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My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

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Comments

  • chicagoan
    chicagoan Member Posts: 1,079

    Mara-Maybe you were just distracted and since you were near the microwave, you popped the roll in out of habit, like you do when cooking. Good thing that there wasn't a fire. Seems like no serious harm done-just a lost roll of tape.

  • threetree
    threetree Member Posts: 1,820
    edited December 12

    Mara - Probably just a "one off". Unless that sort of thing starts happening more and more frequently, I wouldn't worry about it. We all do things like that from time to time - I sure do! Could have just been "absent mindedness" while you had other things on your mind. Take it easy and try to relax this evening. Also, if it's any help, someone told me once that in situations like that, and you actually realize what you did, it's not a problem. The brain and dementia, etc. problems are more likely when you didn't realize what you did. You were aware and realized what you did.

  • shanagirl
    shanagirl Member Posts: 460

    oh @mara51506 , you must have been so upset! I’ve never done that but sometimes if I’m in deep thought and not paying attention to what Im doing, I’ve throne something in the garbage or something absent minded.. Or forget to turn the oven off after I remove what I’ve been cooking. Or sometimes I can be busy doing something and suddenly forget what I was going to do..😵‍💫🤪. Don’t pressure yourself by telling DB & SIL, unless this starts to happen again regularly. You must have been distracted or in deep thought, or dissociated a second or 2 while remembering something you were thinking about. Breathe and take a break. I’m in your pocket.💕

  • irishlove
    irishlove Member Posts: 597

    Good early morning to all. I've turned into a night owl for sure. There are 2 owls in the wooded lot next door and they are hooty hooing like madmen. Anyone familiar with a Chucks Widow Willow? Such a haunting vocal, have become a rare bird and usually found in Florida. They nest on the ground. We had two or three chatting, but the cold weather must have them burrowed down and not being social. It's 55 tonight, so warmer than last week. As I was pulling the blind down, I saw Mom and Dad cardinal on the crepe myrtle. The bird feeder was close by. They look so beautiful and certainly in love. He feeds her seed quite frequently. Robins, we called them Robin redbreast when I was a child. They actually have an orange colored belly and rest of the feathers are brown. About the size of a bluejay, but not as chatty. Shanagirl, I'm with you, love my chair and comfy blanket to watch the birds.

    Mara, We are all saying words of peace and wishes for a stable situation. Please don't worry, I believe it's so detrimental to your health. We are right here to support you in your pockets.

    threetree, such a lovely post and it made me smile to find another bird watcher. The crows have become more aggressive ever since we have been putting peanuts out for winter. They come right to the front door and peck. Good thing the door needs painting or …… or nothing. It just cracks me up. They put the shelled peanuts in the birdbath or extra large bowl I have outside, to soften the shell. All the other critters need to take lessons to get those peanuts out easier. lol

    I'm sorry that I didn't get the chance to chat with you all and send hopes and prayers for healing, good scans and time with families. Please know you are in my thoughts as we travel this road together, and I appreciate and read each thread. Christmastime and all the good foods and festivites brighten these cold days.

  • threetree
    threetree Member Posts: 1,820

    Went to see onc yesterday and he says, as I thought, that scans are stable, but with a couple of things to watch. Off and on they seem to think they see a very tiny possibly new lesion on my sternum, but then the next scan or two won't show it. Well, it showed up again. They also watch my liver because I've had lesions there too. They used to just call them "hypodense lesions", but a couple of scans ago they started calling them metastases, even though they were the same thing and the same size that they've been. Whatever they are, they have appeared relatively stable since May of 2023 when I started this Verzenio and Faslodex. Once or twice a radiologist has gotten a slightly larger read on them, so they get concerned and start talking liver biopsy, but then the next scan will show them back down a millimeter or two to the size they had before, so they just continue to watch. They were described as being a little bigger again this time, so the onc told me we would continue to just monitor, but that maybe I should psych myself up for the possibility of a liver biopsy down the road here. Yuck!

    I didn't take my usual walk yesterday, because of the time I spent at the clinic. The day before I encountered what I am 98% certain was a coyote on my usual walk, so now I'm afraid to go out there again today. There have been increased sightings in my neighborhood (very urban) so I've been on alert for the last couple of months on my walks, but never saw anything. Well, on the last leg of my walk on Wednesday, I was shocked to see what looked like an "odd" dog trot right up in front of a house that I walk past twice daily on my walks. I had actually crossed the street beforehand to go over to a fire hydrant so I could put my foot on it to tie my shoelace that was coming loose. If it weren't for the time I took to walk across the street, put my foot up, and tie my lace, that "dog" and I would have had a face to face encounter. It was 1.5 - 2.0 blocks away, right in the path of my usual walk. It had no collar whatsoever and there was no human around anywhere that it could have been walking with. It was totally out solo. I completely froze and immediately went another direction and took a longer walk back home to avoid the animal. When I got home I looked up pictures of coyotes with winter coats on the internet, and sure enough what I saw sure fit the bill. It was the big, thick, shaggy, and mottled brown coat that struck me and made me more certain it wasn't a dog when I saw it. I was surprised too that it was in an even "more urban" part of my generally urban environment, and that it was out at 11:30 in the morning. I had thought they were active at night and early morning, but apparently they are active any time, just more so at night. I live in an apartment in a business district, but go out into a nearby older residential area to walk, and that's where I always figured I might see any coyotes. Well, this one was about 3 blocks from the post office, 3.5 blocks from the main highway that runs through the business district, and 2 blocks from the fire station, if you get the picture. It wasn't out where the overgrown yards and old overgrowth size trees are - the places I've been concerned about.

    They say not to run and that they usually don't bother healthy adults (health?), but I was terrified and slowly went a different direction. I don't think it saw me either. Now I don't know what to do. My friend in Anchorage lives with bears and they say to wave, make noise, "look big", etc. and that's what they are saying to do around these coyotes, but I just don't know …

  • chicagoan
    chicagoan Member Posts: 1,079

    Wow Sondra-I'm exhausted just reading about your ordeal. It's so frustrating and exhausting to be waiting around the hospital. Glad your oncologist was able to intervene from a distance. Also happy to hear that your lunch was able to be rescheduled. I think it is so vital to have fun and do "normal" things b/c just living in cancer world can deplete our will to live.

    Threetree-back to the "Wait and watch" dance. I know it well! We have coyotes here too. From what I understand, they are no threat to adult humans-just to pets and perhaps babies, so I think you'll be fine resuming your walks. One morning I got up early and was looking outside my front window. I saw these very ugly dogs kind of casually strolling-then I realized they were coyotes casually walking down my street!

  • mara51506
    mara51506 Member Posts: 6,557

    @sondraf Hopping back into your own pocket again, thank you for being in my pocket as well. I told DB last night that although I was worried, I am moving my mind over too don't worry about it. I am sorry about all the different struggles you face on an almost continuous basis but you just seem to be able to plow through what would bury a lot of us. I am hoping that pain and fevers are fewer and farther between and hopping in with pain meds and chocolate. I also bet the cinnamon would gather in the holes. Sounds yummy.

    I slept lightly, usually after the walking around with DB and niece and nephew at costco and then Walmart for the microwave, it makes unable to sleep awhile but then I imagined getting a virtual hug from my Mom and dropped off to sleep. I feel OK today and ready to go.

    Have to tidy up the packaging from the microwave and start the pile for recycling again. Unfortunate part is that this is only a 700 watt microwave instead of 1100, not going to shop for another one, will just have to adjust my cooking times accordingly or use the stove more. It is also much smaller but that is OK too. Perhaps just reheat and do actual cooking or heating between all the other tools at hand. I can also increase regular cooking times I used by 1.57 times so the regular frozen pasta becomes 5 min, found this info online, if I cannot be bothered stove and boiled water in a pot are options.

    I did get more giant meat pies, chocolate treats and another broccoli slaw since the other has lasted forever, plan to add to meals or just make a salad with croutons and some chia seeds sprinkled in, I will have to see later. Got lots of chocolate to nosh on, I can usually make it last over a month so no running out anytime soon.

    As far as the MRI worry goes, compartmentalizing is key, keep aware, watch for symptoms and that is it. Never totally leaves mind which would not be good for me to do but not have an active stress about it.

    I hope everyone has a good day, in pockets for anyone who needs me, in my own pocket as well for housework getting done and earlier to bed . @micmel and @candy-678 thinking of you both and everyone else who is reading these posts from us all know we all are thinking and care about you.

  • intolight
    intolight Member Posts: 2,416

    @sondraf Reading about your medical circus is exhausting! You are a trouper to make it through it all without going crazy. Of course I know we don't really have a choice, but still! I love that your oncologist intervened and said back off. He's a keeper for sure! Your friends visit in January should be special. We don't get a lot of birds in our neighborhood this time of year. We try to put out seed for them but the snow just covers it up. Oh, I woke yesterday with a full-blown UTI…normal for me it seems this time of year. I am a huge fan of virtual urgent care. I hooked up with a PA over the computer, and my DD picked me up a prescription. My DH asked me how I was this morning… He then mentioned how sorry he was that I am going through ten things at once. I am thankful he gets it!

    @threetree The techs seem to dance around lesions for me too. Sometimes they are concerned with my liver and sometimes they mention my spine. This time they said they were not clear on the CT for both areas and recommended an mri… again. Sigh… Neither have grown that they can tell. I'm not sure they know how to report it and cover themselves. We have cayotes here too but we live in an area that used to be quite rural and new housing is slowly taking over. Colorado Springs is one of the fastest growing areas in the nation so new housing tracks are constant. I can't even fathom where all the people are coming from to live in the hundreds of new apartment building that are going up. Anyways, we hear cayotes all the time and are diligent about keeping small animals in and contained. Occasionally we read about a cayote attack too. They release wolves in our mountains too to help manage wildlife.

    @mara51506 Yes, give yourself some grace. It seems almost everyday I open a cupboard when I meant to open the fridge, etc. My DH and I talk about covering each other for leaving on the stove, extra lights, misplaced items, etc. Like you I am doing some PT hoping to keep my body strong enough for self-care. And I play some games that hopefully keep my brain sharp. I know I am not as sharp as I used to be, but I can still do a Sudoku in under 10 minutes. That is my constant goal.

    I love how we all care for each other here. It is my safe and happy place even in the midst of deep concerns.

  • threetree
    threetree Member Posts: 1,820
    edited December 13

    Sondra - I agree with Chicagoan and Intolight when they say that just reading your post was so tiring! I am so sorry for what you've been through. Just a couple of days ago I thought you sounded so much better and were really on the upswing. Good that you have your trusty oncologist watching your back, so the others don't go ballistic on you. Just glad you're home for now.

    chicagoan - Yes, the "wait and watch". It is no fun. I continually feel like I'm just on the cusp of something negative happening, but just not quite there yet, so always on edge and worried. With the coyotes, I've seen many pictures of them locally in news stories, and have read stories about others encountering them, but until last Wednesday, I had just never actually seen one. I know they are all over urban areas now and have been for years, but I just always figured I miss them because they're out at night. Well, I got an education there. Like you've heard though, I do hear that they won't bother an adult just out walking. I think I was just so taken aback by the sight of it. I did read about a woman here in Seattle who was attacked, because a coyote tried to take her small dog while she had it on a leash. She chased after the coyote and got bit or worse. Apparently the little dog was never found. Some say the coyotes are getting a bit bolder in that they will actually try to take a dog that is being walked on a leash by an adult. I think I will resume my walks, but not today - I can get a little superstitious and it's Friday the 13th. I also think I'll stick to the main highway through here too, when I do walk, until some of my "shock" tamps down a bit.

    Mara - I agree with you that Sondra just seems to "plow through" things that would "bury" a lot of us. I am one that would get buried and I truly admire her gumption and fortitude. I also just love the idea of your "virtual hug" from your mother that helped you get to sleep. That is truly a beautiful thing! I still miss both my parents a lot, and when I'm having a rough time, I like to imagine that they are sitting there at my dining room table, like they did in our home when I was a kid; just "doing their thing - my mother with her word puzzles and my father with his math problems, yard plans, etc., and it just gives me comfort. Nothing more than an "imagining" but I feel sense of security and moral support when I do that.

    Intolight - Yes, I remember that you were having a "stable not stable" issue with liver lesions too. The one MRI I got actually bumped them back a bit in size as compared to the CT, now the latest CT says they're a bit larger again. I agree that the different radiologists can see and focus on different things and then write it up a little differently too. Some make things sound really severe and dramatically bad, while others just write in a more nonchalant manner. My oncologist said that is how they do it, so that again, we just have to watch and wait for other indications that something might be changing. The scans are just one tool in the toolbox. It really is frustrating. I can understand all of your coyotes, since you say it had been a fairly rural area, now growing like crazy with apartments. What surprises me here though, is that I am in an older, pretty dense urban area, but it's really been gaining a lot more wildlife over the last few years. A friend who lives about 3 miles down the road said her neighbor saw a deer not long ago - and that was near the University of Washington, a very strong urban area, but on a nature trail. I grew up in a suburb south of here, and when I was a kid many of us used to sleep outside in our sleeping bags in the summertime. It was completely safe and a lot of fun for groups of us in the neighborhood - we'd all hang out in somebody's yard together and talk into the wee hours and then fall asleep. Our parents weren't worried back then. I could never let kids sleep outside like that today. First came the possums and then the racoons, and now the coyotes in addition to the others. Boy, how times do change.

  • tanya_djamila
    tanya_djamila Member Posts: 1,542

    Hello room

    I’ve been reading along and just rolling with the punches.

    Sondraf that doctor appointment sounded like a nightmare. Thankfully your oncologist backed the newbies off of you. You are one strong woman. They probably need to hand out valiums to all the stage 4 cancer patients that have to go to the ER at the door!!!

    Mara I put bag of frozen spinach in the spice cabinet. My daughter found it. I don’t even remember when I put in there??? Oh well new microwave on The horizon. Pocket duty waiting for your results.

    I had my COVID and flu shot a few weeks ago. Then I got an infection from the mouth sore.s (ibrance SE) Ended up in ER for a terrible few hours. Stupid nurses playing pranks on each other in an ER. I pretty much lost my mind into an anxiety spiral. My husband was with me so we made it out of there without getting into a brawl. Jokes aren’t for an ER. I complained in writing by phone etc. got an apology from whatever supervisor was tasked with speaking to us. Ugh.
    I saw a coyote in my neighborhood ad have others tell me they’ve seen groups of them. Easy eating of pets and garbage in the neighborhood.

    Hoping everyone’s scans and appointments go well.

    Be safe everyone.
    sending hugs to all my girls. I read daily but don’t always write.

    Tanya

  • weninwi
    weninwi Member Posts: 794
    edited December 14

    threetree,

    Here's the advice I got re encountering coyotes, which are prevalent in the Phoenix area. Walk with a whistle and a walking stick. They will most often stay clear of humans, but if confronted "look big"…i.e. raise your arms high above your head.

    I don't come here often and just read that Carol/sunshine is on hospice. She was always so supportive and I enjoyed reading her blog. Thank you Kris for letting us know.

  • intolight
    intolight Member Posts: 2,416

    @weninwi Where did you read about Carol/Sunshine? I can't find the post…

  • weninwi
    weninwi Member Posts: 794

    intolight,

    kbl posted the message Sept 8 on this discussion board…it's on page 1210.

  • sondraf
    sondraf Member Posts: 1,700

    @weninwi I thought she just stopped treatment not that she had passed? I was just thinking of her and coming on here to ask if anyone had been in contact with her recently.

    I really do feel fine in myself and not ill at all - another doctor called yesterday to tell me I dont actually have a UTI (no, really? I was trying to tell you I dont have any symptoms at all and Ive never gotten one in my life) and to stop the a/b they gave me for that but they want me to take another one which is the same as what I just finished Monday.

    I am absolutely fed up to the teeth with going through this bs seemingly every three weeks and its practically a miracle I havent had any major stomach issues or developed another c. diff infection which my oncologist is trying to avoid. Nurses come round and privately whisper something more or less to the extent that they all know I am not sick and they are all cheering for me through this crap but I guess protocol rules everything.

    Ive been thinking of moving my care somewhere else because of all this closed box thinking/conservatism/missed issues and delays but I dont know where I would go. This is convenient, top rated, and my oncologist specialises in my cancer and its been 4 years.

    Anyway, we are in Christmas Go Mode today - hubs was up and out the door to mail stuff to his family at 9am and go do whatever he 'had a plan' for in his head. I know better than to disturb when he is THAT focused so let him be. Im finalising the menu and planning one bake for later today depending on everyone's energy level and sorting out my garland project so it will be done this week. And the delivery drivers must be starting like at 5 or 6 am to beat traffic because hubs opened the front door to a pile of four boxes from Amazon and other retailers (just Amazon for us!). Gotta look out for those porch pirates.

    Hope everyone wakes to a lovely, easy and relaxed Saturday morning with a good day to follow!

  • weninwi
    weninwi Member Posts: 794
    edited December 14

    sondraf,

    My comment about Sunshine was not clear and thus misleading so I edited it. Both you and intolight called me on it - thank you. Hospice is more part of my thinking now and I've started to talk with my husband about it since I'm not sure I will continue treatment after my current treatment (Enhertu) stops working.

    I'm completely with you regarding "protocols" and the all too often explanation "it's protocol" offered in response to our questions/concerns. Protocols are an easy one-size-fits-all that too often ignore each patient's unique particulars. I've butted heads about this at my facility several times. The current situation for me right now is the common use of steroids as pre-treatment for chemo infusions to control side effects. If a patient needs steroids fine, but steroids bring their own problems. Fortunately I've had few side effects with my current treatment and thus did not need the steroid, but it was given anyway until I finally spoke up. Now I have a new problem caused by the steroid.

    The best to you this Christmas. I still do a photo Christmas card; that's next on my list.

  • cookie54
    cookie54 Member Posts: 871

    @sondraf Ugh sorry to hear about this debacle again!!! I can only imagine how frustrated you are with all this crap! Thankfully your MO has common sense in all this. I can certainly understand how you try to steer clear of urgent care etc not to go through the paces again. Well I'm glad to hear your feeling well enough to bake and prep for the holiday. Enjoy the sane moments right….hugs.

    mara I'm glad to hear you let yourself off the hook from the microwave incident. Boy have I put some crazy stuff in the fridge before lol. You are a force to be reckoned with and we all admire your strength and determination.

    @tanya_djamila Hey there, good to see ya! Ugh not the mouth issues again, hope it has improved for ya. Yea don't blame you for being annoyed at the ER nurses. They forget where they are and how unprofessional it is to sit and joke etc. I have heard some pretty inappropriate chatter by front desk girls etc. Sometimes they need to be reminded!

    irish Love your description of the owls, such a hoot lol.

    @threetree Yikes cayote, can't blame you for being on high alert. I'm a walker too and i would definately feel the same. I actually carry pepper spray in case of any odd occurrences with other dogs or animals. I hope I never have to use it but it does give me a sense of some protection. I hope you are able to find some peaceful walking again soon!

    @chicagoan Ugh sorry your left to decipher this on your own. Maybe if results are out of range you can get in sooner? I don't know I hate to see you wait til June because sometimes diet control isn't quite enough.

    Staying in today at this time of year the stores are too crazy. Love the online shopping with Shoprite , Target etc, game changer. Think I will do some wrapping and organizing.

    Hi to all here following along, wishing all a peaceful day.

  • sf-cakes
    sf-cakes Member Posts: 620

    Hello lovely ones, have been reading along but not posting - it was two years this week that my husband passed so just being quiet and reflective about my life now.

    We received one of those emergency alerts that there could be a tornado early this morning! I live in San Francisco, this is not at all common, earthquakes yes, tornados NO. Good grief. Warning passed but it's still pouring outside. Grateful for my little house.

  • mara51506
    mara51506 Member Posts: 6,557

    Well, went to bed really late but also fell deeply asleep on the couch before that. So deeply asleep I had a dream about my Mom coming home from some long trip she took and I could not talk to her. I know this is reflecting feelings about her passing 6 years ago so I was not sad, just curious. Similar to dreams of DB picking me up and dropping me off and leaving me in the middle of the trip. I would be sad and fearful if he passed before me. Anyway, will try to get to bed sooner before I fall asleep on the couch.

    I have given myself a break on the old microwave. Getting used to the new one being 700 w and smaller. I looked up and just need to multiply the cooking time by 1.57 so 2 mins becomes 3 mins 14 seconds and so on. It still fits my plate and that is important of course and if I do not like the extra time, can use a pan or any of my mini cooking things to prepare a meal. I just have to decide what I wish to do.

    Got a floor mop done as cat had an upset stomach but have a wet dry handvac that picked it up and used a vileda spray mop. I have a terrible time attaching the microfiber pad so gave up and put one on each side fastened with elastics, so much easier and when washing the pads, put the elastics in a mesh bag to be washed as well, keep them from being lost but elastics will not be dried. I mopped the apartment though is still needs a sweep and vacuum job. Then will wash up the handvac and disinfect, I love that thing.

    I am preparing a meal. Took one of the big meat pies, heated that first, will use over 3 to 4 different meals as an addition. Going to do 1/4 cup white rice, heat it through. After that cools, spray a pan with cooking spray, use regular butter and rub it on the bottom of pan, small amount of garlic spread as well. Added lentils and rice and a spoonful of meat pie and shredded cheese add to the pan preheated on high, stir the items a bit, turn off burner and covered with a lid, What I discovered to my surprise was how the lentils became more like beef, due to the cooking spray, butter and garlic spread no doubt. Spooned into a bowl, added garlic parm dry seasoning, italian and sour cream and onion with a little salt, small spoon of mayo and smaller spoonful of caesar. The spoonful of meatpie, rice, cheese and lentil mix, prepared in the pan with the seasonings was delicious and much better than microwave stuff. I am pleasantly full and this gives more ideas of stuff to make that way. Part of it is that the microwave is alright but cooking spray, rub of butter and garlic spread on the bottom of the stove gives the lentils a new life as a beefless ground which is quite enjoyable.

    Taking a break from the budget boosting today and just doing household stuff throughout the day.

    Not much else to say but hope everyone's day is going well, in @sondraf , @candy-678 and everyone's pocket who needs me.

  • intolight
    intolight Member Posts: 2,416

    @kbl I will be praying for you as you navigate hospice. I hope you have peace and enjoy your life this Christmas.

  • rlschaller
    rlschaller Member Posts: 289

    @kbl I’m so glad you were able to make arrangements with the hospice folks, and to have made the contact while you feel good, and can enjoy the peace of mind to know you’ll be known and cared for. ❤️

    @mara I love lentils! Your meals always make me hungry, sounds great. I must have 50 different lentil recipes , using all types of lentils, brown to green to my favorite reds. Started a new treatment so am being cautious with spices to keep the heartburn on low until I figure out what to eat and when. So keeping to the bland green lentils today with celery and carrots.

    DH and I went into the city today, it was so cold but the light .. the winter sun is so filled with lovely blues and golds. We went to the Apple Store to buy him a new iPad, and walked for miles . It was Santa Con lol… so many young folks dressed up as Santa clause , doing bar crawls. Hilarious. Just a nice day to be out and about, felt off from the chemo but not bad. I find pushing through and witnessing the most helpful in the first week, and so it was. Now classical music is on, in what I call lounging clothes, relaxing with a green smoothie.

  • kbl
    kbl Member Posts: 3,009

    @intolight Thank you so much. I am feeling pretty good at the moment. I’ve got a few meds on hand, but I don’t feel the need for them at the moment.

    @rlschaller Thank you as well. It sounds like a wonderful day. Good for you for lots of walking.

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