TIME TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS GIRLS
Comments
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Geez, I don't understand, I read Cheri's post and did not find anything offensive in it. What is up here????
My hat is off to you Cheri! Praying for you that this new lump is just scar tissue.
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Cheri and all my sisters! Friends we will always be.
Nicki
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It seemed like we were finally getting ourselves together after the changes, spats and board imposed weird stuff when---wham---here we go again. I certainly didn't see anything offensive in Cheri's deleted posts. Could it be possible that the board moderators are going to end up bringing down the strongest, and most accepting, thread on this board?
As for Peter---is it really important "who" he is? Am I the only one that has wondered if Peter could be gay---and who cares if he is? He's another caring person on the boards---makes no never mind to me.
So what happens first---I get hollered at by the moderators or my sisters!
Jeannie0 -
A while ago someone posted a clip from that old movie, Harry meets Sally (I think that is the name...) In it the guy says that men and women can never really be friends because sex gets in the way...I have a new thing I am unfortunately beginning to believe is true...I don't think a large group of women can be friends without fights breaking out...
Starting in kindergarten I remember very clearly that there were 2 different groups of girls. They never seemed to get along. One was the group of cool girls...I was in the other group. I never understood why little disagreements had to turn into big fights. I never understood why people needed to pick sides.
Still today, I don't know why a group of women needs to find things to divide them and hurt each other.
I am sorry that people are not getting along. I am sorry that feelings have been hurt. I am sorry that people are grieving; that people are feeling excluded and picked on. I hate that there is so much pain.
Is there any way that we can please, please find a way to quit having this dissention happen? I don't want to pick sides. I don't want to exclude people. I think we all know who doesn't like who. I know people have been hurt. I just wish there was a way we could all get along....
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This happens on all forums, not just BCO and not just because we are mostly women. It's only natural because we are all different and perceive things differently. Also the safety of anonymity contributes to a lot of disputes.
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Good Evening Ladies
In low spirits today with so many deaths!
just wanted to let you ladies know my daughter is home safe and sound!!
Tracey
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Tracey ~ Isn't great when all the chickies are safe in their nest?
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Don't know what to say. Here we go again. I'm going to go watch Survivor. Night all.
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Cheri ... I'm so sad that you have been treated so poorly by this board. BCO has been my lifeline since my dx. You were the first person to welcome me to the circle and in you I've found what best friends are made of. Honesty, love and loyalty. It breaks my heart that you had been so loyal to BCO and continued posting when others left in droves only to have them turn on you. This is a moving beyond forum where what is said between one another may not make much sense to others. How you could be edited is beyond me. You've said much less than others on this board who lie outright and get away with it. At least you are truthful. Funny you haven't gotten edited this time yet but I know djd is on her way to Japan. hmmm, coincidence? Or maybe you're just not being watched so closely since one of the watchers is on a plane. What you said to everyone tonight is right on. People say we should all just get along. Well reality isn't that way, and when people and groups are obviously treated with less respect than others, it doesn't take much to notice it. We all noticed how much the traffic here dropped when you were ridiculously banned and how much it increased when you came back. I just hope the mods take notice, not just to that, but to what you are saying. If they would quit playing kindergarten cops then maybe this board would be a welcome place for all again. Love ya girl.
Charlene
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Amen Charlene.........couldn't have said it better myself..........good night sweet sisters see ya'll in the morning.........Cheri try and get some rest.......love you guys...................shokk
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well ............ i feel compelled to let all ya'll know that "I" requested that cheri's blurb about me be edited. it wasn't djd or celia or anybody else mentioned ........ it was ME.
after receiving numerous pm's asking me "what i'd done to cheri" or "why is cheri so sassy with you?" or "how did you step on cheri's toes?" i simply asked admin to edit the line that cheri had included WRT me (because i really couldn't understand the parallel she was trying to make, and i certainly couldn't understand her animosity towards me) ............. i rarely post anymore, and i seldom (if ever) correspond with cheri as we definitely have differing styles.
but i'd like to go on record as saying ............ i'm pretty sure djd and celia et al have nothing to do with the edit that set cheri off ......... and as much as neither are on my favourites list (and i'm certain they feel the same way about me lol) ............. the edit that transpired last evening that set this ridiculous ball in motion was at MY request.
i just can't do this anymore, the controversy no longer 'blows my dress up' ..... i am truly moving on personally, professionally and romantically (yay me, it's looooong overdue) i'm even getting a new set of boobs because i finally learned to stop settling for second best.
one thing is for sure you gals ......... we're not necessarily here for a long time ............ but we have the power to make it a good time.
i got my rib met radiated today because it is growing and painful ........ while i lay there under the rays, i realized that my lifespan is compromised by cancer therefore NOBODY else will eer rob me of one more day of happiness (and that includes me being a total butthead WRT myself and my own wellbeing)
cheri............. i asked for the edit because i found your sentence about me ambiguous and misleading ............. i'm entitled to that feeling, just as you are entitled to yours. but i wanted to set the record straight.
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Shel - I totally missed the post that got deleted, so once again I am operating mostly in the dark, but I seriously hope you are not leaving. I always enjoy your posts.
I try and avoid controversy here too, but I didn't feel like I could let you go without asking you to please reconsider.
I am sorry to hear about the rib mets giving you pain. I hope your radiation treatment works! It sounds like other aspects of your life are moving in a good direction...congrats on that.
I really hope we see you here in the future...
Hugs
Deb C
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Good evening ladies. My apologies Shel. I misunderstood our relationship and didn't realize I couldn't tease you like the others. I understand you had a line edited in one of my posts. It was just one line, no big deal, never mention you again.
The problem is the entire long post they deleted, in which you were not mentioned. I never said who was responsible for that particular post. I don't know. I do know I should've had an explanation and the constant editing and deleting of my posts has been going on for a long time. It was the first days I was back after being banned for a week from here for referring to the name "Sybil". I've just had enough.
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My last word on this subject. I just find it curious that some always manage to make a post when there is controversy. Never just to give support. And sure enough - here it is happening again. Saying you dont come here much anymore yadayadayada.
Your posts havent been very nice to some. The difference is we never reported you. The moderators took care of your nastiness on their own without any help from us.
A PM to Cheri would have been the mature way of telling Cheri you were offended.
As a result, many of us are losing a good friend. I saved your unfriendly pm to me - but didnt share it with anyone. Just sort of made me open my mouth and see who you really are.
For once, I would like to see you come here and give support to someone. Instead, you only post when there is a disagreement going on!
Nicki
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"then there is peter the he/she that so badly wants to be one of the girls"
do none of you find this post to be incredibly damaging? how can you support someone who seeks to demean and degrade another person in this way. I am sure some of you in this circle mean well and truly want to provide support, but from the outside looking in this thread/blog has truly developed a problem.
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Good morning. Thank you Charlene for all the nice things you said. And thanks to you Shokk.
Nickster, thanks for the support. I just apoligized to her because she's a Circle girl and I am loyal to the Cirlcle. Peter, on the other hand, I don't consider part of us. His lewd sexually orientated pictures to some of the girls has already got him banned from one bc discussion board. I don't know why he's still here, oh but wait, everyone stays here but me. Months of bad treatment has made me bitter in this subject.
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Shel, I have always enjoyed your posts in the past. I am a little confused tho by your running to the moderators for a post, in your own words, that was "ambiguous and misleading". Didn't you just recently post a very vicious, nasty, PERSONAL attack on a fellow BC sister in the Lesbian forum? So it is OK for you to do that?
I have only contacted the moderators when XXX sex sites post their links here or a man comes on and posts sexually suggestive posts to breast cancer sisters because I feel that is so inappropriate. That absolutely does not belong here.
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Good morning chicas................ok I am going to jump in here with my 2 cents.........Deb I know this stuff that goes on distresses you and you refer to high school foolishness about the different clicks.....I understand but just think if we were all back in high school would we all be friends.... probably not but here we are from all different parts of the country and Canada with different life experiences, different up bringings, different personalities but one thing we all got in common is the damm breast cancer and so we come together to fight the beast.......we are hurt, scared, angry, confused and many of us bitter..........and as different as all of us are we are and will continue to be sisters...............we will always get along absolutely not......but I don't think that means that we don't care about each other and for the newbies that are joining us this circle is now over a year old.......many of these girls have been here from the beginning....some lurked for a long time (like me) and some have come to join us later that have brought both joy (Marsha for example) and some trolls that have tried to tear this circle apart and have cause this foolishness...........if I didn't have this circle I would be completely alone in this journey..........I have always been a loner very few friends........Deb if we had been in high school together you would never have any noticed me I was one of those invisible kids that you see at graduation and you are like going who in the holy moly is that???????? Anyway guys I think its good to talk these issues out.........will there be hurt feelings......of course there will be............but at least we will know where everybody stands....the circle is big......if there is someone that you don't feel as close to as maybe someone else.......that's ok right......in the whole skeem of things (bc) its just part of being human and isn't what this is really all about is just trying to feel human again???? I just want to thank everyone for being a part of the circle girls......ya'll have no idea how much all of ya'll mean to me.........love Shokk
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well .............. i was just being honest, and wanting the 'blame' to be shifted accordingly.
you're so spot on marsha, yes i did get my fur up with amy ........... (still don't agree with her posting styles) ........ but i was edited, and rightfully so (i believe several of you also jumped on that band wagon lol).
as far as nickii's "yadayadayada" post goes WRT me .......... kinda the pot calling the kettle black one would think. i don't pretend to be anyone other than who i really am, and i certainly didn't post my 'confession' to stir the pot ........... i posted it because cheri was clearly upset with people she assumed had maligned her, and had put herself at risk of being banned because of her assumptions.
i wasn't looking for an apology, or sympathy or even understanding .......... in actuality i was trying to diffuse a volatile situation that i felt responsible for.
but i thank ya'll for your candor ............ your comments have been respectfully noted, processed and filed in their rightful place.
.......... and nickii, feel free to copy my so called 'nasty' pm to you. that way all ya'll can prolong the never ending drama a little longer.
i might have had mastectomies, but i surely never had a lobotomy ........ the only thing i sorely regret is that i'm perceived as 'only ever posting in order to stir the pot' ...........
........... i don't post much anymore because my 'husband' reads every word i write and i find it intrusive, so i try to keep my posts generic while attempting to find (and give) support. THAT is why i don't post much ....... but thank you all for posting your interpretations of my motives .......... it has been enlightening to say the least.
.......... i'm truly sorry that i've angered you all so much. i really need to tuck away that stupid heart that i wear on my sleeve.
no 'grand farewells' here .......... just a big sigh and a run to the hills with my tail between my legs.
i hope peace is restored within your circle soon. it was once a fabulous place to be.
all this being said ....... i do not feel responsible for ya'll "losing a dear friend" .......... we ALL make educated (yet emotional) decisions to post what we post ......... i won't be held responsible for others choices in posting ......... but i do feel accountable for my own poor choices at times, and i'll surely accept responsibility for that.
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Wow, I really wonder what happened to the days when we wouldn't let each other fight in here because it was not the environment we wanted to create. Now we spat all the time.
I think the extremely restrictive moderation has a big impact on us. Cheri I'm sorry you are being picked on.
I know there are people who are "out to get" the circle and anything or anyone associated with it. I don't think there is any doubt who those people are but if you are not sure pm me.
And we have several members who seem to get offended easily.
And there are some of us who just don't like others of us.
I guess I was being naive that our little paradise could last forever. Remember Pinkstock. How incredible that was that we came together from all over the country. I was in awe just sitting there.
oh well, i don't like the new format so much anyway.
see you at the hamptons.
xo
susan
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Brenda in VA
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Hi, girls. I'm home! And it sure feels goooood. Nothing like your own puddy-blanket, is there? The convention was fun, though.
Can you believe the warm weather we're having, at least here in N.E. Gads, it was almost 80 yesterday. Other years, we've had SNOW by now. And, the heat's been on only once. That oil man is crying in his beer, for sure. Hardly need to keep the campfire going for more than coffee!
Well, must get to chores around my wagon and will check in again soon.
Tina
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I know I am going to make people mad with this post. I have written and rewritten it at least 15 times in the last 24 hours. I was even writing it in my dreams last night fro crimeny's sake!! I finally decided to just write what I have been feeling and to heck with the fall-out...I'm a big girl...I can take it.
I know there are many people here who have very strong negative feelings toward other people on the site. I'm not going to bother to name names or go into details...You would have to be blind to miss who is who.
I have people that I don't care much for, but I try very hard to either just ignore them or give them the benefit of the doubt.
All that being said, I am going to break some of my own self-inflicted rules here, because I think sometimes the air needs to be cleared. I do not want my silence to be construed as condoning what is going on here.
No one here is dumb. We can all read between the lines. The sly little pokes and jabs that are being made at people, the "cute" little names, the not-so-subtle little comments...all these things have made me less and less comfortable. I have tried to reclaim the warm feelings I had about this place, but now I almost dread coming here. I just can not handle the mean tone.
I HATE the fact that people are choosing sides and cheering on angry posts. It almost makes me sick to my stomach.
Have any of you read the book Lord of the Flies? Where a group of kids become less and less civilized and have along slide into anger, clannish behavior and finally total disregard too society? I hate to use the analogy, but that is what it feels like here.
I am sorry that people feel like the moderators are deleting the wrong posts. I usually get here in time to see the end result, but not what got deleted, so I don't really have a lot to say on the subject of whether it was appropriate or not. Ultimately, it is not up too us what is appropriate for this site...it is NOT OUR SITE! We are here at the forbearance of the people who pay for the site. If we don't agree with their rules, that is our problem, not theirs. We all clicked "I agree" when we signed up.
Cheri- I am sorry you are feeling attacked and hurt. I know you are stressed about your new lump and I am wishing you only the best outcomes. That being said, I think you have gone over the line with the personal attacks. I know you feel like you have been attacked and that you are just defending yourself, but I really don't think this is an appropriate place for this. In most cases I would just do this in a PM, but I have gotten many PM's and E-mails from ladies that feel that my silence meant I was agreeing with what is gong on here. I am sorry too say, I really don't. I know you like to joke, but sometimes your jokes have a sharp point on them. I have felt hurt by things you have said in the past, but I have just ignored it. I always assumed you were trying to be funny and I just didn't get the joke. This time it is pretty clear that you are not joking, and your anger toward folks is very real....You are not just burning you bridges, you are taking a flame thrower too them. The thing that makes me feel the worst is the obvious feelings of hurt and anger you feel. I really wish I could help, but I have no earthly idea how.
There have been many many people here who helped me through the hardest part of my life. I will be forever grateful for that. I would love to be able to continue to support other women who are now in the same position I was 2 years ago, but if it means wading through this much anger, negativity, spitefulness, and picking sides too do it, I'm not sure it will be worth it.
Just to be VERY clear....I am not planning on leaving. I will be around. I have tried very hard to be kind to people on this site. Any time I have hurt someone's feelings and it has come to my attention I have tried my hardest to fix the problem. I would hope we can all act like adults and try and get back to what this site was supposed to be about: Supporting others who are going through tough times with cancer treatment and its aftermath....
Deb C
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Deb: thank you for your courage. I have a daughter in middle school and the behavior that I see among teen girls is mature compared to what is going on with BCO. Those who sit back silently and let a small minority hijack and corrupt what is a wonderfully valuable website share the responsibility for the ultimate demise that will take place here. We need to take a page from the anti-bullying compaigns that are taking place in schools across the country and have everyone be a part of the solution here, not expect the moderators to always take the heat. I suspect that they can't keep up right now...Cathy
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deleted by Brenda cause the story about arguing with my little sister came out all wrong.
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deleted because I hurt a sister's feelings...I'm sorry.
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There is, for reasons totally beyond my comprehension, a group of women who dislike the Wagon Circle. I don't think anyone knows why. Cheri's posts and others were defensive in nature. They were responding to posts made by people who were not part of the Circle. That's not to say that the Circle is an exclusive club that you need an engraved invitation to join. On the contrary, everyone is welcomed with open arms. There was no conflict here before the "others" got involved. I won't name names, but you know who you are. Please stop tattle tailing to the mods everytime you read a post you don't like! Sometimes it feels like we are back in Kindergarten. We all have the option to ignore. If you don't like the Circle, why bother to come here? And as far as multiple accounts go, that is a whole nuther thing!! That says to me, that someone is just out to cause trouble. I hope the Circle can get back to the way it was meant to be.
Deb, I'm not unhappy with you. You spoke honestly from the heart, and isn't that what we used to all be about?
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deleted because i don't want to spend my 2 year cancerversary (which is today) feeling as crappy here as i do at home.
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You guys got it all wrong, That's not what I meant.
Geez Deb ... that's not right. It came out sounding all wrong. I'm sorry for the way it sounds. I'm deleting all of it.
As usual, it was misinterpreted. I'm going to go away because I tried to help and I made it worse. Deb - I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. You know how I feel about you. What it meant is that I/we don't know the whole story about what's going on. Now, that post, which I deleted, which was meant only to show that I didn't know the whole freakin' story behind what is happening, is now being used to hurt feelings.
Deb - your postings were the ones I always looked for when I was reading the Circle, when I was too scared to join. YOURS were the ones that touched me.
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I have always chosen to just completely ignore any of the in-fighting. Primarily because I don't lead my life that way, never have. But also because, I have never understood who was mad at each other or why.
Anyway, I read when I need to and post when I can, and I'll keep doing so for as long as I can get/give help. I don't ever want it to seem like I'm "taking sides", or that I'm condoning negative behavior by not saying anything at all.
Wishing everyone a peaceful night,
Colleen
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