In Favor of Feminism: Share Your Views
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Love it alice! This reminds of one of my feminist pet peeves… men who say they are babysitting their own children! I have heard many men, including my ex, say things like “I’ll come over after I’m done babysitting my kids.” What? They are YOUR children! You are not babysitting, you are parenting. Grrr…
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OMG yes!! You can't babysit your own kids.
DH will sometimes fuss at me when I make lists and schedules for the kids if I leave town. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of them, thank you." And he totally is. "I know, I just want to make it easy and seamless for you. I'm more familiar with the routines. So when you do something different, you'll know the baseline." I also remind the kids that Dad will do things differently, and that's ok, and not to freak out about it.
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" I also remind the kids that Dad will do things differently, and that's ok, and not to freak out about it.“
That is exactly what I used to say to my students when they would have a substitute teacher 😂
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13 couples got divorced in one of my kids classes- all 13 men got remarried. None of the women got remarried.
men can’t cope on their own yet. Most of the women said no thanks to remarriage.0 -
I'm not sure how some women have the energy to do all the household chores without help from their spouse or partner. I have always needed dh to help out. And yes, I have to accept that he does some things his own way that I do differently. For example, he puts his clothes in the dryer for entirely way too long. But why complain when he's doing his own laundry? We both loved raising our son so it was never framed as dh 'babysitting'.
So it's great to have this helpful husband. Yet in more recent years I notice subtle ways that dh tends to treat the work I do and my perspective on things as less valuable. It may be that he always did but I'm only noticing it now or it's only now bothering me. But these days I call him out on it. He has a hard time thinking I offer good advice so he ignores it, but if the neighbor (a man) gives him the same advice, dh thinks neighbor is so smart. Sometimes I will give dh a bit of information and the next day, he repeats it back to me as if he's telling me something I don't already know. So I say, “ I just told you that yesterday. Why are you repeating it to me?" I also make many contributions to our marriage that are important but not necessarily visible, like taking time to manage finances. I've done it weekly, monthly, yearly, consistently for decades. To dh, it just looks like I'm comfortably sitting at a desk chair doing practically nothing. But there's so much more to it. Yet since it doesn't involve a sledge hammer, drill bits and a power saw, it's some mindless, effortless task that anyone can do, requiring no special skill or energy.
I've had to learn to stop minimizing what I do, too.
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Devine- I read an article about a man who presented his wife with a list of all the chores he does and said it was a staggering 17! Then she made a list and it was over 200 and presented it to him.
I hear you about the devaluing. The socializing of men by women is often overlooked. There was a study of workplaces showing that women who do the same job as men are helping the men get their job done and doing theirs also. Could be little things that keep the office going or reminders, cleaning up sloppy work etc.
We are not the weaker sex
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Not gonna lie; one of the most delightful things about my ex leaving me was imagining him realizing all the things he was going to have to do now that he was alone. He didn't know where anything was, he didn't know how to load the dishes so they'd get clean, he didn't know how much laundry our kid could generate, he didn't know how frequently he'd have to vacuum or mop to keep the floors clean, nothing.
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On a recent Autumn morning at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery, history was made. For the first time in the 84-year vigil, on the 30770th day of continuous guarding, an all-female guard change occurred with the 38th Sergeant of the Guard.
"We commemorate the achievements of these trail-blazing Tomb Guards. While this historic event may be a first, it is not the last. With diversity in our ranks, race, gender, or any characteristics will never hinder, but only enhance the execution of our sacred mission.
As we recognize this monumental day, we reflect on the Unknowns and their ultimate sacrifice. The world will never know their names. Their life's poetry was silenced in the defense of this great nation. We will never forget their sacrifice, and we will never falter as our standard will remain perfection.
With Dignity and Perseverance."
-Guards of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
(U.S. Army photos by Sgt. Gabriel Silva)
US Army Military District of Washington
Society of the Honor Guard, Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
U.S. Army
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If buying condoms was like buying birth control
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That was brilliant!!
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Miriandra, I thought it was, too!
Wrenn, good that your son in law is aware of what needs done around the house without having to be told. Some men have a “learned helplessness” about chores. They intentionally never tuned in to learn how a household runs so the woman is frustrated enough to do it herself. Some women always saw their mothers doing all the work, so they’ve been conditioned from birth to believe they must do it all, too.
I made sure that ds learned some domesticity. I’m wondering how my grandson will fare. He is surrounded by an older sister, plus his mom’s two sisters and her mom (they all live three hours away). He’s not quite ten but seems to be comfortable being “waited on”. They often baby him rather than teach him to be self sufficient. I worked with preschoolers and it was all about teaching them to do for themselves, so when grandson visits, I do my best to reinforce this.
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I see this "waited on" mentality at work too. All our therapists are expected to do at least one sidework task each shift at the studio. We're trying hard to keep it organic, and not have to assign tasks - we're adults and we should be responsible. Typically, it's the male therapists that need to be reminded or asked to do something. And as mentioned earlier, it's tiring having to poke them to get things done. "Bobby, I have three clients booked, and we're almost out of towels. Would you please stock the linens shelves?" (Bobby playing on phone game): "Yeah, no problem." Just open your damn eyes and notice that something needs doing! It's not hard!
We used to have a guy who would rave about the benefits of shared and communal living, and share his long-term plans about joining a group like that. Of course, he was one of the worst for not doing anything until he was specifically tasked with it. What do you think "communal" means, dude?!
Oh! I just had an epiphany! There's the common phrase, "Humans are pack animals." I now think that's false. MEN are pack animals. They need an alpha to tell them what to do and lead them through the day. WOMEN are social animals. We need each other to share labor and support each other, but we don't need a point person for day-to-day matters. If there's a conflict that needs to be resolved, a "leader" may come forward to help guide the group to a solution, but that's a special circumstance. Jobs get done because they need to get done. Not because it's a specific someone's job.
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I've seen that kind of male behavior at the workplace too, Miriandra. The guy shrugs off doing his fair share and then when a woman complains about it to a higher up, the guy labels the woman as cranky, bitchy, bossy, a complainer to his coworkers: “Like, what's her problem?" If the guy is attractive or has some charm about him, he uses it to get other women on his side. And there are some women who never notice if the guys aren't pulling their weight because they're so conditioned to just come in and do what's needed, accepting the majority of the mental load and they never take a step back and say, wait a minute, the workload is not balanced.
One of my brothers started trying to sabotage me around the holidays each year, baiting me to try to get me to lose my cool so he could claim innocence and superiority that he was the good guy. It was to the point that I was able to predict his behavior. He made the mistake of thinking he could get my husband and son to side with him. Well, one main reason I married dh was because I knew he'd take my side of any argument I ever had with any of my siblings. And ds is a gem. So brother wasn't going to convert them. I finally put boundaries in place and now have very little to do with him. Two of my sisters are blind to his behavior because it isn't something he does with them, maybe because they're older. They might someday see him for what he is but regardless, I am standing my ground.
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Of course some loser men equate strength with being a witch.
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Sotomayor: SCOTUS Changed After Study Found Female Justices Were Interrupted More
"Regrettably, that's a dynamic that exists not just on the court but in society in general," the Supreme Court justice said in a discussion on diversity and inclusion.
Nina Golgowski
10/14/21
The U.S. Supreme Court changed the way oral arguments are heard after studies found that women were being disproportionately interrupted by male justices and advocates while speaking, Justice Sonia Sotomayor said in a discussion on diversity and inclusion this week during which she also raised concerns about the justices' limited professional experience in areas like civil rights.
Sotomayor, speaking with New York University's School of Law on Wednesday, said the justices have become more mindful of interrupting one another and Chief Justice John Roberts has become more of a referee in the wake of a particular study, "Justice, Interrupted," that examined how justices compete to have influence.
"In the case of that study, I think it had an enormous impact," she told NYU School of Law professor Kenji Yoshino. "You will see us even now when we're speaking, a judge will say, 'I'm sorry, did I interrupt you?' And if you say, 'I was going to finish something' they will say 'please, go ahead.' That did not happen as much before and so that study had a great impact.”
Sotomayor went on to point out that the 2017 study didn't necessarily shed an illuminating light on the issue for her, noting that women tend to get interrupted or dismissed in society in general.
"Regrettably, that's a dynamic that exists not just on the court but in society in general. Most of the time women say things and they're not heard in the same way that men who may say the identical thing," she said.
Sotomayor used the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg as an example of someone who was overlooked while speaking on the nation's highest court.
"Now here's a woman who no one doubts was powerful, yet she was small in stature, diminutive, and she had a very, very soft voice. And it was not unusual for when she said something, for it to either not be heard, or not fully grasped and as a result often things that she had said were picked up by others and made their own without attribution," she said. "It is a nature of our discourse as men and women that that inclination of disregarding women is all too common. I think that study, however, had a great impact on the dynamic of my court. And I suspect on the dynamic of other courts as well. People paid attention and it made for self examination of behavior."
Four years after that study's publication, the Supreme Court last month announced that the justices will now have two minutes of uninterrupted time to speak and ask questions during oral arguments, rather than the traditional "free for all" format, as SCOTUS Blog reported.
This change noticeably appears to benefit Justice Clarence Thomas, who for years has been known to rarely speak in the courtroom. Thomas suddenly became active in oral arguments when they were held over the phone because of the pandemic and justices were instructed to ask questions one at a time, without interruption.
Thomas has said his usual silence in the court stems from an aversion to interruptions and his concern that justices waste the counsel's limited time to present their case by asking unnecessary questions.
"Maybe it's the Southerner in me. Maybe it's the introvert in me, I don't know. I think that when somebody's talking, somebody ought to listen," he said in 2012.
While justices have worked to be more respectful and inclusive in recent years, Sotomayor emphasized there's still more work to be done on diversifying the court. This is particularly needed in what she called "professional diversity" as there are no justices with experience in environmental law, immigration, criminal justice outside of white-collar crime, or even civil rights.
"When Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed, we lost our only civil rights lawyer. There are no civil rights lawyers left on the court," she said. "Some of my colleagues may dispute that because some of the work they've done, on behalf of the government, may have included civil rights but we have no real lawyer who has been in the trenches on civil rights issues, whether it's on women's rights or racial rights or even disability rights."
Sotomayor said she sees herself as hopeful by nature, but that these shortcomings are concerning.
"There are so many areas of law that the court touches and whose decisions impact in such tremendous ways, that I do worry that the authorities who are selecting judges are not paying enough attention to that kind of diversity as well," she said.
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The problem of interrupting communication is a real problem in physician/patient communication. Even when patients are asked to explain the reasons for seeking care, they are allowed about 11 seconds to repond before being interrupted.
All residents interrupted female patients more often than male patients.
The scientists learned doctors only spent 11 seconds on average listening to a patient describe their reasons for visiting before interrupting.
Speaking and interruptions during primary care office visits - PubMed (nih.gov)
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I just forwarded that study to my massage therapy team. Our intake process and active listening to clients are very important in our studio. It's part of why some of them have said they trust us more than their doctors. Then we have to gently steer them back to listening to their docs' advice and guidance, since diagnoses are outside our scope of practice.
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Miriandra, in a study on the use of holistic therapies for menopause vs traditional medical approaches, the women were asked to take a photo of what each represented. Photos of holistic therapies and practitioners depicted gardens and the like, while photos of traditional medical care were of brick walls and closed doors. Sounds like your massage therapy teams are like the gardens.
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California and Lego embrace gender neutral toys. Parents need to get with the program.
Parents carry internalized beliefs about gender roles that have the potential to limit the growth and development of their kids.
NBC/Katie Hurley, LCSW - Oct. 15, 2021Kids are changing their mindsets, even if society isn't quite catching up.
Recent research commissioned by the Danish toymaker Lego reveals that girls feel empowered to engage in all kinds of play and activities, with 82 percent of the believing that it's OK for girls to play football and boys to practice ballet. The percentage of boys who agree is smaller, but still an overwhelming majority at 71 percent.
The bad news is that parents continue to carry some internalized beliefs about gender roles that have the potential to limit the growth and development of kids and hold them back. And that makes new legislation and efforts from companies like Lego to overcome this ingrained behavior that much more important.
The survey of 7,000 parents and children ages 6-14 from seven countries, including the United States, indicated that parents are almost six times as likely to think of scientists and athletes as men and eight times as likely to think of engineers as men. Parents are also more likely to encourage girls to engage in activities that are more cognitive, artistic and performance-based while pushing boys into STEM-like activities, such as science, coding and building.
When engaged in unstructured play of their own design, kids explore their ideas and interests, build coping and social skills, express and work through their feelings, and develop empathy and problem-solving skills. When we limit the scope of their play by telling them what to play and how to do it, we stunt their development.
Free play is the best vehicle for child development, but society is so busy "helping" kids find their passions and building their skills from a young age that kids miss out on developing their own identities. When a young girl appears to have a talent for dance, for example, parents often feel pressure to prioritize that at the expense of exploring other interests. This boxes their child into one specific activity, thereby hindering the natural curiosity that fuels child development.
Of course, it's not just parents who convey messages that shape the gender roles and expectations their children have. The broader society also plays a large role. The marketing of toys and products is particularly powerful in grooming how kids perceive gender expectations — for good or bad.
Through media, publishing and education, girls are seeing with their own eyes that women can succeed in a wide variety of fields. There are children's television shows that revolve around female characters and middle grade books with female heroes. Girls are seeing themselves in all kinds of roles, and that empowers them.
But when was the last time you saw a show about a boy whose superpower involves sewing or cooking? Where is the book series focused on men making the world a better place by following their "nontraditional" passions? We don't see the same resources readily available for boys who don't adhere to dominant gender norms. And if toys are marketed for girls or boys, where does that leave our nonbinary youth?
This discrepancy might help to explain why the new Lego survey shows that girls tend to be less rigid about gender roles than boys. For instance, 62 percent of girls responded that some activities are meant just for girls while others are meant for boys, compared to 74 percent of boys.
Toy companies have a responsibility to meet the needs and interests of all kids. It's encouraging to see that Lego is committed to changing these ingrained narratives by promoting inclusive play and removing gender messaging from their products. But we can't stop there.
Thankfully, the state of California isn't. Gov. Gavin Newsom signed a law Saturday that requires large department stores to display toys and child care items in gender-neutral ways. While the law doesn't remove traditional boys and girls sections from department stores, or apply to clothing, it does call for inclusive marketing for children's products.While California is the first state to sign a law like this, other organizations around the world are also working to remove gender stereotyping from toys. The U.K.-based Let Toys Be Toys is a grassroots award-winning campaign dedicated to encouraging the toy and publishing industries to stop limiting children's interests by marketing their products according to gender.
To promote inclusive play and learning, however, we can't simply focus on physical toys and content. We need to reframe our attitudes and beliefs around them. The way we do that is by stepping back and letting children play. When toy sellers and parents move away from pink and blue, kids are left with endless possibilities.
I've seen this phenomenon up close in the students I work with. One 10-year-old girl recently showed me the town she'd made from mixed up Lego sets. Her face lit up as she led me into her imaginary world, where the people can be anything they want and no one ever fights. A male pirate runs a bakery/hair salon, for example, and that's just fine.
Seeing her mixed-up Lego town transported me back to my own childhood and getting lost in Legos with my brother. As far as I can recall, no Lego person ever retained their original outfit or hair. We delighted in mixing them up and creating basement-sized worlds where Legos and Matchbox cars lived in harmony with Superman and Strawberry Shortcake. Together, they solved the problems of the day and everyone was a hero.
Research shows a steady decline in free play since the 1980s. Parental fear for the safety of their children is one reason unsupervised outdoor play began to decline, but kids today also face more homework, specialized interests and a culture of busyness that keeps them running from one adult-directed activity to the next.
We are long overdue for the return of free play with no expectations and no labels. Our kids will be better for it — and hopefully be more inclusive adults when it's their turn.
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I'm just popping in to grind my teeth. There's a fairly new poster who keeps referring to female technicians as girls, or, if they're older, ladies. I don't want to jump on her about it because she's going through the basket case stage right now, but damn, it makes me want to SCREAM. The only thing that makes me madder is when men post about their wives who have cancer, and say "we" had a test or "we" had surgery. I have verbally punched a few of them.
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Alice, just curious.. why does girls and ladies bother you? I use both terms to describe females all the time and do not see them a derogatory or wrong. Is it the words or that they should be referred to as “techs” in this situation?
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