal as possible, and trying to live in the moment. I try to take it day by day and that is the only way I can do it without getting overwhelmed. And thankfully, I do feel better this school year. I have a little more energy than I did last year. There is always hope!
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starbrightlyshines,
So sorry to hear you are feeling isolated. Hoping now that you have more energy you can get out during the school day and find a social activity that will help you to meet people who have time during the day. Perhaps volunteering at school or joining a mah jong club. This is the first time in my adult life that I haven't worked. The summer was busy but now I only have one kid at home and he'll be in school and at practice all day. Thinking about volunteering at a senior support organization a couple of days a week. I love talking to seniors! I learn so much from their life experiences. Of course, getting the housework done is important but you need to make sure you have time for yourself too.
That's an amazing story about the woman in her 19th year of MBC. I know a woman from our MBC group that is in her 15th year. We have so many more treatment options than they had 15 or 19 years ago! I hope your energy continues to get better. Rest, eat healthily and exercise if you can.
We are always here for you too!
Hugs, Susan
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star-- I could have written your post! Are you a single parent? I am so very lucky to have my mom and dad 10 minutes away. There is always hope. You just do the best you can, and that's all you can do. When I was going trough taxol, my friend and her mother got me a housekeeper for twice a month. It was a huge help. Although I had to clean before they came, they did all the heavy duty stuff. I have kept her. Not on a regular basis, but as needed. My grandfather pays for her now. He doesn't want me over doing it. So very sweet. In my area there is a resource for free house cleaning and such for cancer patients. Maybe a social worker at you facility can look for something for you? In the grand scheme of things, it's not a huge deal if the house is 't clean. But having that done for you might give you a little boost to do the other stuff you want to? I don't know. I sure am glad you are feeling a little more energy this school year. Just one day at a time. Be kind to yourself
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ah... Housecleaning my least favourite, low on priority, energy sucking chore.
Cleaning for a Reason is a charity you can register for. They clean your house once a month x 3. I was accepted 4years ago and it felt like I won't the lottery! My house was clean all at the same time! Never happens by myself it's always room by room. It was great and it gave me a lift for sure. They were awesome because they choose to offer their services.
Anyway give it a try, you might like it enough to continue after. Or just enjoy while it's happening.
Hugs,
Diane
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Star- I agree with kjones, I could of written this post. I am struggling with all of this even though I had a great PET scan! I still can't pull myself out of this funk. Thanks for having the courage to post that on here. It's helps so much to not feel alone.
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Susan-I do help out at school, not on a regular basis. I find it is so much better when I get out of the house, but I don't want to commit to something on a regular basis. I guess I am wary of over extending myself (I used to do this a lot) and right now I just really want to put my family first.
Kjones-I have a wonderful husband. But he works a lot, and since I have been a stay at home mom for years I really feel like I am the one in charge of everything at home. But things have shifted a bit, and my older kids do help out a lot. I just want them to have a "normal" childhood, so I do find myself over compensating, or being more lenient on things than I probably would have been a few years ago. I think more about how they are going to remember me. Are they going to remember me as the mom who yelled about the towels on the floor, or as the mom who takes them out for slurpees because it is Friday? I think living with cancer makes us much more conscious about what we do and how others perceive us. At least it has for me. I just wrote a post on another thread about a lunch I had with friends yesterday. It was just uncomfortable. They talked about cooking and going out with friends, and things that just are kind of beyond me right now. I am happy when I am able to get the kids up, dressed, lunches made, and off to school on time. Groceries in the house and dinner makes me happy. I want so hard for my children to not have to think about cancer, or think about me being sick. I do take time out though, yesterday I kind of retreated to my room and took a nap and watched Netflix. I told the kids I had a headache....which was more of a mental headache than a physical one
I just get worn out sometimes and need a break. And my husband (I think) has kind of learned this pattern from me. I get overwhelmed, I retreat, and the next day I can ususally look at things in a different perspective and tackle what needs to be done. Or not. But at least I feel better. It is hard knowing that while I feel good right now......that can change at any moment. And my friends and even family don't even think about it. And that is a great divide between me and them. I look OK so to them I am OK. But my priorities have shifted and I think I just can't relate to them in the same way, I think that's why the lunch left me in such a funk. Oh well, today is a new day and I really don't want to go down that road again. I hope you have a nice day Diane-The area I live in is too small, there isn't much help available unless I can pay. There is help for the elderly or disabled, or maybe someone in an acute crisis but I am not really eligible here. I have a great social worker at the cancer center who I rely on when I really need someone to talk to.
Kite-My tumor markers started to rise in June, so we did an PET in July. It was good, and then my markers have started to fall again. So I know what you mean about being in a funk. It is hard to relax and not think about it. That's why I take it one day a time, or if that's too much, just moment by moment. I think it is so important to support each other, otherwise there really isn't a place where I feel like people understand me. Hugs to you!
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Star- hugs back at you! I just read your other post about the lunch. I can relate to that oh so well! My friends and buying houses, planning weddings, graduating college, having babies. It's all so wonderful for them and those were some of my best memories and I'm thankful I have them. I am as equally thankful they get to have them too. I smile and ask them to tell me everything because explaining my day to day is a major bummer! Who wants to bring up something so depressing in moments of joy. I take it minute to minute a lot. I come home from picking my kids up and put them in my room somedays. They know mommy doesn't feel good and they play on the iPad or watch TV. They are 4,6 and stepdaughter is 8. (I don't have her everyday) Somedays I am able to go a do fun things and we all make the most out of them. My husband is a pipeline surveyor and he lives in TX right now. We have traveled with him before and actually lived in OK last year. Then he got called to go to TX and the cancer came back. Now I'm in MO, he's 12 hours away. We are discussing some options we have. It all happened in 3 months time so we are still figuring out what to do. All I know is he is my best friend and I want us to be together. One minute at a time.
On a happier note my MO told me my cancer is stable, Kadcyla is working! Football starts for my 6 ye old next week and soccer for my 4yr old in 2 weeks! They are so excited and I have some awesome parents who are willing (and already do) help out.
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Kite-I am so glad Kadcyla is working. Yay! I tell myself to celebrate EVERY good news. If my monthly tumor markers are good I feel like I hit the lottery and give a huge sigh of relief and make myself really appreciate it
Sports can be so good for all of us. It gives the kids an outlet and an activity that focuses on themselves. And it give us a reason to get out of the house and celebrate our children. But it can be tiring too, so I try to plan ahead with crockpot dinners, pizza or tacos on the way home, or just something so I am not overwhelmed at the last minute with hungry children and husband
That way I can also enjoy the game too. I try to make it to as many games as possible...just because. Although there are times where my inlaws will step in and take them. I have just promised myself to try to never miss any possible moment. So even those icky things that I could avoid (fall sport meeting...not my favorite) I go with a smile on my face and feel a huge sense of accomplishment because I did it ! I was there! Kind of silly, but my mind works in that direction these days.And I am with you there about picking your kids up from school and all regrouping on your bed. I have done this many times! Now that I am feeling better it's not so much. I am more likely to be downstairs so the kids are in the kitchen or family room. But last year, we spent a lot of time on my bed!
I am sorry that your husband is working in a different state. That must be so hard. I hope you are able to arrange to be back together again soon. Like you said, one minute at a time!
I am trying to rally for our last summer trip. It is with my family and it will be a lot of fun. But we need to pack food so I have to decide what to get and go grocery shopping and pack the coolers. The county fair is also here, so my kids are all wanting to go tonight, plus soccer and football practice.........meaning I will be doing most of the packing
Oh well, it is always fun when we get there. And I try to let my energy level dictate how much gets done. It might be just the basics this year. But last year at this time I so unsure of the future it hurt to even think about this year. And here we are, and I feel better than I did. Another reason to celebrate!0 -
I completely agree with the going to whatever you can as often as you can. Then the celebration that you did it! I love that feeling. I appreciate the tips about having dinner pre planned so I'm not dealing hungry kids. It's something I would forget and then be upset that I didn't remember something so basic! Lol!
Have fun with your trip. Sounds like your family is lucky to have you. I really can relate to so much you say. It's exactly the things I think and feel. I appreciate you sharing with all of us on this board.
My hubby is coming home for Labor Day! Totally unexpected and we get to borrow a friends boat to go to the lake. I am so excited! My kids are gonna flip out. My Kadcyla treatment has kicked my butt today but I'll he damned if it takes my weekend.
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Hi All,
This is a great thread! I have a daughter in 8th grade and a great husband. I get so freaked out sometimes when I think about the possibility of not being around to see my daughter through school. Her biological dad has had no contact with her in 4 years and I'm sure has NO idea about my health. I only recently learned he has moved to a different state. Fortunately my husband is wonderful and helps raise her like she were his own. I still work full time but take time off when tired. I just started Abraxane on Tuesday. I'm sorry we all have to be on this thread but glad for the support. Like many of you said, I also cannot find anyone my age with kids locally who has Stage IV so I hope to get support from all of you.
Liz
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hi Liz! Thanks for joining the conversation. Sorry you are here. I hope your treatments go well with few side effects.
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Thank you. So far, so good. Only some muscle aches/joint pain and a bit tired.
Liz
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Hi Liz, I hope you had a good weekend and are feeling ok.
Wow. My 6 year old said something that took my breath away this morning. We were cuddling on the chair before school and he started talking about how glad he was that I didn't have cancer anymore and I could go skiing again, etc. I try so hard to make life seem as normal as possible that in one way it is good that he thinks I don't have cancer. But I also talk about taking my medication, and going to the dr. I don't want them to constantly be worried about me and thinking about cancer. But at the came time I thought that by knowing I still have cancer it wouldn't be as much as a shock to them when I have to switch treatments and deal with new side effects. So I had to take a moment, take a deep breath and explain to him that I still have cancer, I still take meds, but right now I am feeling really good.He looked a little confused and then said "well but you don't have those hoses in your arm anymore so that is good". He was talking about several months ago when I was so sick with GI mets that I had to do IV nutrition. So I get where he was coming from. But it's still painful.
Speaking of painful, my teenage daughter brought up how awful a particular holiday was right after I was diagnosed. I made the observation that I don't really remember much of that time and that it is really hard for me to talk about that time. She said "well how do you think it was for us". We were having a really nice lunch out with my mom, sister, sis in law, and my other teen daughter. I just said, "this is going to make me cry right now, I can't talk about it. You can talk to each of these people at this table about it later, but I can't talk about it right now". She understood, she wasn't trying to be mean, she was just being a teenager and remembering for her how awful it was to have a mother who was so ill. That was a very touch and go time, I had lost 25 lbs and I couldn't keep anything down. Of course we were all scared. And I think we did a good job of supporting each other at that time. But I think my husband and mom kind of insulated me from having to deal with the children's fears, because I really could not have dealt with one more thing. I gave them lots of hugs and cuddles, but I put on a brave face for everyone, including myself. So I understand now that thoughts and emotions from that time will come up. What surprises me is that I really still can't deal with thinking of that time and talking about it. I hear of others who can face the emotions, who don't want to take meds to soften feelings. But I am the opposite. What my daughter didn't realize, and what I want to tell her later, is that the thought of having to leave my family is more than I can bear. I deal with the thought of my death. But to think about leaving them, and the pain it will cause.......I hear about people who lost a parent and it became a turning point in the wrong direction. How do we help our kids so that doesn't happen? Can we do anything at all? Perhaps when my health is really failing it would be the time to say something, but even then what would I say? I hate this. That's why I have bought journals with the thought of writing to them. But I can't get myself to even get them started. Has anyone started journals or leaving some sort thing behind?
Today the social worker is trying to restart a Stage IV support group. We had one going but we lost several member to lung, pancreatic cancers, and the group just kind of lost its direction. It is hard because stage IV breast cancer has many more treatment options than other stage IV cancers. And we are all so different. I know it bothered some women that I have small children at home, it was painful for them to see my struggle. And for those who are doing well, it can be hard to see someone whose treatment is failing and vice versa. I wish I could find a group that was just for stage IV breast cancer. It would be outside my town but I think I could really benefit. I still feel like an oddball.......I don't feel like I fit in with my old friends and the moms on the go at school, and yet my treatment is going well (at least it was at my last visit, LOL, we all know that can change in a heartbeat). So I haven't really found anywhere other than my family, that I feel like I really fit in.
Hugs to all you mamas. I am hoping for a stress free back to school week for some, as well as those of us who are still trying to get back in the groove!
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Starbrightly, your post brought tears to my eyes. I understand that your daughter is a teen and going through a lot but wow. I think you handled it well. I don't know if I could have been that calm in the moment. My 11 year old had said things like your 6 year old. I explain that I'll always be on medicine and won't be able to do everything I did before (like skiing) but I can do a lot and that thankfully the medicine is working. I also tell her that I will let her know if things change but that she doesn't need to worry. I don't inform her of every little change in my treatment. For the most part this has worked.
I also wanted to let everyone know how Camp Kesem went for my daughter. Camp Kesem is a sleepaway camp that has chapters across the US and is run by college students. The camp is free and for children and teens who either have or had a parent with cancer. The focus is on giving the kids a fun week away from cancer. My daughter went to camp for a week and loved it. She has been to YMCA sleepaway camps and loved those too but I was worried about this one because of the cancer connection. Once towards the end of the week, there is a one-hour session where the campers can talk about anything they like or not talk at all. My daughter said she cried because some of the kids had lost a parent. She told me she shared how scared she was when I was in the hospital for 10 days with pleural effusions but that "I'm better now". Despite this she said she wants to go back because the rest of the time was so much fun. They did a lot of group activities including skits, talent shows etc in addition to swimming, wall climbing, archery, arts and crafts and games. It seems to me there was more focus on group activities and working together supplemented by individual challenges than at her YMCA camp which is more about individual accomplishment (say wall climbing) supplemented by group stuff. Both approaches are good for her but she really loved Camp Kesem and even made a new good friend.
She also told me some of the other campers stories and combined with some of the parents I saw, many seemed to have a decent quality of life so its not like every kid there has a parent who has a short time left or has died. I explained to her before she went that there are lots of types of cancer and that some are worse than others and some have more treatments available than others and that I'm doing fine. For my part, I think it's good for her to have a place where she can be open about what's going on at home and know there are others like her. She doesn't know anyone else who has a family member with cancer.
If anyone has questions about Camp Kesem, feel free to PM me.
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Just checking in for a minute before I go make breakfast and pack lunches. My 10 yr old went to see Guardians of the Galaxy with his dad. My DH told me there was a tough scene in the beginning that a boy loses his mother, in the hospital, bald head and all. He said he watched our son to see his reaction and didn't see one. Whew, crisis averted. Then, 5 days later, around 10:30, our son came into our room, tapped me and asked if I could come talk to him. We went to the sofa and he was full of tears. He told me that he had a nightmare, that I died in the hospital. Right away, I knew the movie had influenced him. We talked about the movie, his feelings and fears and I explained that I could not predict the future, but for now I am ok. We also talked about worry and how it can rob you of enjoying your time and the people you love right now. Then, we read from a favorite book and I slept in his room.
So, lesson learned. Next time, we will not ignore the elephant in the room. We will talk about it, as uncomfortable as it is. Sometimes kids fears are right on......and why should they have to deal with them all alone?
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