In Favor of Feminism: Share Your Views
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Thank you Devine. Very valuable articles.
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Thank you DivineMrsM - very interesting.
When I was in college, two women I knew ended their pregnancies. They both felt shame and guilt at the time, but we were at a catholic university, where they would not have felt comfortable talking to their parents, or a college counselor. Both women, because they didn't give birth, were able to complete their studies, become nurses, marry, and have children later. Had they not had abortions, they would have had to drop out of college, and probably pushed to marry the father before the pregnancy was obvious. Having the option to terminate a pregnancy had a profound impact on the directions their lives took.
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Those in leadership roles, whether government, politics, religion or what have you (a large percentage men), are well aware of the the connections between poverty and abortions. And that is one way they seek to control women, by imposing more and more restrictions on abortions and keeping them impoverished.
These leaders and their followers love to lay shame and guilt on women for not sacrificing the rest of their lives for the sake of their unborn. Society still tries to shove the narrative that women should not want more out of life. If unwanted pregnancy happens, women are expected to rearrange their lives and make the best of the situation. To try to gain more financial freedom, to not be ready for motherhood, to want something other for their lives is seen as monsters, selfish and unwomanly.
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Abortion remains a huge taboo. I’ve mentioned that no one in my everyday life ever mentions the subject. Here are a few celebrities who’ve refealed that they had an abortion. I’m sure the list is longer, but not everyone wants to share private information. I admire these women who’ve been so forthcoming.
Katy Sagal
Sally Field
Vanessa Williams
Anne Archer
Bess Armstrong
Amy Brenneman
Stevie Nicks
Alyssa Milano
Sharon Osbourne
Judy Garland
Margot Kidder
Ali McGraw
Penny Marshall
Maureen McCormick
Mackenzie Phillips
Suzanne Sommers
Judy Collins
Vanessa Williams
Linda Ellerbee
Demi Lovato
Ashley Judd
Kathy Najimy
Joan Collins
Sinead O'Connor
Gloria Steinem
Whoopi Goldberg
Toni Braxton
Naya Rivera
Rita Moreno
Sherri Sheppard
Billie Jean King
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I can't find it now, but I once saw a rant by a woman who had talked another woman out of having an abortion. Time passed, the 2nd woman delivered, and the state would up removing the baby from a bad home situation. ("Probably just as well," she commented.) Then rant woman was shocked to find out that the mom had named her as the preferred foster family. "I can't afford to take on a baby right now! What was she thinking? There's no way I'm going to be stuck with this baby!" And on and on....
The irony was palpable.
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Miranda- I saw that story- so ironic
Devine MrsM- agree completely! there are something like > 600 laws regulating women's bodies and 0 aimed at men. When birth control is available, covered by insurance, and sex education available the abortion rate goes way down. no woman "wants" an abortion! I was listening to a book where the researcher tried to figure out what makes men so power hungry and needing to suppress women, poor, people of color etc (all over the world) and all he could come up with was testosterone.
I can't get my head around: women have two choices- slut or prude. (Peggy Orenstein) many men want to have sex with women, yet, shame them, deny them birth control and abortion and don't pay for child support and often abandon the kids. Rape, incest, domestic violence are all from hate- woman do >20 behaviors per day that suppress their freedom in order to protect them from men on a daily basis- men apparently do none.
I know there are good men-
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Men more likely than women to leave partner with cancer
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“the older the woman, the more likely the partnership would end.“
“The researchers said the reason men leave a sick spouse can be partly explained by their inability to rapidly adjust to becoming a caregiver and to look after the home and family.“
So, gender roles are in play here. Maybe teaching young men about caring for loved onesand that keeping family together is “a mans job” too, could have some effect?
This study and the article are old but somehow I doubt these statistics have changed very much. Men, I love and value you, but some members of your sex sure do make all of you look bad.
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Olma, I’m not surprised at all and I see the husbands and boyfriends of women in my young with stage IV Facebook group leave far too often. I’m lucky to have a really great man but over the years our roles have been more playing to our strengths than gender but as I consider my eventual death, I realize I’ve made things too easy for him. So far he’s done well to pay his non household bills on his own, a big step because he wants nothing to do with financial stuff. I know he could handle taking care of me but I’m totally capable and we have no children to care for, do that definitely helps.
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Yes, I’ve seen that as well as women who took care of their EX- husbands who got cancer. I discussed this finding with my DH. I have also made his life too easy by being super capable and knowing I will do a better job at things than he will- I will try to fix that as I worry he won’t cope when I am gone, I do not worry that he will leave me when the going gets tough
When I was first diagnosed my younger kids were 20 and in college. I decided to back off and hover less and let them make more decisions themselves thinking they needed those skills sooner now. It was actually rather lovely to say “ sounds like you have some nice choices “ and not give advice.
They do say that women respond more quickly to a crying baby and that is part of why babies prefer moms. But, children will go to whichever parent will help them
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Nkb, I will try to remember that terrific reply you give to your adult children “Sounds like you have some wonderful choices."
While not a perfect mom, and who is, I made sure to teach my son simple life skills like grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry, vacuuming. He's my only child and we have a great relationship (I have a stepson, too), but I was never the type mom who wanted my son all to myself. It was important to me he learn things that would help him be a good husband someday if he met the right person. And if not, I wanted him to be able to take care of himself. Dh is also very domestic which is actually one reason I married him. It certainly helps the marriage which has always had its ups and downs. If not for me, I'm pretty sure dh's life would look kinda like a throwback to the 1970s. I'm the one always moving us forward, keeping us current.
I never worried dh would leave me due to bc. But one time a number of years after the diagnosis we hit a rough patch and sitting in his lazyboy chair, he was yelling about how some men leave their wives after they get bc but he stayed. Standing across from him, I hollered, “Whaddaya want, a medal?" He was very surprised by my reply. Maybe he thought I would buckle at his words. I think it was later I calmly told him not to underestimate me, I was one tough moe-foe (tho I said the whole word). I'd certainly never want to divorce, but I'm not going to have my life trivialized for something not my fault.
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Olma, thanks for that article. I did not realize how significant those numbers were. At almost every turn women are considered less than by men and given less that even in marriage.
Divine, the comment Whaddaya want, a medal?" reminds me of Thanksgiving dinner, the women shop, clean, prepare the dinner, and the man carving the turkey gets the applause. All of that is woven in the fabric of family life.
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Ironic, isn't it that he gets applause for a skill set he exercises once a year? Then he probably naps after dinner, right?
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Oh oh oh oh oh oh! Alice, I love the Snow White meme!!
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Me too!!! 'It's off to work we go...'
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I am in Texas. I am horrified and afraid for my 2 daughters still living in Texas!
Texas has one of the worst rates for maternal health. People still die due to childbirth. And rape! The average wait for rape kit processing is a year. They are at least 1000 to process. This is what the police dept has to pay.
Why don't we have better birth control? Birth control with less hormones? Could a sperm decreaser pill be invented for men?
Is the use of modern birth control contributing to breast cancer?
I was on the pill many years. I suspect the iud contributed to mine.
I read all the abortion clinics in neighboring states are saturated with women from Texas coming over. And to do this during a pandemic.
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There are a few male contraceptive pills that are being tested, and at least one that is showing real promise.
Will Men Use a Male Birth Control Pill?
The biggest concern is - do you trust that he's actually using it? While men in relationships may feel a sufficient burden of responsibility to maintain a daily dose of birth control hormones, unfortunately #notallmen. Too many men will casually pretend to use a condom, or will slip it off half-way through. (It's so common, it even has a name - "stealthing".) They don't face any health risks (besides STI's) from unprotected sex, and they don't always value their partner's health or appreciate her health risks from pregnancy.
I would love to see a reliable male Pill. But we need reliable males too.
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Best male birth control is called a vasectomy and I recommend every male who has raped or had an incestous relationship be entitled to one. Of course in this male dominated society, this is unlikely to happen especially since viagra is available for ED which is covered by health insurance policies that won't pay for BCP's for females. Another form of female suppression.
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SerenitySTAT, that's the most frightening thing I've read in ages!
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Alice - Sadly it's not the most frightening thing I've read recently.
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It's a horrible contest, isn't it?
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Vasectomies are reversible. I like the idea that all boys get a vasectomy after puberty until they are ready to have kids and can prove a level of responsibility.
Or the one that makes a man get snipped a month after his 50th birthday, or after his 3rd biological child, whichever comes (hee, hee - "cums") first.
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Is there any state or country with any restrictions on the reproductive rights of men?
Should men be required to see a sex therapist before being prescribed viagra?
Virginia Senate voted against an amendment proposed by Virginia Sen. Janet Howell, a Democrat, which would have required a man to get a digital rectal exam and cardiac stress test before getting a prescription for an erectile-dysfunction drug.
Kamala Harris asked Kavanaugh "Can you think of any laws that give government the power to make decisions about the male body?". Kavanaugh knew of none!
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The only laws that limit male reproductive "rights" are those that define and prohibit rape. And even those rarely get reported, and barely get prosecuted.
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For the men who say, "I would if I could". We need to make this happen.
https://www.science.org/content/article/male-seahorses-grow-placentas-incubate-their-young
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