My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Happy Monday. I hope everyone has a good Monday. Dreary cold and rainy again here. Windy windy. Yuck yuck.
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Morning Mel! It takes me awhile to get moving in the morning because of my back. Take Gabapentin with all my other meds, have a little breakfast, drink my tea with heating pad on my back, then some chores. Today is dreary. We had a bit of wind this morning but it is supposed to rock and roll here later. NY Pause is getting to me, but so is my back pain. Chronic pain is no joke. On letrozole I had mild aching but exemestane is kicking my butt. I wonder sometimes if it isn't making my back pain worse. Anyway, I guess I just hate being limited. Back pain has really changed my life. This shut down we're all on is also just too wierd. I can have a Zoom any time with my friends but it just is not the same. I find that staying with a routine is the main thing to keep my mind from spinning into yuck zone. I am also a little down because my TMs are up a bit and that's never fun to worry about. I won't be looking at treatment change until scans next month but it's still worrisome and I love not worrying.
FaceTimed with the grandkids yesterday and we had a wonderful time going through all the things they'd gotten in their Easter baskets. I miss them terribly.
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Moomala~I aM sorry that your back is bothering you. I hate where my mets are located and they cause me chronic pain as well. It's life sucking. I feel you trust me. I know exactly what you mean. I always thought of the pain, being that my medicine is In there fighting the shitty cancer. I know this lockdown sucks. I worry about my son and his job. He isgetting fewer and fewer things to do. He's next to go on lay off. ☹️ I'm sick Of anything cancer or covid related. I think enough already. I agree about some sort of routine helps. Although I put on my make up for my dogs. It makes me feel like I have something I enjoy to do. I'm glad you spent time with your grandkids. I know how you miss them. I miss my sister and my DD very much. We face time But it's not the same at all. I miss her hugs and laughter. Like Music. Let's hang in there together! Somehow
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Mel, don't blame you about being sick of cancer and covid. I avoid covid except for local news. Not that I don't empathize, but watching what is happening in other countries or hearing such terrible stories of people who lost someone all the time does not help. Also don't need stories of people not following the rules of their city about not being in groups or parks that are closed. Getting upset and angry at something I cannot stop is pointless.
I spent the weekend reading. Finished the Talisman by Stephen King in 3 days which I consider pretty good. I had not read any novels after whole brain radiation back almost 4 years ago because I could not follow plot so soon after brain trauma. I gave up after that. I also found an old miniseries of the Stand, also a King novel which was not bad. I watched it on tv but nice to find another copy to see. Just keeping myself occupied.
DB and SIL brought some supper and chocolates as a care package which was appreciated. Getting used to not visiting in the conventional way but will be glad when I can hug them again too.
The best thing I learned this weekend is that there are workouts I can do in bed. So much fun and have sore abs but it feels good that my back is supported. Got sore arms from a chair workout I enjoy because of the fellow who leads it on youtube. My mom and I did that together and it brings a fond memory. Still walking, still excited about food etc, still excited about laundry, that part of my life I choose to enjoy. Who knew that turning a dingy white tank top brilliant white with oxy would fill me with happiness. I get excited over the smallest things. Keeps me in the present, not anxious about the past or future. Hope a vaccine is found as I do think this will be a way out and turn into an additional shot we get every year, like the flu shot.
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Deleted my last post because, whether I mean it or not, thinking that being too happy is really unfair to people struggling. Insensitive really. Going to tone down my posts as a better way to show empathy. Not because things cannot be or get better, but because I don't want to drive people away appearing as a pollyanna. If people need or want my advice on how I handle things, they will PM me.
Still love everyone and always in everyone's pocket that needs it. I will try to be more sensitive in future.
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Thanks to all who were in my pocket today. I had a CT scan but won't know the results until Thursday. The nurse (or person running the machine) could not find a good vein, so she had to put the needle in my hand to give me the contrast. Ouch! I hate when they have to use the hand.
So....let the waiting begin.
Moomala, I have lower back pain too, but yours sounds really bad. I know if you are like me you don’t want to take the “ugly” drugs (opioids) but it might be worth it so you aren’t in that kind of pain. I just hate to hear that any of us are suffering.
Mel, when you said you put makeup on for your dogs, I got a good chuckle out of that. I’ll bet we would have been great friends if I had stayed in PA! I would have come and thrown you in my car, and off we would go on an adventure. Thelma and Louise!
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Laurie, I empathize with not enjoying the hand vein being used. I have poor veins in general. I don't use my hand and refuse to let them use mastectomy side veins. I get my chest port accessed so the can send the drugs through it. Then go back to cancer clinic to have deaccessed since cancer clinic seems to be the only department with nurses authorized to access it. PIA but works for me and keeps me from barking at a tech who complains out loud about my veins (rude).
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Okay, folks, here's your laugh for the day. Today I made chicken breasts in the crockpot, covered with salsa. When I do this, I then shred the chicken and usually put it over rice. When asked, DH says: I don't want rice. I want a baked potato. I say okay, and make him the baked potato. DD is staying with us through this mess, and she says she wants grilled potato slices. I make those too, asking DH if he wants that. Nope, I want a baked potato. I make rice for me to put the chicken and salsa over.I put the baked potato on a plate for him. I tell DH to fix himself a plate, with the ch/salsa and other sides. I walk away for a minute, and then come back and see his plate: ch/salsa over rice (MY rice -- I didn't make much); DD's grilled potato slices; and the sides. I totally lost it. 39 years of marriage and now 24/7 in each other's faces. Think it's time to take my fourth walk of the day.
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Oh, I would have lost it myself BevJen. Good for you for taking a walk instead.
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BooBoo~I giggle at your response to my Make up Comment, my dh is here also is. The dogs don’t care and then when I come down my dh looks up and says “you look beautiful without make up”. I’m thinking wtf no one else notices anything I could Sit with cobweb and flies all around me and as long as I grunted, they’d leave me alone. I’m sure we’d be fast friends for sure. Ty for saying that. I have always wanted an MBC buddy!
I have Chelle But she lives far. We talk everyday. Which I love. She’s very special to Me.
BevJen~I would have lost my shit.... I wouldn’t be able to complain because my dh does all the cooking anyway. When I want to eat I get hangry. I hope you were able to have an enjoyable Meal.
Mara and BooBoo~Hand IV’s are the worst. There is no padding on the hand. The bruising, the pain. Yeah uh no. Thank you! Ugh!
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Stopping by to say hello!
Mae- Ugh...I hope your taste buds get back on the job. Thinking of you((()))
Had to laugh at the DH husband scenario. This may lead to my DH retiring. We are still doing okay after two weeks. I’m sewing again and put on a skirt to serve Easter dinner yesterday afternoon. Virtual bridge on Wednesday. Desperate times It’s an adjustment for me as I enjoy being alone.
Here’s one from a local friend:
Wife around lunchtime...”Are you hungry?”
Husband...“What are my choices?”
Wife...”Yes or no.”
Stay well ladies.
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Iwrite~I am guilty with the bad selection for my eating habits. I just am lame. Poor DH and the lengths he goes to, to make sure I eat. I don't know what I wold do with out him. I am another one who enjoys being alone Not 24-7 but I am ok with being alone. It doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is having someone up your butt every second wanting some type of interaction. I get inside myself but I'm used to being alone. Wanting to be touched , “Whats wrong? “ “ you're acting funny “. I didn't know I all of a sudden donned a hat and red shoes with squeakS in them, with a big red nose clown 🤡 like . I am Not acting funny. I just don't want to be analyzed. I am not a constant talker either. We do better on days he works. Then he's in his element and isn't so out of sorts as well poor guy. I am having insomnia tonight. It's 12:57 a.m. and the insides of my eyes don't even want to engage with me. I drink too much water during my day and I pay for it at nighttime. I hope everyone's doing well.
Mae~ thinking of you as always. Sending thoughts
Waving to Sondra
Rosie,BevJen,Jensgotthis, I saw someone pop in new. Perhaps sunshine was her name. Needed to welcome her personally to our second home..
Mara,Candy, Karen,Shetlandpony,Minnie,Santa,Runor, Tanya,Booboo, shout out to my Chelle....🌹. Pots,Stillivin,MJH.lynnes50'swe love you. Rabbit. Hugs to you too. Dodgersgirl, Moomala,Philly???? Honey. Do I need to reach out out? Respecting your space.Love too all if I've forgotten I'll be back. marianelizabeth was also on my mind. Grannax? Stranger hoping she's ok also. Need those grandchild reports .
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Bevjen, your chicken story I can relate to. Husbands do not listen, especially after 30 something years of marriage.
Hoping everyone is taking care. Stay safe x
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So I woke up today after a good night sleep in one of those moods. You know the one which has you feeling easily irritated but for no reason. Well, this did not help me when I had to go food shopping. I don't take shopping carts, just carry a knapsack as I cannot pull a portable shopping cart. Anyway, I got up to the cash, paid for my order which was fine. I had to put my wallet away and set down my knapsack on the empty counter next to me so that I could grab my groceries and do it up. The cashier screeched at me "DON'T PUT THAT THERE!!!" Since I was already irritated, I spoke sharply to her that I was not aware we could not set a knapsack down to pack my groceries, how the hell was I supposed to know I barked at her. I pointed to the spray bottle that they clean the belt after each customer and asked why they can't wipe it down after and why the cashier would not wipe the counter with the knapsack when they open. I also barked that they should put a sign up if we are not to set stuff down. Ridiculous.
I know people are stressed out about covid, but the cashier was masked, behind plexiglass and has sanitizer, gloves and spray cleaner. If that is not enough PPE to wipe down after I put my knapsack on to pack groceries then I cannot help them. I will bring a cart next time so I don't run into this again. So damn annoying.
I better walk more today I think. Don't want to stay in a bad mood and trying to tell myself it was not a big deal.
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Mara, all I hear is how this has brought out the best in people. Yeah. Okay. Maybe. But as you have witnessed, there is a lot of the worst in people coming out too. I think we have unleashed a beast.
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Booboo,
Ha, ha!
That is too funny. How I felt yesterday!!!!
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Laurie, I saw the picture on facebook and posted it. So funny.
You are right runor, I know the people at the store are scared even with the protective barriers and I guess I can cut some slack. I don't need to contribute by barking either. I will simply take a cart so I have something for the knapsack to sit in. Thankfully, there is nothing else I need urgently so that is a plus.
I can understand that people working may feel stressed out, but so are all the other people too. Everybody can feel the undercurrent of it and I think that may be the root of my irritable feeling. Oh well. Need to make rice, beans and cheese to fuel up for my walks this afternoon.
Have a good day if you can, I am in your pockets for anyone who needs it, scan or just plain feeling shitty.
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LOL so far we’ve only had one discussion. We’ve been doing well. I give him space when he works. I don’t bother him. I leave him alone like he was in the office . But I am going to show him that knitting project! Lol
Mara~ enjoy your walks, hope it’s sunny for you
Waving to Runor. Good to see you l! You crack me up.
I can’t believe it’s already April 14. Time is flying, spring Will be gone soon.
Hello Mae. Thinking of you!
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I will Mel, thanks. Sunny out and will enjoy. Treated myself to a burger lunch for delivery this time. Will be enjoyable.
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Mara my daughter told me about bizarre back pack bag behavior. Sounds terrible we’ll at least you unloaded some frustration. Ugh
Booboo I hate hand needles. If I knew in advance that I’d be having one of those at an appt I’d probably stay home. Treat yourself kindly Thelma. Or are you Louise?
Mel make up for dogs had me chuckling.
I love the humor mixed in with MBC and corona virus.
Moomala I miss the grands too. Nothing makes up for some of these losses but as humans we are resilient a little it at times. Sunny days are coming your way.
Take care ladies
Tanya
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Quote that I found on facebook that really can apply toward covid 19 fears. This can apply to cancer and other difficult things we face.
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Got back from walk number 4. They are not super long but nice to see people out. Feel less isolated waving to people on the street and just soaking up the sunshine. Feeling pretty good now. Called SIL to look in on her and she is having a rough day of seizures. She is epileptic. The isolation is tough on her as she is a busy person normally but of course, other than walking, she has nothing to do.
I will watch my TV show, eat something and probably go walking again. I try to stick to side streets still to make sure I can walk on the side of t he road and far away from people.
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love the word porn. Lol
glad you got your walking in. It’s turning cloudy here. Big shocker. It does nothing but rain. Everything is green and spring like. The grass grows an inch per second. I wish I would get it the habit of walking, I used to run a lot.0 -
hello to everyone. I read daily but haven’t posted lately. Nothing really happening. Started Cycle 3 of Ibrance last week. As was the case for the first 2 cycles, I am not sleeping well. 3-4 hous a night seems to be the norm. Good thing I retired. My employer wouldn’t appreciate naps during the work day!
My RBC, WBC, and Platelets are low still. I think with this cycle the lower counts are making me tired and short of breath.
Good news is that my appetite has finally returned. Soups/casseroles are the food types I still can’t stomach from my February radiation side affects.
Brought some hot beverages with me this afternoon to share with everyone who drops by Micmel’s living room today. Enjoy!!
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Thanks for the hot tea dodgersgirl, but sorry that your blood counts are low. That will certainly have an effect on your energy. Also happy to hear that appetite has returned. If you find there are foods that don't digest well that you used to eat, consider digestive enzymes. They have turned my bad digestion around. Best part is they are cheap.
Mel, we are still pretty chilly but the sun has stayed out. It is supposed to snow a little bit but not too much. Rain does not bother me too much either. Outdoor walking is the best. Just finished garlic bread and cheese, going to wash hands with vinegar and soap to get rid of the smell and brush my teeth.
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Tanya~Hi there. I don't put my bag down anywhere. Someone would take your head off as I have learned the hard way as well. I just want things to get back to being our first new normal. That was enough for us to deal with. I hope your family is doing good. Including those grands ! I'm sure they are missing you too
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“I just want things to get back to being our first new normal. That was enough for us to deal with.“ Yes, Mel! Well-said. There are a lot of Welcome to my World moments as people try to cope with the whole covid thing. A friend said to me that people will from now on mark time as Before Covid and After Covid. I said, yeah now I have two BCs. (Before cancer and Before covid.) I’m having bad dreams where I go somewhere and realize I forgot my mask, and everyone is crowding and not wearing masks, and I feel so unsafe.
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Hi all.
Not much here. Been reading all your posts--I check in several times a day. I noticed I have not posted since Sunday Morning. Sorry. Nothing going on. TV shows, chatting with sister over the phone a couple of times, dawdling around house. Life now in the COVID world.
I listen to news daily just to get caught up. Doesn't sound good. My Governor says he wants "Testing, Tracing, and Treatment" to reopen things. Well..... testing is slow due to not enough tests. Contact tracing is not up and running. And, of course, there is no treatment yet. So doesn't sound good. Then I am hearing about a possible second wave. I am not a history buff, but I guess in the 1918 Pandemic there was a larger second wave that killed even more people. I don't know if this is ever going to get better. And the Economy, wow. People lining up at food pantries. Will we ever recover.
Good to hear all your stories. Keep posting. I love hearing from my peeps.
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Our news in Canada is that we will probably experience intermittent shutdowns as other waves of covid are expected.
Shopping shelves are starting to get less empty, I saw actual toilet paper when I got supplies this morning. Still no bleach though so all this about wiping down my bag is pointless. No alcohol. I used a towel with soap and water to wipe down shopping knapsack and just wash hands. I don't believe there is really any way to remove all germs but I feel comfortable.
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