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Terrified continued

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  • rlmessy
    rlmessy Member Posts: 97
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    Slg,

    I totally get the when to share dilemma. I am kind of like...how do I start that conversation? Most of my family know and my inner circle of friends but even then alot of them are asking why I am not doing something about it. Like right now, today! Like I am capable of performing surgery, dispensing chemo and performing miracles.

    Stay strong...in the end we can do this!! We may not be a pretty sight everyday but the beauty of authenticity is that we don't have to be.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
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    Sig - don’t beat yourself up too much over not having routine mammograms. Most of us have and we still got BC. That’s not to say you shouldn’t have them because you should but it certainly isn’t a guarantee you’ll dodge BC.

    Try and take a deep breath. We can all relate how anxious you are. We’ve been there, done that. There is no magic formula on how not to worry just don’t let it consume you if you can.

    Keep the faith and keep us posted.

    Diane

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    thank you , Diane ! Good words ❤️

  • MassGirl55
    MassGirl55 Member Posts: 12
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    Slg1324 - You popped into my brain earlier today so I thought I'd jump on and see how you're doing. Eleven days until surgery...the time will go by quickly. Think positive thoughts!


  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    thank you MassGirl!❤️

    Hope things are going okay for you after your surgery and starting your treatment plan

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    just had second biopsy today for another spot found on MRI in same breast (left ) as ILC . The doc said a few times that he thinks it’s a “nothing” Much to my surprise it was a mammogram guided biopsy-that sucked!!! I thought it was going to be another ultrasound guided biopsy .TheBiopsy was followed by another MRI to make sure clip was in the right place -wasn’t expecting the MRI either ! Part of me thinks i should be really scared now and another part of me KNOWS I’m being well taken care of .. It’s been a long week!!!! Here for Waiting results again :/

  • claireinaz
    claireinaz Member Posts: 691
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    Hi there,

    Just chiming in about mammograms. I had 5 "clear" mammos that didn't reveal the ILC I had. ILC tends to hide from scans because it grows "flat"--and doesn't manifest as a more common IDC tumor would. So I felt duped that I had been given the all clear when in fact I probably had b.c. for at least a few years.

    I too suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, so I get it. Try not to beat yourself up over not getting mammos-it might not have revealed your problem anyway. Sometimes this entire experience is so disheartening, but if your pathology reveals your are ER/PR+, then you have more treatment options, and ILC tends to grow a bit more slowly-so take heart in that.

    Claire in AZ

  • rlmessy
    rlmessy Member Posts: 97
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    Hang in there Slg!! Sounds like you did what you needed to do and got the biopsy done even though it was not the way you expected. The biopsy is the only way the docs can tell what it is so now the waiting is for the results not to schedule something else.

    It was a huge relief to get the imaging done and to have some confidence that there is nothing else lurking in there.

    I freaked out too when they said they were going to do a mammogram after the biopsy...I was like no way! But they were like...dont worry you will be numb. I swear I feel like even the kindest words sometimes are just so dumb.

    Hold tight, we are all waiting with you!!

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    hi Claire -


    Thank you for sharing about your mammograms being clear for 5 years - I feel such compassion on how you felt duped.💜At the same time I feel encouraged and inspired by you and your experiences, thank you !The anxiety is so difficult, isn’t it ? I’m learning more and more about ILC - it is scary how sneaky it can be but yes possibly tends to move more slower .

    Hi Rlm
    Thank you for listening once again to my venting! I’m starting to understand how unpredictable things can be in this process so far .so nice to have people on here to talk to with similar experiences and gain some strength 💕grateful and here with you while while you wait too.
  • arizonaboundgal
    arizonaboundgal Member Posts: 38
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    Aw, Sig. That sucks that you needed another biopsy and now more waiting! Fingers crossed that it's nothing at all.

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    thank you Arizona! 💕

  • swg
    swg Member Posts: 59
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    Sorry, I'm only just seeing this now but yes, your story is very much like mine. We're the same age, though my cancer was diagnosed 2 yrs ago (this month is the 2 yr anniversary of being cancer free!)

    I have the same tumor characteristics, and yeah, bc sucks but if you're gonna have it, Grade 2 is good cuz slow-growing, and hormone-positive tends to have good outcomes..less recurrence..easy to treat etc.

    I, too, never had regular mammograms. I only went it because I had a dimple on my breast, and fortunately, it was caught early. I had 2 tumors, though, and 1 didn't get picked up on the mammogram and ultrasound..it was shown on a breast MRI. I went through a unilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. Because I didn't have any genes in the genetic test and my oncotype was low (test that predicts recurrence risk), I did not go on Tamoxifen..I decided the risk of other cancers wasn't worth the slight risk in recurrence. I think I figured I'd go from 8 pct risk to 6, or something like that. I don't regret it.

    I changed my diet and started exercising more. My last physical looked good..only slightly high cholesterol.

    I was very nervous and anxious, too, having struggled with an anxiety disorder, myself. But it's amazing what we can go through--things we never thought we could. BC showed me that. And it's also made me realize how short life is, so I've been spending a lot more time engaged in creative pursuits I had put off and put off. I've completed a short film that I co-wrote, co-produced and starred in. I'm almost finished writing a play. And also almost finished with a semi-autobiographical novel. Am working on a comedy series with a friend. And am rescuing cats! Just keeping myself busy. I don't think too much about cancer..except when I look at my one foob and how different it looks from my natural breast. Or when I felt this small lump under my left arm that I now have to go get checked out, but it's funny. I don't live my life being scared of recurrence. I just do the best I can to take care of myself. The rest is out of my hands. I feel at peace.

    The best thing you can do now is make sure you have the best medical team for you, possible, and take the best care of yourself you can.

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    hi swg!


    Thank you for sharing your incredible inspiring story! 💜it means so much to me and gives me hope .I’m looking forward to a time like you when I don’t have to have cancer on my mind so much and the anxiety isn’t wildly in control.


    So far our stories are similar- I am still in the DX phase of this and I haven’t had surgery yet. The step I am in currently is waiting for biopsy results on a second spot found through MRI on left breast (same side as the cancer that was already found). The doctor says he expects it to be benign- so I keep replaying that in my head - of course at times it gets hard to not let the negative thoughts come in .the results should be in tomorrow or Wednesday.i hope the check up for the lump under your arm goes well

    If you feel like it let me know how you changed your diet . It’s funny because over the last 3 or 4 years I’ve really started slowly but steadily improve my health by exercising regularly and eating better but I definitely could work on bringing out the more artistic creative side of myself that I haven’t really been in touch with for years . I’ve been too busy with life demands :( like I said your story and others are inspiring and encouraging. 💕💕💕💕
  • WorryThePooh
    WorryThePooh Member Posts: 378
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    Slg I'm so sorry to hear you are anxiously waiting for results yet again. Hope all will be OK!

    Swg thanks for sharing your story, congrats on being 2 years cancer free!

    I've been away on a trip and it didn't turn out to be as relaxing as I would have hoped as a) I was sick with a dreadful cough virus and b)driving back we came really close to very bad bushfires, which have now killed three people. :(

    Now I'm anxiously waiting to have my first yearly mammogram since diagnosis Nov18, in a couple of days time, trying to stay calm but not really succeeding.

  • claireinaz
    claireinaz Member Posts: 691
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    Hi slg1234,

    I also had very dense breasts. And didn't know I had them (or that they even further hide problems) until I was dx, because my mammos never reported them, and anyway I hadn't yet found out about the added problems that those of us with dense breasts face when it comes to b.c.

    That's why I had the BMX-didn't want to give little c any place to hide in the future, since it hid from me in the past.

    Claire in AZ

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    hi Worry

    Thank you ! I’m really hoping for the clear for you and your upcoming mamo and me and my bio results 💜💜💜So sorry your trip wasn’t very relaxing with the virus and those awful brush fires 😞I hope you are feeling better .

    Hi Claire

    I really hear what you are saying here with the dense breasts and deciding to have BMX- it probably wasn’t an easy decision. It looks as though you had it sometime after a lumpectomy. If you don’t mind me asking did your insurance(if you had it) cover the BMX after the lumpectomy?




  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    wow! So the biopsy I just had on Friday is inconclusive 😞The doctor isn’t even sure that they got the right spot .I have to go back on Monday the 18th for an MRi guided biopsy when my supposed lumpectomy is happening the next day. I’m so confused lost and very upset!

  • WorryThePooh
    WorryThePooh Member Posts: 378
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    Oh Sig! I am really sorry you are having such a confusing and difficult time, I hope that the guided biopsy will make everything clear. xxx

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    thank you Worry💕 when is your mammogram?

  • WorryThePooh
    WorryThePooh Member Posts: 378
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    Tomorrow morning! Australian Eastern Standard time 10am

    Nerdy

  • rlmessy
    rlmessy Member Posts: 97
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    Oh no Slg! I am so sorry!! Sending a big virtual hug.

  • claireinaz
    claireinaz Member Posts: 691
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    Hi to SLG,

    In answer to your insurance question-yes, they did. I can't tell where you are located, but federal law requires insurance companies to pay for BMXs, regardless, I think, of what surgeries have been done previously or what treatment has been done.

    You're being dragged through the wringer of testing, but it sounds like your medical team is being thorough about wanting to get a completely accurate dx. It's agonizing to wait and go through more testing, but in the end it's worth it to protect you from overtreatment or mistreatment--if you can think of it like that. Big, virtual, survivor hug to you!


    Claire

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    Thinking of you today ,Worry with the mammo💗 🤞🏽

    Thank you Rlm!Virtual hug back at you ! ❤️

    Claire- thanks for the info ! At this point not sure what kind of surgery I'll be having or when .im trying to stay calm and positive THANK YOU for pointing out that my team is trying to be thorough etc , I need those reminders .hope all is well with you! Big hug 💕

  • arizonaboundgal
    arizonaboundgal Member Posts: 38
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    Geez, Sig. What a pita! I'm sorry. Hurry up and wait, right? Here's to hoping (once again) that it's absolutely nothing. Hang tight.

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    thank you Arizona!Your caring wordsmean so much ! 🤗💗here’s to more waiting, oh boy !!

  • San1975
    San1975 Member Posts: 11
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    Sorry to hear that Sig! How frustrating! I would assume they would post pone the lumpectomy now? I'm so sorry your going through all of this! {{hugs}}

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    thank you San, it is very frustrating esp since they are telling me that they aren’t sure if they got the right spot .😑 I hope you are hanging in there okay as I know it will be awhile before your surgery.calm loving thoughts your way 💜💜

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    update :

    Since I have a biopsy on November 18 - my surgery scheduled on November 19th has been rescheduled for December 5.on one hand it’s pretty scary to have to wait any longer to get the cancer OUT on the other hand I’m grateful the surgery won’t be on the week of my daughter’s birthday

  • WorryThePooh
    WorryThePooh Member Posts: 378
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    Oh gosh Sig, that is a bother having the surgery delayed, but I'm glad you are pleased about it not being that week of her birthday. You'll certainly have a story to tell your grandchildren one day when you're teaching them that patience is a virtue!

    Mammo went well, got the all clear today!

    ThumbsUp

  • Slg1324
    Slg1324 Member Posts: 106
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    yay Worry!!!! 🤗👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼So happy to hear !!❤️❤️❤️

    Oh yes , patience is definitely a virtue!