Best Of

I had one gave a book who they must not have either read or know enough about and it was from someone who actually DIED from this. Real motivating when you are trying to fight your cancer. Threw it away when realized what it was about.

I am so angry…

I can’t be the only one who has that family member or friend who constantly sends messages or posts on your FB page about “miracle” cures or half-baked conspiracies about cancer or how if you just pray hard enough you will be cured. At first I ignored it, but now I’m just trying to get this person to understand how ridiculously hurtful their behavior is. Any suggestions?

@july31 Younare definitely not alone. I didn’t ring the bell either. I went through chemo during Covid and had a different nurse on the last day. If I’d had the same nurse who had gotten me through the rough spots, maybe I would’ve done. But I knew I had 7 or 8 weeks of radiation ahead of me, so it didn’t feel like being finished with anything.

I have never liked the term “survivor” for exactly the same reason. We have made it through active treatment. We may or may not have “survived” cancer. I prefer the term “warrior”. A very good friend, who is about 4 years ahead of me in this battle, suggested that term instead. I feel it’s definitely more appropriate. Yes, most if not all of us go through a “what the f just happened?” phase upon completion of “active treatment”. It takes a while to wrap your head around the emotions you have experienced and are about to experience. It does get better, but it will continue to sneak into your head.
I wish I had better advice than this for dealing with people who know about it. Try to give them grace. They care about you, but that doesn’t mean you have to be overly accommodating. Tell them how you feel and what you’d rather they do. Not everyone will understand. I have learned the hard way that people will surprise you (good and bad) in how they cope with the news. I don’t blame you for keeping it quiet. I wish I’d kept it a little more to myself. I’ve lost friends and family over it. I’ve also learned that there were people who really stepped up and helped me through. If you ever want a place for realtime discussion, the Bonded By Breast Cancer zoom meetings are a good place to laugh, cry, and just hear what others have experienced. The Friday group tends to be smaller and more intimate than the Monday nights, but both are great when you need to just talk to someone who actually gets it.

Hang in there. You are definitely not alone.