2017 Diagnosed-- A Place To Share "Whats Next"
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Thanks for the information re: AI's/ My Oncologist appt was cancelled, so Still havn't had that conversation. I know its a necessary evil, but what I'm more concerned about is the NERLYNX rx my MO wants me to start. I've joined the Nerlynx FB group - scary SE's. The two medications together are downright frightening.
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I haven’t posted here in a while as I lost my mom last week.
Been emotionally difficult, for sure. Physically tough after spending a week with her at the hospital, sleeping in her room overnight a few nights
She ended up in comfort care on the Oncology floor for final couple of days. While mom did not have cancer, I felt her final days were showing me that when my time comes, it will be ok. The nurses for comfort care (like hospice) were truly amazing. Mom did not appear to suffer in her final days. She passed very peacefully, not a worry or pain showing, surrounded by family. If my departure could be so peaceful, it seems a lot less scary. Did mom show me the way? No one can say, but I felt like she was and what a wonderful final lesson to give to me.
Having emotional trouble going through her belongings and throwing out so much as if we are throwing her away. ☹️
We did donate several real nice winter coats to a homeless shelter right before temps dropped so much this week. Finding comfort there.
Dad is alone now. We have been fixing him meals every day and helping him go through stuff.
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DodgersGirl, I am SO sorry for your loss. Losing your Mom is one of the most difficult things to go through. I lost mine 6 1/2 years ago. My experience with her passing was very similar to yours. I do understand about going through her things. It's a very difficult, emotional thing. Though it brings back good memories, it's still a very difficult thing to do. Be gentle with yourself. Take the time you need to grieve. Everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or give you a timetable of how long it should take you to grieve. Sending hugs to you.
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Oceanbum— thank you for your kind words. Sorry for your loss, too
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Thank you, DodgersGirl. And you are welcome.
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I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. And appreciate the details of the comfort care you included in your post.
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Dazzlingeagle — thank you for your kind words.
If I have learned anything from my cancer diagnosis, it is that things don’t matter but friends and family do.
Hugs to you, my friend
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dodgersgirl- I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your mother and father had the comfort of you being there with them. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. I haven't lost a parent. I cannot imagine how difficult and painful it must be to go through your mother's belongings. Take your time to grieve.
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Jo6359–thank you
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Jeez, so sorry to hear that. I just passed 5 yrs. for my Dad this Jan, and Feb will be 4 yrs. for my Mom. My sister was diagnosed in 2014 w/mbc. It was really hard but we decided not to tell our mother, and how hard that was for my sister not having her mother (she had dementia). Sister is NED and doing great. Just wanted to drop by and say sorry for your loss. Peace.
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ctmbsikia— thank you for your kind words. Very sorry for your losses. Hoping your sister remains NED for a long tim
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dodgersgirl, I am so sorry for your loss. I do know how it feels to lose a parent. You are and your family are in my heart. Do take time for yourself.
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Annbee - thank you.
Hope you re doing well
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DodgersGirl, so sorry for the loss of your mom. How beautiful that in her passing you can see a gift she gave you, the gift of it being okay. I think that's a wonderful thing to hold on to. Hugs.
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Dear dodgersgirl,
Sending you all my love and lots of Hugs! So sorry to hear of your mom's passing. Glad she was able to pass in a peaceful way. I haven't lots a parent, but I do know what it is like to lose someone that you love so very much that it feels like your heart broke into a million pieces. That person was my grandmother today marks 16 years since her passing. I remember going through her things and I found a picture of her hugging me when I was 10 years old (with my nice flat chest no boobs then) Any way I have that picture on my night stand, so I can be reminded of her Love everyday. I hope you can find something to keep of your mom's that will always remind you of her love for you!
Take Care of yourself
I will keep you in my thoughts
Hugs and Love to you and your family,
Sara
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Sara— thank you for your reply. Touched by your story about your grandmother. May you continue to find comfort with the photo of your hug with your grandmother. Sorry for your loss 16 years ago.
Yesterday, came across her purse/billfold from her high school days. Enjoyed looking at the photos the billfold contained!
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runor, thanks for understanding the “gift” I felt she left me regarding crossing over peacefully.
Mom passed as she always wanted to: to die outside her home, to not end up in a nursing home, and to pass peacefully without pain or panic.
May we all go out on our own terms.
Mom told me 4 days before I took her to ER that she was seeing her mom (long since passed). Said she could only see her from behind and couldn’t talk to her. I was concerned then that she knew she was dying. I took her to her PCP. All seemed ok other than her arthritis hip pain and swelling in her legs. The day I took her to ER, she could barely swallow and I thought she was dehydrated.
Mom was admitted to ICU as her kidneys were failing and heart rate way too low. In ER, she said she saw her deceased sister. If she was dying at that point, she was not alone.
After 4 days in ICU, they said there wasn’t anything more to be done without assisted breathing. Mom NEVER wanted a breathing tube so was DNR. They took her off all the IVs and monitors and moved her to comfort care. That is where we experienced the angels dressed as nurses that cared for my mom. When I spent the night in her room, one of the night nurses came in and visited with me so I was not alone either. I saw how peaceful they kept Mom thru the end and I saw how much care they extended me and others in mom’s room. I know if I end up in comfort care on the Onc Floor of my local hospital, that my family will be taken care off which greatly eases my mind.
Yes, mom provided me a very comforting look into passing. What a blessing.
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DogersGirl - I'm so sorry to hear of your mom's passing. Thoughts and prayers to your family. I was with my father when he died a few years ago, I'm so glad I was with him. Thanks for sharing your story, its very comforting.
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rljes—- thank you. Sorry for your loss.
I did not want mom to pass alone. Not sure it mattered to her but it mattered to me
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DodgersGirl, I haven't checked in for awhile but I am so sorry for your loss and hope you are feeling a bit better.
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Georgia1– thanks.
With each passing day, reality settles in a bit more.
Right now we are trying to figure out a new routine for my dad. They were married forever so it’s a shook yo his system, for sure. He won’t move, won’t consider leaving his home. Dad is a fall risk and hard of hearing. Right now my DH is going over there every day to fix lunch and run dad’s errands (dad doesn’t drive any longer). Then after I get off work (10 hr days), we return and I fix us all dinner. Saturday’s I am there doing laundry while DH is grocery shopping. We are looking into homecoming help for dad, just not there yet.
DH is my rock through all of this. I am blessed.
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Dodgersgirl, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a difficult thing to lose anyone but parents are really tough. I’m glad she was able to pass the way she wanted to and pray for peace for you and your family. I knowthat you will find what works best as you care for your dad. I too have had wonderful experiences with comfort care and hospice. Truly remarkable, caring people.
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Dodgergirl,
So sorry to hear that you lost your mother...the same for me about 12 years ago, and the loss still runs deep. Things did get better, over time, for me. Hope the same for you.
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Legomaster225– thank you for your post.
Sure takes a special person to work in hospice/comfort care. What a gift.
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Scrafgal— thank you for your post.
Sorry for your loss.
My DH lost his mom and dad 8 weeks a part almost 30 years ago. He said he still thinks of them everyday and still misses them.
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dodgersgirl - I’m sorry for your loss. My mom died 11 years ago and my dad in 1999. Neither ended up in a nursing home thankfully. I miss them every day. Time does help and all of the sweet memories as well. My mom tole painted so I have a lot of things she painted displayed around my house. She was so talented. My dad was a fanatical Notre Dame fan and so am I. I am on the local ND Board so I am very involved with The University. Being involved makes me feel I still have a part of him with me.
Diane
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Diane—. Your post is so filled with love of family.
I found it comforting. Mom has lots of collections. I am going through cookbooks now. Looking for her handwritten recipes. Will keep those for sure.
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Oh DodgersGirl, I'm sorry to hear about your mom passing. It is difficult that's for sure to lose loved ones. Keep memories of her close to your heart. That's where you can find comfort. She'll always be there to watch over you.
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pink_is_my_colour—. Thanks They say time heals all wounds. Haven’t gone a day yet without tears but will get there.
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Dodgersgirl I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. My parents live 17 hours away and I miss the heck out of them, but they are there and I can call. They drive me nuts I sometimes, but that’s what keeps reminding me how much I love and miss them. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. And what a beautiful tribute to your mom. What a blessing to be shown the way ahead is not so scary as we might think. I remember when it was getting close to the end for my grandmother. She kept telling us the angels were coming. She talked to relatives long since gone. I learned so much from her and I miss her every day and it has been well on 15 years since then. I have a picture of myself at a beautiful waterfall that was taken at about the same time as she passed. I always look at it and look for her. I know she was there with me. She loved the beauty of waterfalls.
Peace and comfort and love to you.
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