My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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In your pocket Mara! Wishing for the best results ! Glad you got out. I finally went out after over two weeks. This lingering cold has kicked my rear end. I’m so glad you’re feeling better after your run with the flu. Nothing to play around with. I don’t even want to go into public for fear of Covid again. I can’t go through that again and keep my sanity. It was brutal. Sending you hugs.
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Mara -🤞😊
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SF cakes, glad your recovery is coming along, that is really good and the time with you Mom with the puzzles and lego would be too.
Be careful out there intolight with all that snow.
Mae, happy upcoming birthday, hope things warm up soon.
We really have had a fairly easy winter, have not been able to use my salt, wee shovel and storebought salt. I won't count anything out though, Canada is known for late snow.
Candy, I feel the same way. I am stable too, 9 years being clear from the neck down after surgery and rads and strong chemo. Herceptin keeps it at bay too. Brain has had to be treated but nothing that has given me known issues. We also know it can be hard to keep up with the posts.
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I am unsure about what to do today. Been spending my own money on lots of Amazon. Got a second mini cooker, I do like the way things come out, made a crispy pancake by flipping over and loaded peanut butter on it, was good but pretty small. I can use two of the mini cookers at the same time since they are only 350 watt, need some practice with the waffle maker, it was a very thin waffle. Would be nice to use the mini griddles and frypan to make up a good breakfast.
This morning, am leaning toward a couple of eggs, lentils and beans that are chopped up with croutons. I like the garlic taste that gets into the beans and they become mostly hamburger texture which is more pleasing. Later will make up some pasta, use my garlic alfredo to mix in with the sauce made with mayo. I still have little beef and chicken pies and a couple of the frozen michelina's pasta to get through and I like splitting up the little meals. I may do one shop a month, goal is to finish the beans and other stuff as I don't need that much pantry food. Ive also thought of cooking the canned chicken I have in one of the wee cookers.
Debating reaching out to SIL when she gets up and offer sort of an apology. I don't like the silence as the longer it goes on, feels more like me cutting younger brother off. We do not have to agree, nor would I try to change her mind on this matter or mine either but I feel we need to get back to more of a normal thing. This argument over what I chose to do should not mean the end. Just left message for brother and apologized for the situation. Though I do not think I need to, I want my brother back in my life. I will call SIL later on and leave same message. I know I was right, but it is not necessary to convince them of that.
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I can understand completely Mara how silence would be bad with family. I think whatever you need to do to feel better should be done. You only get one family. Sending you hugs. You have officially made me hungry. lol
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Thanks mel, about to make that breakfast and may head off to Walmart to check on whether they have the redlobster thing I was thinking of, otherwise just walk around a bit. As far as the other situation, my apology is not because I believe they were right, I just don't need to be right and can disagree internally. It won't bother me so much. Stubborness leads to being alone from family and I am beyond feeling bad. I do what I need to do, they say and do what they need to do.
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Well, I was routed to voicemail on both DB and SIL phones. I simply apologized for everything. We will see if there is any response. Give it another week and if no answer, will text and leave it alone and look into new trustee for trust fund, get POA etc. I don't believe I was wrong but can let it go for the sake of peace.
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I hope you hear from them soon. You have enough to deal with. I will send some healing thoughts your way. Being the bigger person isn’t always that easy.
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@micmel I totally get it what you meant about stable scans. Yes they are great to hear stable but I feel like crap all the time with spine and rib pain, weakness and exhaustion. I had my Xgeva and Fasoldex injections and they are cumulative with the SEs lasting so long. And as far as scans go I feel that I am only stable until the next scan shows something progressing. I live from scan to scan.🤷♀️
Saying hi to you all. I’m feeling to crappy to type any posts today.
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Shanagirl - You get what Mel said about stable scans (so do I), and I get everything you stated about the Faslodex and Xgeva injections (Zometa for me, but sounds like similar side effects). I just can't help wondering just how much consideration for what we go through with side effects these drug developers actually put in to the creation of these drugs. It's got to be one of the lowest priorities on their lists. I feel just as miserable as you do and in a very similar way. I don't know what the solution is. It's not like there are any meaningful options out there.
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You guys can add me to your lament. It gets tiring and depressing and it is real. It is difficult to help others understand too. Add to that disease fatigue the longer we are sick, and we have a tsunami of emotions. All we can do is encourage each other.
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Mara- Thinking of you and hoping you hear from them soon. I admire your way of thinking and am glad you will put it behind you and move forward.
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Good evening sweet ladies. I hope that everyone is doing as good as can be. Our bodies do take a pounding from these meds. Added to my one med that I was taking before cancer, are 3 to treat and 3 to stop side effects. Hmmm…
Yesterday the storm was severe but later then expected. No tornado watches or warnings here. The two girls (dogs) hide in the walk in shower. And I open the door and in comes two cats, not even caring if the dogs are around. Went to the clinic yesterday and had blood work and butt shots. The nurse couldn't find a vein again. Took two tries, sometimes she takes three or four. So I gave up my left hand (lymphadema side). When she did the hiney shots, she said wow are you ever bleeding. I suggested in the future she uses that site for those darn blood draws. Anyway, no Zometa or Xgeva. First off it's not been 3 months since dental work. Second they didn't keep the insurance approval for Xgeva on record. I wanted to change over since I will no longer need the meds every month, moving to every three months and I figured now I can afford the $300 every three months. Well, the price went up or my copay went up, whatever, so now it will cost me $500 every three months. But I've made the decision to do the shot as my poor veins are totally shot and I'd like to preserve that left arm. Today I feel yucky.
Mara, I hope your family makes the right decision here. You've done all you can. I wanted to mention my sister is a huge cat rescuer. She told me she was not putting rock salt out on the pavement because it poisons the cats, possums and raccoons that she feeds on her porch (lots of them abandoned or feral in her city). I guess they lick their paws because it burns them and it then enters their system. Just found this out today.
In pockets for stable or improvement. May the sun shine bright tomorrow.
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OK, so talked to DB on phone for 15 mins. I did apologize and told him I had been afraid the relationship was nuked but it is not. We are going beyond this. Reason SIL was not answering is she is in Florida with a friend and DB going there this weekend so will not see him for a couple weeks. He was patient with my weepy tone which is appreciated, my shoulders are lighter.
I admit I had a heavily depressive episode today thinking no one loved me and not sure why I keep getting treated moment. My head was a horrible place to be today. It is not like that following the conversation with DB. In future, not going to let a disagreement derail relationships so much. Maybe need a morning walk on the treadmill post feeding cats to get some endorphins going to aid in the mental health. I am good at hiding what I deal with when out and about, don't think people would know and most days are not like this but when it goes dark, it goes really dark. I don't want drugs as we tried them earlier on and I could not function.
Moral of the story for me, let disagreements slide, don't take stuff like DB not calling personally, he thought I was mad at them. He was right at the time. No longer angry about stuff. I also have to stop telling myself that people don't care, if he did not, he would not have called back. I have all of you. I hope they both enjoy Florida and going to figure out better ways to enjoy life. I am excited for Ghostbusters coming in March and Deadpool and Wolverine coming in July so keep looking forward, exercise more and need to be conscious of deep breathing like the 478 method and bellows breath when energy is low. Focus on my enjoyment of food combos and being able to stretch my budget which is why I talk about it so much. Thinking of having little bit of quinoa with few beans and lentils tomorrow, not sure how to season. Laundry as well since it really makes me quite happy. Go to bed at least by midnight and just relax. Also need to message the friend that sent Prayer information in messenger and check on another friend who is having many issues going on for her instead of waiting for her to reach out.
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Mel, I'm glad you are on the mend and feeling better, flu/covid symptoms for two weeks is not cool! Was Theo a good nurse/ dog therapist or just another dude waiting for you to get him something to eat and take up bed space? :)
Mara, I'm glad things got ironed out with your family in the end, and that you didn't make any rash decisions without giving it all some space and talking. I hear you about thinking no one loves you or cares and how those thoughts go through the mind once In a while, its so tough to not be as independent as we once were and have to rely on others that we just assume they would rather not deal with us and we can do it on our own. I'm not sure I explained that right, typing this on phone, but I recognize where you are coming from. Maybe its insecurity or long standing issues from childhood that come up, but it happens - feel the feelings and wait for the storm to pass. The signs are there you are cared for and loved by both your in person and online families :)
Mae - have a lovely birthday, I seem to recall you tend to do it up usually with friends or doing something fun and cool.
Maras post reminded me the new Dune movie is coming out soon, so I checked out the Imax schedule. Whoa, 2h46m for this movie is gonna be a haul with my hip, but I saw the first movie on a (pretty good admittedly) airplane TV screen and regretted not seeing it in size massive. At least its something else to look forward to in March!
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Mara - so happy that you can put all of the family stuff behind you. The older I get the more I realize that nothing is worth spending that much energy on, especially given I have so little left. I bet you feel like a weight is off your shoulders.
Don’t know what changed but last week my fatigue and leg pain went through the roof. When I started this MBC journey I was put on letrozole along with Ibrance. The letrozole caused so much leg pain that within 3 months I was changed to anastrozole which really had given me no problems up till now. Will monitor things - 3 month follow up with MO is beginning of April. As everyone talks about SEs, we all understand.Happy Valentines Day! You are all loved for so many reasons❤️🥰❤️
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Yay Mara! Glad that’s behind you! Good talk with Db ! Hugs to you.
hello Goldens! Good to see you!
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This year, I'm not feeling Valentines Day. I think it's the new giant scar on my back, to go with the old giant scar on my front, feeling the total opposite of romantic - it's the second V Day without my DH but I don't even remember thinking about it last year. Argh. I like what Goldens said about us all being loved, though!
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Sondra, I have always been insecure, good target for bullies in elementary and high school. Aging has been good as people outside my family and friends I worked with don't matter to me. I also realize that if they have differing opinions, going to listen before speaking or not say anything.
I slept a lot better last night as well. Not sure what I want to do today, waiting for the extra mini griddle, they are tiny which is good and could make some crispy pancake toast though leaning toward rice, beans and lentils with egg on top, season the rice possibly with some garlic powder in the water. Small amounts of each. Also need to play with the waffle iron as well to see what the best amount to put in is. Still got the frypan, breville oven and microwave. I like the idea of two griddles going at the same time, no problem for wattage, they use 350 watts each so no flipping off circuit breaker.
Working on laundry right now. We have had a dusting of snow, not much though and not much in forecast, can switch to better tread boots and still have the midsole cleats but have not had much need for them. Have not needed my blue ice salt or homemade kosher salt mixed with baking soda either but there is always next year.
I am feeling better than yesterday with a resolution with family and hope that people who are sick or struggling are feeling better as well, in pockets as needed needed, love you all.
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Mae, happy belated birthday, hope you had a good time with your friends and DH.
Mel, hope you are feeling better from the COVID as well.
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Sfcakes - So sorry to hear how you feel. In my own way, I get it. I'm alone because I've been divorced for years and never found anyone again. Then like you said, add all the physical scars from this disease along with what it does to you mentally, and there's no way you could feel anything of the Valentine's Day spirit.
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Happy Valentine’s Day Lovlies in Mel’s Living Room. I’m not so sure I’m the epitomy of a happy Valentines for DH. I have been feeling so miserable. I never slept last night,, I coughed the whole night and couldn’t take deep breaths because it hurt and felt cold In my upper esophagus all night. DH slept right thru while I was up and down looking for lozenges, taking my inhaler and clearing my throat. I was so lost not having my Robitussin cough medicine and without it i just kept coughing and irritating my esophagus. Between that and all the spinal and rib pain all night, I was so frustrated and annoyed at DH for sleeping so soundly and snoring. Finally at 6:30 this morning after having another coughing fit, i roused him to wake up! And go to ShopRight and pick up som. Cough medicine for me😩. He’s so good. He got right up jumped in the shower got dressed then drove to the store. ..before he left he went downstairs and made a hot cup of honey and lemon tea to hold me over while he was gone, yes he will always be my Valentine 💘 after all these years, I’m wiped out today. Started straightens up the bedroom and bathroom, made the bed, gave my parakeet some water and seed, changed her cage and got back into bed, DH came home with the goods made me a cup of coffee, and heard I am complaining about my life again to you girls. Sorry for the rant😮💨
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Shana, I think you're having a good Valentine's Day all things considered. I am so sorry though, that you continue to feel so lousy. After dealing with all this cancer business alone and ready this board for a few years now, I have concluded that those who do best are still living in their own homes with a devoted long term spouse. The spouses may understandably get cranky and down at times, but in the end, they care any are there, and it seems to make all the difference. My mother died from a uterine sarcoma years ago and my Dad was constantly there and by her side. It was unquestionably hard on him and there were times when he was far from pleasant, but they got through all of that together, and my mother's last couple/few year were incredibly better than they would have been without him. I sure wish I had the same. She was luckier than I knew at the time, as are all the people here with great spouses.
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Happy Love-Your-Neighbor Day to all my friends here on BCO. Some of us have Valentines, some have family, some have friends, but we all have each other here and a loving Savior. You are all included today!
My sweet DGD got up at 2 am this morning with a fierce bloody nose and came upstairs so I could help her. She has been sick and home from school so far this week. It was tough because her mom was at work. Once we got it under control, I took her back downstairs to change her bed and settle her down (of course I wore a mask the whole time.) This has happened to her before so she didn't panick, but was still rough. The problem is my oxygen doesn't reach downstairs. When I was through and used all the energy I had even though I did not do a very good job with the bed, I had to literally crawl back upstairs and into the bathroom where I left my oxygen tube. I laid on the floor for awhile until I was strong enough to get back into bed. Our sweet dog literally crawled up the stairs with me and laid down beside me the whole time until I was able to get back up, then she went back downstairs to my DGD. (She is amazingly sensitive to my needs though untrained.) My DH was willing to do whatever I needed, but I knew Bria needed her Nana, and honestly, I needed to feel needed and do it myself. I was able to sleep in this morning and hopefully will gain enough energy to be able to go out tonight with my DH to his monthly HAM radio dinner. He is not very romantic, but at least I won't have to cook! (And he is taking me…)
We are finally warming up a little here and it will hopefully melt this snow, though I know those of you on the east coast and in California are still facing storms.
I am holding tightly onto all of you who are extra sick and in pain today.
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Intolight, hope you are able to go out with DH too.
I don't celebrate Valentines Day but I have never had someone to celebrate with. Mom and I would get a cake but that was about it. I am not too worried about it either. Happy Valentines Day to all celebrating with family, friends and so on.
I combined some canned turkey and cat food to give them a wet food option which they love.
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Thanks for the early birthday wishes. My birthdays are Sunday and Monday but no friends this year, just DH and I celebrating in my bar 😀
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Hello to all. I am still at home. I have a thoracentesis scheduled tomorrow afternoon and I need it. I am existing right now by moving from the recliner to the bathroom and the bedroom. Everything is a struggle with my breathing. I can't get up without dropping my O2 sats even on home oxygen. I sent a message to my MO about a Pleurex catheter. If I'm getting this bad every two weeks that's going to be a problem. I keep telling people if I could breathe I would feel okay. I just want a functional and independent life. I've had family staying with me for the last week and that has been nice. It's just helpful to have someone get a glass of water for me and things like that so that I can conserve the energy I have for breathing right now. I have also enjoyed the company.
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I picked up 3 McDonalds shamrock shakes for the grandkids V-day treat. The 2 youngest are in elementary school (1st and 5th grade). I can’t believe the loot they came home with! The 5th grader had enough candy for a mini Halloween and the 1st grader had candy and so many doodads. Who knew there were little Lego figurines that one could give? Good grief🤦🏼
emac - I sure pray you are able to get your breathing under control with the right treatment. No doubt having family stay was a huge help. You sure have had your share of struggles - I say it’s time for better days!
Sending comforting vibes to those struggling - and pocket duty for those in need. HUGS
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Thinking of you Emac and hope things get better. Glad family is staying with you. Do you have a pulmonologist? I imagine that is who will do the thoracentesis tomorrow. I would ask that person about the Pleurex catheter. All of my Pleurex decisions went through the pulmonologist assigned to me.
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Mara So glad things are smoothed out between you and your family. I'm sure your brother has found relief also.
irish Sorry your veins have been so beat up, stinks! Hope you feel better tomorrow.
emac Ugh sorry to hear you need thoracentesis but as you said you will feel so much better once that fluid is off your lungs. In your pocket for tomorrow and better days ahead.
goldens Geez these kids make out like bandits anymore lol. I swear everything is so hyperinflated and made a big deal these days. Ha when we were little we had those little Valentine cards and a mailbox in the classroom. I can still remember sitting at our kitchen table with my mom deciding which card I was giving to each classmate. Simple times….but love Shamrock shakes!
Well fun day for me finally out of pain with my tooth. I had a root canal this morning and then went to treatment this afternoon lol…lots of love for me today.
Mae Enjoy your birthday celebrations this weekend!
Well happy belated Galentine's Day to all the lovely gals here…. your the sweetest💗
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