Wife just diagnosed

Breast cancer sucks, no lie. It's horrible and traumatic and none of us get out unscathed. HOWEVER, it also one of the most curable cancers out there. The vast majority of people survive and go on to live out the rest of their life. So hang onto that as you continue through this minefield. Also, the point that you are both at right now, the information gathering point, is by far the hardest. It will calm down in your head once treatment starts and you get on with it. Joy does return. So know you won't feel like this forever. Hang in there and let us know if you have further questions about anything.

Hello,

When you have the information, post the pathology (Estrogen positive/negative, Progesterone +/-, Her2 positive/negative, etc) of your wife's tumor, stage of her disease, and where is it.

NNguyen (aka Linda's husband, aka Austin's dad)

That path report appears to be quite favourable (if there ever was such a thing with a diagnosis of cancer). Cribriform type is a slow-growing type of invasive ductal carcinoma and grade one also confers a less aggressive cancer.

certainly pathology can change between a biopsy and full surgical specimen.

will be interested to see the receptor info.

Hello @neverbethesame33. I’m very sorry for all that you and your wife are dealing with. It’s so much information and emotion to process. I’ve been thinking of you. I appreciate you posting here and letting us all be a part of this difficult situation with you.

I fully agree with @kaynotrealname who said “the information gathering point, is by far the hardest”. A lot of the information won’t be available until after surgery but it feels like you need all that information right away to make correct decisions and to plan your life accordingly. It’s such a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments and tests! Hang in there!!

If I may share? From a wife’s perspective, having recently had a mastectomy … I never really worried about dying, because I didn’t feel sick or anything, but I knew I needed to deal with this, as unpleasant at it might be. I forced myself to not go there in my head. I was told that mine was early stage but there was enough going on (with both IDC and areas of DCIS) that a mastectomy was recommended. And although I was told they looked clear from the ultrasounds, I wasn’t convinced my lymph nodes were clear until that was confirmed after surgery (I had 6 removed). That was a big relief! It was just hard to believe my breast surgeon who said they looked fine on ultrasound until I had the actual pathology results, even though he’s very experienced and I do trust him. I know they can’t guarantee it hasn’t spread until they do surgery and confirm that the lymph nodes are clear. I hope that proves to be the case for your wife too!! It’s excellent that the MRI didn’t show anything with her lymph nodes. Is her surgery a mastectomy?

My husband never told me how much he was worried (he admitted he was scared when I asked him after the fact) and I appreciated feeling his quiet strength as he was with me through it all. You being there with your wife is a HUGE support! I’m afraid I was a bit in my own private world during it all, on autopilot, so I wasn’t even noticing his fear. On a positive note, the surgery itself wasn’t painful and recovery also wasn’t painful. Not like you might imagine. Others said that and I couldn’t understand how that would be possible but it really wasn’t painful because I no longer had normal sensation in that whole area. The numbness was a blessing! I took pain meds for a couple of days and then took ibuprofen and acetaminophen and muscle relaxers. There was a measure of discomfort but all in all, it was very tolerable. I truly hope your wife also has minimal pain with her surgery!! Shortly after my surgery the nurse asked what my pain level was and I said 2. It never got higher, thankfully. Please don’t mind me rambling on and on. I know how much I read here before my surgery and I learned so much from the experiences of others, it was very helpful!

If you have a chance, please let us know how you both are doing. I wish your wife all the best for a smooth surgery and recovery.

Hello @neverbethesame33. I think I can maybe relate to the fatigue, that was something I really struggled with in the months before being diagnosed and in the weeks up to surgery. Abnormal fatigue!! Having no energy left in the cells of your body, like a battery on 1% needing to be recharged but nothing recharged me. I had to rest and sleep a lot, I couldn’t push through, it was the worst fatigue I’ve ever had in my life! I was told it’s common and normal with cancer to have fatigue. It may be hard to have time to rest but that’s what your wife will need to allow herself to do. I noticed a nice improvement after surgery. I was surprised with how awake and alert I felt, often not even taking a nap! I still struggle occasionally but I think it’s for other reasons now.

Has she asked her surgeon or oncologist about the fatigue and her lower back pain? I’m not sure how they would address fatigue but they should still know. The back pain could be completely unrelated to breast cancer, but they should also know what pain she is in. Lower back pain is not fun!

Make sure you have lots of pillows to help your wife be comfy after surgery. I’m still sleeping with 6 … they help me be a bit propped up and to not roll over (I used to sleep on my stomach and sides always) and one tucked under my knees helps my lower back too. My husband took care of my drain every day after surgery. I couldn’t comfortably reach it and do it myself, it was too far back behind my arm. That was a BIG help! (Sorry it’s gross but she may want your help with hers.) I also sat on a stool in the shower at first. My sister-in-law helped me take my first one and I definitely needed the help. I was a bit weak and clumsy with my left arm. A double mastectomy will be much more to adjust to than my single one but it’s amazing what we can adjust to!

I just want to say, I think you are a loving, caring husband with normal human emotions!! This is such an emotionally chaotic time for you. Expressing emotion is healthy and important. It may feel like weakness but I think it’s an appropriate response to what you are facing and trying to process! This is possibly the biggest trial you have both ever faced. Give yourself a lot of grace.

P.S. Many of us are pleasantly surprised at the strength we didn’t think we had but it turns out we did!!

That’s a pretty favorable path report, all things considered. Clear margins, no lymph vascular invasion and negative lymph nodes. Favorable (positive) receptors as well. Also grade 1 tumor which tends to be slower growing.

i completely understand where you’re coming from as a partner - I am on here for my partner as well.

they Probably will send it. It takes several weeks to get results. The waiting is the hardest part. Having a defined plan brings more peace and mental stability. Hang in there.