TIME TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS GIRLS
Comments
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You know, even though I don't contribute much, I do have a lot of experience just from observing interactions on various forums.
The equation is always the same. When mods get involved it always makes things worse. Stifling the problem won't solve it. The people involved need to hash things out. The only rule that must be adhered to is "No personal attacks". In other words feelings and perceptions can be brought to light, even if they are distasteful to some. Sweeping the conflict under the rug, so to speak, amplifies it.
I think it would be healing to have everyone who has been hurt by the words of others to just come out and say so, indicating the reasons for their perceptions. Once it's all in the open, then the healing can begin and we can all move on. This is, of course, my most humble opinion.
Boy I must really like you guys......it was pretty difficult (physically) to type this message. Hugs to all.
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deleted
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Wow....I came to this thread to try to find out how Lisa40 is doing.
So does all this mean that the moderaters (sp?) read every single post we post??? Wow, that must take a lot of time. I wonder how they get paid? Do they get paid? Is this site up because of donations? I mean, they aren't charging us to be on here. Maybe somebody really super rich, with a kind heart owns it.
Anyway, if it's o.k. with everybody, I think I might check back in from time to time. This thread certainly isn't boring!
Lisa, I hope with all my heart that you are o.k. You are in my prayers girl.
Hugs, Traci
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Shel,
I'm sorry, I was really rude. I have other worries and things, but no excuses.
Brenda
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WOMEN IN MY CIRCLE
When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
another, 'Let's fight together,'
another, 'Let's walk away together.'
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
another your shoe fetish,
another your love for movies,
another will be with you in your season of confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion,
on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
or to drink margaritas with on a bad day, or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ...
those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
but for many, it's wrapped up in several..
one from 7th grade,
one from high school,
several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbor,
on others, your sisters,
and on some days, your daughters.
So whether they've been your friend for 20 minutes or 20 years,
AND ONLY IF YOU'D LIKE TO, pass this on to the women that God has placed in your life
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Ok guys CY that was beautiful.........Blue I always feel like you are on this double side mirror observing us at your own amusement
Bren it's ok sweetheart........I knew what you were trying to say........Shel let me say this you are very much like a younger me except alot prettier and thinner and smarter but anyway it's scarey thinking that "Earl" is reading your post...........jeez girl of course my ex could give a rat's backside about anything I have to say on a bc dissussion board (aka as community knowledge exchange)...........don't blame you for being careful.........shokk 0 -
Oh and Traci welcome.......no we are not boring just a little crazy......my my my you are one brave girl.........shokk 0
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Well shokk, hope it doesn't bother you too much, but until they find a cure for Parkinson's Disease, my contribution can only be minimal, and that's just the way it is.
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BinVA Brenda-
I am sending you a hug. I just sent you a PM...hope you are still reading. I am just all farklempt. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I told you this in the PM, but I wanted to publicly make sure you knew that I am sorry that I made you sad...you are a sweetheart.
Sometimes I think I have a tendency to over-think things and take them too much too heart. Do you guys know you are all in my prayers every night? When I wake up in the middle of the night, which is almost every night, I lie there and look out my window and have a little chat with God....I always mention you all, and he always listens....
I have been working on some origami today. I am going to take my paper and go sit by the fire and fold for a while. I'm trying to learn to fold a heart.....
Gentle hugs
Deb C
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Hey welcome TraciWalters! I've read your posts elsewhere and I think you will make a great addition to the group.
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Got the msg Deb ... you my soul sista!
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Wow, I do not know what to say and I really have no idea what is going on but I just stopped by to say "hi" because it has been a while and for the record; for anyone that thinks the "circle" is a clique, well I totally have to disagree. I have always been treated wonderfully when I have tried to be part of it and the only reason I am not regularly part of it is because I simply do not have the time to keep up on a day to day basis. I would love to be able to be a bigger part of this and maybe some day I will and when the time comes, I know that I will be made to feel totally welcome by most if not all here.
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THIS IS A ROUNDUP CALL
Let us STOP taking one step forward and two steps back.
I have been reading posts here from all over the spectrum and it is making me weak in the knees.
I posted a long thing in Moving Beyond called "Haalt" to further elaborate but I am posting to the members of the wagon circle.
I would like to take you all back in time. The circle was formed when everyone was getting REALLY FREAKED OUT by people getting bad news and mets dx's. I posted a thread in moving beyond called "I am upset" And I WAS! The beast was kicking the crap out of my sisters!
BUT guess what? The thread was deleted because someone complained. A lot of you came on to say WHY WAS THIS DELETED?? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT???? And the mods graciously came on and stated that "perhaps they made an error" - that was HUGE.
But rather than starting another "I am upset" post I took a different tack. I said "It is time to circle the wagons girls" and it took off. EVERYONE wanted to join and be part of it and feel safe by the fire.
WE grew and grew.
Disagreements stayed outside the circle.
We had some members join who posted once then leave.
We had others join and stick by us like glue.
Did it change its flavor over the course of the year?
YOU BET.
It got silly sometimes. And I will state openly, sometimes too silly. There is a place for jokes and they are enjoyable. But it was making it harder for the women for whom the thread was started to post their troubles.
I admit that has bothered me.
BUT- when someone needs help, you girls are the first to be there. Not only with love and prayers, but you wrap them up in an afghan!
We have had some disagreements. And you know what? THAT IS OKAY!
We have been edited and censored A LOT. I am sorry, but I am over the age of 21 and that is NOT ok. Because I was not posting anything that could hurt someone... I was told I was outside the guidelines of the rules... it is hard to follow the guidelines of the rules when you keep moving the lines!
If a member here got banned and then returned and posted to get things off her chest, personally I feel she should be able to get her ya yas out. Then the rest of us can MOVE ON. We don't have to dissect it and pull it apart or each other apart.
People say stuff in life. You listen, process, move on. The trouble happens is when you listen, process, and then decide you are going to reinvent the wheel.
Just let us all LET IT GO.
Get your ya yas out then MOVE ON!
We have a lot of sisters who need to be in the center of the circle now. We have a lot of love in our hearts.
If you do not want to post here you can always post in other forums.
And please, if you have a problem with my forum, take it up with ME. Directly. That forum was not created to step on anyone's toes, to talk behind anyone's back nor does it have a secret agenda. It is simply a place where there can be a more one on one support for women.
I plan on posting on BCO on ANY FORUM I feel like.
So should all of you.
Life is too short for all of this.
PEACE
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I'm one of those that tends to only post when I'm feeling scared, sad, or really mad. I'm not the most useful or helpful poster here on the boards. When somebody, I don't care whom it may be, starts nay-saying, poo-pooing and discounting another sister's feelings, especially our DEB, well then, I do get a bit nasty, and I will not apologize for the post a few days ago that has since been removed, nor any others that called attention to negativity. May be counter-productive, but the passive-aggressive, BS really gets to me.
Best to you all,
lini
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To my Circle sisters: I will no longer be posting here on bco. I feel my constitutional rights and the constitutional rights of my sisters has been violated. An injustice to one is an injustice to all. And though I may not agree with all that is said by some of the sisters, I devoutly defend your right to say it.
I respect you all.
For the moderators: Here's a little history lesson -
The First Amendment to the United States Constitution is a part of the United States Bill of Rights. It prohibits the federal legislature from making laws that establish religion (the "Establishment Clause") or prohibit free exercise of religion (the "Free Exercise Clause"), laws that infringe the freedom of speech, infringe the freedom of the press, limit the right to assemble peaceably, or limit the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
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Zazette
I will miss you! Please reconsider.
There is no violation of constitutional rights here. First, the Constitution refers to the Federal government may not infringe on freedom of speech. BCO is not a government agency.
Second, BCO is a non-profit organization in the private sector and this board belongs to them. Therefore they have the right to set rules and restrictions for their board just the same as Gina may set rules and restrictions for hers or anyone else may set them for theirs. There is no 'right' to post here or say whatever you want.
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Don't let them run you off Zazette and Shel. Stay, or they win.
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Wow I always seem to miss the drama here, Come in when it is all deleated and haven't a clue what happened again.
So sorry to be reading all the sadness, anger and stress. This used to be the place for me to come and calm down at the end of the day. I so hope the kindness, joy, and support that was here can be restored.
I'll be here to read when I can. I won't get involved in the nastyness. Life is to short for that and I have enough personal fights to want to add more. (Life with teenagers LOL).
I'll try to give support when I can and always check for PM's each day even if I haven't posted. If anyone needs a shoulder you can use mine.
Please dear sisters - deep breath, count to 10, Have a peaceful and restful night. Tommorrow will look brighter.
Healing hugs to all,
Sue
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Gina, where is that peace pipe you posted about on another thread?
TraciWalters and Newter, welcome. Like Marsha said, I've seen your posts elsewhere. Drop in when you can.
CY (b445 for those who don't know her), that was beautiful.
Boo/Sue, life with teenagers, I remember those days.
Margaret
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What?????
I am appalled!!!!!!!!!!! some of you really need to grow up!!! this is ridiculus!!!! If cancer hasnt made you a better person then you really need to look at yourselves!!!
This place is making me feel its getting to clique! We have one thing in common forsure!!! Is there not a ignore button here?
Would you still luv me if i was gay? or green? or had one eye, or one breast? or I had terrible gas??? or I thought america football sucked! or I was a Led Zeplin fan? or or or????
ok now i feel like DR. Suess....
You ladies helped me for so many yrs lets remember what were really here for!! plz
Tracey
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This is not the circle I knew and loved but I will still check in. I am hoping it will be the circle I knew and loved again soon.
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HI ALL:
I show and breed champion line Golden Retrievers. I currently own 4 of
them, and I can tell you they are the best medicine I could ever get. Though, I have not begun any sort of treatment (still sorting it all out) my dogs have just what I need to help get through the days. I have enclosed a doggie poem for all of you out there... Enjoy!!
Remember, if a dog were the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back,on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Be always grateful for each new day and enjoy it!!
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Maureen, thank you for the smile so early this morning.
Margaret
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Welcome Maureen. I am a dog lover and agree we can all learn from them. Thanks for the perspective.
I am still thinking about all the sisters who lost their fight, specially this month. This has been a very difficult month.
Life is so short and fragile. I choose to spend my time on this earth surrounded by love and peace.
Wishing you and your loved ones much peace, love and good health.
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Maureen - Thanks and welcome. Goldens are just a huge furball of love
. Morning Margaret
Morning Odalys
Sue
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I've finally accepted that I have cancer and that this is not just a bad dream. I was diagnosed in May of this year and have just begun to visit this thread thinking I may have something in the way of comfort to offer to others. I have no idea of what's been going on here but I thought this was a healing place. When I think of circling wagons I think of safety and strength in numbers with a warm fire in the middle. Sounds like a gusty wind has blown dust into many eyes. I'll keep reading though and contribute what I can.
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Welcome Shrink. Glad you found us, but sorry it had to be under these circumstances. Yes, I know what you mean about feeling like it's all a bad dream. I was diagnosed in Aug 2005 and still remember all the days I woke up thinking the dream is over only to realize it was no dream. It takes a long time for it all to sink in. This is probably the scariest time of this journey. There are so many unknow and the future seems so uncertain. But, it does get better. Do you know the specifics of your bc? Have you decided on a treatment plan?
Many blessings,
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hi golden and shrink
wishing you both the best of luck on your journey ... hang out with us as there are many people on this website who are ahead of you on this journey who can offer help and hints and those who are where you are to laugh and cry together with ....
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Dearest Tracy -
Communication Breakdown
or
I Would Love YOU
(With Apologies to Dr. Seuss and Led Zeppelin)
Snowman, Snowman in the night
I love you with all my might
I would love you with all my heart
I would love you if you fart
I would love you if you hated the Bears (sorry nicki...it rhymed)
I would love you without your hairs
I would love you if you loved girls
If you were green and had big curls
I would love you through kids with trouble
Heck, with all you've been through, I'd love you double
I would love you with two boobs or none
In backless undies and on the run
I would love you while we listened to acid rock
We'd play air guitar in our socks
I would love you if we disagree
If you will promise to still laugh with me
Cause we are sisters under the skin
We have to stick together, can't let the beast win
I miss my sister when she is gone
Come back and play, and we'll sing a song.
Bugs and Fishes
Deb C
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