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Im devastated, terrified and angry! Newly diagnosed.

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J_bryant923
J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11

I can't believe I have to write this. I am 36 years old and was diagnosed with triple negative stage IIB invasive ductal carcinoma, just last week. To say I am terrified is an understatement. My treatment team says news research has showed for this kind of cancer, to do chemotherapy and immune therapy, first is standard. Relying on the doctors for my life is so scary. I said to be aggressive as possible! And I would do a mastectomy tomorrow but they said right now, to try chemo first. But they assured me if it doesn't shrink, or gets bigger than we would go straight to surgery.

I had a Port placed today and starting chemo Wednesday. I am so worried about how it will make me feel and if it is effective.

I have not stopped crying.

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  • aram
    aram Member Posts: 320
    edited November 2021
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    J_bryant923, I am sorry you are here. The first couple of weeks are really hard. You are getting used to your new reality. It is going to get better. Chemo before surgery for triple negative is very common. Try to take it one day at a time.

  • serendipity09
    serendipity09 Member Posts: 769
    edited November 2021
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    J_bryant - I am so sorry you find yourself here! I was diagnosed March 2020, same as you, Stage IIb Triple Negative IDC. I was inconsolable. For me, once I started my treatment I felt better and calmed down because I knew something was being done to fight the beast. Nothing about it is easy, but I will say, and others will tell you that it was doable. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. You've come to the right place for support! Sending you warm and positive thoughts. {Hugs}

  • J_bryant923
    J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2021
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    Thank you. I have been pouring through these comments and posts. This site is so very helpful.


    It doesn't seem real....I keep thinking there had to be a mistake.

    I appreciate the support!

  • J_bryant923
    J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2021
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    Thank you. And that is all I can do i guess, just day at a time. This is all so helpful...to talk with others that KNOW what I am going through.

  • norcals
    norcals Member Posts: 207
    edited November 2021
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    J_bryant,

    This site is very helpful, especially with providing information from others who have gone through treatment and dealt with the side effects of treatment. I learned that identifying and managing side effects was key to getting through treatment. You may also be given the new protocol for TNBC which includes immunotherapy. There is a thread that has been set up for those going through this treatment.

  • TigerGirl72
    TigerGirl72 Member Posts: 8
    edited November 2021
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    I was where you are just this August. I cried for days and felt lots of panic. I echo what others say. It takes time to adjust and once you start treatment, you feel a little better. I am still in the chemo and immunotherapy phase. I remember when I met with my MO at the beginning, he said “chemo first and we will watch it melt away.” My tumors have been impalpable since the third chemo treatment. I hope you will experience that kind of encouraging progress too.
    This is a big, scary diagnosis that needs a big, scary treatment. Take it one day at a time. Hugs and love to you!

  • J_bryant923
    J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2021
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    I have been reading all the topics! And I love hearing the stories of the amazing people that have beat it!


    Thank you everyone. My heart is broken but every kind and encouraging word is helping.

  • TigerGirl72
    TigerGirl72 Member Posts: 8
    edited November 2021
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    About chemo - I am going to tell you what someone else told me at the beginning of my treatment: If I can do it, so can you. I am chicken, a worrier, anxiety ridden - you name it. But I have completed 11 treatments so far! It isn’t always easy but it IS doable. And you can do it. Just try to take it as it comes. You will surprise yourself with how strong you are and how resilient your body is. ❤️

  • J_bryant923
    J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2021
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    thank you so so much. I don't feel so alone after finding this forum.

  • J_bryant923
    J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2021
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    Got the port placed Friday, it went well but it freaks me out. When i start thinking about the port, i have to pull myself out of an anxiety attack. Knowing there's a foreign body that I feel under my skin and in my vein, ugh. So unnatural. ..

    Telling people is so hard as well..... People want to comfort and reassure but they just don't know how I feel. Today, my mother in law wanted to hug me, after the hug, I tried to pull away and she just wouldn't let me go, I felt such panic. The comforting feels abrasive! Anyone else feel that way???

  • norcals
    norcals Member Posts: 207
    edited November 2021
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    J_Bryant,

    I totally felt the same way and I’ve talked to others who felt that way too. I only told immediate family because I got tired of people feeling sympathy for me or me feeling like I have to comfort them. This is a time where you should be able to feel and do what you need to do to get through treatment

  • J_bryant923
    J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2021
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    I just keep thinking this is a bad dream or someone made a mistake with the sample and I'll get a phone call saying that was the wrong person you are fine....not that I would want anyone else to go through this. I just Can't wrap my head around it, I have felt better now than I have in years. I feel good I feel healthy I feel strong.


    Just when I get a decent moment where my every thought isn't consumed, I get a call from insurance or the doctors or for another test.


    Iam starting chemo Wednesday and I have poured through all the comments for tips and what to expect.

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,147
    edited November 2021
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    JBryant - I just bumped this thread for you. Lots of good tips for chemo.

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topics...

    I would also recommend joining the current chemo thread - probably Chemo November 2021. It really helps to be 'surrounded' by other going through the same thing.

    Edited to add the November thread. https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topics...


  • J_bryant923
    J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2021
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    Thank you minusTwo. I will definitely check that out!

  • TigerGirl72
    TigerGirl72 Member Posts: 8
    edited November 2021
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    Another good website is https://chemocare.com/. My onc recommended it, and it has been very helpful. Remember - you can do it! It isn't easy but it is a season and hopefully the end result is HEALTH!

  • anothernycgirl
    anothernycgirl Member Posts: 821
    edited November 2021
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    JBryant, - take one step at a time. The situation stinks, we've been there and we know how you feel. Sad. But you WILL get through this!! The anxiety and anticipation are worse than reality. Once you have a plan in place you will feel better.

    These boards are so wonderful. You'll find much good advice and support here!

    If this link works, check out this board. https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/72/topics...

    Hugs and best wishes from NYC!

  • J_bryant923
    J_bryant923 Member Posts: 11
    edited November 2021
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    I started chemo this past Wednesday. I do feel like I am finally doing something proactive and that makes me feel better. So far only mild chemo side effects, lots of naps.

  • norcals
    norcals Member Posts: 207
    edited November 2021
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    J_Bryant,

    So glad that your first treatment went well. The first treatment was a little scary for me because I didn’t know what to expect or how my body would react. Once the first one was done, there was less anxiety. I’m glad you’re feeling better about your treatment plan

  • NinjaMeow
    NinjaMeow Member Posts: 9
    edited December 2021
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    I am super late to this but I was diagnosed at 40 - just had my second child and I was beyond angry. I was doing well in my career and had never heard of triple negative breast cancer. I hope treatment is going well- I will be 8 years out this Spring which is shocking to me. It will get better- step by step.

  • fiercer
    fiercer Member Posts: 15
    edited February 2022
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    I’m 9 years out on 2/14. It is a scary diagnosis and having a solid plan is key to reducing stress and fear. I had chemotherapy first and then surgery followed by radiation.

    I was given the “No evidence of disease” status post treatments.


    Find a team of Dr.’s that deliver a complete solution. It helps to know they are all working together