Starting chemo August 2014
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Wizard, et al, we will have our emotional highs and lows, rather it is due to the chemo or the journey itself. We all know that we can go on a rant here, virtually shed tears or just tell it like it is when we are just not feeling "it". At times I have to process things by myself, but one thing I do know I am not alone and can reach out to each of you to support me, encourage me or just listen to me. I have had several down days this past week both emotionally and physically and it is very hard. So hard at times I am not sure where to step next. At times I tell my family I am tried or just can't eat or I just can't move right now or why I am shaking. I know it is hard for them to comprehend when you have not felt some of the things our bodies and mental state states are going through. Not sure how i can explain sometimes why I can't do what I use to do not even at 50% when they believe my up weeks I am back to "normal". Especially watching my grandkids. With that said, I do know I can come here and vent, yell, rant or just say I am grateful for another day, grateful for my DH/family/friends, and that I am grateful for each of you and that someone here will understand or help me get through it.
I have heard so often over the last few months how strong I am; however I think to myself I am? Really? But remember quickly that we all are and no one can tell use otherwise. Who has something like that in their tagline? I believe Strongenough, right. I think I am going to copy it and add it to my tag line along with my favorite Scripture in times like this. Thanks for allowing me to rant/vent. I needed to reset my sails :-).
(apologize in advance of grammar errors but to tired to go back and correct)
Big Hugs!!!!!
-Angie
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hi Angie,
So sorry to hear about your port troubles, I am glad that your stay in the hospital is over and I wish you a speedy recovery from the infection. And I know what you mean about the getting so much medication...
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Angie, I am so glad they found out what was wrong and are getting it taken care of. I hate the hospital. I bet you are glad to be home. Rest up and be good to yourself. Prayers going up for your continued recovery. Kicking this thing with you...Amy
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Ladyb - first of all, thank you for the update. You've been on my mind and I'm relieved to hear that you had a short hospital stay and are on the mend. You've been through quite an ordeal and feel free to rant and vent anytime you feel the need. We are all here for you
Remember - take it one day at a time and stay strong. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Cathy
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Ladyb, thank God you are home and recovering. I have been worried about you, and yes, you are in my prayers. I think I shall make a little collection of stones with all our names, so that this list and our vast expanded cancer family are always in reach.
Today was a tough one. I had to come home from tai chi practice after sitting out a class, and I continue to feel dizzy and weak. Later last night my right eye started to swell again -- the one that supposedly had nothing to do with the treatments. I called my nurse, and was able to get in to seemy oncologist that morning -- but I had no one to drive me. I drove myself, but was in such a rush I didn't have a proper breakfast. Bad move. I waited for most of the morning, but my doc was puzzled. He sent me over to ophthalmology, where I waited again but ended up seeing two docs! And a saintly. Nurse got me orange juice. They think I have a blocked tear duct, probably something I've had for a while, and pricked up an opportunistic infection. Antibiotics and eye drops (containing a mixture, including dear old dexamethasone.
Back to oncology, where the doc thought I should get another bolus of saline. Turns out my blood was low on all counts. I think my two neutrophils were playing cards until no. 2 croaked and went on to solitaire. Score zero. WBC count low, hematocrit crashing -- no wonder I have an infection. I hope I climb out of this soon, because I'm exhausted. I knew chemo was rough, but I just... Didn't know. So glad you're all out there.
Can't believe I'm still typing, but it feels good to talk to you. I wish you all a good night, and fresh strength to face the morning.
Marilyn
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LadyB glad you're home and on the mend. Continued prayers.
Mullerin, hang in there. Chemo is tough, but you are tougher.
Such a great place to come. Always helpful encouraging thoughts and support like none other. You guys get us.
After 2nd round, had a very down time emotionally after first week. Really low. I figured out I was being too hard on myself and needed yo give myself a break.
Into week after 3rd round and doing better emotionally because I'm bring better to myself and not pushing me to hard.
It does take a toll on you not just physically but emotionally as well.
Glad I found you guys.
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ladyb, sorry about all the issues...you have such a great attitude about it all and I know that cannot be easy to muster. Glad you are back on the board!
You too Mullerin, how is the eyeball today? Are you doing allright?
I too am experiencing extreme highs and lows mentally. How about 12 days out from my third chemo now, and finally feel human. I did not anticipate such drastic and ongoing digestive issues, just thought I would be tired! The never ending nausea is the worst. Nothing they prescribe, or any home remedies totally remove it, it still lingers, torturing me. Today it finally seems to be relenting and at least the Big D is under control. I miss the halcyon days of my prior excellent health.
I'm dreading the rest of my chemo but then I try and feel my tumors - and cannot find them!. I picture them like the wicked witch in Oz...skittering around to quickly, green and black and full of evil, with a winged monkey tossed in here and there. And perjeta is the rain! "I'm meeeeelltiiiiiiiiiiing.." Herceptin then is Glinda the Good Witch, and every wave of her wand (infusion) spreads glittery good health to me and glowing death to tumors and confused cells!
yes I watched that movie waaaaay too much as a child. It fits though, right?!
Have a great humpday all!
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StrongEnough, check out my tag line. Hope you don't mind me borrowing yours. It just fits my journey! And fits with my favorite scripture.
I am having a bout of insomnia tonight I have been up since 1:30am it is now 3:30am. I will try and get some sleep so I am sensible at work tomorrow.
Thanks all for the well wishes and understanding my vent/rant.
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Hi Ladies, Sounds like round 3 is the bad boy of the bunch. Not just physically but emotionally. Glad we have this group to let it all out, which is very important.
I went to the "look good, feel good" last night after work. Met several awesome women there. One woman was very sad. She had a baseball cap on. Her hair was shoulder length and still hasn't cut it. So she had a bunch missing. She left with a new wig and higher spirits. During the class she asked me if I had lower back pain, and I asked her what she was taking for it. She said nothing, chemo was enough drugs for her. I told her she shouldn't be so uncomfortable and needed to take even Tylenol to help herself. My impression is that she is not talking to anyone about SEs and how to help herself. I think she left feeling a little better, but I was very sad for her. So, yes we are very lucky in so many ways to have this group at the very least. On a different note. Another very young woman was there and she was kind of punk style. She got a black long wig and tied one side over. Looked so great and she had a really upbeat attitude. Another woman with her hubby was in a wheelchair and just started treatment. She was very quiet, but her husband was full of questions. Everyone's situation is so different. Even though it is very special that we can support and relate here on the board. Just wanted you thank you for being so great.
My mouth is finally starting to feel better after 3rd treatment. The magic mouthwash took a good week to really help. Developed a cold over weekend, so not feeling great because of that. Going to see my MO today just to talk about concerns. Hope everyone is feeling better and having a good week.
Cathie
Ps - got lots of make up and a wig too.
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Angie- I have been praying for you and I am glad you are out of the hospital and healing.
Mullerin- You cracked me up with the 2 neutrpohils playing cards. It reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode, where the world ends and the guy can read all the books he wants, but then his glasses break. He is yelling out "Hello?"
I guess the rumors are true 3 is hard, I know it was for me too. Hopefully we all get enough good days in before #4.
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hi everyone!
Angie how scary, I'm glad they took that port out if you had infection AND an clot! Did you get a pic line put in? How did you know you had the infection or clot? I secretly worry in the back of my mind about that.
Mullerin, lol about the cards. Glad you are on the upswing too! My left eyelid is a little red and sore, hoping it goes away on its own. Wondering if I'm not as diligent with cleaning my contacs as I should be.
All getting through SEs of second and third tx, hang in ther. I'm in the second week, gosh I wish I could feel like this more!
It's a beautiful day here, I have insulation guys here all day. Was told we have very little in the attics. Hoping this will make a huge difference this winter, I'm sure it will.
I think I've figured what is making me more weepy lately. This weekend was to be our family vacation with the kids and grand babies and we aren't going. My kids are and they will send all kinds of videos of the kids playing at the pool, etc. but, this again is just one more thing I feel I am missing out on. I have to get out of this emotion, not good to be in. I will get my golf time, my visits to the kids and grand babies come March. This is a short detour in our lives, we can get through it. If this bump allows us to move on in a healthier life, then so be it!
Well, have a cheery day all, I will enjoy reading a book on the patio in a bit.
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Bippy, love your Wizard of Oz imagery! Very fitting.
Mullerin, the card-playing neutrophils cracked me up, too!
LadyB, of course I don't mind at all about the tag line! I'm tickled that it spoke to you like it did to me. In case you or anyone is interested, I got it from this piece of artwork by a local artist from my home town, Columbia, Missouri. I found the one on my wall a few years ago at a Kings Daughters craft show fundraiser, where the artist had a booth. Her name is Kay Foley, and you can get her art on her website, www.ampersandcards.com. I like it so much, I ordered 2 more and gave one to my breast surgeon's office, and the other to another friend who is also going thru a rough time. They came in different color combinations (one was purples, the other teals & browns), but all are pretty, and it might be worth a try to email with requested colors. Here is the one I have (sorry about the glare & poor quality pic, but you get the idea):
So this is day 8 post #3, I guess. Boost still tastes fine, and the scrambled eggs we had for dinner last night worked, too. *Sigh* Still not quite feeling human. This is getting really old. I know I'm getting off easy, with only 4 rounds, and I think I would be in a different place mentally if I still had 3 or more to go, like some of you. You have my deepest admiration! I, too am very thankful for this group! We understand each other like no one else possibly can.
Kellya, that idea about sitting on the patio with a book sounds lovely! Might take my computer out there and pretend to work today...
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Good morning everyone. I've been thinking a lot about everyone who's going through infections, side effects and other nastiness. I'm glad to read everyone's updates. I can't imagine going through this without all of you to talk to. I think about this group every day.
I'm about two weeks out from #2, with one more week to go until #3. After that I'm halfway through!!! I feel good today and got in a walk at the beach.
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hi!
I started chemotherapy back in August but just Joined breast cancer.org recently. I had a lumpectomy and alnd in July and my first round AC on 8/15. Just had my third dose friday. I am soo exhausted, and everything I set out to do feels like it takes 10x longer than it should. I have one more round AC on 10/17...then 3 weeks later getting Induced(ill be 36 weeks pregnant by then!!!).can't wait for my little guy to be here...so much to do before he's born .
Hope everyone is feeling okay today. I am glad I found this site,feel less alone.
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Welcome to the board Nurseshark! You will find lots of lovely ladies here going through the same things you are. One of our other ladies is pregnant as well...with twins! This board helps me more than I can say because sometimes you just have to be going through it to understand. Congrats on your beautiful boy who will be here soon!
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Good luck nurse shark. Only the best. This will be over before you know it and you can enjoy your wonderful newborn.
Three days post chemo #3. I still feel great. Slight plaster taste is all. Praying it stays this round. Half way done. Still waiting for brac gene results. Has been 1 month since blood test. My MO says it takes a while. I have a 25 % of being positive.
Wishing all the best. Glad you are better Labyb.
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Welcome Nurse Shark! You're so close to being done and welcoming your son.
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Hey ladies, I've been kinda out of touch lately, but have been praying for us all. My 3rd treatment is tomorrow and from reading a few posts, I don't really know what to expect. But #2 has been better than #1 - that's for sure! We're going to a fish fry tonight for my uncle's birthday, so I get to eat good before the taste buds go wacko tomorrow. October is also my birthday month and I celebrate all month, so let the celebration begin!!! The fact that I have TWO chemo treatments during my party month is NOT going to put a damper on my celebration! I'm going to party anyway!!!
CJT, I have not had any mouth sores thus far, but I have suffered with both the metaillic taste and the cardboard taste. Both are pretty bad and I don't eat much when I have them. I have actually lost weight during chemo.
Jess, Hope, and Kelloggg - sorry #3 has been tough for y'all. Hope you all get to feeling better soon.
Wizard, glad you had some emotional relief with treatment #3. Sometimes we forget about the emotional effects becasue we are so busy focusing on the physical effects...
CassieCat, justamy, and bippy - I hope you are all able to decide on the best surgical option and reconstruction for youselves. It's a tough decision. My genetic testing basically screamed "BMX" so the main decision was what type of reconstruction. I had already decided that if I were diagnosed a second time, that I was having both breasts removed.
Stay enouraged and let's press forward to the end of these chemo treatments!!!
One love,
tp4ever
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Ok, so I just realized that I missed a WHOLE page of posts, and had to read more to catch up! And I forgot to tell y'all that I went to Look Good, Feel Better on Monday. There were only three of us in the class. But I found it to be fun and informative. The makeup kit was really nice - there was one product to be used from the beginning of putting on your makeup to the end. The products were different in each person's kit. There were no free wigs at our classes and the teacher did not do much with tying of scarves either. For scarf tying, she directed us to YouTube for tons of videos. Beat you, lady - been there, done that! Lol! She did go over wig care, which was very helpful. I don't wear alot of makeup on a daily basis, but I will be ready to put on a prety face whenever I go somewhere special! And I will put on more makeup when I wear scarves - they look better when your face is made up!
Welcome NurseShark! I know you're excited about the arrival of your baby boy! I will keep you pboth in my thoughts and prayers.
Angie, glad your hosptal stay was short and that you're feeling better. Regarding work, do what you need to do to take care of yourself. But I must say that you are one tough lady, and an inspriation to us all!
Take care,
One love
tp4ever
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Hi Ladies,
Just wanted to pop in here to send some positive energy and thoughts. So, so glad to see so many of us found each other here. I went through my battle a few years ago, and the discussions and wonderful people I connected with here were such a comfort. You are precious to me and each other. Don't ever doubt that! What you're going through is hard. It's really hard! Not everyone around you gets that. You will get through it. Little by little, you are moving forward toward happier times. And you are getting stronger every day. Be gentle with yourselves. Laugh as often as possible. Know that this will be over soon enough. Peace and comfort to you all.
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Thanks for the pep talk ultraplus. What was your experience back then with Taxol? I have my last A/C TX on Tuesday and then I go onto 12 weekly doses of Taxol. Any advice? Reading some of the posts on the Weekly Taxol group is scary!!!
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nice to hear from you ultraplus, nice to hear from someone who's finished this stuff! I have a neighbor who has been through it twice, she has been so helpful with info and helpful to me emotionally.
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Writing from the hospital. My eye infection was diagnosed on Monday, but by Tuesday I was running a 100.5 degree fever. It turns out I have developed cellulitis and neutropenia and will probably be here until the weekend. Last night was pretty rough, but I got a transfusion and IV antibiotics, so I'm grateful to be here. I'll spare you the photo, but I look a lot like this.
My advice for any ER visits or other emergencies is to prepare a chemo bag -- especially food and fluids. I got to The ER by 3:00, but food, pain meds, and even water had to be approved by a doctor, who would "be there shortly." I got dinner at 9:00, and fortunately I was on IV fluids, because the only thing I had to drink was the water I had brought with me. It was not approved by doctor, but I'm getting pretty cavalier about restrictions that are counter to what I know I need. Once I was admitted, I got round the clock care -- which I certainly needed by that point. And the food is quite good!
Will post again when I'm home -- typing with one finger and one eye is not easy. Will there be a round 4? I don't know...
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awww Mullerin, sorry to hear! Sounds like you will be home soon though, but maybe a delay in #4. Good advice on the bag, I will remember that! At least you have your device with ya and can post. Feel better soon!
How is everyone else doing? I have relief from my SEs finally. All that is left is tired, but I nap whenever I need to. Sighs, round 4 on the 10th. Saw onco today and they are all very pleased with the shrinkage of my tumors and breast. Good news there.
I am going to get out alot this week and next, take advantage of feeling well while it lasts. Getting a tad of cabin fever. Be well ladies.
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I had #3 of 4 chemo today and thought I was almost through with this nightmare. However, my MO informed me that the next step is radiation since my tumor was so large. I almost cried. Even with a BMX, he explained that without the radiation my chances of a reoccurrence is about 20% and with radiation it is about 1-2%. I am not happy about it, but I will do it.
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Mullerin, I'm hoping for a speedy recovery for you! It's good to hear from you.
bippy, if all goes well with my blood counts on the 8th I'm due for rounds #3 on the 9th. I definitely have some cabin fever going and am feeling pretty blue today.
Nomatterwhat, I'm sorry you had that sprung on you. I don't know for sure yet if I'll have radiation or not, but it's likely.
Take good care everyone. This is not easy! Today I sat outside and had a little cry. Cancer? Seriously? Wow, I have cancer. Ugh.
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mullerin-wishing you a speedy recovery!
Nomatterwhat- so sorry that they surprised you with that news!
Cassie- I have those thoughts too. Cancer?? Really, I have cancer? I think I'm still kind of in some sort of denial. Like I going to wake up and this will be some kind of bad dream.
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I can commiserate with all of you having those shocks of "I have cancer." I am doing this now two times. After six years I was just beginning to get used to being over it when I heard "you have a recurrence". Before that announcement I had one of the worst years at work, my neighbors are loud animal like people with no concern for anyone but themselves, and our landlord can't/wont do anything about it. The list goes on. But things did and will get better.
You never totally get used to bc but living with it becomes somewhat bearable.
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Tomorrow I will officially be done with AC and halfway done overall...4 Taxol left. Really dreading the infusion...that day is usually my worst day. I feel terrible and get really hot afterwards. But gotta do it. Onward and upward!
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nomatterwhat, I was told right away that I needed radiation too and am dreading it. However, from reading the board on it, I am not so scared any more and sort of want them to zap the crap out of any remaining bad cells. I think that chemo and surgery may be the worst of it for us. One tip I will do is to get the miderma cream to prevent burns and damage to skin. We will get through it, all of us! Like justamy says, we have to.
Cassiecat and everyone, I remember the first time I said the words I have breast cancer out loud. It still seems unreal...My counselor says it takes at least ONE YEAR to accept the dx, and so we have had no time to adjust. I find that I have lots of anger at the situation. Think too, our emotions are held hostage now due to chemo SEs. I am unable to rally when I am feeling horrid. Remember chemo will be over soon and we can all move on to the next phase, which is sure to suck in different ways....i am trying to look past chemo but I truly do dread the remainder of it. Coming here helps so much, I am so grateful to have this place!
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