CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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Also you weren't ranting. Not enough cuss words lol.
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Hi all: last chemo round is in the books!!! Woohoo!
My excitement is tempered a bit by how wiped out I am. I think hubby is also wiped: we ran into serious rain and lightning driving home (a sixty mile drive). It was fantastic to watch from the passenger standpoint but not so much fun for the driver. We don't EVER complain about rain around here though.
So, cozy in bed, took a bit of mj to hopefully sleep and to take away the slight 'off' feeling of my stomach, and more tomorrow.
Oh, and the steroids did the trick on my knee. I was fairly sure they would. No pain. Feel much more mobile.
When it comes to osteoarthritis they've worked wonders for me in the past......but alas it is a very VERY short term solution. Back to walking. Tomorrow I hope.
Goodnight, all. Love you
Octogirl
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Morwenna, I'm so sorry about your friend. That was one of my concerns about joining support groups as well - I didn't know if I could handle the losses that might occur. But in the end, I think we need each other more. Going through this without the support of people who have been there would be impossible for me. Crossing my fingers for good news about your CT scan tomorrow.
Lucy, your garden planning sounds exciting. I live on just short of an acre myself, but the gardens were laid out by the people who lived here before, I just inherited them.
Sandy, treatment for osteopenia sure is complex. I would definitely explore all your options before choosing anything.
Katy, if there was a scale for crazy, I'd have all of you beat! Good thing we are all just crazy in different ways.
Gaia, I agree, your posts are thought provoking. And we're all excited about the wedding, wouldn't want to miss out on hearing about it!
Slow, I have hardwood at home and put laminate in my mother's house. We put in a good quality laminate, but we haven't had it long enough to decide how well it is going to hold up. I think the difference between the two in the end is that when the laminate wears out, you replace it, and when the hardwood gets worn, you refinish it. Both of these tasks are a pain! Real hardwood does increase the value of your home more, though.
Congrats, Octo! It must be a relief to have that phase over. Now when you start feeling better after this treatment, it will be for keeps!
I went out to a sandwich shop and had a bowl of chicken noodle soup, and then went to the Y and walked, which is a major stress reliever for me. I will try to do some of my exercises before I go to bed.
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Good Evening Crazies,
First things first.....
Notagain, Sending all of our collective good thoughts tomorrow for your abdomen, bone and brain scan. Good luck with your PS appointment too. We will ALL be in your pocket!! Please let us know how it goes when you can.
Octo, Doing one very big happy dance for you!!!
I hope you're able to get some much needed rest and take a big deep breath!!!! Really happy to hear the steroids helped your knee.
Morwenna, Welcome to our thread!!
I'm so glad you found us!! As an official Crazy Town resident, here is your flashlight, mirror, magnifying glass and coconut oil. All true crazies require those items. Tomboy is still working on the medicine bag. Please pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable. I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's very difficult when our friends progress and heartbreaking when we lose them. (((((Morwenna)))))) Sending best wishes for B9 results for you tomorrow. Please let us know how it goes when you can. You are never alone here.
Lucy, I've never heard about putting lemonade in flowers. I love learning new things!! The garden planning sounds like so much fun. What a great distraction!!! I hope you post pictures when it's all done.
Shorfi, Happy to hear you got your patches!! I hope they give you some relief.
Gaia, I just want you to know that we all value you here and I hope a "stage number" doesn't make you feel you can't share your full experience - good or bad!! I hope that makes a bit of sense. I can't always put into words what is in my head or heart.
Life is terminal - so true! Now for some BCO back story.....
Many years ago, before I came to BCO, they didn't restrict lower stages from posting to a stage four thread. I know when they originally made that rule, many of the stage four ladies were unhappy and didn't agree with the new rule. There was A LOT of debate.
I've tried to always respect the rule, but let me tell you, at times it was difficult. There have been MANY instances where you just want a sister to know that they aren't alone, and they have people that care about them very much - from the sidelines. At the same time, I do understand the need to have their own space. Many want to be able to speak freely without scaring the newly diagnosed or lower stages.
I have a few of the stage four threads in my favorites. I've learned so much about living life in the moment from many of those wonderful ladies. What better expression of love and generosity is there than to light the path for others that may travel the same path as you in the future? It's a gift given to us if, and when it's needed. For that I am truly grateful.
In my mind, BCO is about love, support and acceptance - no matter what stage. I'm sure we would all agree, everyone is welcome here in Crazy Town.
Cubbie, Hugs to you!! I'm glad you're going to talk to your doctor about your anxiety. It's not always easy to recognize we need some extra help. That's one of the many things I've learned here on BCO. I don't hesitate to take pharmaceuticals if needed. Thanks for your thoughts on the flooring. Great point about the resale value.
Littleblue, Hugs to you. I often have a difficult time putting into words what is in my head or heart. I think you did a GREAT job in expressing your thought!!
Sleepy time for me. Love you all...quiet crazies too!!
EFT
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Morwenna, so sorry to hear about your friend. May her memory be for a blessing and be in your heart always.
Got some rotten news tonight about my friend. Her son texted me that earlier today she got delirious and begged him to call me and take her home. They haven't done the CT, but they did the echo and found her lung pressing on her right ventricle is causing fluid to back up--as well as poor blood flow. Hence her impaired cognition, due to hypoxia. It's more difficult to treat than garden-variety CHF, especially with her advanced COPD. They're going to have to do a nuclear heart scan and cardiac catheterization tomorrow. She also can't tell who is and isn't in the room with her. Needless to say, the ethics committee has retreated in light of her diminished capacity. This is a woman who six years ago was still working with a personal trainer and taking boxing lessons; she'd been a concert violinist and equestrian in her twenties.
Those of you who still smoke: PLEASE QUIT!!!! There are people who love you.
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Chi...hugs and prayers all around...........
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Slow..........You and your DH could never be agents.....that is why ;you ;got ;out......your too sweet, lovable, and honest..............but you gave it a shot at the worst job since "car salesmen".................great, now I probably offended someone else.................lo
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Morning Crazies
It's going to be a busy day creating food and elixirs for the ladies up here, so I'm checking in for a moment now.
LBF the man you work with sounds like my kinda guy! I hope his lady chasing pans out for him ( unless of course he is hitched already)
Katy- 'flying with night instruments'- good one Hope the weather clears enough for our walk.
Slow- thanks for sharing that background on BCO- I totally get it about perhaps needing a separate space so as not to scare newly dx or early stage; but I guess I also push back with: we can read scary stuff all over the boards- I read one ladies 'account' of how she attributed Tamox of basically ruining her life etc.... The whole friggin' thing is out of our control. Just like life, actually.
Anyway, here is where I take responsibility for myself. I CERTAINLY have my ups and downs and sideways about this, and I definitely consider that I may still be processing through some shock and denial that that 'will ever be me' ( the constant pain and sorrow I glean from some of the threads)- but each moment I get to Choose what I will do with my mind ( unless that goes) in relation to all of it. As my client, whom I've known for 20 years ( and she is 9 years younger than me) said last night, 'this is the biggest yoga of your life'. I guess I taught her well ( I was her first yoga teacher)
Anyhoo
Going to pack up the food.
Morning to all of you shining stars- I am so thankful I have this CT big top to land in.
Hugs
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Gaia........been up since 4am............checking out my ladies......I have an MO appt today, and of course now they seem more worrisome since going off my Letrozole.........but I made a choice, and whether it was a good one or a bad one I have to live with it..............I chose qualaity over quantity for whatever years I have left....and they are very few.........
Trust me.........at 80 years old I think twice about buying "Green Bananas".............and instead of renewing my "driver's license" for 4 years, I have dropped it to 2 which in Pa. is an option.............crazy huh...........call it thrifty.........LOL
I too do not want to see you leave us.............you have so much ahead of you.........and I would so miss your inspiration, and positive posts............love you.........0 -
Good morning, crazies! Here we go again. I leave ya alone for 24 measly hours and you go nuts. Cannot keep up.
But Rose, I hope you are at peace with your decision. It makes sense, and he's not doing you any good.
Shorfi, glad you're out from under the rock. Must have been chilly there. What kind of tea do you like?
Welcome, Morwenna. Saw the dragon boats in Queens, NY in August and loved them!
Lucy, your garden beds sound fabulous. And will the chooks (love that word!) provide fertilizer?
Cubbie, sorry you're in a padded cell, and glad you're talking to the OT. Not eating and drinking: not good. Specially in C-Town, where eating is akin to religious ritual for some. Or all.
ChiSandy, so sorry to hear about your friend.
Italy, those photos. And your daughter looks just like you. 2 1/2 hours of dancing is Crazy in the best possible way.
Octo, last chemo!! Hooray!!!!!!!!
Hi to Katy, Beppy, Proud, Gaia (I knew you weren't leaving), Ducky (and her cute babies), Sula (where'd you go?), Chevy, Poppy, Littleblue, Tomboy, and everyone else.
Busy here. Insurance: I'm much more at peace knowing that the insanity of it all has come to the attention of the media, which in turn has led to some intervention on the part of the state. Will be making more calls today, but seem to have exited the padded cell (borrowing yours, Cubbie) furnished solely with a telephone that led to insurance hotlines staffed by insurance professionals who didn't know nuffin' about no stinkin' insurance problems. (Yes, autocorrect is terribly regretful about what I have just typed.)
Crazytown meditation: We all know some of the crazy is completely rational. Scan coming up? Crazy is a perfectly reasonable response. Ditto any number of cancer-related issues (surgery, treatment), and above all recurrence. And recurrent pain: why wouldn't it drive one to C-Town? I guess the need for a thread is driven by the need to "pass" in our daily lives, to function in the workplace and with our family and friends and others around us, because no one is as obsessed with this as we are. Right?
So my question is, what gets you out of Crazy? Some of it is evident: getting the scan results or going to that first or last chemo or rads appointment or having the drains pulled. But what else? Food, music, babies, pets....??
Two non-Crazy things for me: Last night, DS had to get ready to argue Hamilton vs. Jefferson for AP US History. He's apparently a strong Jeffersonian (who knew?) and had been assigned Hamilton. Found myself dredging up Hamilton from my own dim past. (No, I'm not THAT old. I mean what I've read about him.) Fun exercise. That sort of thing takes one out of one's head, y'know?
And the 2nd thing: Oh crazies, run, don't walk, to get Ruth Reichl's new book, My Kitchen Year: 136 Recipes that Saved My Life. It's about how she used cooking to escape her own Crazytown after Gourmet Magazine, which she edited, was closed down by Conde Nast. It's a delicious read in the style of Laurie Colwin's Home Cooking, that is, a recipe book where the narrative is at least as important as the recipes themselves.
And a delicious day to all of you!
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Hi all -
Just poking my head in today. I'm in the weird no (wo)man's land of waiting for rads to start. I've had the scan, I have the markups and stickers - just waiting for the call. As a result, I've been kinda down, but also prone to RAGE that comes and goes. I think it's fallout from the last eight months; I'm finally processing all that has happened.
It's a lovely rainy day here in central PA. Thinking of you all -
Barb
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well, the last chemo may have been uneventful, but it wasn't the cozy night in bed I'd hoped for....got hit with big D for the first time. Up and down all night. I blame myself for being overly confident and eating a huge bowl of Dan Dan Noodles at our pre-chemo celebratory lunch, at a favorite restaurant located very near to MOs office but too far for frequent visits from home. Lots of spice, hunan chiles, garlic....I could taste every lovely bite. It was great. I was so happy. It was almost worth the aftermath.....
more later after I get my equilibrium mostly back...
Hugs to all
Octogirl
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Barb- nice to see you. I feel the intermittent rage. I can imagine the crazymakin' that just waiting for a phone call can produce. Having that phone call be about rads and all that goes with it ..., well... You sound quite normal to me. But I'm there with a hug. Hope you can feel it.
Slow, LittleBlue, Rainn, Christine- waking up to your eloquent posts was like morning prayer for me. When I was done tearing up, I breathed your words in deep. It's like this most mornings but today was extra special.
Rainn- thank you for the book title- you have altered my life and enhanced my reading by the suggestions you made. After my introduction to Dan Barber the other day I found a Ted Talk he did on "Falling in Love With A Fish" and that pushed me right over the edge. Found his book The Third Table, and ordered it.
Octo- congratulations and condolences at the same time. I am here if you need me. Go slow. Remember your body didn't get the memo that you are finished with chemo.
Notagain - thinking of you. Part of that party in your pocket. Check for crumbs.
Sending love to all today. You know who you are. Haha.
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Ducky- we are in your pocket for that scary appt. today. Check your pockets for crumbs!
Christine- I thought after I wrote...what's in those elixirs? And can they be put through the tube?
I am getting some kind of Pre-surgery scan on my eyes today. I seem to be ok so far about it. It's cloudy but not raining so I think I will have the OPPORTUNITY to GET TO walk before the appt. I am if course bringing Jack along, as this is official therapy dog business.
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In the spirit of food porn rules, I had to add this link to a blog about Chinese food and cooking that I like. With a great pic of their version of Dan Dan noodles. I haven't tried it, although the pic makes it look a bit heavier on the pork and a bit lighter on the broth than the version at my favorite restaurant....
http://thewoksoflife.com/2014/11/dan-dan-noodles/
I will be in all of your pockets for the various apts and tests and all today. Thinking of you all with lots of love
Octogirl
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Octo- great food porn! I've never had those noodles, but just the photos of the bright spices cheered me up! Yum!
Slow- I have you down for an echo today....still on? Please check in. Earth to Beppy, come in please. Or should I say, Crazytown to Beppy! For surely Crazytown as you've made it is other-worldly. Perhaps even heavenly.... Except for the gas cancer and such....
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ok so I confess that I have never heard of Dan Dan noodles but will need to check them out
well I think everyone needs a pool, private one and salt water if possible. Feeling incredibly better after a perfectly delightful swim this morning. Back is almost happy really
Lucy, my sister bought a house that was a new place with minimal landscaping and has spent the last couple of years doing landscaping that now looks awesome. For her, gardening keeps her out of CT
Octo, wonderful for the end of chemo! system needs to adjust t the new world it sounds but a much better world
Cubbie, gee my MO was very free with meds for me during treatment, likely due to the fact that I kept crying in her office all the time but they did help me during the bad times
ChiSandy, your pal is amazing, I have a pal who is on her 3rd time of cancer(lung now after 2 times BC) and she only agreed to lung surgery so she could get hip replacement so she could play tennis again, Oh yea, she is 77 now! I do think that is the way to be
ok, so ready for my post-gym nap now, rainy and perfect for an afternoon nap
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hey there fellow Crazies,
It's been awhile.. Just popping in to tell you that I am catching up on all I have missed. Evidently quite a lot!
We've been very busy with work which is why I haven't posted or even read.
I'm going to try and make time today to do all of that, likely much later today as I am up to my foobs in work.
Anyway... Just letting you know I didn't fall down any rabbit holes and I'm still out there.
Later guys
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Katy, I just had to look: Falling in love with a fish. That sounded very interesting, I just had to peek! Wow! That is amazing, and I wish there was a way to shout to the whole world; Listen! We can do this! "Miguel" is a genius, to have realized and created such a thing, a life well-spent.. thank you for turning me on to him. I wish there was one of those everywhere, and I can see a stretch of coast near Ventura, where it would be plausible. Because the marshland that is there now is sick, although no where near as sick as say, the Berkely mud flats, that are actually in Emoryville.
I think I need some dan-dan now.
Ladies who are dealing with docs and appointments, we are with you in spirit, and can't wait for you to get back home...
I am experiencing more than a bit of melancholy this morning brought on by 'chooks'... my grandmother that had birds also had chickens she kept for their eggs. And I was just remembering her, the house she built with her own hands,(with many sticks and boards, and excitingly wobbly!) and the gourd tree (I say tree cuz it was immense) outside her back door, the little jars of things she found that she called treasures, (my sister told me i was just like Mary, a crow, fascinated by sparkly), how I wish I had even one of those jars as a keepsake... I would spend days and days with her after my mean grandfather died, and... I have never ever felt so well and truly loved as I did then. By the time I was a young teen, some bad family crap had happened, I don't know what, and since I was under the tyranny of my red-headed mother (oh yeah, she didn't have a wooden spoon, she had a belt from my step father, until they discovered how well my brothers orange hot wheel tracks worked, a scary sound whipping through the air followed by an incredible hurt) who just would not allow me to have any contact with my gramma Mary, at all, at all.... I told my mother when I was struggling in college, my first year and still very much under the thumb of the crazy red-headed bitch mom she was in those days (well, still is, but just not as bad and further away! Ha!) That I wanted to go and live with Mary, she had such a fit that I could even think of such a thing, I dropped it. I really resent my mom right this minute for that, thinking how much Mary and I could have shared, dammit.
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Wow..you ladies are busy! 76 posts since I checked in yesterday morning; there is a lot going on for y'all good and bad. Such is the life of BC, it can be so overwhelming. I believe many survivors suffer from post traumatic stress; the lingering aches, pains and anxiety can be difficult to move on from and if there are post treatment meds SE's have a lasting effect as well.
This is a good place to be and hear/see the realities like beautiful grand-babies and lovely beach walks and good food, the loss of a friend. It all makes me that much more grateful to be around...even tho I woke up to a flooded storage room!! Taking a quick break from the drudgery of cleaning that muck up and finding joy in the fact that I am still here to do it with a kiddo who doesn't mind helping, having a job that allows me to take the time to deal with personal *crap* and just feeling lucky in general...
Now back to the trenches...
Hoping you all have a blessed day and your pain and fear is softened with a little break to Crazy Town
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More Dan Barber- another genius Spaniard
Tomboy- such a bittersweet story about your grandmother. But I am so grateful that time has not diminished the good memories with her. Her gourd tree reminded me of a great movie (if you are a vintage/ classic Anglophile fan like I am) with Benedict Cumberbatch. It's an adaptation of Ford Maddox Ford's Parade's End. That's the name of the movie. The "Groby Tree" has a leading part, though metaphorical, and I think it would resonate strongly with you.
And as a bonus edition to today's Crazytown Critics' Corner, above is a similar parable to the falling in love with a fish. If you liked that, you will enjoy this. Youtube link at the top, (since I am a technical ignoramus and can't get it to stick down here).
Rainny- like it or not, you are on the board of the critics' (note: plural) corner, as you successfully managed to get me to buy not one, but two books today. I had to spring for Reichl's novel Delicious as well.
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Hi Crazies,
So far I have really good news. All CT scans were clear - head, chest and abdomen. Still waiting to hear about bone scan. Got my fingers crossed!! Will post when I know.
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Did ok at the MO appt. today.........she wants a Dexa-scan.....and also did a breast exam (usual) and when I said ouch to my BC side...she said "I want an ultrasound of that area.."........so both are scheduled........she seemed to me today to be a bit "not there".......she asked what was I in the hospital for cause that comes up on the computer as soon as she touches it...(our area has all that shit down electronically and they can see crap from all over)...........didn't make much of it.....said "well what did they finally say it was..........told her....."don't feel like discussing it".........told the story too many damn times, and I don't want to hear it again.......its not like they are going to know what it was..............I was told.................the incident was not registered by my brain, it never fot in my head, so therefore I cannot retrieve what is not there...............so I Let it Go.......well at least for today..............
Oh good news.....my grandson was accepted at another University.........Immaculata University in Pa............It is a $46,000 a year University.........YIKES.......but they gave him (ready for this)..........$19,000 a year for 4 years..........can you imagine....told him it was because of his high GPA..............
Then today he got called down to the office at his High School.....he told his Mom............Mom I was so scared.....I thought something happened to Nannie"...........here the Principal told him someone is coming tomorrow to talk to him about his application he filled out to the University of Pennsylvania.....(Ivy League)...........................please ladies say some prayers.........this is a tough school, and only accepts 12% of the applicants.....slim chance, but he is a great kid who works hard, and wants this so bad....I just hope they can see him for the amazing boy he is..........loving, compassionate, kind, non judgemental 17 year olds are hard to find today........its all about "them".....with Sean.......its all about everyone else........
Gonna try to send you a video of Bobby.....you want to see funny........this is a first for him.......hope it goes through....love you all.......
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Notagain- great news. So happy. Fingers crossed for the last bit of good news.
Ducky- congratulations to the young man and to you- for surviving the day with dignity.
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ducky, to your grandson! Don't know much about Immaculata but with that number betcha it is a good school.
now on to the U of P.....dang but they are coming to see him! great for him and so hoping for lots of money. I know when my niece was applying places (and she had awesome grades), he may find himself choosing based partly on how much they are willing to give him in the way of financial aid but dang , he has all of CT routing for him! and of course he has your Crazy genes!
rain and wet out there, great night to stay in
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evening ladies
Wow i havent been on for a while,just really havent been in a good place at all for tne last couple of weeks!!!its hard you get scared when you feel something is wrong,but you dont want to run screaming either or they will think your nuts,then when you do go and get these niggles checked and they turn out ok you are so so relieved,followed for me by a little disapointed cos now i feel i am neurotic,which then sends me second guessing myself and feelkng like a fool!!when i bet like this i become so down and block myself off from family and friends or make a small situation bigger than needed resulting in my sister who is my right hand in life not talking to me (we never fall out!!!) Iqm so lost ladies i hate what cancer has done to me both physically and mentally and i just dont know how to get ME back i miss ME.
I am taking myself off to london on thursday no hubby or kids just me,so hopefully a few days away might just recharge my batteries,and give me a good reboot to pull myself out of this slump.
I promise after i come back i will sit with pen and paper to0 get all names and say a proper hi to my new friends.off to bed now to try find the elusive sleep.
Neevy
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I can use my Kindle to read posts but it's a pain to post.
The mom of a friend of my son's died this morning. Sad. She was in the middle of chemo when I saw her in May. Cancer sucks.0 -
Poppy- that does suck. I feel so bad for your son's friend. There's never a good age to lose your mother.
F cancer.
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Pop. Huge ((((HUG)))) and NoddyNeevy, that goes for you too
Sula, I think you SHOULD write that movie you mentioned on the pinktober thread. Absolutely yes
Dear C-town peeps, ALL of you, thank you for making C-town such a desirable real estate, valuable beyond measure
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Waving hi as I drive by. Getting ready for 7 house guests for Thanksgiving with a bit of a lymphedema flare. Save my seat for my return. Best wishes and hugs to all CT citizens. J
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