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Any young BC patients/survivors who haven't had kids?

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  • xtraordinary
    xtraordinary Member Posts: 6

    My husband does not like the idea of adopting "someone else's" children. Not sure what's wrong with it, but apparently it's important enough for him to have his own kids. :/ *sigh* (This is one of many reasons I try to get a couple's therapy appointment... I've got some issues with him but that's a whole different topic which I should start a new thread for it (or find an existing one).


  • 32B
    32B Member Posts: 186

    I'm sorry your husband feels that way. Best of luck with counseling. I'm sure there's a helpful thread on here. There seems to be one for everything.

  • Valentina7
    Valentina7 Member Posts: 53

    xtraordinary, sorry to hear that..i know two colleagues from work who were adopted one from Corea and the second from India...their stories are so inspiring. My husband didn't like the idea that much at the beginning but he is more open to that topic now I always tell him that there are so many children needing love and family and we have to much love to share that it will be a pity if we don't adopt. I love the movie "Lion" by the way...

  • Sophiemara
    Sophiemara Member Posts: 20

    Hey ladies,

    I've found it really hard to find other young ladies in this horrid situation, so it's great to finally find others and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

    Most ladies know have already have kids and are planning to either remain on hormone therapy for the full 10 years or have their ovaries out.

    I was dx at 34 in sept 2015, so 2.5 years ago now. I've been on arimidex ever since and my onco initially advised me to stay on it for the full 5 years before attempting pregnancy, as I am high risk (stage 3/grade 3, 2 nodes positive).

    I have no kids but married. Like a lot of ladies here, my husband and I were planning on having them just before dx.

    It's been really tough seeing all my friends have kids, although I'm really happy for them, it also makes me feel sad.

    The worst thing for me (now 37) is 5 years takes me to 40/41..which is basically at the end of my biological clock and that's if my ovaries even work still...I did have fertility treatment prior to chemo and luckily had 2 embryos frozen, but you know I hear the success rate of a live birth is40%, so I worry what if I get to 40 and it doesn't work and my ovaries have had it..so I am thinking about interrupting my hormone therapy and I'm not sure if you know but there is a trial called POSITIVE looking at doing this. Although it's specifically for ER positive ladies. My oncologist won't let me join the trial, you have to interrupt between 1.5-2.5 years of hormone therapy..my onco has now said the earliest for me would be 3 years..which would be next March..it's scary because obviously you don't want to risk your life but I've also read that pregnancy can reset your hormones (in a mice trial, not human). The results of the POSITIVE trial comes out in 2026..so although it will be amazing for future ladies, it isn't very useful for us now..

    I know that if I did fall pregnant, I would be more than happy to take that small pill again straight after the labour for the rest of the 10 years.

  • AK0428
    AK0428 Member Posts: 3

    Hey Ladies,

    I'm 28, recently married last year, we were actually trying to get pregnant before this whole breast cancer situation.

    I felt a lump around end of November, had it biopsied in December, came back positive for triple negative breast cancer. So I had a bilateral mastectomy with TE placement in January. Then went through an IVF cycle to freeze embryos, unfortunately only 2 mature eggs were retrieved, thankfully both were fertilized!! We decided to do another cycle and have chemo pushed back another week. Having kids is extremely important to me, so I figured I might as well try another round rather than regret it years from now. We/re definitely open to adoption, however I read certain companies are hesitant when a parent had cancer, it's ridiculous! So after my first egg retrieval I immediately started another cycle 2 days later, unfortunately only one egg was retrieved, and it wasn't mature enough. I was/am definitely heartbroken over it, and they don't know why my egg counts were so low, my AMN test showed I should have 18-20 each cycle. BUT I also came back positive for a BRCA1 mutation, which runs in my paternal side of the family, so my reproductive endocrinologist is attributing the low count to that... More of a reason to adopt now that I know I have the mutation. Plus I'm going to need my ovaries out by the time i'm 35...

    So now I just had my first treatment of chemo yesterday, 7 more to go! Life is pretty boring being home all day. Not allowed to return to work until mid-June per my MO. My husband works during the day so just me and the dog home all day long. Some of my friends have been super supportive, but most of them don't really get it.. It's lonely for sure!

  • 32B
    32B Member Posts: 186

    Hi AK0428,

    Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm recovering from right side mastectomy for the next few weeks and also home alone during the day if you want to chat. Getting nervous about pathology and genetics report that should come back any day now.

  • Photogirl81
    Photogirl81 Member Posts: 35

    Hi everyone,

    I have just found this thread, but could instantly relate. I am now 36, was diagnosed a year ago with triple positive bc. My husband and I were planning the "baby project" for 2017, but 4 days before 2016 Christmas I was diagnosed.

    Lumpectomy, chemo, Herceptin, radiation, and Tamoxifen... I got it all. My oncologist did not offer any help or idea with fertility issues, just started the chemo 3 weeks after surgery. I will never be able to have a child of my own... and we are still trying to process this. It is so hard...

    Every morning when I take my pills they remind me of this terrible thing that I just went through... but also, they remind me that I must take them if I wanna do everything to avoid ever going through this again... some days are harder, some are easier. I guess we all have our good and bas moments

  • ToughCookie101
    ToughCookie101 Member Posts: 119

    So I have been trying the IVF route pre-chemo to freeze my eggs, being 33 with no kids I just got back from the fertility clinic for my first check-up and it isn't working. There are very few follicles and they are very small. They like to get 10 eggs minimum but if they can get any from me at all, they think only 2-3. They wanted to drain a cyst to see if thay helps but I said no. No more painful procedures. I go back on Wednesday and if no progress I will have to stop and let nature take it's course. Just another blow. I know the guy I have been seeing wants kids, that will be another loss for me I suspect.

  • Hello,

    New here. I am 26 y.o. diagnosed at 25. I have no kids and don't think I'll be able to anymore. Still grieving but oh well.

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 7,888

    louder2018, and All, just sending you gentle hugs Medicating

  • 32B
    32B Member Posts: 186

    I just found out I will definitely not need chemo or rads, and I get to keep my ovaries and one of my breasts, which is wonderful news and I'm so grateful.

    I do, of course, have to take at least 5 years of Tamoxifen. The timing is awkward because I'm getting married in September. I don't want to be experiencing first trimester sickness at the wedding, or be too big for my dress, but it also seems like a long time to wait. The doctor said there's no point in starting Tamoxifen for just a few months, so this feels scary. Who knows how easy it will be for us to conceive, or what other challenges there will be? I"m not sure how long it's safe to put off tamoxifen. Research seems inconclusive. So much to think about.

    Best wishes to all of you as you navigate this tough situation.

  • INFJen
    INFJen Member Posts: 4

    Here... Hi, I'm 36 years old, single w/ no kids. Decided against fertility preservation. Very tough decision... part of the cross I bear.

  • LoveCanada
    LoveCanada Member Posts: 87

    I’ve been following along. I turned 40 in November and we decided to try to get pregnant - we’d only been married a few years and knew I had limited time. About 2 weeks after we made that decision I was diagnosed and it was a huge blow, as they want me on Tamoxifen for 10 years. My MO said she will consider taking me off in 3 years to try to get pregnant but she’d be more comfortable in 5. I already felt like I was near the end of my time so that just seems so long. When I had a second opinion about chemo, that doctor said it may be better to try getting pregnant after chemo, before starting Tamoxifen. While that sounds more appealing, I’m worried about the risk and it doesn’t look like there’s enough research on it. We started chemo a week late to freeze embryos and although they retrieved 14 eggs, all the embryos stopped growing. I just don’t know at this point. This has been the hardest thing about getting diagnosed.

  • 32B
    32B Member Posts: 186

    LoveCanada,

    There seems to be a lot of inconclusive data about how long to take Tamoxifen and whether it's OK to put it off or stop it midway. I was recently told that putting it off for up to a year is fine, but every situation is different. Good luck to you.

  • May07
    May07 Member Posts: 81

    hi,

    I recently turned 40, last week! And I’m dealing with breast cancer for the second time. First time was DCIS (stage 0), I was 36. Recently was diagnosed 1A. After the first time I was diagnosed I froze eggs, And now I was told I will need chemo so I am doing another cycle of egg freezing beforehand. Then I’m off to 5 years of tamox. I’m not sure my MO will even feel comfortable with a tamox break to try and get pregnant being that I had a high oncotype score. This is the hardest part for me. I do want to build a family. I always imagined carrying my own child. Wish I had a crystal ball.

  • mirandapriestly
    mirandapriestly Member Posts: 12

    32B - I have noticed this as well. I'm 18 months into Tamoxifen and 33 years old. Starting to get really impatient, but my oncologist wants me to stay on for 5 years, then take a break, then 5 more after a baby (hopefully, anyway). I'm not comfortable with waiting that long, so my husband and I decided we would wait 3 years. It feels like everyone I know has gotten pregnant since my dx nearly 2 years ago. The wait is absolutely excruciating.


  • DG10004
    DG10004 Member Posts: 2

    Hi there!

    I'm 24 and was recently diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma, with no family history of BC. I had a bit of a rough time right after my diagnosis as my boyfriend of 5+ years decided he wanted to end the relationship. We'd been house hunting, discussing our future, and thinking of having children soon. The breakup, along with my diagnosis, were earth-shattering... I've since moved past the breakup and realized that if someone is going to walk out on me just because difficult times are ahead, they're not someone I want to be with nor have children with! The saddest part though, is that I would like children some day. I feel like in addition to my ex leaving me, I lost the children I never even had. I'm two weeks past my first chemo treatment and I got my period (yay!). Each one, as painful and annoying as they may be, are a blessing! I still have genetic testing to do given my young age of diagnosis, so the results may affect my choice to have children. As much as I'd love to be a mother, my DNA will determine whether I could pass a nasty predisposition on... So even if I don't go through early menopause, it doesn't mean I'm in the clear to have kids. Now that I'm single again, kids aren't in the near future plans anyway and I can focus on getting myself better. It does remain in the back of my mind though. So, just know that you aren't alone!

  • ToughCookie101
    ToughCookie101 Member Posts: 119

    Hi DG10004, sorry you have to join us here, especially so young! Don't quote me on this (too many appointments, I am starting to forget things :), however if I remember correctly from what a fertility specialist told me post-diagnosis, IF you do carry a gene and wanted to avoid that, I think with IVF they can test the embryos for that. Controversial I'm sure. Also, IF you do carry a genetic mutation (I was told that those diagnosed under 40 still only carry about a 10%-15% chance of carrying the gene), it doesn't mean you would pass it on. My mom had breast cancer at 58 in 2009, I got tested for 9 genes, I tested negative for all of them. With no family history, the chance of you just having unfortunate luck like many of us is very likely. Either way, I wouldn't let that stop you from your dreams. :)

    As for your boyfriend, I'm sorry he was so insensitive. I wasn't dating my boyfriend at the time of my diagnosis for as long as you, but he turned out to be an ass too and my relationship also ended right after my diagnosis. However, as you mention, focusing on my health and not having to think about an insensitive man-child has been a blessing. I know this sounds cliche now, but once you are through this you WILL find a better man. :) I'm telling myself the same thing, and I truly believe it. It might have been a blessing in disguise that you didn't buy that house with him. I was engaged until two years ago and was with the man child for 6 years. We bought a house together after living together for 5 years. After having the house built for 1.5 years, we lived in it for 71 days before the relationship ended and I moved out and we had to sell it. What a mess and struggle it was. I'm also pretty sure living for 71 days in a new house must be some sort of a record, haha.


  • Sophiemara
    Sophiemara Member Posts: 20

    Hey DG1004, sorry to hear about your dx. It does seem like a lot of young bc is linked to genetic mutations..if not brca then something else. Only the other day I read they had discovered 100 new mutations thatare linked to bc. As for children, Toughcookie is right, docs can now select embryos or eggs which don't have the bc mutation (via Ivf). So you don't have to worry about passing on those genes to a future daughter or son.

    From what I've heard most young women under 40 get their fertility back..the further out you are from natural menopause the more likely it is to come back..so being in your early 20s, I wouldn't lose hope of this.

    As for the boyfriend well then he's probably best rid of to be honest, there are plenty decent guys out there who will appreciate you for who you are and you are very young, so I wouldn't worry about that,just focus on getting yourself better.

  • Joy777
    Joy777 Member Posts: 12

    Hi, DG.

    I'm 29 and had triple neg breast cancer 2 years ago. In april 2016 I had my surgery, followed by chemo. In november 2016 I had my last chemo. During treatment, I took Zoladex shots to stop my ovaries from working, in order to protect my fertility. In april 2017 I had my period back. My onc told me that at 1 year after finishing chemo would be ok to try to have a baby. I got pregnant in september 2017 (not 1 year after, but 10 months), but unfortunatley I had a misscariage at 4 weeks of pregnancy. Now we will start trying again, in 1-2 months from now.

  • ctc333
    ctc333 Member Posts: 1

    Hello! Nice to see someone like me! I'm 26, no kids, not married (but I have the BEST boyfriend). I was diagnosed in February of this year, after 2 rounds of antibiotics didn't kill the "infection" the doctors thought I had. I had an incredibly week immune system, so I took the time to build that up through IV therapies and now I am working with an oncologist to start my process....I did find out it is HER2+ which provides some options.

    It's just so hard to know what to do!


  • 32B
    32B Member Posts: 186

    ctc333, my doctor thought I had an infection too! Two courses of antibiotics and all I had to show for it was a nasty yeast infection and the need for more testing.

    Do you know what your next step is? I found that part the hardest, the not having a plan yet.

  • marianella7
    marianella7 Member Posts: 1

    I was diagnosed at 26. Hadn't wanted kids, and up until now I was thinking how great that zoladex will keep me from getting pregnant. But lately...... Idk... now I'm thinking I want to be a mom. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of information on google on what happens after you stop taking Zoladex. I finished chemo last July 2017, and mastectomy with node dissection August 2017, and was supposed to do radiation, but I opted out. Now I'm on 28 day cycle of Zoladex and no AI, bc I opted out of that too.. so really, I don't have a whole lot going on in my system other than the Zoladex, right? so what now? I've technically been cancer free since October 2017.... ugh idk...

  • 32B
    32B Member Posts: 186

    Hi Marianella,

    I'm not sure what Zoladex is, but certainly worth asking your doctor about the effects. It sounds like time is still on your side in terms of figuring it out before the biological clock starts ticking too hard. Good luck.

  • WC3
    WC3 Member Posts: 658

    I don't have kids. By my chronogical age I would estimate I had 7 years of fertility left to have them but my hormonal age is maybe 3-4 years behind my chronological age so maybe I had more. I couldn't afford to freeze my eggs though and I had to start chemotherapy before I had a chance to explore other possibilities because my cancer went misdiagnosed and untreated for 2 years and things were getting (or were) urgent by the time I found out it was actually malignant and got all of the biopsy results back.

    But yeah I don't really fit in with other women my age because of it.

  • MeToo14
    MeToo14 Member Posts: 162

    WC3, your story is the same as mine. We were young, our concerns were dismissed. I too was rushed into chemo and wasn't able to freeze my eggs, and like you, I couldn't afford it if I was able to. People don't understand where we are coming from and it seems like the everyone we know are having babies.

  • WC3
    WC3 Member Posts: 658

    MeToo14:

    My doctors took my concerns seriously because of my family history but it was radiology that failed me. They did a mammogram and ultrasound and told me the lump was normal breast tissue when, given my family history and the density of my breasts, they should have followed the NIH guidelines for high risk women and done a three point assessment by including a biopsy or MRI but they just told me it was normal breast tissue so I walked out of there thinking that, and that they would have told me if I needed more imaging or a biopsy. I discovered after my dx that the lump actually is visible on my first mammogram. If they said get a biopsy or MRI or have it rechecked in 6 months I would have done it. The irony is, I had the imaging done at this place because the imaging place in my regular health care provider network couldn't get me in for 3 weeks and this place could see me the next week and I thought that I shouldn't wait 3 weeks to get it checked out given my family history and the fact that it was a new lump and a few other things. I was trying to be vigilant and on top of things. But if I had waited the 3 weeks and gone to the other place, maybe they would have done a better job at catching it early. My sister had a mammogram there shortly before I was diagnosed and they called her in for a biopsy the next day. She had DCIS.

  • domzie30218
    domzie30218 Member Posts: 47

    Hello ladies,

    This forum is helpful for all of us struggling with this decision. I was diagnosed early March 2018, when I was 35. I'm in a committed relationship but no kids. Coincidentally, prior to my diagnosis, I already scheduled a consult with a fertility specialist for egg freezing. My career is just taking off and I wasn't quite ready to have kids--funny how that works. If I knew I was going to get cancer, I would have just had kids already. After my diagnosis, that pushed me over the edge and went ahead with egg freezing. Luckily, my employer covered this expense because they can get really expensive. I had to start the daily injections 2 days after my tissue expander placement surgery but the whole process was fairly quick. Also, prior to chemo, my MO gave me a Lupron shot to suppress my ovaries. I had a lengthy discussion with my MO about what my future plans are regarding children and I know she feels uncomfortable about getting me off Tamoxifen to try to get pregnant, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

  • Anna7786
    Anna7786 Member Posts: 2

    Me. I am there. Just recently diagnosed and done with the surgery. 32, single and no kids. Starting chemo (AC) next week, and radiation after that.

    I am from India, and I find very few women who are unmarried at this age. Or even single. So i have no one to relate to, and finding this forum here gave me much needed hope.

    I had always wanted children, and now i have to wait and watch how things will turn out for me.

    I was suggested ovary suppression during chemo, but my MO is fairly confident that at my age I will recover my periods within 6-12 months of completing chemo. He did not seem very warm about including ovary suppression.

    To all those out here, taking the most important decision while battling for their lives - my hugs and prayers. I hope all of us can find the much needed light at the end of our respective tunnels.

  • 32B
    32B Member Posts: 186

    Hi Anna7786,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm 33 and getting married in September. I was very lucky to not need chemo, but I really should be taking Tamoxifen to reduce risk of recurrence. I plan to start trying to conceive soon, and I don't talk openly about this with anyone, (even my fiance and I don't discuss it muchbut I am very afraid of not being able to right away and what risks to my health I am undergoing by delaying the medicine.

    I'm so happy that we have all found this community and can take comfort in sharing our stories. Best of luck to you.